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 CompletelyDone
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 1
2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
A thread posted by someone saying that her alcoholic ex replaced her with another woman who would drink with him (another alcoholic perhaps) caused me to start to wonder what happens when 2 alcoholics get together. Do they enable one another? Do they both fall down at the same time and just lie there cuz one isn't sober enough to get the other one up? Do they fight about who cleaned out the bank account for the last binge? Do they actually get along well enough that neither of them feel ashamed for the things they do? Can they actually have a good life together?

I wonder... Do you know of a couple that are both addicted to a substance who have actually made their relationship work? Or a couple that dived all the way to Hell together?
 pretty moon
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 2
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2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 7/7/2008 1:21:22 PM
Well one thing for sure, they can hit the skids together without one alcoholic dragging down someone, who in their dillusional mind thinks they can save them. It will just happen sooner than later.

An alcoholic is happy with the status quo when not being nagged......two alcoholics must be in bliss. But then I guess it would depend on how functional they are......some alcoholics are VERY functional others are out and out drunks.........I would imagine that those two types would also not co-exist very well.

But interesting to think about this whole thing.
 everlast_toronto
Joined: 5/28/2008
Msg: 3
2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 7/7/2008 1:39:23 PM
the one's I have seen support each other all the way to hell. its really bad.... they are very happy when they are happy, which is very seldom, but alcoholic (real alcoholics)couples can often get brutally mean with each other, including fist-fighting each other.

its a really bad scene, and its so sad, cause they are actually sick, but no one can understand the addicts mentality, and so couples like that just support each other in a sick way, cause only they can understand each other.

its a road to hitting rock bottom
 practicallyperfect
Joined: 9/7/2007
Msg: 4
2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 7/7/2008 1:43:07 PM
Ever see the movie Days of Wine and Roses? I think that's kinda what it's like.

I think we have more knowledge of relationships where one partner is an alcoholic and the other isn't.

I did know a couple who were both drug addicts. They're both dead.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 5
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2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 7/7/2008 1:46:38 PM
Since alcoholic is a generic term, it's hard to say. What if one is a fun drunk while the other is a mean drunk? What if one drinks more than their share? Most addicts like an enabler around so if you both are sloshed, who's going to take care of you? I think it's like anything else, depends on the people and the situation. But hey, if two drunks are happy together and aren't breaking the law, good for them for finding a like instead of ruining other's lives.
 CompletelyDone
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 6
2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 7/7/2008 1:54:45 PM

But then I guess it would depend on how functional they are......some alcoholics are VERY functional others are out and out drunks.........I would imagine that those two types would also not co-exist very well.


I never thought about functional levels but it stands to reason that this would contribute to whether they can get along wouldn't it? Good thinking Pretty Moon!


its a really bad scene, and its so sad, cause they are actually sick, but no one can understand the addicts mentality, and so couples like that just support each other in a sick way, cause only they can understand each other.


I can see what you mean Everlast... The one thing I do know about alcoholism is that it is ALWAYS progressive... Left unchecked, it always gets worse and worse... But they must also isolate themselves from the rest of society because, to be honest, I've never seen 2 alcoholics together... In a huge majority of relationships, it is usually the case that only one is alcoholic so there's a "safety net" of sorts...


I did know a couple who were both drug addicts. They're both dead.


Oh man.. that's pretty grim news... I know of a couple... both being serious drinkers who have recently gotten together and I'm now wondering what is going to become of them... Sad thing I think...
 wildstud2
Joined: 3/27/2008
Msg: 7
2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 7/7/2008 1:56:18 PM
hi there spent 2 years with a drugy it was hell always broke and could never get ahead in life they always have a story...never wanting to work just getting high drug dealers always at the door....greg u can never have a full relationship with these people
 Jan Sobieski
Joined: 7/4/2008
Msg: 8
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2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 7/7/2008 2:01:25 PM
I spent 28 years in a bad relationship with a kelpie.
I realy feel for the peeps on this thread.
 TheLimey
Joined: 2/24/2008
Msg: 9
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2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 7/7/2008 2:09:55 PM
Surely it would depend on the level of alcohol use? From what I've seen in the US it appears that anyone who has one glass of sherry once a year at christmas is labled an Alky.
 CompletelyDone
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 10
2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 7/7/2008 2:13:26 PM

Surely it would depend on the level of alcohol use? From what I've seen in the US it appears that anyone who has one glass of sherry once a year at christmas is labled an Alky.


