| After one date the man disappears for no reason
Posted: 7/7/2008 7:28:08 PM | It was today the most beautiful and sunny day I had met a man
who lives about 2 hours away at a mall we were writing for close
to 5 years and it endly suddenly about an hour passed and he told
me is it okay he has to leave. Am I alright with that? I told him I understand
obligations but before this happenned he wanted to go out to sightsee some
lakes and floral gardens it was humid and hot that is why I thought it was strange.
Why when it is hot and humid well, when we did not find a place to go to and
sight see he wanted to go hugged me goodbye and that was it. I tried calling him that
evening monday but no response back. So, now it leaves me wondering I was dressed nice, did not say anything negative or wrong, smiled and enjoyed myself and was very polite to him.
Anyone had a meeting so bizarre as what happenned to me?
Just wondering. | |
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| After one date the man disappears for no reason
Posted: 7/7/2008 7:37:03 PM | I hate this- I hate when people do this and make you feel like
its you- make you feel like something is wrong. You start analyzing the
whole evening trying to figure out what you did.
You did nothing but be your very nice attractive self. He is
a gutless human being for not being up front with you.
Thats okay- I know it hurts. Stop calling him, stop emailing him.
Stop everything and talk to others here. He does not deserve your
attention.
If its any consolation - it happens to all of us here. | |
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| After one date the man disappears for no reason
Posted: 7/7/2008 9:31:04 PM | You've been writing for 5 years and this is the first time you've met? Only 2 hours away and never met before? I'm curious why you decided to meet after 5 years of not doing it.
I'm assuming after all that time he knew your personality and he knew what you looked like, assuming some pictures have exchanged in 5 years of talking...or was it just emailing? Have you ever talked on the phone? How intimate were the exchanges?
I don't know that I'm right but my first thought was that he's married or involved and decided he couldn't do this. But really, what do I know. | |
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| After one date the man disappears for no reason
Posted: 7/7/2008 9:39:30 PM | Well...maybe he gets claustrophobic or feels uncomfortable in a mall? Maybe he was nervous and didn't know how to handle it.
Perhaps after 5 yrs, he'd built up a fantasy of how the meeting would go in his mind and as sometimes happens, he'd made the fantasy so amazing that no matter how wonderful you were, he was off in another world.
Then again, maybe something happened? You said it was today and you called him this evening but got no reply. Maybe a family emergency or something came up.
Time may or may not tell what really happened but the most important thing is to stop doubting yourself. I sense you're already doing it by the way you stated up front that you were dressed nicely, were polite, etc, etc.
You did nothing but be your wonderful self. If he couldn't appreciate that now, be glad you found that out now rather then another few years from now. It's his loss, don't lose faith in yourself. | |
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| After one date the man disappears for no reason
Posted: 7/7/2008 9:41:06 PM | Sorry that happened OP ~ it's never an easy thing to sort that out. It's happened to me once (differently, but the same message was sent.) On the other side of the topic, I'm certain I have let one or two down when I wasn't interested for whatever reason. I didn't just up and leave, but I'm certain my intent was visible. I don't know what the answer is, so I just refrain from meeting. You have to have a really thick skin in the world of online meeting/dating. It's too bad, it wasn't always like it is today.  | |
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| After one date the man disappears for no reason
Posted: 7/7/2008 9:43:26 PM | | I am hoping against hope that you did not put your life on hold waiting 5 YEARS for this meeting. That's an eternity. What a waste. If not, what have you lost? NOTHING. The guy had his reasons; we all do. Chalk it up to yet another life experience and move on. | |
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| After one date the man disappears for no reason
Posted: 7/8/2008 12:12:35 AM | Jennie, I am sorry that happened. It can happen to the best of us, and you are left wondering was it me????
I hope that you two had a reason for waiting that long to have met. Personally I like to get to the meeting stage rather quickly, so if it isn't gonna happen between the two of us, then I can get back up and try again.
That is not to sound harsh or judgmental, just that I too have learned that dragging out a meeting can really be disappointing for one party if the chemistry isn't there.
AND yes, I have had a bizarre, meeting where it was me saying this doesn't work for me. He didn't like my answer, got huffy with me, and I told him point blank, that that was the tone I picked up from him when we met, and I won't deal with someone that gets huffy that way.
