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 maxisteel
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 1
Why am I jealous?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Met a great woman on here a few months ago. We have been inseperable since. We have a monogomous relationship now and both feel strongly for each other.

We are both cool with having friends of the opposite sex. Issue is, she has a close friend that she was intimate with at one time.

I dont have a problem with this. Except for the fact that she refuses to introduce me to him. She says she has no feelings, but he loves her, does not want to hear about me at all.

The go to ballgames, dinner, drinks. I believe that is it.

I am jealous. I feel she is keeping him in the scene in case things dont work out with us. The fact that she will not introduce me is also a warning sign.

Watcha think?
 applecandy
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 2
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Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/11/2008 11:01:36 AM
Deary me it does seem a little awkward hunni, not really sure what to say to you except, things may not be as they seem!! You will need to sit down with her and explain this is causing you a little stress. She should let you both meet eachother if there is nothing going on with them then I cant see what the problem is and why she wont introduce you both. If he is uncomfortable with you then thats his tougth luck if you are her future then she should put your feelings first. xx
 jnh456
Joined: 10/11/2007
Msg: 3
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Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/11/2008 11:01:41 AM
I think if they have been intimate, they are still holding on to them, just in case. I will not put up with anymore crap like this again. No more putting up with ex's, or any other kind of that crap. Jealousy I think sometimes is an indication of what that person is really like.
 sweet_n_heart
Joined: 1/31/2007
Msg: 4
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/11/2008 11:06:47 AM
She won't introduce you to someone she was intimate with in the past... that's for sure a Red flag... It would make me think something is going on, more then she's telling. If nothing is seriously going on, then why not introduce? If this guy loves her still, then honestly shouldn't be spending time with him period cause never know she may give in and do you wrong. Maybe she is keeping him around just in case you to don't work out because she knows he loves her and since loves her she knows he wants to be with her if she let him.

I would have a long talk with her about this, expressing your feelings, concerns and well the impression it's give you... depending how that goes on if you should stay or cut your loses and move on.
 CCsMom
Joined: 4/9/2008
Msg: 5
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Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/11/2008 11:07:09 AM
If he still loves her, she shouldnt be going out with him alone. Talking on the phone is one thing, but going out with him alone only leads the other guy on. (Which she might enjoy) And it is SO WRONG of her not to introduce you. If she wants to hang out with him, the only way that would be okay is if you went with her, to show you (and him) there's nothing going on and to respect the "monogamous" relationship you supposedly have. You have every right to be PO'd and jealous if she's trying to hide him from you. I suggest you two discuss the ground rules of a monogamous relationship and come to a compromise thats fair to both of you. If she's not willing to do that, she wont ever put your needs in front of hers.
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 6
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Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/11/2008 11:08:56 AM
OP.....
1) Read through the thread What Makes Men Jealous in this same forum. It is 8 pages, but there are a lot of different perspectives which you may gain some insight from.

2) IMO, the way you mention she won't introduce the two of you....actually tells you HIS opinion of YOU, considers his feeling more than yours, etc. sounds to me like she is playing games. Is she an insecure person? Is she thriving on this competition for her and her affections? Just some questions.

3) Why do you have a profile here stating you are seeking a long term relationship? Are you also just playing around until something 'better' comes along??



~ds~
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 7
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Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/11/2008 11:14:04 AM
A few months ago? How long is that? I don't think a few months is enough time to be so involved with someone, but if you are involved to the point of being exclusive, then you should already know her friends and family and she yours, if not, then it sounds a lot more like playing at a relationship than really being in one. If you want to keep dating her, then I'd keep it casual like she's treating you, if this is not the kind of relationship you want, then forget her and do something about yourself as in moving on and not getting involved with women who do not treat you respectfully.
 H2OLuvCoco
Joined: 6/2/2006
Msg: 8
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Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/11/2008 11:22:27 AM
I don't think your feelings are unwarranted.

1) this is a man that your current serious relationship has been physically intimate with

2) she refuses to introduce you to this person.

