| Are we done??
Posted: 7/7/2008 12:31:15 AM | I feel sort of silly but go easy on me.
I ended up hooking up with one of my first loves in college. I was scared the first time because of all the emotion and stopped seeing him. Six year later we run into each other and were spending every weekend together, he wants to take me to meet his family. I don't fall for lines normally but he said after a month he already loved me and to tell you the truth I felt stronger for this guy then I did for a guy I was with for over three years so for the first time in my life I beleived him. Well this is my fist time dealing with crazy feelings making me go crazy and we went up to cobourg got in a fight I slept in my car because a girl he told me about before that he really liked was there and he forgot to mention it was his best friends sister. She was supposed to sleep in the room with us. I got upset. I slept in my car. He came apologizing to me and i forgave him till i noticed all of his texts were deleted except on from that damn girl saying sorry i fell asleep ad him saying its okay maybe next time. Well am so ashamed I hit him and cried because that day he was telling me how we were meant to be together and in the first time in my life I believed it. I broke his phone too and i have never done anything like that before, after all that he begged me to take him back and i did he came to my house we made up he wanted to sleep over but my roomate was coming home so we made plans for canadas wonderland the next day. He texts me says jesse wants him to do some work. I find out hes with a bunch of girls partying it up i just found out right now so i didn't confront him because he stopped calling the last thing he said was that he had to think about things and would call me when he got back from his camping trip, he didn't go he went on a double date to toronto island while i sat here so sick thinking of him. Normally I would flip out and be done with it but I love this guy so much and i feel that when i hit him and broke his phone maybe that was it in his mind but i was so done and he begged me to come back just to never talk to me again. I am in so much agony, this is the first time i've ever gone through anything like this and i feel like i deserve it for going postal but i was so hurt that he lied. I don't know what to do. I feel more strongly for this guy then I did with a guy for 3 years. He hasn't even called all week and he has cute pics with these girls. What should I do how do I move on??? I dont even have friends anymore. This is affecting every area of my life. I feel like I'm going crazy and i'm really scared. Please help me. | |
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| Are we done??
Posted: 7/7/2008 1:49:14 AM | If you're not done, you probably oughta be.
While love can bring crazy feelings, it doesn't make us "go crazy". It doesn't make us hit each other, it doesn't make us destroy property; it makes us more loving. And it isn't something that makes us lose our senses, it isn't a ride that takes control of us and makes us do things that we know are wrong or that we wouldn't ordinarily do, and we can't "blame" love for "making" us do these things. Love brings out the good in us, not the bad.
The way to move on is to be very honest with yourself and think really hard about just how it is that "love" brought out all this pain and fear in you. What's that all about? Once you figure that out, allow yourself to feel what you feel and grieve. You can't grieve and move on if you have one foot rooted beside him. If you really do make up your mind that this relationship is wrong for you, you need to walk away and stay away.
I was scared the first time because of all the emotion and stopped seeing him.
What is to fear? Please sort through what that's all about before you try again, or it'll be the same thing all over again. | |
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Posted: 7/7/2008 3:19:43 AM | Jess,
Your error here was letting your emotions run all over you. You must learn from this experience or you'll be certain to repeat it in the future with someone else. Destroying his property was the equivalent of throwing a temper tantrum. Don't be too hard on yourself, though.... Live and learn. By keeping a cool head, you will keep your dignity and self-respect. A book I highly recommend is: "The Dance of Anger; A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships" - by Harriet Goldhor Lerner. It's one of the best "self-help" books I've ever read. I've got a copy from the library right now, but I'm going to go out and buy my own so I can reread it. I only wish I'd had it back when I was your age, Jess! Turns out this book is all about learning to be assertive and finding your sense of self. Please check it out because you won't regret it.
What's going on here, when you're saying you don't have friends anymore? A woman should never allow herself to get so absorbed with a guy that she ignores her female friendships. Or, maybe these women you thought were your friends were never friends to begin with. You're only 25; you're young and beautiful. Give yourself a break from relationships and start working on yourself. Once you've regained your sense of self, the right kind of people will flock to you. | |
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Posted: 7/7/2008 3:35:50 AM | OP, It sounds like this guy is a real jerk; why would you want to continue with him? If you think it hurts now, just think if this was happening a year from now. It wont get better, only worse.
I agree with Funny Girl, you should not be feeling out of control like you do with him. If you feel like you're on the edge, then it would be in your best interests to just walk away. Sooner than later, before something really horrible happens.
