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| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/5/2008 2:34:13 AM | As a female Im asking all men out there for honest opinions..........
If a female has sex with you on a first date........... do you run for the hills the next day or do you think great I like this female I'll stick around.
Is it one rule for men and one rule for women?
The 3 Date rule doesnt apply any more?
Hard to know in this dating game what to do, you meet someone and are physically attracted, why wait, but you may never see them again or if you do wait, you might have the same outcome.
What do all the females out there think ....what are the guidlines.........help!! | |
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| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/5/2008 2:53:49 AM | There shouldn't be different rules for men and women as everybody is equal (or should be), but I know what you are saying and it seems that women end up with a bad name, men end up as studs...
This is an extract from an email sent to me by a bloke who has" 69 "in his name ...
"I was also surprised, if not a little shocked, to discover that you had admitted to reading pornographic literature . To be honest, I find women who read porn to be subversive creatures, and for me, a complete turn-off! I'm quite sure, however,that they're plenty of low life men out there who'd be quite willing to assist you in your fantasies.
However; I'm not one of them!"
So, it's fine for him to refer to a sexual position, but not for me to make a jokey comment about a magazine...and it's a complete turn off for women to read porn but not for men (him)
sums it up really - double standards.
Equality and Diversity rule! | |
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| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/5/2008 3:01:50 AM | Hard to know in this dating game what to do, you meet someone and are physically attracted, why wait, but you may never see them again or if you do wait, you might have the same outcome.
For me at least there is more to having sex than just being physically attracted to someone. What makes them special apart from the other good looking women out there? Not a damn thing...YET. I look for women who are unique and different from the crowd and masses. At least where I live now, the crowd and masses are more in line with you so that is a turn off for me. But that is just me.
I don't have rules, rules are for kids. Matured adults use their intuition, experience and wisdom which includes emotions and mental power.
As for me, if a guy or a woman has sex on their first date, to each their own. But for me and my relationships, not going to happen. All you know about that person is they look good and they haven't blown it by opening their mouths and saying something stupid and maybe you want to find out more with a second meeting. Maybe I am the weird one that doesn't mind "wasting my time" by getting to know another human being. | |
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| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/5/2008 3:18:26 AM | interesting thoughts so far............
Your right about the ''rules'' though they are for kids............but
I have found that men still do abide by them............women who have sex on a first date are sluts and men are studs............not fair.
Trouble with internet dating is that you do feel you are getting to know the other person, through emails and chats on line...........meeting is a whole different ball game.
As for the poor lady who got dumped because she offended this idiot when she mentioned porn should be glad she had alucky escape.
Some men are very feeble minded arent they LOL | |
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| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/5/2008 4:05:09 AM | | I think its a problem particularly inherent with on-line dating. If you've a long list of girls or guys showing interest, as many people will have, it considerably complicates making a definate decision because people naturally look for the best they can get, and you'd have to date each one to know that, so many people do, they simply cannot decide. | |
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| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/5/2008 4:05:51 AM |
Is it one rule for men and one rule for women?
But of course! Some men have stuff to prove that women don't, and society has deemed it "OK" for them to be "slutty". It's a notch up for them, and a notch down for the women they're boinking.
but you may never see them again or if you do wait, you might have the same outcome.
So? If they move along for someone they can play games with, (and testing/judging their moral fiber IS a game when they're willing to partake in the same behaviors they're judging you for) what have you lost? Nada.
Do what is right for you, without concern for being judged. Share in sex for the right reason; not to gain a relationship, or play a game, or because it's "expected" of you. Do it only cause you wanna, and only when you're able to handle what follows.
"I was also surprised, if not a little shocked, to discover that you had admitted to reading pornographic literature . To be honest, I find women who read porn to be subversive creatures, and for me, a complete turn-off! I'm quite sure, however,that they're plenty of low life men out there who'd be quite willing to assist you in your fantasies.