I'm not in the US... but that's a bit of a stretch... don't you think?
 TheLimey
Joined: 2/24/2008
Msg: 11
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2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 7/7/2008 2:19:44 PM
I'm not in the US... but that's a bit of a stretch... don't you think?

You'd be surprised....I find it's usually people with a baptist background that do the most labeling. My former Dr is a re-dip & you wouldn't believe the level of irrationality he used to display if booze was mentioned.
 Jan Sobieski
Joined: 7/4/2008
Msg: 12
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2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 7/7/2008 2:19:57 PM
What exactly is your point?
 JustMary65
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 13
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2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 7/7/2008 2:22:43 PM
Well, if my 4th of July holiday party was any indication of how two people who like to drink get along-I'd prefer to stay sober as a judge!!! What was even more alarming to me is what transpired over the course of the day.

Couple 1 both came to a mutual friends' party-the wife was clearly intoxicated upon arrival though her spouse seemed coherent. As the party continued the wife got so snookered she couldn't even stand up without two people holding her. The husband, who was casually drinking beer the whole time seemed utterly indifferent. He pulled up his truck and with the assistance of two other people put her in the truck and then he proceeded to go park the vehicle and left her in it-totally shocked me-what was even worse the couple came with TWO small children.

Couple 2 arrived shortly after Couple 1 and both drank themselves into a drunken state. The wife was so sh!t-faced she fell over backwards in her lawn chair and couldn't even get up. The husband spouted off some explicatives and basically didn't care if she did get up. As the evening progressed they began having mini heated arguements about who was a bigger A$$ and then they decided they were both unfit for the other and a fight ensued. Needless to say, a designated driver, with the assistance of her husband got frick n frack in their vehicle and drove them home.

The hostess of the party is a good friend of mine, and this was the first holiday party I had attended at her home-I did ask her how she felt about everything and she too was a bit shocked. I asked her if this was just a one time thing, but apparently both couples like booze and this was common place so no one else even seemed remotely bothered by it. Both couples have been married for some time-and I guess their addiction hasn't helped or hurt their lives-but I would suspect Couple 1's children have seen way too many things little people should not have to be exposed too. I left about 9:30 and couple 1 was still there-I think I felt bad for their kids-though I was assured that a SOBER party would be driving both the husband, wife and the kids home.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 14
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2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 7/7/2008 2:23:44 PM
~OT~ It's a matter of perception on all accounts. I'm certainly not educated in the field of "functional vs. dysfuncational" drinkers. I do know one couple who drink daily. At 5:30 the gin and vodka come out and it's drink-thirty. They don't fight, argue, have money issues, nor do they seem to have any marital issues. They have been married 45+ years. On the other side, I know those that live inside a bottle with no thought of anything other than that. Any 'ism' is a personal situation and it would take someone much more educated on the subject than me to determine what two true alcoholic brains would be like in a relationship with one another. (Suffice to say ~ I have no intention on finding out first hand! )
 sienna99
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 15
2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 7/7/2008 2:31:43 PM
My friend is an alcoholic and met her current partner 3 years ago, who is also an alcoholic. She was functioning alcoholic at first, but eventually lost her job, and now spends her time drinking with her partner, where they beat the crap out of each other and take it in turns getting arrested.
I think also what can happen is each blames the other for their behaviour and drinking. I think where alcoholism is concerned, domestic violence is not far behind.
 midnightschemer
Joined: 5/24/2008
Msg: 16
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2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 7/7/2008 2:33:39 PM
As a recovering alcoholic I can categorily say that alkys attract each other. I have been in three relationhips with other alcoholics. Neither can get or remain sober while still with the other one. The only way to clean up is to have absolutely no associaton with practising alcoholics. Same for druggies as I was in the same situation. After one year of sobriety, I still avoid active alcoholics.
 cupatea2010
Joined: 7/30/2007
Msg: 17
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2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 7/7/2008 2:44:10 PM
I read on where they both got their names tattooed on thier various parts of their bodies..then he dumped her after two months..
 CompletelyDone
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 18
2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 7/7/2008 2:53:49 PM

But hey, if two drunks are happy together and aren't breaking the law, good for them for finding a like instead of ruining other's lives.


I couldn't agree more Dayna... except that according to the stories here, some aren't very successful at NOT affecting other people... like their kids for instance...


