| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/10/2008 2:34:08 AM | | Does anyone feel guilty when you are talking to more than one person who you know are interested in getting to know you etc??? I do feel guilty but I am not really sure why, as I am on here to make friends, I enjoy the forums and if I meet someone who I really connect with and then have a relationship with then thats good. I am not however telling them all the same story I am honest and tell them that I am talking to others and too be honest until I meet someone who I really have a chemistry with then I wont be chasing love etc. Had a bad time in my last relationship and I do not want to get caught in a rebound thing so I have to be 100% sure I am ready for anything other than friendship. The reason this has come to light is I am talking to two really nice guys, both seem interested and I enjoy talking to both..no plans to meet or anything yet but I told one lastnight that I talk to another and he seemed happy that I was honest about this but it just got me thinking :OS any advice on this will be well appreciated. xxxxxx | |
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/10/2008 3:26:28 AM | | I would feel guilty too if I was talking to more than one person and speculating that something might lead on from one or the other. Different people have different ideas of what is right and good and honest and what is not. Just stay true to your own ideas: your integrity is not worth sacrificing for the sake of what others would like to feel justified in doing. Many people do regard your behaviour as normal but if you feel wrong about it, it probably is wrong in terms of your personal moral code and you should feel okay about upholding your own personal moral code even if other people say it's daft. | |
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/10/2008 3:55:34 AM | Applecandy-
Be true to thyself! If it bother's you-it's for a reason. I talk to people all the time-online and off, and the manfriend is aware of it because I do not hide anything from him. While, I too, am here for friends and the forums, I've never found talking to anyone an issue, because quite frankly I'm not seeking out any romantic partners. Being honest with your intentions is always paramount.
Now-if I started talking to someone who spiked my interest beyond the realm of friendship and I didn't disclose those facts to the manfriend-I would feel guilty. That for me, would be the difference. Perhaps it's feeling you like both men and you do not want to hurt either in the instance you decide you have stronger feelings ( if you will) for one than the other-who would know better than yourself.
JMHO for what they are worth- | |
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/10/2008 3:57:01 AM | | Sadly, this has never been a problem for me. Its more about wondering how many emails she has to sift through before coming to mine, and will she even be interested anymore by then. | |
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/10/2008 4:02:08 AM | You have a good heart and the right person will actually see that immediately, hense the guys comment back to you.
It's endearing.
You will do what you want when you are ready.
Never feel guilty over something that is your nature, something that you feel strong about because you are you, and if you can't be you, then the right person is not going to find you.
Always be true to yourself as others have stated.
It's okay to fear, take your time, get past emotional issues, time is on your side sweet.
And remember, it's your life, live it for you, then incorporate others as you feel comfortable. | |
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/10/2008 5:09:00 AM | Applecandy
It's good to be honest--you're showing the 2 men that you're a grown lady who doesn't play games. And since all you're doing is talking and making friends, it shouldn't be an issue. But I think you feel guilty because you might like one guy more than the other? Just a thought.
Take your time with all of it--as you said you want to make sure that the next person is right for you and that's very commendable! If more people would do that relationships might last longer and be stronger.
Stay happy! | |
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/10/2008 5:14:51 AM | If you are a monogamous person, it can feel weird to talk to more than one person when there is a bit of a spark in the interest department but for me, I want to try to make sure that I am compatible with someone before I invest anymore than casual dating. One of the ways you do that is by talking to and/or dating several people. As long as you are above board, try not to worry about it. If they don't get it or like it, they are probably too inflexible to invite into your life, potential insecurity issues, yada, yada.
My profile says long-term because that is ultimately what I am looking for but I also added in the text of the profile a few months back that right now, I am in dating mode. As you noted in your post, I am available and happy to explore that if things seem to be gelling with any particular individual but until I find that sort of connection, I am talking to and/or dating more than one person. And for the confused, dating does not mean sleeping with anyone, duh.
When I met the man I had a relationship with for 9 months two years ago, I was in dating mode. He knew I talked to guys with the intention that things might go somewhere and he even knew when I went on a date. He had two things going for him, he figured that most of the guys were boneheads and not particularly enthralling competition and he also felt that if things started going somewhere with us, the other guys would just sort of disappear. He was right and it sounds like maybe that nice man is thinking along those same lines.
I just looked at your profile, with average life expectancy, you have at least another 40-50 years on the planet, don't allow anyone to rush you because you have a lot of time to find the right one and still have a lot of time to be with that guy ;) | |
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/10/2008 5:15:46 AM |
Does anyone feel guilty when you are talking to more than one person who you know are interested in getting to know you etc??? .....Nope.
If I was looking to find someone compatible then why would I put all of my eggs in the one basket?
The only way your really going to get to know someone is by talking to them. Just by talking you can discover a lot about a person.....Are they the jealous type? Are they possessive? Controlling maybe? You won't know until you get to learn more about them. | |
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/10/2008 5:35:08 AM | I dont think you are doing anything wrong unless you are sleeping with them all!!! The guys you talk to are probably chatting to others too. It only needs to become exclusive when you enter into a relationship. If you then continue chatting well thats something you and your partner could discuss, it will take trust etc.
I am chatting to quite a few. If I meet someone special then I will delete my profile and probably expect him to do the same. In the meantime Im making some good friends. I dont feel guilty! | |
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/10/2008 7:36:06 AM |
Does anyone feel guilty when you are talking to more than one person who you know are interested in getting to know you etc???
When that happens I'll tell you. Until then I'll just live with my "Read Deleted" :P | |
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/10/2008 8:03:15 AM | When I first started the online dating thing, I did feel guilty, and would only write with one getting to know him, because I'm naturally a one man kind of gal. But after a few of emailing, and NOT hitting it off when we met, and realizing how much time that took, I changed my mind.
