| Who every broke up over a dog biting their child??
Posted: 7/4/2008 9:58:28 PM | So I'm dating this terrific man for almost 6 months now. His terrier dog bit my 12 year old son 5 months ago after we are dating for a month. I tell him maybe we should NOT date; some people really are bonded with their pets. He fails to tell me at the time that this dog almost bit a 14 year old girl of a woman he dated before me for no reason and then finally does out of a guilty conscious. This dog was found in the street about 6 years ago by his dad who would not keep it due to its aggression problems.
He tells me he is going to find the dog a home; and please not break up with him. Five months later the dog does not have a home. He found two homes that gave the dog back quickly due to aggression problems. And he tells me his friends say if I really love him I would let this dog into my house; because he can't find it a home. Right? My son get bit (not severely) and then 10 minutes later the dog walks up to him like it is sorry and then goes to bit him again). I never let it in my house near my son again.
He tells me he'll put it in a shelter so a couple with no children can adopt it.. and then he never does; postpones doing so repeatedly. So I had to end it with him. He wants to get engaged for our Year Anniversary and move in and plan a wedding......... but really been playing games about this dog. I finally tell him I'm not seeing anymore. I have other children coming over; and not going to have a child get bit; and a maybe a parent sues me for my house or whatever. I'll feel terrible if a child gets it's lip ripped off.
The clincher.. his dad that gave him this dog; died in a car accident after the fact. Well he wasted my time. Dr. Phil is right; a dog should not rule a home; or any pet. I love having a serene home .. .peaceful.. tranquil. My older son 24 lives in my downstairs apartment. My 12 year old is a good kid; and my life is soothing and happy and fun. I'll have to not let any of my son's or my friends grandchildren come over... or be responsible if it bites someone.
Wow, I wish he had just stopped dating me 5 months ago...........as I told him I did not want him to resent me over a dog; that he might feel attached like a child.......and what is LOVE. Does LOVE mean having to live immature; waiting for another bite to occur. Isolating my home from people coming over ..for a dog??
Love to hear other stories where pets (as cute as they might be..) ended a relationship.. and I love animals... but not when they take over a house.
B.A. | |
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| Who every broke up over a dog biting their child??
Posted: 7/4/2008 10:10:29 PM | I can't say that I broke up with anyone that had a dog that bite my child. However I did refuse to go further with someone that had a dog that he said was extremely possesive and would get aggressive with females that came to visit him.
I would NOT want to be in the middle of someone's love for their pet, I've had my own pet that had some bad habits.
Consider that his friends WOULD take his side, and apparently lack common sense that YOU are responsible to make sure your son's life and safety is first and formost before anything. These people need to pull their heads out of their back side, and if they aren't able to do that, it is even a better reason to dump the guy, since he can't pick friends with any common sense.
Shug, instead of saying HE should have stopped dating you, YOU too had the option, and even obligation for the sake of your son, and even a dog that is unplacable to break things off.
Love is about choices, and if he is attached to the dog, he needs to NOT date people with children or grand children. No SO should have a home that is held hostage to a vicious dog...
Good Luck | |
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| Who every broke up over a dog biting their child??
Posted: 7/4/2008 10:19:48 PM | I never let him bring his dog over to my house in Staten Island from New Jersey again... after that incident. I did stop dating him now. Because I gave him enough time to find a home and that is enough and if he was that attached he should have been upfront at the time. He made it seem that he wanted a life with a woman; it happened in a previous relationship and now again. I told the same thing; don't date women with children if you are looking for marriage......if you have a dog of this nature. Thanks for writing. I know for myself I made the right decision. I'm a wonderful lady but I'm not going to have my son ever get bit again in the future. My 12 year old son acted macho and shrugged it off; but I'm the adult and know what is BEST. And it does not matter the dog is only 12 pounds... sharp teeth are sharp teeth.
I can understand you NOT dating a man who dog would get jealous.... not a good situation to be in... the dog could get even more defensive if he thinks you raised you voice at him or something. | |
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| Who every broke up over a dog biting their child??
Posted: 7/4/2008 10:20:02 PM | I seriously doubt that your biggest problem was the dog and while you feel that you have wasted five months, without the dog you might have wasted much more time with someone that has the maturity of a five-year-old.
No one should keep an aggressive dog period unless they want to isolate themselves from everyone or keep their dog locked up when people are around. I put a dog down about two years ago because she was older and grumpy and while I had always been able to trust her around the kids in the past, her physical condition changed her personality and I was not willing to risk my kids or anyone else's even though I loved her dearly.
