| Reading people to spot players
Posted: 7/12/2008 10:45:10 PM | Why is it so many women on here can't spot players? I personally have never found it hard to read people. I wonder is that the main reason why alot of women get played. Is reading people really that hard. Or is it that when you meet a man your interested in you go into it thinking he has the best intentions?
Even as a guy that isn't into the bar scene i can usually spot the players in that environment in about a minute. | |
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| Reading people to spot players
Posted: 7/12/2008 10:53:12 PM | | There are the obvious players, and then there are those that are sheep in wolves clothing (or however the expression goes). They're a little harder to spot. | |
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| Reading people to spot players
Posted: 7/12/2008 10:54:31 PM | Not a girl, but I have a theory.
When you pick up a guy in a bar, you're pretty much giving upon anything but sex.
Seriously. How many times have you heard "He and I met in a bar. We talk constantly about politics and philosophy, about the way to lead a fulfilling life. It's amazing. We don't always agree, but we always find merit in each other's point of view...I want to spend the rest of my life with him"?
Picking up some cute guy in a bar isn't an intellectual act, it's an animal one, and a transparent one at that.
For men AND women. | |
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| Reading people to spot players
Posted: 7/12/2008 10:55:52 PM | Holi, true some are overt and some are a bit more skilled at hiding but not that well. Some are just a little more smooth and slick then others. But they all are noticable.
Engeneer, if you take a cue from nature alot of the females in courtship rituals have thier guards up half way. They don't have thier defences down all the way. Which isn't a bad thing. And like any skilled predator players can spot the weak ones. | |
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| Reading people to spot players
Posted: 7/12/2008 11:04:56 PM | | I can't think of any other species which chooses a mate while plastered on a bottle and a half of Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum. | |
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| Reading people to spot players
Posted: 7/12/2008 11:07:53 PM | No but no other species has thumbs to open a beer bottle either. lol
Seriously that was funny. And the root of good humor is the air of truth. | |
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| Reading people to spot players
Posted: 7/12/2008 11:22:44 PM | | Predator is the right word here. You can spot a player the same way you can spot a creep...you can see it in their eyes. Every predator uses it's eyes the same way, it's a form of alertness. Leering at someone, scanning or "making the rounds" is predatorial and is easy to spot. This is true regardless of how smooth one is. The pickup artists for example train themselves to "pick up" women by not being predatorial, but anyone who's been involved in the community knows that the guys there aren't predatorial to begin with, most of them are genuinely nice guys who appeared predatorial because of approach anxiety. If anything it works the other way in that it's sometimes hard to spot the genuine person amongst the players. I suppose this is what the women on here are struggling with. | |
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| Reading people to spot players
Posted: 7/12/2008 11:25:52 PM | | I don't think it's so much a question of spotting a 'player' because even the ones that get branded as players will probably settle when they feel they have found the right person. I think it's more to do with spotting the so called 'nice guys/nice girls'', who pretend to be everything a player/b*tch isn't in order to get attention. These guys/girls are generally boring and weak and use players/b*tches as an example of why they are such a good catch in comparison. They come in both sexes, and anyone who can't spot them from the offing will probably end up either leaving them or cheating on them within the year because they basically have nothing going for them. | |
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| Reading people to spot players
Posted: 7/12/2008 11:34:38 PM | Yes but I really think the art of people watching is lost and a prime example of that is the fact that in alot of cases women get used. Or after she gets used thinks all men are players and the ones that arn't are "generally boring and weak".
Granted there are several types out there. You have the players, the nice guys and the weak ones. Now not every nice guy is weak or faking. Infact I would present to you some are as confident or more so then players. The reason for my arguement is that often braggers are trying to boost thier own selfesteem. Truely confident people don't have to advertise it. And from my experience I've found the reason why players get more attention is because they are the ones that make themselves stand out quite on purpose like a male peacock.
Jacq, the reason why its so hard to spot genuine people is because they are so rare. Lets face it being disingenuous works. And men (and women) see that it works and they use it. | |
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| Reading people to spot players
Posted: 7/12/2008 11:42:08 PM | | I would agree Harvey that there are some 'genuine' people out there, but they are few and far between, and they're generally not the ones who go around calling other people players/b*tches etc, because they don't have an issue with people who get more dates than they do. That's usually because their character alone is enough to get them attention without needing to sl*g off other people. | |
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| Reading people to spot players
Posted: 7/12/2008 11:51:20 PM | Ok but we are getting back to the root. Why is it so hard for some women to seperate the wheat from the chaf so to say? Its no about the pool out there its about how to spot different types. And how can others help the ones that don't have their player radar fine tuned.
I'd be happy to teach lessons? For $20 a class per student. lol  | |
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| Reading people to spot players
Posted: 7/13/2008 12:01:38 AM | | Once again OP you're assuming it's only women who have a problem. Some people (both sexes) are just so desperate to be in a relationship that they ignore all the little warning signals and convince themselves that someone is right for them, but some people aren't desperate to be in a relationship, so they hold out until they know in their heart that they have found the right person. It's that simple really, you get the ones who are called 'needy' and the ones who are called 'picky' . The picky females are more likely to wait for the right person whereas the picky males are more likely to go around having fun until they happen to bump into them, although there are also some picky men who would rather wait, and they're the ones that I consider to be quality. | |
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| Reading people to spot players
Posted: 7/13/2008 12:11:25 AM | | There will always be players/b*tches in every bunch and spotting them is the key. I agree that there are losers out there who advertise themselves as being what the players aren't just to make themselves look like good catches. It's important to understand though that there really are "nice guys/girls" there too. The whole thing is a screening process, that's why we date and that's exactly why we're on here. It's about qualification, if we see something we don't like we don't respond. There are different kinds of players too I suppose, some are direct and some are indirect. Casanova often took many months to complete his seductions and I suppose these types are present today as well. Fortunately for the women, these types aren't likely to leave them feeling badly about themselves. | |
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| Reading people to spot players
Posted: 7/13/2008 12:11:36 AM | Well I for sure know that its not just women that have that problem. But I think that you've answered the question great. The needy people go in wanting everyone to be "the one" whereas the picky ones have more of a "wait and see" additude.
