| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/10/2008 8:28:12 AM | | I see tons of threads about what the other person did wrong, but rarely see people take responsibility for their own mistakes. So what things did you do wrong, what mistakes did you make, etc? And how will you prevent yourself from doing it in your next relationship? | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/10/2008 8:35:00 AM | So what things did you do wrong, what mistakes did you make, etc?
Became complacent, entitled and eveutually resentful. Oh, yeah, and I allowed myself to be a doormat. Bad, bad bad....
And how will you prevent yourself from doing it in your next relationship?
Not live with a woman again.
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/10/2008 8:37:25 AM |
So what things did you do wrong
I didn't communicate well, but neither did she.
I didn't follow my gut instinct. BIG mistake.
what mistakes did you make
I trusted her. Even BIGGER mistake lol. | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/10/2008 8:38:31 AM | Sticking it out for another 9 years when I knew it wasn't going to get better.
But, you do what you do for the best reasons at the time. 
Pay closer attention to signs, and work on them sooner before the relationship becomes critical. If he's not willing to work on it, then don't waste time. | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/10/2008 8:39:25 AM | I said "I do."
Okay.... I was just being silly....
Like Carolann, I stayed too long.... and much like BlueEyed, I did not follow my instincts. You're right BEBM.... BIG mistake.
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/10/2008 8:40:42 AM | | Ignored the big red flag. She and her closest family members think Obama is the messiah. I didn't drink the Kool-Aid so I know he's nothing more than a slick, lying, incompetent socialist from the dirtiest land of left-wing politics, Chicago. | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/10/2008 8:47:04 AM | Good post. Not that people like to air thier own dirty laundry, but I think honest introspection is essential - especially if we hope to not repeat past mistakes. I'll get the ball rolling...
First, I ignored 'red flags' - early on, I became aware that my ex was lying about a multitude of things, and I literally talked myself out of dumping him. I decided at my age (30 at the time) I needed to be less 'picky' - so when I discovered his license had been revoked - and he'd been driving my car without telling me... I let it slide. . . I told myself 'nobody's perfect'. (A pattern to be repeated for 10+ years!)
As for my part - I let my the resentment deteriorate the relationship. . . for years I found myself thinking 'yeah right, like I'm gonna _____ (fill in the blank) for you!' Which is no way to live.
And last, I didn't leave soon enough. Looking back, it was over at least 5 years prior to our separation and divorce. You know when you tell yourself 'If the only way I can get out of this is when one of us dies, and I don't care which one of us it is. . .' you're past the point of no return.
The funny part is - as much as he fought leaving (although he'd been avoiding me for 2 years!) we are both SO much happier now! Even he has admitted it was the thing to do.
I'd like to add to the OPs question - What are you doing differently now?
1 - I weigh my flags . . . I'm even older now, and still try not to be picky - but if it were something I'd grow to resent - I'd have to move on
2 - I talk more, sooner and with better response. At the first sign of something getting off track, I speak up. The best part is my SO not only talks to me, and listens, he actually ACTS! It's true what they say, communication is the key!!
And last - as hard as it might seem, if all went to hell in a handbasket - I'd have to call it a day. I'm not saying I'd bail at the first bump in the road, but if I were chronically unhappy for more than 6 months, and nothing was getting better - I'd be 'gone daddy gone'!
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/10/2008 8:55:34 AM | hahaha. ok, I'll start:
the worst thing I ever did was cheat...
the most shamefull thing I ever did was ask the date to pay...
Well, I'll chime in behind you-
I did have an affair-it was by and large one of the worst things I've ever done but regardless of why it happened, I'm not going to make any excuses-it happened-Karma came back to bite me in my arse-I learned to forgive myself and move forward. I'd like to believe that I will NEVER do that again because the emotional cost to those hurt by MY actions was definitely not worth the momentary lapse of good judgement on my part.
