| Girls, how do I say it with out getting attacked?
Posted: 7/8/2008 7:54:24 PM | Most of my long term emotional relationships with woman, they have been heavy, at least heavier than me, size and weight proportionate. I was with these woman for a long time, and there was much love involved. Obviously, I am here, and the relationship did not work. Logic tells me that one common thread is that they were heavy. Being realistic, I try to be discriminate in choosing a profile that I like. To me, Average can be just fine, it's healthy that I am looking for, my job may keep me in shape, without it I would hope that my desire is to be in shape. Longer life and less ill health are very important.
I'm a father, I know what happens to a woman's body after kids are born. It's a fact of life for most, and most women soon strive to re-gain the figure that they may have lost. There are other reasons why people grow big, it would be silly to believe that everyone can loose what they gained, successfully.
So, most profiles infer the weight, either it's posted, or termed in some other manor, a label like "average" can mean many things, it's a mater of perception. So I can't just automatically rule out these grey ares. Once the E-mail and chat exchange comes to, "sooooo, how bout a view of the pic you promised?" and once they do, and I can see why they didn't post it in the first place, I let them know that I think the chances are low that we could have a successful relationship. I keep getting attacked, they complain that I am being a typical male looking for his Barbie figure, and why don't I get a life. I'm working with choices here arn't I
How exactly can I say this thing and get some understanding that I may be vain in saying it, but I am not fooling myself either. How would you accept this statement from me in a way that would not insult you, make you angry, and me get shamed for being honest? lady's?
Can there ever be a generic way of saying this, or just let things continue, only to fail and another broken heart. When is the time to say something like this, obviously the safest is to never run into the situation, well, that is rare. I certainly would not lead with the question, but, how far do I go so as not to waste both of our times.
There may be good reason why the weight is vaige, I've seen plenty of women who's own perception is that they have "a few extra pounds" when the fact is, my perception is they have absolutely nothing to worry about.
I know there would be a lot of perception that my letter here, could drive angry statements about me being selfish, does that mean I should not be honest? Isn't that a biggy? The Honesty/ dishonesty involved in the situation? There's always a call for honesty, but I have had problems with an acceptance of it. I have never found a "generic disclaimer " that i can bring this question up with, each situation and perception is too different.
Tappy | |
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| Girls, how do I say it with out getting attacked?
Posted: 7/8/2008 7:58:47 PM | HWP or "fit" are the words I usually see when people write what they prefer in a date. Don't be afraid to say what you want!
Some guys like BBW and some guys like "athletic" and some guys truly are not picky, they understand what happens to a woman's body after a few kids and a divorce but they are still ready for a relationship with her.
It is not your fault somebody doesn't furnish her pic. Don't bother. | |
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| Girls, how do I say it with out getting attacked?
Posted: 7/8/2008 8:11:25 PM | Nothing wrong with having preferences. If athletic or thin is what you want, then make sure you specify that on your profile.
I do have to say that I couldn't really wrap my brain around this.....
Most of my long term emotional relationships with woman, they have been heavy, at least heavier than me, size and weight proportionate. I was with these woman for a long time, and there was much love involved. Obviously, I am here, and the relationship did not work. Logic tells me that one common thread is that they were heavy.
Do you really believe that your relationship with these women ended because they were "heavy"?? You mean to tell me that everything else about the relationship was perfect and you're single now because they were ..........."HEAVY"???
Sorry, I don't get it.. | |
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| Girls, how do I say it with out getting attacked?
Posted: 7/8/2008 8:25:05 PM | If a woman's size is that important to you, then don't email or respond to women that do not have a few recent full body pics on their profile.
Of course, you'll hurt feelings if you converse with them and then reject them once you see their picture. With that approach, I'd expect you'd get comments that you are shallow, etc.
So, simple solution...just don't go there in the first place. Also, clearly state what you want on your profile...right down to dress size and height if it is truly important to you. There is just no point in wasting time and hurting feelings. Be honest from the start.
I don't think you'll ever find your "generic disclaimer" as rejecting someone for outer qualities will never be an easy pill to swallow. How would you feel if some woman rejected you for the colour of your eyes, your height or something else about you physically? Seems a bit superficial, doesn't it?
Of course, you could argue that they do not have self esteem and are too "thin skinned" but dating is tough business...rejection is tough...be gentle and be a gentleman.
