| short guy in a wheelchair
Posted: 7/12/2008 12:21:45 PM | hey there,
i was born with spina-bifida so i use a wheelchair to get around.. this disability has caused me to shorter than the average guy my age - and the way women treat me at bars makes me rather certain i'm at a significant disadvantage in the dating game. i know looks arent everything, but i know they are pretty damn important. i feel like i need to compensate by dressing better or working out harder than other guys. what else can i do to compete with able-bodied guys? and no sense in telling me a girl worth having wouldnt care about this... since so many women do care about it. | |
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| short guy in a wheelchair
Posted: 7/12/2008 12:26:38 PM | | hey man.. i was checking out your profile.. maybe you'd benefit from the profile review forum. | |
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| short guy in a wheelchair
Posted: 7/12/2008 12:28:29 PM | | why do you want to compete? im sure you have traits other than being "able bodied" just show those traits many girls can overlook something like being in a wheel chair if you are a good hearted honest person (or whatever else you are looking for). someone suggested to someone else before that maybe try finding someone else in your position, that way you can understand each other and you don't have to worry about not being able to "do certain things" but im not sure how good that plan is never being in a wheelchair myself. lots of able bodied guys have problems finding girls...and i will tell you a girl worth having won't care. you might not have found that girl yet BUT alot of good things take time. | |
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| short guy in a wheelchair
Posted: 7/12/2008 12:32:21 PM | Hey Schmuck,
Nice name, by the way....... Question: Why do you care, when your profile states "Not Single/Not Looking"?
If you're just hedging for the future, don't sweat it. Live in the moment and do what feels good and right for you..... not some chick that you're not looking for....... ahem.
CONFIDENCE. Just wanted to throw that in there, in case you selected the "wrong" classification for your singleness.....
Women love a confident man, wheels and all....
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| short guy in a wheelchair
Posted: 7/12/2008 12:38:00 PM | eh thanks
i'm quite content being single now.. i've got a lot of good stuff going on, but as i said in my profile, i'm open to meeting people who can strike my fancy enough. and hell ya! confidence is where it's at.. i've had numerous girlfriends and lovers in my day so i think i'm doing all right with that.. but these are often with women who approached me first. seldom do i get a woman who i'm really interested in - so i thought i best figure out how to up my sex appeal. | |
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| short guy in a wheelchair
Posted: 7/12/2008 12:44:20 PM | | well, i always hear shit about how woman very much preper a guy to be taller than them, because it makes them feel safer so i'm determined to find someway i can level the playing field more. as for dating someone in my position - i don't think i could handle that - being known as part of 'the disabled couple.' just like everyone else, i'd prefer to date someone who is in 'normal' circumstances. which definitely turns me into a hypocrite, but ****, that's how i feel and i can't see myself changing my mind anytime soon. besides, i've never met a girl in a wheelchair who is as socially active and involved as i am. | |
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| short guy in a wheelchair
Posted: 7/12/2008 1:09:17 PM |
what else can i do to compete with able-bodied guys?
Why do you feel like you need to compete with anyone?? Just be yourself and find someone with a similar lifestyle to yours.
I would bet their are a lot of lonely women in wheelchairs also. What are you doing at the bar? | |
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| short guy in a wheelchair
Posted: 7/12/2008 1:15:20 PM |
i don't think i could handle that - being known as part of 'the disabled couple. '
Unbelievable.
just like everyone else, i'd prefer to date someone who is in 'normal' circumstances.
But you are not just like everyone else.
You have a long road ahead of you until you accept yourself. | |
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| short guy in a wheelchair
Posted: 7/12/2008 1:25:24 PM | | OP...you mention NOTHING in your profile that you are in a wheelchair...is that something you did on purpose or no? If you are finding it hard it might be because women see you pics and expect that you are 5'9 and able to stand, they wouldn't think otherwise and because you haven't said anything about, you don't have a very good arguement here. Maybe if you put it in your profile instead of it being a surprise, you may get the responses you desire. Now on my profile it says I have children...when you are filling out your profile there is a spot for that...now there can't be a spot for everything but I think that had I said no, I dont have kids, knowing that it is undesireable for some, that would be shameful of me cause that would be lying and misleading...so lying by omission is the same thing, you need to put that in your profile, so women know exactly what the have to deal with and what they don't...I am sure that once you do that, you will get the women who don't mind a person in your situation... | |
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| short guy in a wheelchair
Posted: 7/12/2008 1:45:51 PM | well, she wasn't in a wheelchair when she got married but a few short years later my mother came down with polio and lost all her muscles from the chest down, including a very real weakness in her right arm.
now, shes a tough lady (one of the first five hundred women in the womens marine corp and an ex-master sgt) but she went on to give birth to my sister and adopt a 12 year old troubled teen, got a library degree and started a library in my grammar school, taught school in the ghetto for 15 years (before the handicap laws too), took two MAs in learning difficulties, became a leading expert in the field of learning, was secretary of the International Reading Society, was a successful marriage counselor, raised huge gardens, cooked, cleaned, did the wash, raised innumerable pets (and assorted stray friends of mine), and at 86 is the on the managing committee of one of the most prestigious independent living centers in the country.
but....
besides all that she stayed married to my dad for better than 60 years and they are still a couple.
