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 Lindseeeey
Joined: 9/1/2007
Msg: 1
Advice for a tomboy/girl?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Well, I think it's time I've accepted that I'm a tomgirl, through and through. I'm also pretty sure it's why I'm single.

I grew up in the country, I work on a farm, and I'm taking welding in school.. I'm constantly just friends with guys, and when I do like a guy they never see it coming. I don't think I'm completely butch but for some reason I always get automatically lumped into the friend's section. How the hell do I make people see me as a girl? And a date-able one?
 shieldvulf
Joined: 10/30/2006
Msg: 2
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Advice for a tomboy/girl?
Posted: 7/10/2008 10:50:16 PM
You look cute as pie to me, OPie. You don't say why you think it is you don't get asked, but from what I hear, lots of attractive girls stay home changing batteries on Saturday night.

I would wonder where you go to meet people, for one thing. Bars are the worst unless you're just horny. And whether you start any conversations, and how you converse. The best advice on that score I can give you is to ask a person about him/herself and then listen. People who listen are generally thought to be fascinating.

When you see a guy you fancy, how do you let him know? How do you signal your receptiveness? Eye contact and a little smile should usually do the trick. If they don't, you can always walk up to him and say, "Do you know that guy over there? I think he's following me," or something else that gives him a readymade reply.

What? Did you think it was about makeup and hairstyles? Women do that stuff for other women. Attention attracts men.

Cheeers!

Vulf
 Peej
Joined: 4/11/2007
Msg: 3
Advice for a tomboy/girl?
Posted: 7/10/2008 11:03:10 PM
Really? Most guys I know would have crushes on you. You're pretty, (actually, smoking hot), not a high maintenace gurl, and can take care of herself. I'm not sure wht the problem is, but rest assured it's not you.
I'm not quite sure how gals show a guy she's interested, but I think, like the previous poster said, a smile and a bit of a flirt should grab any straight guy's attention.
 moonflwrs
Joined: 9/30/2005
Msg: 4
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Advice for a tomboy/girl?
Posted: 7/10/2008 11:19:41 PM
I think it's more a sign of the times than the fact that you're a tomboy. It's just hard to meet the opposite sex these days. I wouldn't try to change anything, you're cute and the right guy will come along eventually that will love that you're not too high maintenance and can weld the hitch on the back of their truck ~ and still be cute while doing it!
 SVmoto
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 5
Advice for a tomboy/girl?
Posted: 7/10/2008 11:23:53 PM
Problem? Where?!?!

Will you marry me?

Your "problem" is that when you mention your abilities and schooling, your boyfriends realize that you know more about "guy stuff" than they do. Girls just aren't supposed to know how to sharpen a TIG tungsten or complete an X-ray quality triple pass overhead V-groove. They're supposed to know how to sew, knit and clean house. It's a social stigma, which follows both men and women.

Most people, both men and women, grow up in sheltered suburbia. What happens on a farm and the practical problem-solving associated with running a farm is waaay over their heads. Also, very few people in this country work with their hands these days. Society has pushed the college/white collar "lifestyle" down every child's throat by the time they're 15. As a result, there's a full generation out there than doesn't know which end of a lightbulb screws into the socket or how to change the oil on their car. You would intimidate every one of them the moment you opened your mouth.

I believe that working with your hands is next to godliness. It is a passion and a rare gift. Some people find that their gift allows them to make great pottery, others find that tool and die design is how they think. Whatever it is, NEVER compromise, NEVER accept anything less than your personal best and NEVER think of your gift as a hinderance.

You're perfectly dateable and very pretty if I may say so. You just haven't found the right guy yet. I would be on the lookout for a craftsman, confident in himself and the quality of his work. A true craftsman will respect and understand the work of others, which they are incapable of doing, without feeling undergunned. A true craftsman creates for the joy creation brings, not for monetary reward, social status, or fame.

When you find the right guy it will be obvious.
 zopz
Joined: 1/3/2008
Msg: 6
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Advice for a tomboy/girl?
Posted: 7/10/2008 11:34:42 PM
I think it's more a sign of the times than the fact that you're a tomboy. It's just hard to meet the opposite sex these days.


I would really tend to agree with this.

As far as the tomboy thing being a problem, I, personally, find that a very attractive quality. Not outright being like a total guy, there's a tad difference there. Which I don't think that would be the problem at all. Not that I know you personally, but you don't seem like you would cross that line into guyhood.
 imsophie1
Joined: 4/12/2008
Msg: 7
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Advice for a tomboy/girl?
Posted: 7/11/2008 3:50:06 AM
Dating when you're a tomboy doesn't get any easier as you get older either!

Men I've talked to in my age bracket seem to prefer a woman who likes to get dressed up and go out. That's not me. Never has been. I'm not a girly girl. I like getting dirty and am most comfortable in jeans, T-shirt, and boots. I'd rather clean the barn or go to a drag race than go out for dinner. I hate fussing with hair and makeup. I'm not materialistic. I don't like shopping. I see no reason to have a closet full of shoes and fancy clothes.