Pet ownership requires maturity and responsibility that this man did not possess. Say thank you to the dog and move on. | |
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| Who every broke up over a dog biting their child??
Posted: 7/4/2008 10:24:00 PM | | Thanks for your reply. I think the dog issue was a cover up for maybe more emotional and illogical thinking.. the way he handled it was not very mature. If you say you are going to find a home; and deep down unable to really commit to doing so; and if you cover up it happened in a previous relationship..............I guess all these issues are RED FLAGS... And I'm lucky it is 6 months of dating and not 6 years. | |
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eazk
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Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 6 | |
| Who every broke up over a dog biting their child??
Posted: 7/4/2008 10:35:40 PM | Perhaps you could have your son start staying at his father's? Or grandparents? Or put him up for adoption?
OK...sarcasm over with. If people are genuinely and emotionally linked with their pet, these types of questions tear at them. Fine...you have dog issues. Tell the guy, get over it and don't date anybody with dogs again.
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| Who every broke up over a dog biting their child??
Posted: 7/5/2008 12:46:42 AM | I went out with somebody briefly.
His dog was totally unruly, like a wild dog, even when he had gone to obedience school twice, he would scratch my legs and bite my jeans. he would jump on everybody and bark so loud you wanted to strangle it.
He could NOT part from the dog and he was always including the dog in the conversation, like he was obssesed with the dog. He said his twin brother who had died a year before had given it to him.
I had many pets in my life and I love dogs, but this one was a little retarded.
Could Not perform a trick if his life depended on it. He couldn't even play catch, he'll run after the ball and then forget what he was doing and just looked at the ball and walked away.
He wanted to take IT everywhere we went and we could not go here or there because the dog would not be allowed or would not stay in the car alone for too long.
If we went somewhere without the dog five minutes into it he'll say something like "I wonder what Rex is doing"
This guy is still in love with the dog a year after, I just saw him last week walking and talking to it on the street like a crazy person.
Can't compete with a Dog I know my limitations
I wish them both a long happy life together
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| Who every broke up over a dog biting their child??
Posted: 7/5/2008 12:54:57 AM | can't you just hire someone to break/train the dog not to be aggressive anymore, i saw a program on TV where even the mentalist dog was trained to be nice, it can be done, even to an old dog.
Barring that poison it.  | |
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| Who every broke up over a dog biting their child??
Posted: 7/5/2008 12:59:36 AM | | My story does not involve a break up but my cousin brought a new dog with him on a family camping trip. The dog bit my son. My cousin got rid of the dog as soon as he got home! Sounds like you are better off! | |
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| Who every broke up over a dog biting their child??
Posted: 7/5/2008 1:05:11 AM | Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but in the UK, the law is this,
you as a responsible pet owner, must keep your dog under control, if it bites someone, and its reported to the authorities, you will have to have the animal destroyed. you also cannot re-home an animal, that is knowingly agressive, because you will be held accountable, if it bites someone in the new owners home, again, it should be destroyed and you as the original owner can be legally sued for damages.
now this guy you know is pretty irrisponsible, knowing his dog has bitten several times and allowed it to get away with it and you too should have reported it to the authorities, if you think anything both of your child or someone elses.
it cannot be rehomed it is too agressive, and the kindest thing would be to put it down, thats what i would do. | |
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| Who every broke up over a dog biting their child??
Posted: 7/5/2008 6:19:57 AM | I know it growled as if to bite the other women's 14 year old daughter. My son was bite ..but it was a little snip... a tiny drop of blood.........and that was enough for me to say NOT IN MY HOUSE................and it growled at my 24 year old son too.....................
All he says is POOR dog was found in the street; and last thing his dad gave him before he was hit by a car...............I think the dog represents his 75 year old dad.
Funny thing is the dad hardly did anything for him.......a good time alcoholic like in the movie a Tree Grows in Brooklyn.... could make everyone laugh but totally irresponsible and dump this dog on him ...when it was too aggressive with his own dog.
I think people get pyschologically confused with their relationships to a dog; my boyfriend (now ex-boyfriend just got separated/divorce) and this dog was his company the last 6 years...)
Too much psycho-babbling.................I know that NO WAY am I going to continue this relationship............ he has his priorities all MESSED UP...
And I worked too hard as a single mom to make my home comfortable wtih my 24 year old living downstairs and my 12 year old and I happy upstairs... (boundaries)... peaceful living.