it can happen. | |
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| short guy in a wheelchair
Posted: 7/12/2008 1:58:02 PM | | very good, unneccessary to boast cause it has nothing to do with this post...albeit your mom sounds like an amzing lady for sure, but she was with someone...your dad, when she wasn't in a wheelchair so being a good man your dad stayed...which should be the case, however this poster is already in a wheelchair, he is not talkingn about being with someone and then after he's been married to him, something happens and he is forced to a life of being in a wheelchair...although inspirational, there is no revelence to this posters situation...sorry | |
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| short guy in a wheelchair
Posted: 7/12/2008 2:56:53 PM | | ohh i definitely tell the girls about after we talk online for a little while... the reason i decided to leave it out of this draft of my profile information is because i wasn't getting any responses from anyone when it was there. kind of a bummer, because i'm such a well-liked guy in real life who doesn't have a problem meeting women - a few of the ones i've met and got along well with on here don't seem to have a problem with it either. | |
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| short guy in a wheelchair
Posted: 7/12/2008 3:00:29 PM | who said anything about me being lonely? aha anyway.. the bars can be a lot of fun.. i enjoy striking up conversation with strangers and networking. and as i said, i've never met a women in a wheelchair with a lifestyle like mine.. at least the ones i've met in university just don't interest me in any way.
so for why i feel the need to compete... i dunno, seems like that drive has always been there.. because mentally i'm just like everyone else, but my legs just can't keep up. anyway, | |
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| short guy in a wheelchair
Posted: 7/12/2008 3:04:29 PM | | well that's good, as long as you are upfront...when I was very young about 14, I went on a teenie bopper "date", not really a date I guess but just to hang out but the guy didn't say he was confined to a wheelchair and then when he picked me up with his parents, I found out then that he was in fact not able to walk...ever, so I felt put on the spot and felt that he was being dishonest by not telling me...at this age, I probably wouldn't date someone in your situation not because I don't think you wouldn't be a good person but because I wouldn't have a paartner that can do all the things I love doing with me...just like I can't be able to drop everything and go out on spur of the moment actvities b/c I have to have my children babysat and that requires preparation...so I wish you loads of luck and if you don't have that much of a problem then I don't see there being one. | |
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| short guy in a wheelchair
Posted: 7/12/2008 3:06:59 PM | i mean everyone else.. emotionally. i would bet it would be rather hard for someone in my age group to make themselves stand out and date someone who was in my situation... at least, that's one of the reasons why i would have a hard time doing it.
i really don't see myself as disabled... lord knows i handle the wheelchair much better than most people who are in one... i can cat-walks down stairs and wheel up long, steep hills on my own... hell this past winter my buildings wheelchair ramp was filled with snow, so i had to use my wheelchair as a walker and throw it over the railing just so i could go out one night. | |
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| short guy in a wheelchair
Posted: 7/12/2008 3:12:38 PM | ohh lord! that would have been awkward... how'd you meet this guy anyway?
well you're comparison between my situation and yours with needing to be a responsible parent is interesting. but yeah, i think most people want someone they can share their passions with... so i really am at a disadvantage there and that's why i'm here asking advice on how to deal with that. | |
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| short guy in a wheelchair
Posted: 7/12/2008 3:14:25 PM |
ohh i definitely tell the girls about after we talk online for a little while...
I really think that's unfair and it's something you should be open about. | |
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| short guy in a wheelchair
Posted: 7/12/2008 3:18:31 PM | | one of my friends in grade nine said that they had a friend named Tim and that he was super nice and saw a picture of me in her room and wanted to hang out...so she asked if he could have my number, I asked my mom, she said okay and so that's how it all happened...I will say however that i love the fact that you are strong...so am I, I have had two partners die on me and am raising two girls on my own...some people see that as a disablility in the way that I can't give them all of myself and that they have to share...so the comparison isn't that much of a stretch...but you do seem decent, so you'll meet the girl that can deal, I have no doubts about that...and good thing that you don't mind being single, some hate it...I had a friend that actually didn't care who she got married to as long as she got married!!! Good to know that you wont settle for less than you think you deserve | |
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| short guy in a wheelchair
Posted: 7/12/2008 3:27:09 PM | | maybe i am too cynical about online dating... i've just had weeks without getting a response from anyone when they read about my disability in my profile. but my method seems to be doing well on here. | |
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| short guy in a wheelchair
Posted: 7/12/2008 3:35:45 PM | | I can be very cynical as well, cause being a girl who is thin and pretty...not being arrogant folks I just know that I am thin and know that I am attractive, I get all kinds. I am tired of the phone/cyber sex people...or the ones that know that I would never in a million years find anything attractive about them wither on the outside or on the inside...the fact that you didn't have any responses, is sad but it is what it is...I told another poster that was in a wheelchair that you might want to try putting yourself where there are those that would be comfortable and even look for those in your situation. Like I could try a single parent website if I really wasn't getting any responses here...Or make up your own if you are really good at computers...a lot of dating sites started from one person with a small idea that turned out to be huge...like this site | |
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| short guy in a wheelchair
Posted: 7/12/2008 4:25:02 PM | I agree .Selena.
ohh i definitely tell the girls about after we talk online for a little while... the reason i decided to leave it out of this draft of my profile information is because i wasn't getting any responses from anyone when it was there.
Your whellchair doesn't turn me off but just about everything you say does.
You are sneaky and deceitful. | |
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