| How many dates is enough?
Posted: 7/10/2008 6:13:34 PM | Imagine you meet somebody, have a good laugh (and nothing else), go home and forget about them and then months later you meet them again. Turns out they have been looking for you, and they ask you out on a date.
After you pick your mouth up off the floor, you think "What the heck...nothing to lose." So you agree.
A lovely time is had by all. Converstaion flows, laughs are easy....then he asks for a goodnight kiss. The thought of putting your lips on this person who has made it quite obvious they are attracted to you is kinda scary, cos there is nothing in you that wants to do this.
Obligatory peck.......thanks and I'll call you. And when he does, with another date in mind, you just don't know.
People are all different, so I expect there will be lots of different opinions on this.
How many dates would you go out for before you decided there really is no spark, and it's a shame cos you both get on well?
Would you call it 'shallow' to decide on nomore because you are not attracted physically?
And do you think that an attraction might grow? | |
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| How many dates is enough?
Posted: 7/10/2008 7:22:17 PM | How many times has this happened.... curly one bewitched.
Just be up front and honest with him tell him their is no spark but you would still like to be friends with him as you had such a nice time together.
"Shallow" no
And yes an attraction might grow if you spend more time together but is up to you if you saw something you could build on if not then no an attraction won't grow.
Don't go for looks ...... cause looks fade
Don't go for money ..... cause money dwindles
Go for someone who makes you smile ..... cause a smile can brighten your darkest day | |
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| How many dates is enough?
Posted: 7/10/2008 7:57:14 PM | | If you don't feel it you don't feel it...it is what it is. No amount of time is going to change things especially knowing he is attracted to you. Sure I hear of friends becoming lovers but its usually because both wanted to switch it up not because ONE did. When there is no expectations of intimacy (kissing, touching, sex) then things can just flow as friends but when one has it for you and you don't for them its simply uncomfortable. As you the poster has just described, he feels it you don't. | |
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| How many dates is enough?
Posted: 7/10/2008 9:13:30 PM | Hi Bewitched , I'm not really qualified to comment but have spoken to a friend recently who was put in a funny posi .
In brief she met a guy and nothing happened but then He rang Her for the next x weeks every night until she fell in love .
11 weeks later they were married and have been for more than 10 years with 3 kids .
Moral of the story is never say never as the attraction may grow [ as per last paragraph]
As for the good night kiss ? I'm finding it so difficult with woman at present and maybe it's an age thing but I seriously have no idea .
But when is it appropriate to even give a friend a hug or a kiss ? let alone someone u have been out on a date with ?
Communication and honesty must be the answer I suppose . Nah bugger it just give em a big smooche and apologise later .lol
cheers Gavin | |
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| How many dates is enough?
Posted: 7/10/2008 9:30:03 PM | the heart wants what the heart wants !! and your not into him..from what i can read.
your only leading him on otherwise, just do what punky brewster does "just say no"
or explain it would only be for company and not for anything else. | |
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| How many dates is enough?
Posted: 7/10/2008 10:41:34 PM | | you can only feel what you can feel - no matter how much you would like it to happen if it doesnt and y0u -pretend it can only end in disaster -- but on the other hand if you tell him he is awesome and you would like to remain friends you might just have won yourself a cool new friend !!!!! | |
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| How many dates is enough?
Posted: 7/11/2008 12:03:07 AM | i think that a good number of dates is about 2 chopped up pieces per mouthful otherwise more then that leads to a heavy stomach 
I tend to run for cover if i don't feel the same as the person i have dated because i feel uncomfortable if the person is making it too obvious. If the person is just interested then friendship is good.
I think the most important thing is to be straight because i think the worst thing is not knowing where you stand like if they perceive you to be giving mixed messages. If they know you don't want anything but friendship then that is far better on the other persons nerves and leads to less confusion and time wastage. All of this is much easier said then done though and it is never easy when one feels more then the other. | |
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| How many dates is enough?
Posted: 7/11/2008 12:53:55 AM | One is often too many........my advice, always wear something to a first date that goes with your running shoes. Never, ever wear high heels. You will break your ankles climbing out of the toilet window.