SOMETHING IS OFF HERE. sounds to me like your instincts are RIGHT ON.
(in my NOT SO humble opinion)

coco
 forum101
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 9
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Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/11/2008 11:22:31 AM
She is playing you. Having her cake and eating it to. If she isnt in love with him, why is she putting your relationship in jeopardy? She is getting off on having you at home, and the other guy telling her he wants her. No woman in love is going to go out with an ex boyfriend. She has him played, now she is playing you. Why arent you allowed to meet him? She's afraid you will tell each other what she is saying about each of you. She's likely telling him the same things she is telling you.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 10
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/11/2008 11:25:37 AM
Dude,

I smell a rat. Your instinct is right on the money. She does not want to let go. If fact she is not even being honest about her feelings for him, or for you.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 11
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/11/2008 11:29:34 AM

I dont have a problem with this. Except for the fact that she refuses to introduce me to him. She says she has no feelings, but he loves her, does not want to hear about me at all.


I wouldn't accept it, she needs to at least introduce you once. I can understand that she's trying to be considerate of his feelings but she should at least introduce you to him once as her boyfriend. If she won't do that much then I have to think she's hiding something.
 Caleta26
Joined: 10/28/2007
Msg: 12
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/11/2008 11:32:26 AM
Either you are insecure with yourself or you just can not be trusted.
 Flipper Jones
Joined: 1/8/2008
Msg: 13
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/11/2008 11:32:49 AM
It sounds shady to me. If they are friends, that's one thing, but if she doesn't feel comfortable with you meeting him the chances are pretty good that there is more going on than meets the eye.

If he "loves" her, and she is supposed to be in a serious relationship with you, she shouldn't be spending time with him doing things that most of us would consider "DATES." It's disrespectful to you. Talking on the phone a couple times a week, coffee or lunch/dinner once in awhile, those things are acceptable. Drinks in the evening when you should be able to go along, that would make me nervous. Ballgames, unless you just hate to go, there is no reason it couldn't be a threesome.

To be honest, a guy who hangs around with a girl he used to be intimate with, but doesn't want to know anything about her current relationship is trying to throw a wrench in the works.

If you try to talk to your girlfriend about it, she's likely going to make you out to be the bad guy. You have to decide if you'd rather her think you are an A-hole now, or deal with her getting back with this guy later, and then telling you how "it just happend" like it was out of her control.

If she really cares about you she'll put your feelings first. Jealousy is unwarranted suspiciousness or resentfulness. I'd say she is giving you plenty of reasons to be concerned about your relationship.
 pretty moon
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 14
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Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/11/2008 11:36:02 AM

I dont have a problem with this. Except for the fact that she refuses to introduce me to him. She says she has no feelings, but he loves her, does not want to hear about me at all.






I am jealous


If your jealous then you DO have a problem with it. Be honest with yourself and with her.
 akimmbo
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 15
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Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/11/2008 11:37:38 AM
We're all jealous to some degree friend.
and, the friends of the opposite sex thing is a tricky area.

I'd have no problem with this issue, except for the enourmous flag she's waving in your face here.

If you love just one, and have other friends of the opposite sex, then , the proper thing to do is to introduce them . I didn't always think that way, but I do now.

If she 'can't or won't introduce you to her friend, then she isn't that proud to be with you. Your feelings are being ignored. And, you may 'believe' she is going to ballgames, dinner, and drinks...but that is just what she wants you to believe.

Jealousy gets cross wired hard into trust and trust issues so often. So, it's probably more a trust thing than jealousy, just my hunch here.

I'm not you, but if I were in your place, I would simply say..." It's important to me to meet your friend". If she refuses...then....well, I don't know...it's your call.

But, I would take a huge time out from the scene, at let them two figure it out.

luck to you
KimbO```````````````
 maxisteel
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 16
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/11/2008 12:02:57 PM
Thanks all. Yes, this is stressing me out. I have tried to talk with her about it and she feels i am overeacting. She thinks its "cute" that im jealous. I don't think its "cute".

