| When should a vacation alone be acceptable??
Posted: 7/7/2008 2:03:16 PM | | You are dating a person exclusively for 2 months, and things are going along great. It is very obvious that the relationship is very compatible and will continue through the end of the year. The man has a sister and Mom who live several states away. He has mentioned that he would like to visit in October. (At which point you will have been together for 6 months) He asks you to help him purchase the tickets online, as he is not computer literate. He then, ( and this is where the problem lies) asks you to dog sit for him. He will be gone approximately 7-10 days. Not once, had he mentioned if you would like to go along. He knows that you have several paid vacation days coming to you. Is it wrong somehow that he has not invited you????? | |
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| When should a vacation alone be acceptable??
Posted: 7/7/2008 2:12:35 PM | Sounds like a family visit not a 'for fun' vacation.
I really don't know how I would feel about that to be honest because the only time I had something like that happen is when I was still in HS and my BF of a year or so went to visit family, but I had no expectations to be invited.
OP while things are going great now you have only been dating for 2 months so far, a lot can change during this time so maybe he wants to be a little more sure of things before the traveling to meet his family type of thing.
I don't know it seems like a reasonable thing to me for him to go by himself, but I can't speak for everyone. | |
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| When should a vacation alone be acceptable??
Posted: 7/7/2008 2:16:56 PM | | For clarification purposes: He will staying with Mom & Sis for 2-3 days then going further South to visit friends for the rest of the time. Sorry I forgot to give those details. | |
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eazk
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Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 4 | |
| When should a vacation alone be acceptable??
Posted: 7/7/2008 2:18:34 PM | Wrong? Ehhhh, not so much.
Stupid? Yeah...he should have thought about it...but that was probably taught at the same time as computer literacy.
He knows his family. Maybe he's protecting you from them. Maybe there are medical issues, space accomodations, family concerns, smoking versus non...etc..
Hey, why don't you ask him why he didn't think to see if you'd be interested in coming along...it could be an interesting answer.
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| When should a vacation alone be acceptable??
Posted: 7/7/2008 2:20:00 PM |
Is it wrong somehow that he has not invited you?
No.
Not once, had he mentioned if you would like to go along.
You can speak, right? Have you tried asking him? | |
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| When should a vacation alone be acceptable??
Posted: 7/7/2008 2:21:40 PM | | In my opinion you can not tell at 2 months that you WILL be together still at the end of the year. You can hope it and want it, but at 2 months you cant know for sure. Simple things like what you are describing can come up and tear a relationship apart. | |
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| When should a vacation alone be acceptable??
Posted: 7/7/2008 2:27:12 PM | Men and/or Women are ENTITLED to time without the constraints of a SO. Why should anyone have a problem with that? An occasional hiatus gives one the important opportunity to look within.
Living under the yoke of another can have the effect of granting the other the same shackles. | |
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| When should a vacation alone be acceptable??
Posted: 7/7/2008 2:28:09 PM | Not 2 many men rush 2 bring a woman home 2 mom....
2-6 months really isnt anything special 2 introduce you to the family...
I wouldn't bring anyone home to my family unles it was deep , meaniful and i knew it was going somewhere... | |
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| When should a vacation alone be acceptable??
Posted: 7/7/2008 2:32:17 PM |
He knows his family. Maybe he's protecting you from them.
I was going to say this. With the way some of my family members have conducted themselves in the past, I will only introduce beaus to them after they have been given proper warning and they insist.
Whenever you feel like it ffs!
Absolutely! I go on trips with my girlfriends and will continue to do so, relationship or not. | |
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~Kyn~
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Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 12 | |
| When should a vacation alone be acceptable??
Posted: 7/7/2008 2:35:05 PM |
Not once, had he mentioned if you would like to go along. He knows that you have several paid vacation days coming to you. Is it wrong somehow that he has not invited you?????
umm...wrong? Id be surprised if he did and personally I think its "wrong" to expect to be invited.
Im all for spending as much time together as possible...but its not like he's going on kontiki tour without you...
...its 7-10 days with family and then a few friends. | |
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| When should a vacation alone be acceptable??
Posted: 7/7/2008 2:35:43 PM | I've been with my bf for 6+ months.
We've already vacationed together and I've met his family too.
However, I want to go on vacation (to Disney World) w/ my daughter and son in December without him. Well, I'd like him to go, but I doubt he can afford it along with his daughter too. I don't want to foot the bill for him and his daugther either.
Not to mention, Disney World is sort of a special place for me and my kids. We've got a lot of memories there and it would be hard to bring someone along and have them "FIT" in. Not to mention, my daughter doesn't know him that well and I don't think would feel comfortable vacationing with him.
I care about him a lot, but I'd like to vacation alone. Don't be offended. Be supportive. If you two are still together then, maybe plans can change.
My 2 cents!
"If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu | |
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| When should a vacation alone be acceptable??
Posted: 7/7/2008 2:37:36 PM | Nope, definitely not wrong. You've only been with him 2 months. Its very hard to predict what your relationship will be like at the 6 month mark.