The important thing is to try and meet sooner than later!
Trust me, most guys do it as well, and it's no big deal. Of course, when I did hit it off with someone after meeting and knowing it was something special, I ended all 'dating penpals' | |
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/10/2008 8:06:28 AM |
I do feel guilty but I am not really sure why, as I am on here to make friends...
Had a bad time in my last relationship and I do not want to get caught in a rebound thing so I have to be 100% sure I am ready for anything other than friendship....
Why not just look for female friends if it's only friends you're looking for? Sounds like you are looking to have your cake and to eat it too.
The guys you are talking to are interested in you, as in MORE that just friends. Any guy 'friends' you make will want to have sex with you and you know that. In in knowing that you'll just be messing with those two and any others you 'meet' here.
In talking to those guys, why not say this just to clear the air: " I have absolutely NO interest in you as a lover. You and I will NEVER, EVER, EVER under any circumstances EVER have sex. We will ONLY EVER be friends. "
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/10/2008 8:09:11 AM | | I heard a rumor (and nothing else) that eHarmony would soon start a mandatory feature that indicated whether or not the person with whom you were corresponding was also in contact with other people on the site at that time. I hope that doesn't happen there or anywhere else; it will only be one more reason people will click to the next profile. | |
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/10/2008 8:11:17 AM | | I openly chat with different men right now since I am only interested in friendship. If one were to come along that I was interested in persuing or getting to know more, than the other new friends would be informed of that decision and would be kept at bay as chat friends and nothing more. Chances are rare that you will find your ideal match or partner on your first date or meeting of someone new...so why not keep options open until you meet someone you think is your match? As long as you are open and honest about your intentions, I see no harm in this. | |
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/10/2008 8:20:46 AM |
When that happens I'll tell you. Until then I'll just live with my "Read Deleted" :P
lol, hang on in there buddy,
Do you Feel Guilty ??
nahhh, why would you , sure at work or at home , dont you talk to other people , weather your in or out of a relationship.
thats what your talking about, " talking".
If you were talking about sex with other people , you'd naturally feel guilty , but what have you to feel guilty about when you talk to more than one person online. | |
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/10/2008 8:20:58 AM | You shouldn't feel guilty. That is of course if you're not lying and you are being truthful to yourself and the people you are talking to. What that means is that when you are dating, when you have not had the exclusive talk with anyone, there's nothing wrong in talking to other people. There's nothing wrong with going out and dating such people. There's nothing wrong either with sleeping with them, as long as you are being clear about it.
I do know a lot of women that pursue only one man at the time. But with that said, what that means is that they still talk to guys, but will only sleep with one at the time. So be honest with yourself, and honest to others and you will never have to feel guilty about anything. | |
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/10/2008 8:36:47 AM | | I do feel the same way you do. If I am talking to more than one person that shows interest and I am interested in return, I tell them. I have never dated multiple people at once. It just seems like I would be too busy with more than one and wouldnt give someone the time and attention they deserve. What happens if I am so busy that I overlook a really great guy? I think as long as a person is upfront about everything, it is fine. | |
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/10/2008 8:43:09 AM |
Had a bad time in my last relationship and I do not want to get caught in a rebound thing so I have to be 100% sure I am ready for anything other than friendship.
I understand this completely OP, and as long as you are honest with any guys you are talking too or seeing, thats all you can do. When the time and person is right, you will know it. | |
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/10/2008 10:01:40 AM | [quote[any advice on this will be well appreciated.
Only talk to me?
Seriously, I gave up talking to ANY women at all except through the forums, so I don't have that whole "guilt" thing going on (well, I like to think of it as giving up, but its more of they won't respond to me anyway.) | |
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/10/2008 10:11:12 AM | | I have no idea why I would feel guilty, unless I'm in an exclusive relationship how many people I date or how many friends I have are nobody's business but my own. Thus I no longer date men who are insecure, controlling or ridiculous. | |
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/10/2008 10:26:16 AM | | I know where you are coming from. Jus be honest,, let them know you talk to others, so you dont lead them on. I just had an experience with a guy from this site we chatted/talked went out really hit it off connection was there and everything. We had a talk about chatting with other people I was honest with him and told I was still talking to someone I knew before him and I started talking (nothing there but friendship, same occupation). He told me he didnt talk to anyone else since we started talking. Well a couple days later I found out he was messaging other females to chat. Now I dont have a problem if he wanted to chat with others the problem was he lied and usually if you lie your hiding something. Moral of this story always be honest and you did the right thing. | |
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/10/2008 11:31:16 AM | The assumption I have is that all of those I am corresponding with, are all doing the same thing... so I don't think I have thought about feeling guilty yet.
It seems this site is like window shopping to most... 
People look, they try, maybe test it out a bit... then if it doesn't work they move on... Maybe the next window looks more enticing...
If I find a serious relationship out there, then I would delete my profile... until then I will continue with the status quo | |
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/10/2008 1:50:06 PM | | Capitano!!!!!!!!!!!! Your wrong about me, your welcome to your opinions but you are wrong. Thankyou everyone for your advice, I am honest with myself and other people xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx | |
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/10/2008 2:42:38 PM | Funny pattern. All the guys responses: We've never had this problem. All the ladies: Oh, yeah, I do it all the time.
And then you wonder why guys are so doggone cynical?!?! What a "chore" it must be to come onto a website and have dozens of interested people wanting to talk to you all at the same time. Gimme a break.
Im going to go back and count my "Unread-Deleteds" now. lol | |
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