I'm certainly not proud of what I did, and if I had a chance for a do-over I would have tried counseling first-if that didn't work than separate as amicably as possible before even entertaining bringing a third party into the mix. I've learned a hard life's lesson that once you break something priceless-it's almost near impossible to fix it after the damage is done. To add to it-my ex and I failed to listen to the other-we didn't communicate and it added to the problem.
The upside to it is-despite the fact we are no longer living as a married couple-we've been able to maintain a friendship and co-parent well. I am humbled by his ability to forgive my mistakes-not every man or woman could do that.
EDIT: The best way I could have prevented any of it was to accept that the marriage I had could not be fixed with a bandaid-and if it's NOT working and you know you can't fix it-walk away well before either party is hurt anymore than they already were-in other words, never stay in a relationship for all the wrong reasons-make sure you are in it for all the RIGHT ones. | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/10/2008 8:58:17 AM | Hmmm... I let her take advantage of me in a lot of ways. I never said no to her and got used. It is as simple as that. Whenever she'd say lets have a vacation or get away for the weekend, I'd point out this isn't the best time (cause she had no money, no job) and she'd say its the perfect time and I'd fold and end up having to pay for week long trips to California.
That's what I did wrong. Not having spine enough to stand up to her.
The last sraw was her wanting me to pay for a plane flight to see her friends for one of their college graduations. She had no money and was living off her mother's money. Her mother pulled the plug on the money.
So she asked me for a $350 plane ticket that flew out in 4 hours. I said no. Then she pulled the plug on our relationship and I saw it coming too. Each time I'd say no to her, she lost interest. She'd be out somewhere, spot something for $100 tell me she's light on cash, and want me to pay for it. If I said no... her interest dwindled a little. | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/10/2008 9:07:02 AM | I was way too soft hearted and forgiving and foolish enough to think he would eventually "grow up". I let his jealousy change me. So....I too stayed too long but all it took was him getting violent one time to help me walk away and never look back.
Next time......I will always be me. I refuse to change for anyone. I am who I am, Just me :) | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/10/2008 9:13:41 AM | I forgot to put the toilet seat down ... once!
Seriously, I had the PERFECT girlfriend, and that was a problem because she was TOO perfect. I never felt that I could live up to her standards of perfection (did I say perfect enough times). I broke it off with her and have regretted it to this day! | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/10/2008 9:13:52 AM | Last Relationship: Mistook Friendship for love. Friend since college said she had a crush on me. We hooked up, 6 weeks later... we got around to breaking up cuz we were too busy to break up earlier.
Relationship Before: Big Mistake, not hiding my diary/journal better. 'nuff said. | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/10/2008 9:19:55 AM | Good Post:
There have been a few, the last one was giving too much and not getting back in return...allowed him to take with out setting boundaries. I convinced myself I was helping him when I was just enabling his lifestyle and poor choices. | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/10/2008 9:20:54 AM | Very interesting thread.
I can think of a couple of things I did wrong in my last relationship.
1) Definitely guilty of staying too long. I knew I wasn't into it anymore but I stayed mainly because I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I shouldn't have been a chicken s h i t and just dealt with it earlier.
2) Letting insecurities and stubborness dictate how I dealt with certain matters in the relationship. Nobody's fault but my own. | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/10/2008 9:24:55 AM | I gave too much and got too little in return. And like others have said, ignored those darned red flags! They need to make the red flags larger and with neon lights around them so you can't miss 'em! | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/10/2008 9:26:17 AM | | well my most current relationship i was too trusting and fell for the first "Prince Charming" that acted like he cared but that was idiotc i let him have complete control and then lost myself.... but my ex-fiance well him and i were great we failed because before we got engaged it was a prety mutual relationship but i would sday he had more control and was very jealous and once we got engaged i kinda didnt care what he thought of me anymore like i had alot of guy friends an when he got upset i didnt take his feelings into consideration (granted he was no angel)the death of our relationship was mutual fault but we both wanted to blame eachother soo bad we cant even be friends which probably hurts the most because we were friends before we dated | |
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