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 Author Thread: Girls in their mid-twenties please give me a critique!
 Richie010

Joined: 6/7/2008
Msg: 1
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Girls in their mid-twenties please give me a critique!
Posted: 7/5/2008 9:18:04 AM
Hi people,
I'm having a mixed bag of success. Not being ignored by any means but either I'm looking for the wrong type of people, my profile writing is crap or I'm just not particularly desirable. I wasn't expecting the offers to come flooding in but more than one message from a new member every other day would be nice!
Perhaps ladies in their mid-twenties, especially from the UK, could offer some advice and tell me if they would be interested or not? However feedback from all people would be nice, as long as you guys don't beast me!
 ~Maggie~

Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 2
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Girls in their mid-twenties please give me a critique!
Posted: 7/13/2008 7:04:35 AM
Add more pics., very important here. You are allowed to have 8 of them so go for it. Nice *kissy~face* in the 2nd one btw...

You definitely need to add more interests; these are used in searches so are to your benefit. Add these from your about me section; Wasps, traveling, exploring, gardening, cooking, rock music, indie, Only Fools, Horses, ironing... etc.

I took the liberty of adjusting your about me section; I feel it is a better read without the fluff and filler... if you want to use it... copy/paste. Up to you.

I'm a fairly nice guy, a bit of a sweetie or so I've been told. I'm articulate, witty and broad-minded with intelligent and interesting views. I do have a naughty streak so if I get a bit cheeky; feel free to put me in my place!

I've got into the job I've wanted all my life and tried for 6yrs to make it into but I know I can go even further and I won't stop looking up. I'm very ambitious and will go after what I want with all I have.

I guess I'm looking for someone who's lively, outgoing and fun, intelligent and with a bit of a naughty streak. I like the person I'm seeing to stimulate me, entertain me and keep me on my toes, someone with their own mind who won't be a lapdog but equally won't walk all over me.


The first date might work as it is.

Good luck
 browolf

Joined: 4/7/2007
Msg: 3
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Girls in their mid-twenties please give me a critique!
Posted: 7/13/2008 7:42:29 AM
Your profile is mostly about you and the stuff you do potentially by yourself. No one is going to feel interested. The best profiles envision their market and paint pictures that includes the target readers. Marketing works in a similar way.

Car ads create a scene whereby you want to be the person in the clip doing that cool stuff. paint a picture of you and a reader on the stands, cheering your team, the heartache etc describe the emotions you go through. If u get it right, it wont matter whether they like rugby or not, they'll want in on the experience.

there's quite a bit of contradiction in your profile. you say "not specifically after anything" but then "will go after what I want with all I have"

You don't need to describe everything you do and certainly not things everyone does. A bit of mystery goes a long way.

in order to get messages you need a good pic, userid, headline and the top 3 or 4 lines of your profile have to be exemplar and stand out a mile. if you go to online page and then latest online you can see what you're up against.

a huge amount start off with "i am etc etc etc" , they're all bad and uninteresting to females. you have to start off with a something more enticing and you have to experiment. there's enough females around that you can afford to burn some in finding out what works.
 islandwonder

Joined: 7/9/2006
Msg: 4
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Girls in their mid-twenties please give me a critique!
Posted: 7/15/2008 12:31:06 AM
Place lines between thoughts to increase reading ease.

Do you ONLY want messages from girls that think they look like Kelly Clarkson? If not take this out.

It is not a women's job to entertain you. That whole sentence implied that you would be a high maintenance boyfriend.

Don't mention that you didn't go to university.
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