Well, if my 4th of July holiday party was any indication of how two people who like to drink get along-I'd prefer to stay sober as a judge!!!


Mary... Your story has a certain "entertainment" value... I laughed out loud at your "Frick & Frack"... But it's certainly saddening to hear that the kids were being exposed to that one couple..

So yah.. I "get" that there is probably a great deal of "indifference" between 2 alcoholics since they have already abandoned themselves... It stands to reason, they will abandon one another, doesn't it?


(Suffice to say ~ I have no intention on finding out first hand!


I hear ya VGE... You're not just pretty... got good smarts too...


I think also what can happen is each blames the other for their behaviour and drinking. I think where alcoholism is concerned, domestic violence is not far behind.


Has that couple been together long Sienna? Some posters are saying where it's been a habit for a number of years, it doesn't seem to have such a detrimental affect but it seems that when a couple gets together who are already active boozers, they already have so many other issues that it's more a case of "misery loves company"... I also agree that these are the scenes of domestic violence that stun all of us...


As a recovering alcoholic I can categorily say that alkys attract each other. I have been in three relationhips with other alcoholics. Neither can get or remain sober while still with the other one. The only way to clean up is to have absolutely no associaton with practising alcoholics. Same for druggies as I was in the same situation. After one year of sobriety, I still avoid active alcoholics.


First thing I want to say to you Midnight is that my hat's off to you. WTG! To conquer this demon and take away your own place of comfort takes tremendous courage and you have all of my respect.

But I need to ask why alkys attract one another in your view. When there are so many relationships where there's one sober and one not sober, is it because the alky can finally be who he or she truly is with the other alky???
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 19
2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 7/7/2008 2:57:12 PM
The one that drinks less can be the designated driver for the other.

When thrown in jail for DUI one can call the other to bail them out and pick them up.

They can raid each other's alcohol cabinets without regrets.

When they slur their words they can perfectly understand each other.
 steed1978
Joined: 6/5/2008
Msg: 20
2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 7/7/2008 2:58:13 PM
Well were to go for a first date is a no brainer
 Beholder123
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 21
2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 7/7/2008 3:10:09 PM
Jan,
What is a kelpie? Is that "alcoholic"?
 JustMary65
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 22
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2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 7/7/2008 3:15:23 PM

Mary... Your story has a certain "entertainment" value... I laughed out loud at your "Frick & Frack"... But it's certainly saddening to hear that the kids were being exposed to that one couple..


I wasn't trying to be funny-though seeing four grown-ups ( and I use that term loosely) act as they did-for a few of the onlookers it was comical-but the sad part was watching the looks on those two little children's faces as they asked 'what was wrong with mommy?' I assure you as a mother my heart broke for them.

While I don't mind an occassional social drink-I rather like my wits about me. To me it's a destructive and often combustable situation for all parties concerned, but more so for the innocent ones. I will admit when Frick went flying backwards and her feet were up in the air-yeah-that was funny, but the arguement moments later was not.
 Trailsman5
Joined: 4/10/2006
Msg: 23
2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 7/7/2008 3:20:55 PM

what happens when 2 alcoholics get together.


The wedding reception is the wickedest kegger you've ever seen!
 sienna99
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 24
2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 7/7/2008 3:34:29 PM
Silken fire, yeah theyve been together 3 years. He kept his problems sort of hidden. She was working as a hairdresser and she met him from the local bail hostel... But he came across as a non drinker at first, He definitely sniffed her out, he could spot her a mile off, and probably the same goes for her. Turns out he was on bail for beating his ex girlfriend up badly... but my friend still stayed with him. She was drinking regularly at this point and their first date they had she ended up standing in her garden in just her underwear drunk and crying. Its pretty bad. And so upsetting to see your friend go through it and not be able to help. He started drinking about 6 months in, but it was a previous problem. I remember once I went to pick up her up one afternoon to go shopping in town, but i was too late as the guy had already been to the off license and bought her a bottle of wine which he had kindly opened for her. He was enabling her and she was hiding behind the relationship and blaming him for the drink. It still goes on now. I dont think that it can any time be "fun" for two "happy drunks" to be together. I dont think the term "happy alcoholic" exists in the real world.
 JohnEDeep
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 25
2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 7/7/2008 4:36:46 PM
When my father and step-mom married, they were both raging alcoholics.

They both dried out a few months later, and have been sober and still married for 27 years now.

Yep, I'm proud of them.
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