| Question in which I think I already know the answer to.... Concerning the EX.
Posted: 7/7/2008 6:24:57 PM | I know what my head is telling me just wanted to see what you guys and gals out here think about it all. Little history, was together for 2 year in which we lived together the wholetime pretty much. We always had issues during the relationship but none of which on my part wa with trust or feeling she wasn't loyal.
We split up (I left 3 times in total) after fights kinda heat of the moment type deals, ended up going back. ANYHOW, here is my situation now. We are now seperated / broken up its been 3 months, the first month we was still kinda together (we slept together alot, but it was just sex) she clled me all the time wanting me back blah blah blah. Finally the calls stopped then 3 days past and I at this point feeling lonely and like anyone just the breakup starting to set in. I call her, only to find she has now a ew guy LIVING with her which she is sleeping with. Only 3 dys ago she was telling me she wanted me back.... So this goes on for like a month with her and him during the time she random calls me and kinda stalking the odd time hunting me down and seducing me. She ends up cheating on him with 3 people during the month. then tells him he has to move out. He leaves, she calls me telling me she wants back. I amm all confused... he is now back in her house, reason is he has no where to go.... so she says. she still wants me back.
Ignoring the obvious, how could she even suspect that I would fall forthis... Does she really think I can trust her now? How or what is this women doing and why me?
I am having a hard time moving on when she is not letting go.... Anything I can do? I want this drama / lies / games gone!!  | |
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| Question in which I think I already know the answer to.... Concerning the EX.
Posted: 7/7/2008 7:22:26 PM | | You are young and part of a different generation. I'd say, "get a backbone" and paint a "The End" sign and stick it up somewhere obvious in your living space. Remind yourself that it's over 20 times a day like a prayer. Control your thoughts so that only you exist in your hemisphere. She is gone. It is over. Let her go in peace....send her off now. It is done. Now, doesn't that feel better? | |
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| Question in which I think I already know the answer to.... Concerning the EX.
Posted: 7/7/2008 7:32:04 PM | | I'm starting to think exes always think we will fall for it again regardless of what it is. Mine stole money out of my bank acount and tried to claim it was an accident. Of course, this was after a 14 year history of taking money, blowing it, and lying about it. I think ex's just figure if they got away with it before, we will accept it again. | |
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| Question in which I think I already know the answer to.... Concerning the EX.
Posted: 7/7/2008 11:40:32 PM | the first month we was still kinda together (we slept together alot, but it was just sex) .....Kinda together? Either you are together or your not. Sleeping with an ex whilst the break up is happening is a huge mistake.....what were you thinking?
You are allowing yourself to get confused.
I am having a hard time moving on when she is not letting go ......I think it's the other way around I think it is YOU who cannot seem to let go.
IF you really want to move ahead with your life without this woman then YOU must take the necessary steps. To start you off stop sleeping with her. | |
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| Question in which I think I already know the answer to.... Concerning the EX.
Posted: 7/8/2008 12:09:33 AM | I am having a hard time moving on when she is not letting go.... Anything I can do? I want this drama / lies / games gone!!
Sounds like it's an opportunity for you to exercise some serious boundary enforcement, as a man who means what he says and stands by his word. No means no, and you don't waiver, not one bit, because you mean it from the top of your head to the tip of your toes. Period, end of discussion. No contact -- absolutely no contact. No phone calls, no letters, no sex -- cold turkey, baby; that's the only way to do it.
Otherwise, she will continue to know that she can take advantage of you all she wants. | |
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| Question in which I think I already know the answer to.... Concerning the EX.
Posted: 7/8/2008 5:20:09 AM | Then tell her to leave you alone. She is totally dysfunctional and isn't going to change so you don't want her back. What she wants is irrelevant. Decide to get over her and you will.
Ameerra's slightly more detailed response, read it, commit it to memory, get a small bat to hit yourself with if you forget. | |
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| Question in which I think I already know the answer to.... Concerning the EX.
Posted: 7/8/2008 5:31:49 AM | the reason you cannot let go is because you still have feelings. and regardless it is hard on both sides. Maybe her too. Maybe she was trying to get you jealous or felt unloved and this is where all these men come into play. Today seems to be the gard just have sex with whoever anf whenever. and no feelings. anyone on here who calls her a slut is just as guilty as who here goes without having sex with someone not married. (ME)
You have 2 choices either you love her and want it to work or you need to move on. I think you are angry and hurt right now. Sometme the word forever can seem so scary. Why not try this. baby steps. for 2 weeks you will not have any contact with her and give yourself time to heal and get your heart and thoughts in order.
then wait another 2 weeks. wait 30 days all toll and then drop me a line a we will take it from there.. | |
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| Question in which I think I already know the answer to.... Concerning the EX.
Posted: 7/8/2008 9:57:37 AM | Call it foolishness, love, lust, loneliness or whatever - sometimes, for whatever reasons, people want things they know are completely wrong for them. This isn't really a problem when the wanted thing is an ugly shirt or even a too inefficient vehicle. Other than being out the cash, life goes on and he/she gets a little more character, and hopefully a little wiser. But when the "thing" is a person the stakes become much higher. Although STDs and raided bank accounts are bad - getting your heart-broken is worse. In my case, these kinds of heart-breaks healed, eventually, but boy what a b*tch it was getting there. Since then I have been tested - and I'm very happy to recognize I've learned my lesson. I'll turn around and walk away from any woman who wants to make me one of many - or even one of two. I DON'T share where my heart is involved
I'm not sure that she can be acused of playing you - as it looks - everything is out in the open. You, as sad as it is, are insurance at best and mean-spirited fun at worst. Bottom line - leave and don't go back - forget her, but not the lesson she has offered you. Life's short - you just might be missing the love of your life for an unhealthy infatuation. | |
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| Question in which I think I already know the answer to.... Concerning the EX.