I've been this way my entire life, which is probably why I have so little experience with men. I've had 3 serious relationships in my 50 years; the last relationship was 23 years. With my tomboy tendencies and my lack of experience, I'm practically non-existent.
 wynd1
Joined: 11/25/2005
Msg: 8
Advice for a tomboy/girl?
Posted: 7/11/2008 4:55:57 AM
I have all those same issues. I just can't be a girly girl. I make great friends with guys and get along with them far better than I do with women. Men see me as a source of information about their gf or dating troubles but never see me as a date!!
 veloise
Joined: 1/24/2008
Msg: 9
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Advice for a tomboy/girl?
Posted: 7/11/2008 5:00:54 AM
OP, you're only 21; give it time. I just looked up the population in your locale, and it's not like you have to settle for the farmer's son next door.

The modern woman needs practical skills, and it's great to have career choices beyond teacher-librarian-nurse. Others suggested looking beyond the tavern walls. I'd recommend the traditional music scene, where the fellows are more interested in character than a perfect manicure. (Contra, Irish, fiddle music searches turned up local opportunities.)

HTH
 Paumanok
Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 10
Advice for a tomboy/girl?
Posted: 7/11/2008 5:52:12 AM
If you are uneasy being girly and you start feeling girly when you get oogly over some boy, then your uneasiness is going to provoke you into avoiding flirtation, and so you would not be sending out the kinds of signals guys take as sexual interest.

Some men will be very direct in approach women regardless of what the woman is doing. But most men look for some sign of invitation, and seeing none they will not approach her for romance. Men don't think of this consciously, it goes by feel. The reason why there are standard sexiness things, like make-up, sexy clothes, and saxophone music, is not because those things are sexy by themselves, but because they have become reliable signals that it's time to be sexual. If a man sees a woman all done up girly sexy he is not turned on by the adornment, he is encouraged by the signal that she is in heat, in a manner of speaking.

Tomboys do not typically develop their girly sexual signal skill set. Men read them as sisters, not as sexy love bunnies. But, if you are a tomboy and also send out your sexy signals, that's about the best there is because you are both a sexy woman and someone guys can relate to. That is harder to find than Big Foot (although hopefully the search would be for different reasons).
 neondove
Joined: 12/6/2007
Msg: 11
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Advice for a tomboy/girl?
Posted: 7/11/2008 9:31:58 AM
Well if you act like a guy prepare to be treated like one of the guys. I like to hang out with my buddies not date them.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 12
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Advice for a tomboy/girl?
Posted: 7/11/2008 9:36:32 AM
Geez, if I found a woman like you livin' nearby, I'd beat her to the asking out stage

You're attractive, OP. I suspect the guys you are meeting, are either afraid they can't impress you, which could offset them...or took up their pursuits b/c they are inherently shy, and that's why they don't imagine you're interested in them.

But, maybe you're more butch than you realize, who knows? Check out the body language of other women. For instance, when you sit down, do you invade more space than they do? And so on. Its possible to be a tomboy and yet have a ladylike presence. You just avoid being high maintanance, that's all :)
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 13
Advice for a tomboy/girl?
Posted: 7/11/2008 10:30:19 AM
Butch? Im not seeing butch in any of your pics. You have pretty hair and a great smile. When I hear "Butch" I think of a chick with a crew cut who scowls a lot, lol.

I just dont see how any of what u posted would make a guy NOT date you.
 pretty moon
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 14
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Advice for a tomboy/girl?
Posted: 7/11/2008 10:42:13 AM
You seem pretty darm feminine to me And cute as a button to boot.

I think part of the problem may be they are intimidated by your expertise in doing the guy things.

I'm older now (no kidding) but, had the same problem. I can work on a car and handle power tools better than most men.It came from my prefernce to hang with the guys as a teen........I hated cattiness and gossip. In fact, after my husband died I built my own house.
Dont hide who you are,but when your with the guys dont EVER tell them you know a better way to do something. You suggest!!!!!! Like "hey, I was just thinking.etc etc etc then you dont appear smarter and they dont start thinking your a smartass. And just becasue your a tomboy dont be afraid to let that feminine side out.

You are a sweetheart and should not have a problem. Start going other place to meet different men.

GOOD LUCK
 friendonfire
Joined: 8/27/2005
Msg: 15
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Advice for a tomboy/girl?
Posted: 7/11/2008 10:47:37 AM
You are fine just as you are. In fact, it could work to your advantage as I can see you being more upfront and real with interaction/breaking the ice with guys where many girly girls may be more subtle in their flirting which guys don't always get! Just be open, friendly -smile when you see a guy you like -maybe guys see you as a friend because they think you a capable and don't need them-so being a wee bit helpless/such as asking a guy about something he can teach you-makes a man feel like a man!
 veloise
Joined: 1/24/2008
Msg: 16
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Advice for a tomboy/girl?
Posted: 7/11/2008 10:47:37 AM
Hey, OP, it just dawned on me...ain't no dudes who could pull the "gee, we ran out gas" nonsense over on you!

While you're taking welding classes, look around for other special interest training...wood shop? Engine repair? Can't hurt to spend more time around the fellas.