How do I know?.....................I just do! | |
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| How many dates is enough?
Posted: 7/11/2008 1:10:51 AM | | hilly thats why a nice walk is a good 1st date option......got the right shoes on and you can always duck behind a tree......if he is any sort of gentleman he will look the other way .......and you scarper!! lol | |
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| How many dates is enough?
Posted: 7/11/2008 1:51:07 AM | It's hard to say, if you listen to how people met, some couples were friends for ages before they 'clicked'. Others lock eyes across a crowded room and just know they were meant to be together?
Find it hard to see someone as just a friend when you know they have feelings for you that you just can't return.
If you meet someone as a 'mate' and that's how it stays then great but if one person is mooning over the other it can be just uncomfortable.
Myself, I don't want to waste anyone's time or hurt their feelings if I know right away that the X factor is missing then I know that probably nothing is going to change. | |
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| How many dates is enough?
Posted: 7/11/2008 3:39:00 AM | dont know the answer to this one but for me if it is not there just go for friends. you never know but it might come to something in time if you actualy got to know the person. if not it's another friend you didn't have earlier. | |
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| How many dates is enough?
Posted: 7/11/2008 3:42:58 AM | One date and if there's no spark........toodles.Always a problem if one has the spark and the other doesn't.Been told i can be blunt and tackless,if it was me i'd say its friends or nothing.
Not shallow,if your not attracted,i think we all know what attracts us physically and if its not there? will it ever be?
Reading your post girl,i don't think the attraction will ever grow.
I shared a house with a girl(yes it was a girl) once.She was attractive but she annoyed the sh1t out of me,really bugged me at times.She rearranged the lounge room once,put me up the other end of it.Told her i was too far away from the fridge to get my beers. She was a really good cook thou,gave unreal foot massages and was always trying to get me drunk to take advantage of me,yeah like that would ever work,well it did actually.Sometimes attraction does grow,there has to be something there first. | |
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| How many dates is enough?
Posted: 7/11/2008 3:55:55 AM | bewitched66 ,
First date you know! Yay or nay!
I believe you owe it to yourself & them not to be misleading.
If it's not there, it's not there!
I have a friend who tells me otherwise.
My belief................ No matter how kind, funny,or intelligent they are............... if you don't want to bonk, maul or pash them on the first date ............... it's not going to happen.
I want to be friends, interested & challenged by my partner, but if you don't want rip his clothes off , too see him naked on the first date ................. it's probably never going to happen!
I know passion doesn't last forever. I do think it needs to be there intially though. | |
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| How many dates is enough?
Posted: 7/11/2008 4:15:53 AM | Don't listen to any of these people, they're all single and can't figure out why
Just go with your gut instinct, best to be nice and blunt, "F*** off" sometimes works, but I guess just say "You're gay", whatever the method, it's best to say no now and save the both of you trouble in the long run.
Cheers, | |
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| How many dates is enough?
Posted: 7/11/2008 4:36:35 AM | I get the impression you're concern is partly due to you and he being at rather different stages . . he's attracted and you're luke warm at best. I think you need to have a discussion about this part, what ever else happens.
But if the spark isn't there, then . . hey it isn't. There's nothing shallow about that.
Maybe something could grow from the friendship, but that's the point . . you have to establish that friendship is what you currently have.
Me 2 cents worth.
After you pick your mouth up off the floor . . .
. . .
Obligatory peck.......
Being the lady that you are, I presume you gave your mouth a quick wipe between these two events, yeah. | |
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| How many dates is enough?
Posted: 7/11/2008 5:14:49 AM | Ok.......say you had your heart set on a piece of jewelery, but the piece you really want isn't available for some time.........do you settle for something else kinda like it because it might grow on you ? ( probably not )
Bewitched....i don't imagine that your desperate, so........why settle for a guy on the off chance he might grow on you.
Just like the jewelery.......there's no obligation on your part to accept what's in front of you.......just because it's there.......wait for what you really want.
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| How many dates is enough?