Posted: 7/8/2008 11:14:42 AM | | she was on the rebound with the other men, needed to let off steam after a long relationship, shes had her fun, now wants her stability back!!! simple as, the question really is>>>>>>>>>>> Is she really ready 4 her commitment back just yet??? If shes not your gonna be dragged around some hedges for a while, r u strong enough?? If not let her go, she ll come back to u again.............................. one day...>>>>>>>>> | |
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| Question in which I think I already know the answer to.... Concerning the EX.
Posted: 7/8/2008 11:22:32 AM | just read some more points, i disagree that this girl is a slut, the behaviour is out of character for her, which makes her confused, caught up in a moment, but i dont think shes a slut. Take a healthy distance back, if u love her and r strong enough stay there 4 a while, if u wont handle the ride, then go!!! Remembering if she then chases you, it doesnt mean shes ready yet, it just means u run so she has to chase (rejection thing).
goodluck
x | |
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| Question in which I think I already know the answer to.... Concerning the EX.
Posted: 7/8/2008 11:31:54 AM | nope i take all i said back, ive just re read your question................... 2 years, then split up, then just sex in ur eyes, then she hassles u for 3 months, u take a back seat, she then ignores u for 3 days, u wonder why, ring her and realise ur too late and have lost her!!! This is so typical of men. WHY LEAVE IT TILL YOU VE LOST HER!!!!!
She hassled u for 3 months and you only bother when shes with someone knew!!!
She will be reading that clearly!!!
So whats she gonna do to keep you????
Shes gonna keep you jealous, as being needy and only for u didnt work!!!
Im really feeling for this poor girl!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| Question in which I think I already know the answer to.... Concerning the EX.
Posted: 8/19/2008 10:18:18 PM | Everyone else has focused on the obvious practical stuff you can do to end the relationship (don't answer the phone or phone her!!). I want to focus on this part --
Ignoring the obvious, how could she even suspect that I would fall forthis... Does she really think I can trust her now? How or what is this women doing and why me? -- because I feel that the "WHY?" is raging in your mind and is the main reason for you continuing to pick up the phone: you're hurt and confused and you want answers.
Firstly, I have to let you in on something: most of us will experience at least one relationships and/or one friendship that goes crazy and is hurtful and bewildering. All around the world, there are people with the "WHY?" question screaming in their heads, for slight variations on your theme. The question "Why me?" is very easily answered -- you're not so amazingly special or peculiar that you get to escape this human experience.
You do have responsibility for much of the dynamic that has played out. Now if you were with someone NICE, probably nothing that you did in this relationship would have been the wrong thing and you'd both have lived happily ever after -- so don't blame yourself for a fundamentally wrong approach -- I'm not suggesting that. However, you have, like most of us at some time or another, been rather blinded by wishful thinking and unaccepting of reality. Unless she's gone onto some kind of medication that has caused a huge personality shift, her personality has been there all the time for you to observe if you chose to. Think back and I'm sure you'll begin to identify the signs of it.
Simply, she believes you will give in because you have before -- you've broken up 3 times before in the 2 years and you've always gone back to her. Even when you broke up this time, you continued to sleep with her frequently and when she stopped calling you, you even called her. She's got good reason to believe you'll have her back and that you'll trust her again because your desire is still strong in comparison to your ability to do reality checks.
People who are capable of cheating, often seem unable to stop themselves from continuing to do so. You can trust her to continue to be herself and you now see more clearly just what that involves. You still feel tempted to get back together with her and this is the mystery that is worth unravelling as it will help illuminate things for you. Was she your first serious relationship? Are you, like so many of us have been in the early days, hung up on the idea of relationships lasting forever? Bad relationships should not last any longer than it takes for you to realise that they are bad. This girl needs a big wake-up call on her behaviour and I don't think you're going to be able to supply that -- so best to stand back and let someone else do it. Figure out for your own sake how you came to end up in this painful position and then don't do it again!
I like Actualizing's idea of a "the end" sign. Put it over the phone or on a sticker on your cell. Delete her number so you can't easily call her. She's going to cause a lot more drama for people before she gets her act sorted and it's better for you and for her if you stay out of it because you'll only get hurt/enable her to be hurtful if you don't. Good luck. | |
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| Question in which I think I already know the answer to.... Concerning the EX.
Posted: 8/19/2008 11:10:25 PM | Dude, just keep saying "Uh huh" or "Whatever" to everything she says and she'll eventually get pissed off enough to not call back because you're "Just not listening at all!"
In all seriousness, you said it yourself, you already know the answer to this question. Just keep rehearsing the word "NO" repeatedly and don't be afraid to drop it like some people drop the F-Bomb.
If you're not interested in a reunion tour with her (which I'm sure we all pray you're not contemplating), for Christ sake...say it to her and say it directly, and MEAN IT. | |
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Unless you are planning on being one of a harem of men she collects, stop all contact with her and give yourself time to get your head straight.