I never made any promises, and always told him we'd have to see how things went when we met, because I couldn't tell if it would be a connection until then.
I have also had great seeming dates, then not heard from the guy again.
Had someone say they were excited I gave them a 2nd chance and was getting off POF, and disappeared, didn't take my calls, write, etc...
Was it something personal you did, no, he just didn't feel it, and that happens...
I'm Sorry you will feel a void for a while, 5 yrs is a long time to be chatting. Take care of yourself, and realize that dating is all about chances and risk taking. You took the chance to meet and the risk it wouldn't be what either of you thought.
We do this because we believe love is worth it... | |
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| After one date the man disappears for no reason
Posted: 7/8/2008 12:23:05 AM | Re the Opost
It seems like the chemistry was not there for him. It seems
But unless he lived on the othet side of the world, 5 years of e-communications sounds a very extreme case of taking one's time to meet, and that holds for both the woman and the man in this story.
Next time, I suggest a meet within a month tops, unless it is long distance, but even the, 6-12 months should be the most (as in the other side of the planet). | |
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| After one date the man disappears for no reason
Posted: 7/8/2008 1:48:28 AM | | Sorry to hear that happened to you... and after talking to this guy for so long. That has got to hurt. I wouldn't wait so long to meet in the future. It will save you the invested time and energy if there isn't a mutual attraction. It seems really strange though that he wouldn't at least want to be friends after you talked for so many years. | |
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| After one date the man disappears for no reason
Posted: 7/8/2008 1:55:40 AM | | I hate to break this to you - he doesn't sound like he has ever had any romantic interest in you. You said you live two hours apart. That is close enough for a man to drive when he is romantically interested in a woman. But instead, he wrote to you for five years - that means he is lonely and needs a pen pal, but as a woman, you just don't do it for him, otherwise he would have met way sooner. When a man is attracted to a woman, he will meet her in person ASAP. Trust me. Men are easy to understand - if he doesn't meet you - he doesn't want to date you. | |
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| After one date the man disappears for no reason
Posted: 7/8/2008 4:18:01 AM | | OP he probably just didn't feel that spark with you. Not everyone will be suited, and you just have to keep on dating until you find someone who instantly clicks with you. It's just one of those things and you shouldn't take it personally. Some people date tonnes of people before they find a person they feel they could settle with. He probably just didn't know how to tell you, and didn't want to string you along when he knew it was going nowhere. Chin up and move on to the next one. | |
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| After one date the man disappears for no reason
Posted: 7/8/2008 4:34:20 AM | Wow after 5 years of chatting?
Anyway, I guess he just wasn't feeling it. Happens all the time to every single one of us. Don't worry, just don't chat so long before meeting next time! | |
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| After one date the man disappears for no reason
Posted: 7/8/2008 4:46:16 AM | | don't put all your eggs in one basket...u seem a bit clingy and desperate...5 years?? Its a numbers game sweetie..go out there..enjoy yourself..smooze around...u look a bit older than your profile..(43)..maybe a new hairstyle or something will brighten your day?? | |
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| After one date the man disappears for no reason
Posted: 7/8/2008 6:57:43 AM | It just goes to show that until you meet in the flesh you just dont know where its going. Dont take any notice of those who say you need to change things about your image etc, you are you, dont dare change for ANYONE! I notice most of the negative comments come from the males on here. Talk about kick someone when they are down.
I believe everything happens for a reason, he obviously wasnt for you. I expect his bum was hairy or he snores like a trooper. Thank your lucky stars, DONT blame yourself and go get Mr Right...He is out there somewhere and when the time is right you will find each other xxx | |
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| After one date the man disappears for no reason
Posted: 7/8/2008 7:10:12 AM | Happens all the time sweetie! Please I could write a book ( whoops I am)
My suggestion to you. Come from behind the keyboard and go to the meet and greets listed in your area. Meet the faces behind the profiles .
Don't give up .. What you NEED is out there | |
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| After one date the man disappears for no reason
Posted: 7/8/2008 7:24:25 AM | OP I've had this happen to me and yes, it makes you doubt yourself.