As long as we are doing gender clerification I have one. Men arn't the only ones that have fun dating around. Lots of women are serial daters and are in the same boat. | |
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| Reading people to spot players
Posted: 7/13/2008 12:20:28 AM | | Harvey, the main difference with men who sleep around and women is that the men who sleep around are picky, but women who sleep around are 'needy', because generally they sleep with men in order to try to snare them. Of course there are always exceptions with both of the sexes, but speaking about it generally men have more to lose than women by entering into a relationship. Women by nature are more dependant, only the picky ones (i.e. the ones who will only sleep with someone they have a strong emotional bond with) are generally strong and independent people. Of course as with all things in life there will always be the odd few who don't fit into any category, but if you go by general rules you can pretty much suss a person and keep out of trouble. | |
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| Reading people to spot players
Posted: 7/13/2008 12:25:16 AM | Experience makes you smarter and wiser. Some of us have to encounter and get wrapped up with a few players to fine tune our spotting abilities...  | |
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| Reading people to spot players
Posted: 7/13/2008 12:31:12 AM |
Experience makes you smarter and wiser. Some of us have to encounter and get wrapped up with a few players to fine tune our spotting abilities...
I believe most do but some don't and thats a bummer. | |
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| Reading people to spot players
Posted: 7/13/2008 12:56:20 AM | I think we've seen the nail hit on the head.
I've been called a player by a woman I had a 10 month relationship with. Why? Because she wanted me to stay, and I needed to leave.
I'd be more inclined to believe there's only a few players of the sort that women complain about, and the rest are just men who find they don't want to be with the woman they wake up next to the morning after. When a woman breaks up with a man, it's a tragedy, but when a man breaks up with a woman, it's got to be a crime. | |
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| Reading people to spot players
Posted: 7/13/2008 1:11:32 AM | I think most women can easily spot a player, it's just that they do not respond in a manner that's beneficial to themselves.
Instead of telling the guy to get lost, they switch to attack mode and decide they're gonna "break" him of his ways, or "change" him into a better man, or "fix" him so he doesn't act that way. Sure.........
Instead of hating the game and walking away, they go along with it, constantly plotting on how some silly tantrum or ultimatum is gonna break someone of habits they've grown, adjusted and adapted for YEARS.
So in the long run, when all the tricks fail, they walk away mad, and WHO's fault is it? Oh, it's the PLAYER's fault for using people...sure....people who saw it coming and didn't get out of the way.  | |
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| Reading people to spot players
Posted: 7/13/2008 2:37:14 AM |
think we've seen the nail hit on the head.
I've been called a player by a woman I had a 10 month relationship with. Why? Because she wanted me to stay, and I needed to leave.
I'd be more inclined to believe there's only a few players of the sort that women complain about, and the rest are just men who find they don't want to be with the woman they wake up next to the morning after. When a woman breaks up with a man, it's a tragedy, but when a man breaks up with a woman, it's got to be a crime.
I would agree with this 100%. Yes there are a few natural born players, but even they will eventually probably fall in love at some point. The rest are just men/women who don't want to settle into a miserable relationship, so they have the courage to leave people. The people who get left can't handle the rejection, so they turn the blame to the one who left them, when usually they need to look to themselves for the root of the problem. I reckon it's a pretty safe bet to say that most people who think they have been played (male or female) probably don't have the honesty and depth to give or receive love openly, and that's why the so-called 'players' leave them to find someone who does. | |
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Key_S
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Joined: 5/4/2008
Msg: 22 | |
| Reading people to spot players
Posted: 7/13/2008 3:55:19 AM | I've been called a player by a woman I had a 10 month relationship with. Why? Because she wanted me to stay, and I needed to leave
10 months...just about a year........
I would agree with this 100%
Excuse me, but does anyone wonder why or how "but I had to leave" was done before they concider this not a player? | |
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| Reading people to spot players
Posted: 7/13/2008 4:42:57 AM | Why was this forum not posted in one of the general forums. Makes me wonder! I can spot players too. | |
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| Reading people to spot players
Posted: 7/13/2008 4:50:26 AM | Leagueofextraordinarymen I agree, I did subtly try to point that one out to the OP earlier.
<div class="quote">Excuse me, but does anyone wonder why or how "but I had to leave" was done before they concider this not a player?
Surely it would be playing with a person more to stay with them when you know you don't love them. People make the mistake sometimes of rushing into relationships too quickly before they've really got to know a person, either that or the person hides who they really are until they feel they have been in a relationship long enough to show their true colours, and this is when some people realise they don't actually like them. Of course it's as much their mistake for not making sure in the first place, but we all make mistakes, the worse thing we can do is spend the rest of our lives punishing ourselves by staying with the wrong person. You only get one life, if you're not in love with the person you're with, leave them or spend the rest of your life in misery. Lifes tough sometimes, but the people who are genuinely lovable generally don't get left, so as I mentioned before if someone leaves you you should look to yourself for the root of the problem, because the chances are you will be at least partially to blame for the break up. | |
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