Pure dysfunction - that's all this relationship has to offer. | |
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Posted: 7/7/2008 3:44:39 AM | hey
iv been in exactly the same situation. its easy for people to say 'dont let your emotions rule you' etc but its not as easy as that. were not robots and sometimes emotions do get too much especially when someone we love and who says they love us back has lied and hurt and maybe cheated. hitting him was wrong but you freely admit that. you know deep down he is a wan**r but you love him but if you stay with him he will just keep taking you down by his actions, so finally you feel like your not good enough for anyone(im talking from experience). and sometimes when ppl love someone they unintentionally stop keeping in contact with friends, alot more ppl do it than you think. but you learn from this mistake. I again have been there. just keep thinking to yourself things happen for a reason and you might repeat your mistakes but you will et stronger. try and break off all contact with the guy. delete his number because the temptation to phone him wont be there. take time away from relationships because there is men out there who will see you are fragile and take advantage of it. if you want to chat more as i have not long ago gone through somethin similar to you send me an email on here, if not just think there is some1 out there for you who will treat you like you are the best thing in his world xxxxx | |
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Posted: 7/7/2008 4:59:39 AM | Look sweetie...........I understand your emotions and feelings.......but you cant give them up to someone who doesnt feel the same way. And he DOESNT, or he would be with you not off on some weekend with another woman.
You need to end this now.
KNOW that you deserve better....................
PEACE | |
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Posted: 7/7/2008 5:04:07 AM | Oh hunny its the worst feeling in the world being so in love with someone yet getting nothing back. It sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it. Despite the things you did you do deserve better and one day you WILL find better.
L XxXxX | |
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Posted: 7/7/2008 5:17:13 AM | You destroyed personal property, had a fight, and hit him. But you love him!
I can't speak for the guy, but if I were him, and you pulled that, I would think you were psychotic.
If you can't keep your cool now, what are you going to do when you have kids? Or when you break up with someone?
I understand that the guy is acting like an idiot. But does that mean you should too?
You have a lot to learn. | |
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Posted: 7/7/2008 5:26:37 AM | thats a bit harsh x file!!if we all could control our emotions like u we would be called robots! yeah she might have alot to learn but she is 25, i have alot to learn and so do u probably! | |
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Posted: 7/7/2008 7:07:48 AM | Jess, since you have time on your hands now, you really really need to do yourself a favor and answer this question:
Are you really into a guy who seems to be fooling around
OR
are you really more interested in the emotional rush of being CRAZY IN LOVE?
You talk about how good it feels, never been better, and you do wild things you wouldn't normally do, when it gets challenged. It sounds like an addict denied their drug, no offense intended. The good news is, if its true, then you can solve it. Rather than chase a dead relationship, you can find out how you fell this deep into love, and find a healthier relationship in which to get that wonderful rush all over again. | |
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Posted: 7/7/2008 12:20:09 PM | This guy might be having fun playing with you. He may not be understanding how it is you feel so intensely about things .maybe he does not know intense so he might be curious of your behavior because he does not know what to make of it he is curious is all . He must be somewhat mellow if he tolerated your emotional outburst.
About your behavior;
I saw that you say on your profile that you are a Capricorn. As Pluto transits through the Astrological signs it makes aspects and your natal birth chart has everything to do with what kind of permanent changes take place in a life. You being a Capricorn sun sign should try to make the best of the transit of Pluto through Capricorn that is to be the very best at whatever it is you do in life. The transit is slow and affect and effect on the person and the person’s life is permanent. Sometimes the change can be monumental change. Whatever you do, it cannot be undone but you need to make things right so do the right thing and buy the man a new phone. So think twice before you do anything that may result in you suffering for it. Think twice before you act. This transit of Pluto in Capricorn can be an exhilarating time of transformation and empowerment for you or, it can be a time full of tragedy and pain. It is up to you to use your free will to keep yourself out of trouble. Work on a career and make an honest living and buy yourself a house and you will be a happy Capricorn and most of all free and trouble free.
In January 2008, the planet Pluto entered briefly the sign of Capricorn then it retrograded back into Sagittarius where it had been for many years previous but soon it will again enter the sign of Capricorn. In December 2008, Pluto will enter Capricorn for a long duration. There it will remain in the sign Capricorn until the year 2024. Pluto it packs a powerful punch when it makes aspect with other planet placements! OK so I want you to know LIVES ARE Permanently CHANGED when Pluto aspects a planet placement in persons birth chart. You have the sun in Capricorn so this is an important transit for you. This guy might be having fun playing with you and he may be willing to put up with the drama but that is just him and how he reacts when a gal throws a fit the next man may not be like him. You must be very careful not to incite violence. If you are violent, during a Pluto transit you may suffer as a result. If you loose your self-control and slap the wrong person, you may suffer severe consequences for doing so because Pluto punishes severely. Make every effort to be peaceable and control yourself from now on and do not let your anger control you so that you are out of control , and to avoid others who are potential trouble you know people who act recklessly because any situation that can get you into big trouble is to be avoided . It is up to you to keep yourself out of those troublesome situations for all those many years that Pluto is transiting through the sign of Capricorn. | |
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Posted: 7/7/2008 12:45:46 PM | Yanno ladies... If this was a guy who had hit a woman and broke something of hers, we'd be all over him like ugly on ape!!!
Jess... Your behavior was unacceptable and I think you know it. If someone pushes your hot buttons to that extent, you have no business being anywhere around him.
If I were you, I'd focus on getting my own reactions to things under control and understanding that there is NO reason to EVER hit someone... While he might have been fooling around, your hitting him puts you on the wrong side of the fence as well.
Be grateful he didn't have you charged with assault... | |
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Posted: 7/7/2008 3:30:02 PM |
thats a bit harsh x file!