However; I'm not one of them!"
Oh, boy! I would've had SO much fun playing with this fella!  | |
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| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/5/2008 4:15:25 AM | (Do what is right for you, without concern for being judged. Share in sex for the right reason; not to gain a relationship, or play a game, or because it's "expected" of you. Do it only cause you wanna, and only when you're able to handle what follows.)
Thats the worse bit isnt it?
Being able to ''handle what follows''
Usualy what follows is non communication from them and your left with a million thoughts running through your head! | |
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| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/5/2008 4:30:57 AM | I've found that the double standard is alive and well.
Actually a group of friends had a "debate" about this very subject a few weeks ago. One couple who are engaged told their story. The guy said that if his fiance had had sex with him on the first date he wouldn't have pursued her, but he wouldn't have said no to the sex either. He admitted to having condoms with him "just in case". They waited 3 weeks before they had sex. Another male friend said he doesn't see anything wrong with having sex on a first date, that if that full on chemistry and attraction is there, why not, and it wouldn't stop him from having a relationship with that person . . . however he's gay so I guess it's a different scenario.
I asked another straight male friend and he said he would have sex on a first date if he was really attracted to the woman, however he would be hesitant to have a relationship with her because he would be wondering how many other men she had slept with on the first date. Ahh yup gotta love the double standard!!
Basically, all the men I've asked have said if a woman wants to pursue a relationship with a man, don't sleep with him on the first date.
Be interested to hear more men's take on this
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| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/5/2008 4:33:16 AM |
Thats the worse bit isnt it?
Being able to ''handle what follows''
Usualy what follows is non communication from them and your left with a million thoughts running through your head!
That is totally the worst part!!  | |
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| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/5/2008 4:39:13 AM | | OP, if you are happy to just have sex because of physical attraction then that's your choice, but what you have to realise is that men won't necessarily want to date that type of woman because they will realise that she will sleep with just about anyone she finds physically attractive. Some men will quite happily sleep with this kind of woman for fun, but it has to be understood that it is just fun on both sides. You get what you want, he gets what he wants, but you can't then expect him to form an emotional attachment, because you didn't insist on an emotional attachment (on both sides) before you slept with him. | |
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| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/5/2008 4:47:30 AM | I concur with the post referring to rules. We are adults, herefore any man that would share a set of rules would send me packing.
Yes there are certain guidelines we all have, this is our measure of tolerance so to speak.
As for sex, Although we do have physical desires, there is so much more to it.
I for one do not get intimate without knowing an individual, This being a lesson from the past. I do have soemwhat old school ideas and I am staying within my beliefs. | |
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| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/5/2008 4:49:32 AM | "If you do wait you might have the same outcome? "
I'd say that any man isnt going to stick around for at least a couple dates before having sex with you, is he really worth having sex with? The question you need to ask yourself is, are you goint to have first-date sex with every man you find physicially attractive? | |
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| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/5/2008 4:50:54 AM | Well my rule is........if your willing to have sex with me on the first date your a manwhore, and I wouldn t have a relationship with you j/k
I like reverse psychology............
Look lets face it.....even though things have changed as far as being more open sexually since my (gulp) generation, there is no doubt that the double standard still exists.
So ladies.....if your after a relationship think wisely........if you just want a fun night, then you desrve to have it........just dont get stressed when the phone doesnt ring.....take it for what it was........a night of fun............
And the 3 date rule......thats laughable................ | |
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| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/5/2008 4:50:57 AM | Well, as an example of how it has been for me, I mentioned the aforementioned things in a different post only to be chastized for it..lol. It was inferred that 'American' woman have hang-ups with sex in general and basically we shouldn't have to worry about time limits on having intercourse because there is nothing wrong with it-but I also noted that one young man made a comment that made me chuckle 'he didn't want to waste his time if the sex wasn't any good' ( not his exact words but that is what he meant).