Best of luck finding your size right. | |
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| Girls, how do I say it with out getting attacked?
Posted: 7/8/2008 8:30:05 PM | | I think you should respond to profiles where women have their pictures posted so you know exactly what you are getting into. I know that many men are not interested in dating a heavy woman . I am overweight and I don't see any point in hiding it, I have up to date pictures of myself in my profile so that it's obvious what I look like. Maybe put in your profile that you only want to talk with women who have their pictures available in their profile. | |
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| Girls, how do I say it with out getting attacked?
Posted: 7/8/2008 8:49:38 PM | Do you really believe that your relationship with these women ended because they were "heavy"?? You mean to tell me that everything else about the relationship was perfect and you're single now because they were ..........."HEAVY"???
No, there are many reasons combined, it's just somthing of note, but not the "reason" why.
Thank you | |
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| Girls, how do I say it with out getting attacked?
Posted: 7/8/2008 8:52:02 PM | All nice good honest suggestions, thank You ladies.
I should be hitting it right of the bat I guess is the opinion, right on the profile, I'll work on something,
Thank You,
Tim | |
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| Girls, how do I say it with out getting attacked?
Posted: 7/8/2008 9:01:31 PM | If they don't have a picture up, don't respond to them. In this day and age, ANYONE should be able to get at least one picture up. If they do not, I assume they are hiding something. If they are hiding something, I don't want to meet them. It is really very simple. There are plenty of guys out there that love big women. You don't have to accept something that is not to your liking.
Sherry | |
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| Girls, how do I say it with out getting attacked?
Posted: 7/8/2008 9:05:22 PM | I think you should respond to profiles where women have their pictures posted so you know exactly what you are getting into.
It would be nice if it worked that way. There are many reasons why a woman would not post a photo, reasons I agree with, work, family, I can understand this. The important thing to note here, is that a woman that would hesitate to post her photo for this reasons, is a woman that I would be attracted to. I think it takes some courage to make a stance like that, at the risk of loosing views by someone like me that would be interested. So staying away from the "undefined" profiles would be my potential loss of finding who I'm looking for.
Tim | |
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| Girls, how do I say it with out getting attacked?
Posted: 7/8/2008 9:18:19 PM | | Why are you ****footing around the subject? i'd be pissed and tell them i don't appreciate being lied to and deceived.......and they should have an accurate representation of their selves on a dating site.......not some fantasy... | |
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| Girls, how do I say it with out getting attacked?
Posted: 7/8/2008 9:18:54 PM |
Am I the only girl who is getting tired of reading all these threads about guys and how they don't like fat chicks and they don't know how to say it...?
These men have to learn how to act SOMEHOW. Look at it like we are saving some poor girl a couple months' worth of agony over whether or not she is attractive to some wimpy little putz who won't reach puberty until he's in his forties. | |
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| Girls, how do I say it with out getting attacked?
Posted: 7/8/2008 9:19:19 PM | I agree with you.
Ever tried just talking for a long period of time, sending her recent pix of yourself?
If you don't want to ask her about it, try to convince her to send an up-to-date photo by sending her some of youself. | |
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| Girls, how do I say it with out getting attacked?
Posted: 7/8/2008 9:41:21 PM | Hey, you know what you don't want, that's fine. Me, I don't want to be with a guy that has no teeth, but neglects to mention it on his profile, and lies about his age when he is *clearly* a decade older.
*koff, koff* OP | |
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| Girls, how do I say it with out getting attacked?
Posted: 7/8/2008 9:56:15 PM | Yup, my profile clearly states "hair optional, teeth mandatory". I've married twice. Both men were 6' 4". My new way to find a better man is to make sure he isn't 6' 4" (snicker).
Sincerely OP, like almost everyone else has said, be sure to put your preference in your profile. | |
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| Girls, how do I say it with out getting attacked?
Posted: 7/8/2008 10:19:20 PM | | I'm not sure anyone's relationship breaks down because someone is fat, when they were fat when you met. Doesn't make sense to blame relationship issues on fat. Anyway, if you don't like fat girls, then don't date them. Ask for a full body photo before you meet someone in person. You can usually tell by the face if someone is heavy anyway. Everyone has different standards, and I've been rejected for being "fat" - and if you look at my photos I don't think I could be called fat - however that person preferred extremely thin women. I think the fat thing gets over kill on here though. If you don't like someone or aren't attracted to them, then don't date them and don't have a relationship with them, and no one gets hurt. | |
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| Girls, how do I say it with out getting attacked?