She broke his phone, had a fight, and she hit him. And I'm being harsh? Talk about hypocrisy!
Can you imagine what would happen if a guy did this to another guy?
Can you imagine what would happen if a woman did this to another woman?
Can you imagine what would happen if a guy did this to a woman?
Bad behavior should be called for what it is and not be sugarcoated. Have respect for other people's property is something I learned when I was 9. She is 25. | |
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Posted: 7/7/2008 4:53:58 PM | | It is understandable that you are hurt. And you're going to be for a while. It's always easier said than done to tell someone to just move on. Of course you will move on. But when? Well that depends on how each of us deals with these events. Hopefully you will be able to get over this in as short a time as possible. | |
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Posted: 7/7/2008 4:59:00 PM | For fawk's sake ... Sounds like he is done with you! Get some balls - oops, ovaries and suck it up! You fawked up. He doesn't want you, you are rejected, get over it, move on! (in that order)  | |
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Posted: 7/7/2008 5:06:01 PM | | You know how they say people bring out the very best of us? There are people who bring the very worst out in us as well. I am not excusing your behavior, but is this really what you want? I think you need to move along. | |
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Posted: 7/7/2008 5:32:56 PM | you need to definately move on. That guys messed up your self respect big time and you should'nt stick around someone that's disrespecting you. You really deserve better and I hope you get it. | |
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Posted: 7/7/2008 5:53:50 PM | Bad behavior should be called for what it is and not be sugarcoated. Have respect for other people's property is something I learned when I was 9. She is 25.
Thats all sweet that your 25 and poor Jess he pushes your buttons and blah blah
blah- Do you always react like this- do you always destroy things, hit guys?
Your behavior is just as bad as if HE hit you. I know people can get us to the
point but you need to look at yourself. You also need to stay away from him. He is
not for you and you are not for him no matter how much you try to convince
yourself.
I think you need to seek something when it comes to not getting your way. I
think you have a little temper problem and you need to either control it or
get help or the next guy you fall madly in love with smacks your little ass
with a restraining order.
The ones on top of me might hold your hand but you need to really look
at this Jess- your not a little girl anymore who can get her way and what she
wants or get people to do what YOU want. Wake up Jess before you meet
the wrong person who does not think twice calling you on your actions. | |
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Posted: 7/7/2008 6:08:41 PM | Read The Dance of Anger. Get it from the library. It seems this guy is immature, and he really knows how to push your buttons. He will make you crazy. You feel as if you are going crazy. You are. Now imagine this in the future. You are committed to a mental institution, and they label you under some category. If you break up with him, you will never go to a mental institution.
Imagine this.... he pushes your buttons, and you get really angry, and you act out, and the police are called, and you are charged with assault and destruction of property.... with whatever you broke (a cell phone), ..........or whatever. You are arrested. You have go to court, and pay a lawyer. Maybe you should consider breaking up with him. Also, did you start your period right after the episode? Consider PMS?
Get the book. Break up with him..... work on yourself. Take the time to do these things, because if you don't......... you will face the consequences in the future, and they can be timely and expensive. | |
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Posted: 7/7/2008 6:11:15 PM | "The best way to get over a man is to get under another man" ..
We can all use a little humor to brighten our darkest days...
Tomorrow is another day and you will realize that everyone comes into your life for a season, a reason or a life. Your mission in life is to figure out which it is. Sounds to me this guy was for a reason.
Good luck to you. | |
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Posted: 7/7/2008 6:24:38 PM |
Also, did you start your period right after the episode? Consider PMS? Oh get real. Is PMS the same as Rage? Can we use that as an excuse to destroy stuff too? | |
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Posted: 7/7/2008 7:03:28 PM | Oh get real. Is PMS the same as Rage? Can we use that as an excuse to destroy stuff too?
I agree- really really bad excuse. We are responsible for our actions.
Jess- you need to learn from this- every time someone pushes your buttons
you can't react like this. Tantrum days are over. In the real world this
can cause you some major problems with guys- Like ones who hit back.
Get a grip and close the door on this and while your at it get some help
with some stuff. Dont tell me you dont have a problem. You do. Maybe
the beginning of a problem so take care of it.
Regardless of how he acted, he is imature, whatever- its YOUR reaction that
counts and it was a bad one. | |
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Posted: 7/8/2008 8:30:53 AM |
In the real world this
can cause you some major problems with guys- Like ones who hit back
Curly? Very very good point indeed! Actually scary to be honest. OP hun? Learn from this experience and move on. One bad action does not justify another bad "re-action" hun. | |
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Posted: 7/8/2008 8:43:04 AM | | ^^^ The last 2 post say it all^^^ .... Even as hard as it is, you have to just let it go and move on.... It's the only way, the longer you hold on to him the longer it's going to hurt. Sorry things have to be this way, but that is what makes love what it is.... You mess with it and your going to get hurt. | |
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Posted: 7/8/2008 8:44:01 AM | | I say find a really good looking guy to go on a date with, take a bunch of pictures of you two having fun and send them to this college crush. Then tell him that you two were just "networking". I say go with spite!!! | |
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