I have met men that I did have sex on the first date with-and discovered so long as the sex was GOOD and I was willing to have SEX AGAIN-then I was worth seeing as a f*ck buddy, but they didn't want a romantic relationship with me but sex only. I've also met men who I wouldn't have sex with on the first date and I never heard from them again. What I did discover is that for the few men who really were interested in me and wanted to date me seemed to be in it for the challenge of getting me into bed, because once we became intimate the interest in me waned considerably but the interest in having sex only did not.
Is it a double standard for some men, but not for all men. I can certainly understand why some women are hestitant having intimate involvement with a man, because that 'silent rule' does exist even if it seems petty and juvenile. I'm glad the man I'm seeing now likes me for me and we have a great sex life, but we started off as friends which I think made a big difference. I don't think it's right or wrong to have sex on the first date, so long as everyone is on the same page, but I've seen it written, I've heard it out of the mouth of several men that they may ask you out on a date-which for a lot of women would make them think the man is interested in them, but ultimately they are only interested in sex.
NO-not all men live by this silent little rule, but some do, and there are plenty of women who have no problems having sex if it feels right on the first date-third date-or whenever. It's the fact that some men do impose a harsh standard on women who'll sleep with them from date one, but they never impose that standard on themselves. I mean it takes TWO people to have sex, so if a woman is deemed 'whorish' or 'easy' for having intercourse during the first encounter the same should be said about the man.
Should there be some time limit for when it's acceptable and worthwhile to have sex when you are attracted to another person-yes, but it's set by each individual, because you and only you know when the time is right. | |
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| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/5/2008 4:51:37 AM | honestly? I 'd really love to think that, if she was that interested in me on a first date, it was a compliment to me.
I never got the "run Forest, rrunnnn!" mentality. Unless one found out she was an axe murderer, if she's good enough to risk catching an STD from, she's good enough to contact the next day, sheesh. | |
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| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/5/2008 5:57:10 AM | Sadly, from what I read on these forums, there can be a wide gap in views on what is considered acceptable, or rejectable by either gender....so, yes, a double standard in many here, it sounds like, when it comes to this subject....(every time this subject has a thread written about it :).
But in my personal life, no, it does not seem to be this double standard at all. If I choose to sleep with someone on the first date (um, doesn't happen, actually), but if I choose to, then I am respecting myself enough to feel perfectly ok about it, and I am choosing to do it with someone who I also feel will not lose respect for me for it - quite the reverse, actually. (:
For me it really comes down to how I feel about me and the other person.....after all do I judge a man if he wants to sleep with me on the first date? No, not really judge - more like look at it in myself and see if I feel ok with it, or not.....
I do make the assumption that he will not see me as less of a person if I were to be part of two consenting adults......if and when the time comes we are. | |
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| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/5/2008 6:05:56 AM | I'm sure the guys here will say there's no double standard, but of course you and I both know there is. If you give it up on a first date, you are considered a slut, and therefore not relationship material. Never mind that you didn't do it all by yourself, they were a perfectly willing participant...but you aren't worthy of any more of their time.
Of course many of them, if you don't give it up on the first date, you don't hear from again, but I figure those are the same ones who would dump you after one time anyway, so you are better off just not doing it on a first date, ever. The only way to find out if you'll hear from them again is if you hear from them after NOT giving it up on the first date. Then you have a better idea if they are interested, and not just looking for a one-nighter. | |
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| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/5/2008 6:17:28 AM | I see, so far, you haven't had many men answer to your post...... try it in the "Ask a Guy" section..... might get better response there.
Blonde  | |
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| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/5/2008 6:27:14 AM | I don't view sex as a tennis match, a game as it were. If the closeness isn't there, neither will the sex and certainly not on a first date, I would think one would want to know the other person more. But each to their own, live and let live.