Regardless of that, I still think it MIGHT be too early to meet the parents at that time. I don't know, I guess it would all depend on how the relationship progresses until then.
I wouldn't get upset over it. Have fun in your relationship and don't think too far ahead. Who knows...by that time he might feel that its a good idea for you to come and invite you...take it slow, and enjoy it. | |
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| When should a vacation alone be acceptable??
Posted: 7/7/2008 2:39:19 PM | | It's 2 months, you have many options. Ask now, wait a month or 2 ask then. You can get a cheap ticket up to 6 weeks before the trip. Why not enjoy the moment and not project, like others said could be mom, could be friends, could be anything. Do you really want to buy a ticket now, break up in 90 days and try to figure out how to rebook it and to where? 2 months is still the honeymoon phase, it's after 90 days you start to see if things really jell. My 2 cents, Bob | |
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| When should a vacation alone be acceptable??
Posted: 7/7/2008 2:44:01 PM | | Ok, So popular opinion seems to be that it is very acceptable, and the girl is being a whining little *&*^^!! You have very good sense. It does seem that the relationship could go anywhere. It also seems that it is unreasonable to expect to be invited at such an early stage in the game. As many have suggested it is possible that this is the honeymoon period, perhaps in 6 months, she will want him to leave!! LOL | |
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| When should a vacation alone be acceptable??
Posted: 7/7/2008 2:46:43 PM | Well I'm going to answer your question with another question. How do you feel about meeting his family after only two months? Guys here all the time about the exact opposite story, "He asked me to take a trip to see his family after only being together 2 months, what should I do" so he's probably just hesitant to ask. That doesn't mean he won't change his mind though, I mean he does have the next 4 months to ask you it's just that right now he probably thinks it's too soon to be asking to take a 10 day trip to meet his family and friends.
Think of it this way though, he trusts you to watch his dog, how is that a problem? Personally I wouldn't put my dog's life in the hands of just any women, she's got to be real special to me to hang with my pups for a week. | |
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| When should a vacation alone be acceptable??
Posted: 7/7/2008 2:49:03 PM | | Nope. I wouldn't invite you either. Let the relationship grow, if at the 8 month mark you are still together, then maybe reconsider, but I would simply write it off as WORK with the family, not a vacation. So let it go (the issue). | |
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| When should a vacation alone be acceptable??
Posted: 7/7/2008 2:51:31 PM | | No its not wrong..but i wouldnt commit to dog-sitting either..tell him its ok to go do the 'family-thing'..but that u will probably schedule a trip as well during that time..and as such he should look to board his puppy..:-) | |
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| When should a vacation alone be acceptable??
Posted: 7/7/2008 2:56:13 PM | It is entirely possible that as others have noted, he is waiting to see where things go. I assume that while they might cost more, plane tickets could be purchased later for you? I also think that some people think ahead in this way and others just simply do not. While things may be great in six months and by then he too would probably like you to go along, planning this right now would be premature.
If things go well there will probably be an appropriate time for you to ask when you might meet his family, ask if he would like company on the trip, or whatever else would be appropriate given the way you communicate with him and if you can afford your own airfare. Sometimes when you first start things the timing just sucks in terms of future stuff and you can't change that, just hope for things to gel next time. | |
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| When should a vacation alone be acceptable??
Posted: 7/7/2008 3:23:55 PM | If I were going to invite a woman for a vacation with me, I very much doubt it would be at a time when I was going home to visit my family and childhood friends. Not because I wouldn't want her around, but because I don't really see that as a vacation.
Why in the hell would I ask someone to waste their vacation time only to make them feel like a 3rd wheel while I pal around with people?
(I grew up in Ohio. When I go home I visit with family and pal around with my childhood friends and ex roommate. It's mostly just dinners, drinks, and reminiscing. I doubt I'd want to put anyone that I've been dating for 2 months through the, "This is everyone I've known for years.... here, let's hang out with them for days" thing.) | |
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| When should a vacation alone be acceptable??
Posted: 7/7/2008 3:34:26 PM | ...No. He should be allowed and encouraged to visit his family alone.
It's only two months along, no matter what promise there is, there is no rule that just because you're happy together and you have some days off, that he's obligated to invite you.
Though I probably wouldn't be keen on being asked to dog sit unless I was already attached to the pet. | |
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| When should a vacation alone be acceptable??
Posted: 7/7/2008 4:06:48 PM | | OP - I don't consider seeing family a vacation. I love my family to death, but I repeat, it is NOT vacation! I think every couple deserves a separate vacation, doesn't matter how long they've been dating, living together, or married. I don't consider 2 months worth getting my dander up if I can't truck along with my sweetie for vacation. At the same token, he should also find a dog sitter to take care of his dogs, after all, 2 months is barely getting to know someone. I wouldn't trust someone of 2 months to come into my home while I'm gone. Bottom line, you won't be going with him on this vacation (get over it), and at the same token, let him find his own pet sitting arrangements. | |
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