Posted: 7/8/2008 10:22:24 PM | 47 hmmmm? Ok if you say so.
If you have a preference then ask for it. I'm very picky myself. But saying you think a woman being heavy isn't for you because all your past gfs were heavy and it didn't work out is ridiculous.
That's like me saying....my ex husband and ex bf both were abusive and were skinny so I better not date a guy that is thin because he's probably an abuser too.
Personally I think there is no reason not to have a photo up. And you could solve part of the problem by only talking to those who have photos. But I've seen guys on here who had the same photo up for years. Plenty lie about height, weight, marital status, their job, etc etc. I'm sure women do too...dating is always risky business, but the internet made it much easier to lie about onesself. | |
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| Girls, how do I say it with out getting attacked?
Posted: 7/8/2008 10:27:54 PM |
It would be nice if it worked that way. There are many reasons why a woman would not post a photo, reasons I agree with, work, family, I can understand this.
Having a profile is a lot better than a personal ad. Why are people so hung up on what their coworkers or family think? Giving them that power is the problem, and if you got fired over it you could prolly start a lawsuit. :) | |
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| Girls, how do I say it with out getting attacked?
Posted: 7/8/2008 10:42:03 PM | Hmmm
Interesting. I would slam you cause you're being silly and honestly look older than what you say you are (sorry...)...but no, it's more fun to read the slams.
I will say that if it were me, I'd take out the whole "my relationships with fat women don't work out cause they're fat" thing.
Oh and I wouldn't worry too much about other fat girls sending you emails now...lol...since this is on your profile, they'll be able to click that happy link and figure you out quickly.
Good luck with the thinner girls too...(wishing I had some popcorn and a diet Pepsi cause this shizz is hilarious!!!)  | |
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| Girls, how do I say it with out getting attacked?
Posted: 7/8/2008 10:43:42 PM | OP, from your profile:
lady's, my track record shows that I haven't lasted with "bigger woman", height and weight proportionate, it doesn't rule you out, just that, my heart would have to overcome. I'm not after hurt feelings and broken hearts.
Looks to me like you already found a way of saying it, although you do whimp out on the statement at the end there.
Honestly, if you have a preference towards thinner women or some crazy notion that somehow larger women have some personality flaw that makes them undatable to you, then just put that in your profile any way you want. Why worry about if you offend them or not? You might as well just go with the ever-so-mature "no fatties" and get it over with. At least you'll be sure no bigger women try to message you.
Am I the only girl who is getting tired of reading all these threads about guys and how they don't like fat chicks and they don't know how to say it...?
No, you are not. Its getting to be just as redundant as the Ask a Guy thread entitled: Don't any men like larger women?
Everyone has preferences, and I really wish people would just spell them out on their profiles instead of beating around the bush about it. It would save everyone a lot of time and effort.
I've seen enough profiles from guys stating that they want "fit" or "athletic" or "active" women. Its all just nicer ways of saying the same thing (and I have no complaint with that at all) and it lets me know that I need to move on to another person's profile. No big deal at all. Anyone who gets offended that some people just prefer a certain body type is too sensative in my opinion. | |
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| Girls, how do I say it with out getting attacked?
Posted: 7/9/2008 3:08:54 AM | OP - as the other posters stated, if you have a preference, put it in your profile. It saves everyone time. If you feel the need to pursue people who have no pics/body pics on their profile, ask for a pic right off the bat or put in your profile that you would like a pic.
IMO, if someone doesn't offer a pic to begin with, they deserve what they get. It's a friggin' dating site...people should not have to be asked for a recent pic of face and body. It's common courtesy to share. It's not shallow - everyone has preferences, and we don't all appeal to everyone. I think what we all have in common is we don't want to have our time wasted. | |
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| Girls, how do I say it with out getting attacked?
Posted: 7/9/2008 3:49:46 AM | | Have you considered just looking at the pictures they have posted and make your decision based on what you see?Why make such a big deal out of nothing when the answer is so simple? | |
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| Girls, how do I say it with out getting attacked?
Posted: 7/9/2008 8:21:01 AM | I think the OP should look into himself on the "wieght" post. Alot of girls used to have weight on em and are now average. This one included.
I still find it odd how average/below average looking men point out flaws in women... just sayin. | |
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