I don't understand why you 2 wrote each other and waited 5 years to meet.
It sounds to me as if he wasn't that into you and perhaps there could have been
some family emergency. I won't be as harsh as some here and tell you to get a new hairstyle and such.
I also won't be cliche and tell you you'll find someone when you least expect it because I don't like that line and don't believe it.
Best wishes to you and remember, you have us here! | |
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| After one date the man disappears for no reason
Posted: 7/8/2008 8:24:29 AM | Hi there,
My best guess is that he was not feeling any chemistry for you and didn't have the courage to tell you that to your face. I am sure that it was nothing that you said or did ...chemistry is either there or it is not there. There is really nothing that you or he can can do about it .
Sometimes its hard to actually tell a person to their face that you don't have chemistry for them ...especially if its obvious that are feeling it for you .
Sounds like he did what most gormless people would do and just tried to make his exist as soon as he could . And probably so that you would not feel that you were being led on ..
Honeslty, would you prefer that he had said to you after an hour that "I'm sorry, you are a great girl but I m not feeling the chemistry here ." People want to be liked and he probably wanted you to think of him as a good person...and no one likes to inflict pain on others .
Honey just realize that he s not interested and from lack of skill choose to send you the message the gutless way...Thats all...!
If you are ever in the same position as he was , then remember how you feel and hopefully you will manage the situation a little differently .. Good luck ! | |
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| After one date the man disappears for no reason
Posted: 7/8/2008 8:37:40 AM | This is why I want to meet a man ASAP.
Five years? Two hours away?
He liked the idea and the fantasy, but the reality was not what he wanted or expected. He should have told you, though, and not left you hanging.
Or, maybe he is dead. It happened to me! I talked to a man for several months and then . . . nothing. He had a heart attack. | |
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| After one date the man disappears for no reason
Posted: 7/8/2008 9:00:02 AM | He liked you as a person...your mind...what you had to say.
In person he didn't. This is why head shots and even full body shots can be important on a profile.
We all pretend it's what's inside that counts, but you're a perfect example of the inside being great, but when he got to the outside...he was gone!
By the way...now you know what happened. I realize he may have seen your head shot or even a full body shot, but there was something about you in person he was turned off by. Maybe bad teeth...body odor? Maybe you have one of those voices that drove him up the wall. It's why we have meet and greets huh? | |
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| After one date the man disappears for no reason
Posted: 7/8/2008 9:09:43 AM | i could never imagine writing someone for 5 years before meeting in person....i would not even write for a month without meeting in person....if they only lived 2 hours away from me.
and yet you and he both did this, so only you know why the in person meeting waited so very long.
i have a suspicion it waited because you were building a friendship all those years, and thoughts of romance were not really there....until for some reason you both decided to go for it and see who each other was in real life.
well, one problem with internet 'meeting' imo is it is not really real....and because of that aspect, projections so easily happen - we build up impressions of who we think others are, and they build them up for us too - even when we try hardest not to.
but it is human nature I think and unless you both are very similar people who see things in a similar way - those impressions you build up of each other are not going to be a true picture at all....because of course it comes from within you what you see as much as what the other person reveals to you about them.
so, to me one key is why you both waited so long to meet.
and the other is, as the others said, if finally you both were hoping something romantic might be possible, it seems he did not feel that towards you.....and perhaps he also realized then that all those years writing and wondering who you were answered finally...and so, sadly, he pulled out all his attention on you.
at least, op, there will be lessons for you from this.
from this quote from your original post - to me they show you were not really into him either, honestly....that there was no real attraction, or i think you would have used different words than these -
So, now it leaves me wondering I was dressed nice, did not say anything negative or wrong, smiled and enjoyed myself and was very polite to him.
very polite might not have been what he was looking for. but we'll never really know because he is not here to tell us, as he is not telling you either - and that is his choice, of course....sadly some feel it's ok to act that way.
so, take some deep breaths and try and let this go and don't use it to be hard on you. i have found, no matter how much writing, or how long or little time has passed, or for whatever reasons, it is extremely rare for me that both people are really into each other in the same way when they meet in person....so perhaps don't take it so personally - seems to be part of the package that goes with online meeting.....both here in virtuality and out there in reality. | |
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