Posted: 7/11/2008 5:49:37 AM | Oh dear Missmilly , your not backward in coming forward .
Sometimes love turns to lust but lust doesn't always rule our hearts initially but then again I'm an old phart and don't think like u youngsters anymore .lol
As a youngster my girlfriend chased me for a year and it was only when she stopped that I fell in love with her , then when the lust set in she went walkabout .grrrrrrrr
cheers Gavin | |
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| How many dates is enough?
Posted: 7/11/2008 6:08:20 AM |
Just like the jewelery.......there's no obligation on your part to accept what's in front of you.......just because it's there.......wait for what you really want.
Or maybe you could buy it, wear it till you find the piece you like, then take it back for a refund.
Honestly I think it depends....generally one is probably enough, but sometimes a second one is a good idea because one or both of you may have been too nervous to see the 'spark'.
But if the conversation is flowing and you're enjoying yourselves but there's no spark then it's probably just friendship.
Make sure you're really clear with him, as to what you want if you want friendship. | |
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| How many dates is enough?
Posted: 7/11/2008 6:19:28 AM | Bewitched...great to see you back hon.....hope you are well and you too MissMilly
So....um...whats a date ?????????????????????
Oh no not the message is too short ..........message again..!!! GGGrrrr | |
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| How many dates is enough?
Posted: 7/11/2008 10:18:37 AM | Not sure if I would compare it with an object.
If you put it that way and call it a piece of jewellery you had your heart set on, then maybe when we can get that piece easily then we think "if I can get that piece so easily then I could get a bigger and better piece as well"
If you are not ready you are not ready and no one could make you happy even your dream man/woman. | |
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| How many dates is enough?
Posted: 7/11/2008 7:42:02 PM | My 2 cents worth bwt66
2 stories in 1 post...
I know a girl who i'm keen on, she 's a good friend and we always have a blast when we're out on the town or just taking it easy. We get on very well and we've had a few pashes...she's quite a bit younger than me and she said i'm too old for her.........thats ok, so one time i said straight up to her that "you know how i feel about you, but you're not going to go out with me, i'm cool with that and i won't be thinking theres anything 'more' or reason for me to think you'll change your mind...
We're mates/friends and thats that...
We still had a pash a few weeks after that and then we had a laugh about it the next day, i apologised and she just laughed...
Still good mates and i really enjoy her company. I count her as a good friend.
Point to this novel is that, there's no harm in stating up front your intentions or lack of them...
Next story, same girl met a guy who she had met a few months ago. She hadn't thought about him, but he asked her on a date. Date 1 was not great, my friend called me and she said basically he did most things wrong, didn't talk except about his previous girlfriend, not much to say, night dragged on...........couldn't wait for it to finish...........BUT she decided to give him another go when he asked for another date...........they hit it off, good times and now they're in the early stages of going out..........
Point 2, i don't think there's anything to lose going out a couple of times, unless they're complete loony tunes...
Bu then what do i know?? 1 date would be good
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Naamah
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Joined: 11/22/2007
Msg: 24 | |
| How many dates is enough?
Posted: 7/11/2008 8:19:58 PM | Over the course of my life I've gone out with guys where I've known from day 1 that I wanted to go out with them, and also with guys who I took longer to see in that particular way. The ones that took a bit longer to evolve have usually been someone I've had contact with in the natural course of my life in some way (through work or whatever) and these things have had the chance to unfold naturally from a friendship without any dating mindset in the lead up. But when it's someone you've come across on a dating site, or just someone who asks you out on a date first up, then you probably go to meet with the expectation of deciding whether or not you want to go out with them. So it probably does tend to have less chance of being given the time to unfold naturally (if indeed it was going to) and you do tend to have a mindset of deciding then and there.
Just with this bit...
//...with another date in mind, you just don't know
...a few people have said that you'd know if it was a 'yes' after one date, and that's true sometimes. But then I reckon you'd also know if it was a definite 'no' after one date. So if it's neither a definite yes or no, but is a "just don't know" feeling, then maybe it warrants another catch up until the pendulum clearly swings in either direction?
Good to see you back Bewitched. | |
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