I like what someone said before it might seem the dog was the issue; but it goes waaaaaay deeper than that..............(regression; upset over a dad..whatever). I do know at this time in my LIFE... I want a MAN in the right place ..WHOLE..as I'm working on myself each day.
Thanks everyone for your comments.............. B.A. (good luck in all your relationships). | |
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| Who every broke up over a dog biting their child??
Posted: 7/5/2008 6:27:55 AM | Well...I don't know about breaking up, but I would just tell him I wouldn't be back to visit him till the dog was gone. And my kid sure as heck wouldn't be back. I'd tell him that until the dog is gone, your relationship can't go any further.
He's given the dog away twice, which to me means that he did intend to really get rid of him. He shouldn't have taken it back when they "gave it back," but since he did, a shelter (no-kill if possible) is the only answer.
A dog that aggressive probably needs to be put down anyway, but that's for someone else to decide. It's possible that the dog would do fine in an adult-only household, because apparently he was hurt or mistreated by children in the past and is afraid of them. | |
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| Who every broke up over a dog biting their child??
Posted: 7/5/2008 6:31:44 AM |
Fine...you have dog issues.
Uh yeah, most of us normal parents have "dog issues" when the dog in question bites our child. The DOG is the one with the issues (not to mention his owner), not the OP. | |
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| Who every broke up over a dog biting their child??
Posted: 7/5/2008 6:32:13 AM | i love animals - cats and dogs.....and i love people and children. being a mother i am thee number one protector of my children....and i am also responsible for the pets I have brought into my home.
i have been biten by a dog as a young child, and also been chased by one in a very aggressive state as an adult. i also had a male cat go after me as a teenager... so i know how so very scary and traumatic this experience is and i would never wish it on anyone.
so, if a domestic animal is dangerous - and unpredicatable biting is the history of this dog - then it is basic common sense that the animal should not be around people or children.
i do not know anyone who would say, yes, let the dog near your child.
i do not understand why this man has chosen a dog he loves that bites, over common sense and being a responsible dog owner.
seems some protection agency is going to get involved soon if he does not protect others. also seems he should have dealt with this long ago and definitely 5 months ago.
i really do not know why you are being made to feel guilty for protecting your child.
i'm sorry you've had to give up on someone you loved....but really, op, protecting your child and yourself is priority.
if this man feels he needs to keep the dog out of some displaced duty to his father and his father's death, then perhaps he needs some counselling....seriously. | |
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| Who every broke up over a dog biting their child??
Posted: 7/5/2008 7:28:57 AM | The owner of said dog is the bigger problem, and any dog that is not properly socialized and territorial is BAD NEWS. If your then boyfriend cared as much for the dog as you make it sound he'd have it treated for his aggressive behaviour or have it humanely euthanized.
I own a dog, and if he ever acted in that manner, I'd ensure that the welfare of my children or any other would supercede him. Enough said on that-it's just a no brainer!
Now-on topic-I was engaged to a man who thought it would be nice to get a pet-he chose a cat. Now, I do love animals, but this cat was a royal pain in the arse. It whined-hissed-clawed up the furniture and it only really liked HIM-because he spoiled her like a baby. Too make a long story short-I told him either she goes or I am leaving because the cat was out of control and a total nuisance. He literally cried and said I was being unfair to even make such an ultimatum. So-because he continued to act like an infantile brat having a temper tantrum I left him and his pussycat!
I have no idea what happened to him or his cat, but I hope they lived happily ever after!!
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| Who every broke up over a dog biting their child??
Posted: 7/5/2008 8:17:38 AM | I do feel good sharing............ :)...Thanks everyone for your words............ :)
He made his decision.. dated 1 month and this happened; and now 5 months later (6 months of dating); and making his mother and all meet me; and hoping we marry ..
Well I think that after 6 months you really do get to know a person................he thinks he is MR. NICE GUY...always being so nice ................but it is NOT so nice of him............to think that he can JUST WISH away problems and not be proactive.
I think I lucked out finding how he handles a problem.......in a lackadaisic manner. ..........and if he really thinks I don't LOVE him.... for wanting him to place his dog in a shelter...... then the whole thing is childish.
The dog will do fine; if he just leaves it in his house; and away from children; and pre-teens and teens. But that NIP my son got.......was a warning sign... it could be something Worse the next time; and I was not overreacting... BETTER extra careful...animals can be unpredictable.