I think everyone has their own set of "rules" or however one wants to refer to it at times for different circumstances. In my case there has to be some kind of "feeling" there emotionally and there is no set "rule" for that. There has to be more than mere physical attraction. | |
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| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/5/2008 7:04:48 AM | | If I really like a woman, I wouldn't tend to have sex on a first date anyway (what's the rush?). If I did and I like her and there's good chemistry, of course I'll see her again, I want to have all those tingly feelings again don't I? However, there re plenty of tools out there, who only want to get their rocks off (with no thoughts as to developing a serious adult relationship), so I wouldn't suggest giving it up on a first date to anyone. It all depends on the circumstances of the two people involved. | |
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| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/5/2008 7:10:04 AM | | It just depends.... Was the sex good? Is there more where that came from? Do you have other qualities that make for a good relationship? I've had plenty of "one night stands " that lasted a year or more. We're adults now. Get out of that high school thinking that only sluts like to f**k. Women, especially in their 40's are starting to loosen up and experiment with their sexuality. I don't know why everybody is so caught up in trying to understand the rules.... Make your own rules. Just be honest about it. | |
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| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/5/2008 7:29:09 AM | Women have a very fragile value that is based on their vaginal history. They must remain virgins until marriage and then remain faithful. They are to have children and provide their husbands with pleasure. This is according to the church, not me, so put down your pitchforks. Men are valued for their ability to provide a home and bring things home, such as bacon. Again, this is not my view. It is what the church wants. There is your basis for the different rules by gender roles in marriage.
My theory is that men and women are the keys and locks of love. The man is to find the lock his key will turn, so he is obliged to insert himself into every woman he can, looking for the one he matches. The woman's job is to keep her tumblers lubricated. I am still working on this theory, hoping to refine it. The woman can tell from a distance if the man will even have the right sort of shape to get in, because the male characteristic is external. The man only sees a squiggly opening and won't know until he gets in there and tries. Like I said, the theory needs refinement. What happens if the lock is already turned or if the key gets broken off in it? Or if the lock is stuck, or the key is lost? In winter locks can freeze up. Keys can become bent, or worn down. What if the lock is picked or if the man is a locksmith or if the woman is so worn that any key at all will do the trick? Sometimes the lock has been removed and there is just a big hole where it used to be, and the man just kneels down and peeks through. Other times there is a big key ring and much fumbling to find the right one, while the phone is ringing. Locks can be changed; keys can be duplicated.
In some way there is probably a relationship between what people expect and how men and women are different anatomically. But that seems to vary from time to time and place to place. | |
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| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/5/2008 7:40:44 AM | As someone who takes intimacy very seriously, in not sacredly, I don't understand why people have sex on the first date. Why? How could you ever know so much about someone so quickly that you would be willing to share intimacy with them?
What could a man possibly say to you on a first date that makes you willing to share this very special part of yourself with someone, who is let's face it a total stranger? I can't imagine what he could say that would make me have sex with him. Or is it women's desparate need for love (or so called love) and affection that makes her bed a man so quickly?
My reality is this, I am no prude and believe me, I love intimacy and all that goes with it, but I also believe in morals, self worth and romance. When I find a man that I want to share intimacy with, it will build slowly. There will be a lot of affection, a lot of kissing, a lot of exciting anticipation for both of us. The physical will be savored and enjoyed and he will enjoy it as much as I do and other than a kiss goodnight, none of it will happen on the first date. | |
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| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/5/2008 7:43:37 AM | Yes, men and women have different characteristics of all kinds, but ethics are universal, in my opinion. I feel it's best to read what the other person wants, express your own standards, and then either find a common ground, or go seperate ways.
As for first date sex, I believe that even a broken clock is right twice a day, so maybe once in a while it's right for a couple. Mainly, it's probably a bad idea to get that involved before knowing about another person. Having said that I realize that there's an almost infinite number of personality types and combinations, so, in direct contradiction of today's Player Piano mentality, each individual case should be judged subjectively.
Tom | |
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