HTH
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 17
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Advice for a tomboy/girl?
Posted: 7/11/2008 10:52:42 AM
From what I looked at, SVmoto gave you one of the best answers.

Most men your age want to get laid and they want a piece of arm candy that is helpless so that they can feel like a man without having to work too hard. Many young men also lack self-confidence no matter how they come off so a girl that knows more than they, um no, they are going to take a pass.

You can either change, hide what you know and act more girly around guys or continue being who you are until you find a man that doesn't have his head up his rear. Guys don't get that even though you can do something yourself, it is nice sometimes to have someone to do it for you, etc. And most men don't recognize that helpless isn't cute until they have had to carry the dead weight through a marriage or relationship.

You are a beautiful young lady and I hope you just continue being who you are.
 dogs rule
Joined: 10/12/2007
Msg: 18
Advice for a tomboy/girl?
Posted: 7/11/2008 11:53:50 AM
Its just the stupid guys you interested in OP. From your pics, most guys would love to date you. Maybe you going for the prissy guys that don't like doing real guy stuff. It seems more women hate dressing like women these days so I don't think its the tomboy issue. I would love to find a woman that knows about guy stuff, she could help me run my business as it is a manual labor job.
Give me a country girl any day, I would rather live in the country any way. Have you ever seen Daisy Duke? She could weld, fix a car and shoot better than most guys. I don't think she had a problem meeting guys, even if she would have been a real person. Maybe your acting to much like a friend instead of a date-able female. Next time the mood strikes, grab a guy and kiss him, she what he does then. I could tell you, I wouldn't resist, and I would see you a whole other way.
 Paumanok
Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 19
Advice for a tomboy/girl?
Posted: 7/11/2008 12:21:41 PM

Most men your age want to get laid and they want a piece of arm candy that is helpless so that they can feel like a man without having to work too hard. Many young men also lack self-confidence no matter how they come off so a girl that knows more than they, um no, they are going to take a pass.
No way. That is not at all how "most" men are. Where do you chickies get your info?
 AAuroraAA
Joined: 8/18/2007
Msg: 20
Advice for a tomboy/girl?
Posted: 7/11/2008 12:35:41 PM
That has been a problem for me all of my life!!! I was a horticulturist as a very young woman & then I was a stagehand for over 20 years. I used to be able to overhead lift more than some of the fellas. LoL I've always just been one of the guys, my entire life. I'm 52 now & if I ever figure it out...I'll be sure to post it someplace publicly.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 21
Advice for a tomboy/girl?
Posted: 7/11/2008 12:49:34 PM
Cut your hair spiky short. Don't wear any more make up. Get some semi baggy clothes and wear no skirts. Start wearing men's boxers and let them show over your pants. Start slouching a little and when you laugh, snort a little.

There, now you're really butch.
 Gators
Joined: 3/25/2007
Msg: 22
Advice for a tomboy/girl?
Posted: 7/11/2008 1:22:28 PM
op .. If you find a guy you like and start out as friends before you jump his bones ..that all the better for the whole situation . I don't think a guy that can see would mind having you as a GF.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 23
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Advice for a tomboy/girl?
Posted: 7/11/2008 2:33:26 PM

No way. That is not at all how "most" men are. Where do you chickies get your info?


The girl is 21 and I think most people agree that many men in this age group are chasing tail and also I said "young" men in reference to not wanting a woman around that knows more than he does and one that obviously does not need taking care of.

The qualifiers are assuming that the OP is hanging with guys probably between 20 and 25. I have talked to numerous men that married or were in long term relationships with women that were helpless and cute and found that helpless and cute is not all it was cracked up to be, but in their early 20s it was appealing because they required taking care of.

Most men over 30 or perhaps 35 are comfortable in their own skin and much more accepting of a wider range of traits in women that whether they were aware of it or not, they were not attracted to when they were younger. One of my friends married a woman who acted like she couldn't pick out clothes for herself but at the time she was petite and her helplessness endearing. 15 years later, not so much. Remember, we are talking about the guys the OP is dating.
 VivaLAmore
Joined: 12/26/2006
Msg: 24
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Advice for a tomboy/girl?
Posted: 7/11/2008 2:46:22 PM
Well, from one tomboy to another... I did not really learn to attract men until my upper 30s, and then wow, what a surprise that was! Not because I was not pretty (looking back, I was drop dead gorgeous), but because I was not aware of it. Poor self-image. As is customary in my culture, nobody complimented me on my looks; and when they did, I did not believe them. You look drop dead gorgeous, too! Do you FEEL beautiful? Work on your self-image, learn to flirt... practice making eyes and all... it's all in your head. You'd be surprised how many people find tomboys totally sexy. My profile screams tomboy, and I've got what, 160 favs? There is life for tomboys!

 cedge
Joined: 4/11/2008
Msg: 25
Advice for a tomboy/girl?
Posted: 7/11/2008 3:00:30 PM
Lindseeeey - Seems to me like you would be a real "catch" on this site. Every guys profile I read says that they want a "fit", "athletic", and fun girl to do things with. You seem like a real cute gal and so I am sure in time you will find your perfect match.....not sure it will be here, but give it time.....he is out there for you somewhere.....good luck.
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