I feel I grew through this experience..........about setting boundaries; and giving someone time enough to do what they say; but having a time limit...............and LOVE is just an emotion. We chose who we LOVE based on their actions and not words. At this time in my life I'm not Fixing a MAN........... he can keep the dog; ............and now TIME is UP.
My heart will heal quickly knowing that I can't change others.......and hearing him CRY real tears over the phone to me made me feel he was really passive-aggressive. For him to say that my 12 year old son was NOT upset was nonsense... he is only 12 and does not realize that a NIP (small bite) was a warning sign that the dog could get a real panic attack and really bite someone.
Thanks everyone for sharing your stories............... I'm going to be HAPPY that I'm out of a troublesome relationship. The whole thing got too weird.......expecting his 80 year old mother with health ailment to take the dog on weekends so he could spend the weekends with me. I don't want his mother involved... and walking in the heat and humidity each weekend. (and he should not want her to do that either). He keeps hoping someone will take the dog; and it is not going to happen unless it is brought to a shelter and a lot of people come to see it; and know it can['t be with children or noisy homes...
Most people will not adopt an 8 + dog with skin ailments and a nerve condition...... and it is his life........if he wants to be ALONE .. due to a dog; than it is his problem and tears are silly and passive-aggressive. I'm not chancing any problems. And if he did put the dog in a shelter he acted like he was going to do it for me; but I assured him; he had to do it for HIMSELF...not resent me. IF he wants a life... do it for himself. I want no part of that decision. My boundaries was that it was going to end if the situation was not resolve in a given time..
Well I rambled enough...............and it helped.. got it all out of me..........gosh I had 4 breakups in 5 years........due to ISSUEs.. And I have to say THANK Goodness I'm not in any of those relationship.. LOVE is NOT Enough.......a lifestyle counts.. (of peace and serenity). (some things you can't compromise). | |
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| Who every broke up over a dog biting their child??
Posted: 7/5/2008 8:31:23 AM | You were absolutely right to break it off. While a dog should be protective, it should not be aggressive to the point of biting for "recreation." When I as married, my ex brought home a full grown golden****r spaniel that was a biter. No one had to tell me to not keep it; not only did I fear my sons and their friends getting hurt, but there was the possibility of a lawsuit.
I had two dates with a man who said he had a pit bull and a German shepherd. He said that a recent relationship had ended because the women wanted him to get rid of his dogs, and I thought that was unfair because one shouldn't have to give up pets. However, on the second date, he told me the shepherd went for the lady next door when she walked into his kitchen with her hand extended. That was certainly a factor (among others) why I didn't see him again.
Besides, I have a lovely cat, Ms Iffy. A pit bull and a German shepherd would make mincemeat of her.
By the way, when the dog bit your son, you should have insisted on a rabies shot--at the man's expense. | |
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| Who every broke up over a dog biting their child??
Posted: 7/5/2008 8:33:53 AM | He's had the dog for 6 years and you for 6 months. Hmmm.....
Animals are unpredictable. Even the calmest pet can have it's moments (kind of like people). Some are not used to being around children. And you cannot be 100% positive that your son did absolutely nothing to instigate the aggression.
If you love the guy, tell him he's welcome at your home but not the dog. It's not fair to ask him to give up a huge part of his life. Some day the dog will be gone and then you can move forward. Can you be happy with separate households until then? Is he worth it? Maybe that's his preference anyway.
I would never give up my cat for a man. I made the commitment to loving and caring for my pet 7 years ago. Pets are not disposable - they are an expensive, time-consuming commitment. Anyone who thinks otherwise shouldn't have them. | |
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| Who every broke up over a dog biting their child??
Posted: 7/5/2008 8:37:15 AM | Thanks Gwendolyn .. I really like strong advise.
You are definitely right. A dog could have rabies and be in the early stages. I never thought of that. My son was not upset. He was instead disappointed I would never allowed the dog to come on Wednesdays.
My son is gone each weekend with his dad. I always kept for 5 years my dating LIFE outside my home...................and this was the first man I felt was honorable and respectful and intelligence...............BUT THEN ALL THIS PYSCHO-BABBLING. At this time I want to REJOICE... and be happy; not put up with obstacles that are nonsense.
I have to agree with everyone that says the dog is NOT the real issue; it is something emotionally bothering this man.