Im going to take previous posters advice here. Im going to "suggest" that we cool things down until she works out her other relationships.

As far as being insecure, etc.. I am a little. She is an over-acheiver, a Pediatrician in a Boston hospital, and has a lot going for her. This is what attract me to her. She would not have a problem finding a secure man, i just want to be him.
 bigsexyforyou
Joined: 12/20/2007
Msg: 17
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Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/11/2008 12:12:04 PM
FLIPPER YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD ON THAT ONE , MAN THIS DUDE IS TOO NAIEVE GO ON TELL HIM LIKE IT IS :modhammer: BIG JAY
 Flipper Jones
Joined: 1/8/2008
Msg: 18
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/11/2008 12:13:36 PM
Don't let her make you feel like you are in the wrong here.

If she wants to be in a relationship with you she should respect your feelings. It is NOT ok for her to spend all that time with another man who has feelings for her and expect you to just say "fine, ok, whatever"

You sound like a good guy. Just keep in mind there is a difference between insecurity, and instincts. Trust your gut.
 migivadamsbusted
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 19
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/11/2008 12:14:33 PM
he loves her!? and she keeps seeing him...shes playing you both for fools and is very disrespectful and rude! its called having her cake and eating it too!
 bigsexyforyou
Joined: 12/20/2007
Msg: 20
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Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/11/2008 12:16:54 PM
FLIPPER YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD ON THAT ONE , MAN THIS DUDE IS TOO NAIEVE GO ON TELL HIM LIKE IT IS :modhammer: BIG JAY
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 21
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/11/2008 12:35:08 PM

Im going to take previous posters advice here. Im going to "suggest" that we cool things down until she works out her other relationships.


I wouldn't tell her that. If anything, don't sound like you're ready to commit. In fact, go out on a date with someone else. Then she can get a taste of her own medicine. As to feeling insecure, you're not. You just happened to read this one right.
 BrownEyedLeo
Joined: 1/5/2006
Msg: 22
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Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/11/2008 12:51:39 PM
I think she is definitely putting his feelings before yours. She told you he does not want to hear about you, therefore she does not introduce you to him. She doesn't seem to care that you would feel more comfortable meeting him.
Personally, I don't think this has anything to do with someone being jealous. It is more about having common sense. I can't imigine being involved with a man and him going to dinner or spending time with someone he used to be intimate with that still loves him. In my opinion, she is showing no respect for you and has no concern for your feelings.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 23
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/11/2008 1:01:10 PM
I'll play devil's advocate:

You've only been dating a few months. Maybe she's using HIM as a sounding board, trying to sort out her feelings. Since she is above-board about being with him, I don't see why you can't trust her. The issue with jealousy is trust, right? If you have a niggling suspicino that she is doing more with him, address that with her. On the other hand, I think it is normal for guys to be jealous (there is a good song called the "First Rule of Love" by DelAmitri) of a woman's past loves. just work through it. Don't lose her over this silly issue.
 crazygirl89
Joined: 8/6/2006
Msg: 24
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/11/2008 1:20:39 PM
Yeah thatd worry me too. I have a close friend who has always said he would like to give things a go but the difference with my situation is that he understands i have a boyfriend, we have never been intimate and he would meet my boyfriend if i wanted him to, cos he is my friend, regardless of how he feels, he knows not to cross a line!

So i think you should tell your girlfriend how you feel, you should be able to meet him, if hes just a friend, it shouldnt be a problem.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 25
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Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/11/2008 1:30:24 PM
Sounds like she'd intro you but HE's got a problem with it - correct me if I'm wrong. In that case he's crossing boundaries.

If he's really her "friend" then he's got to accept a new guy in her life and play the game, or he's got to take a walk. If he chooses to take a walk, then that should tell her how much he really cares. And in that case she has to explain that spending time with him while dating you is basically not cool with her relationship IF he's not interested in the life she's living.

Friends are friends, but I don't do secrecy cause there's no need for it if all is on the level and, well...'nuff said.
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