You know with AGE comes more wisdom..and I'm still learning and growing... and getting stronger.. and honestly even if I love this man.. .LOVE is NOT enough; there'll be too many issues of incompatibility and I have a great life and not going to mess it up. One divorce was enough. | |
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| Who every broke up over a dog biting their child??
Posted: 7/5/2008 8:41:00 AM | Hun you have every right to feel this way.
I love dogs and animals in general and I had a dog that bit because he was abused by a groomer and would bite but only when you messed with him first in a negative way, otherwise he was very loving and gentle. I had him for 13 years.
Having said all that, my kids would definately come first.
Now I think there may be ways to work this out. There are a couple of options here, both involve some money but are worth it in the long run if you really love this guy.
1. The dog needs to be trained and it can be done even with older dogs.
2. Keep the dog outside when the kids are in the house. Build him a lttle run and dog house and put him in it when the kids are around.
When the kids go to bed you let him in with the adults.
Compromise is the key word here.
If you truly love him and he loves you and otherwise from this issue you see long term than you owe it to yourself to try.
Take Care
Deb | |
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| Who every broke up over a dog biting their child??
Posted: 7/5/2008 8:46:29 AM | Hi Imalitltpot............. well I'm not going to date anyone that Bites my son either.. :)... as you say people are unpredictable.
NO.. my son did nothing wrong. He just came near me; and the dog was on my lap and wanted to protect me... got to know me real well in the first month of my dating this man and hanging with his dog. (he did not tell me for the longest time this dog had had issues with other people...and he even said he did not take to woman he dated; but adored me... maybe adored me too much?)
You have to make decisions as an Adult... I told him we would end it; and he promise; swore to me that it was a dog; and he used to work 14 hours a day; and the dog was always alone at his house; and he thought it was unfair; he was out a lot with friends and dating; and dog was always alone. (poor dog). All this contributed to an unsocial dog; abandoned in the street and he takes it in to keep it alone always... so then it gets nervous when he does have it with other people.
Well you are wise to let people know you feel responsible for your cat; a friend of mine had to give up his 4 cats since the woman he was marrying was highly allergic to CATS. He did find good homes.
And he made it clear to her he would do that when they began to date... my now ex-boyfriend said one thing; but really his actions speak another thing. It is all about honesty with yourself and to others you get involved in your life.
I have no idea why he is crying.........real tears...........of course each time he now gave it away no one wanted it after a weekend... too aggressive with their other dogs; etc.
I 'm just relieved that the time is up and I did give him enough time; and did my best... but not wasting anymore time.
I'm going back to NEVER having men over once a week for dinner... it was better the last 5 years of only dating on weekends when my son was with his father..................I was always very careful not to get my dating life involved with my home life; because it take 6 months to a year to see what is what.. this time I made an exception.............and LIVE and LEARN.
B.a. | |
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| Who every broke up over a dog biting their child??
Posted: 7/5/2008 10:06:46 AM |
Besides, I have a lovely cat, Ms Iffy. A pit bull and a German shepherd would make mincemeat of her.
First off, I think stereo typing dogs is wrong. I have met many Pits and Shepherds that were some of the best and smartest dogs I have ever known. It's not the breed, it's the owner! Recently a friend of mine had to put down her Pit because of the reputation of the breed not because of aggression issues. Her dog stayed with my son and I for about a month and the only problem we had with her was she tore up my boot while I was at work. when I first met M.J. (the vicious Pit Bull LOL) she crawled up in my lap and gave me a big hug neck too neck, head curled around mine.
I had a dog (Chow/Lab mix) that when my son first started walking, niped at him. I let the dog know in no uncertain terms that he was at the bottom of the food chain in our house. For the next week I would make the dog (Buddy R.I.P) lay on the floor and put Max on top of him while I had Max play with Buddy's feet. (dominance training) Afterwards, not only was Buddy more protective of Max he even got up and layed under Max when he fell off the couch from rolling over while sleeping so he didn't fall so far.
Dogs can be trained but if it has happened before and you do nothing about it, it will only get worce as time passes | |
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| Who every broke up over a dog biting their child??
Posted: 7/5/2008 10:13:28 AM | | He should have taken the dog to a vet and had it checked out then to a trainer and had the poor thing evaluated and then decide what is possible for the dog to have a decent life. The dog can't help himself, if one is going to have a pet they should have to give it the best care they can, just like having a child, you have to do whats best for them. Who knows why the dog acts this way but just handing it over to others then taking it back to try to give away again is cruel. He needs to step up to the plate and get this dog some help. | |
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