| Chronic Fatigue
Posted: 7/15/2008 1:07:02 AM | My friend is 35 years old.Single living at home with her parents...
She suffers from Chronic Fatigue and Epilepsy (8years now). She can be in bed for days on end. She seldom leaves the house and does not eat properly. She doesnt see any of her old friends. She seems to have aged about 40 years recently, she treats her parents friends as if they were her own and has no interest in people her own age. Her parents seem to do everything for her and have excepted that this is the way it is going to be. As an outsider of the family i feel my friend has given up. I encourage her to do things and put pressure on her and im told i dont understand because im always healthy.
Can anyone relate to this or advise me as to what i should do, i fear i will loose this friend and i would just like to see the old her back...... | |
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| Chronic Fatigue
Posted: 7/15/2008 1:14:43 AM | | Talking to a health professional and looking for some support groups seems like a good idea? | |
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| Chronic Fatigue
Posted: 7/15/2008 1:18:09 AM | | This sounds like clinical depression to me, treatment does work | |
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| Chronic Fatigue
Posted: 7/15/2008 1:24:17 AM | Sounds like depression to me too. I have a friend with chronic fatigue but he still gets out whenever he can and he still gets involved with stuff that gets him out, he's not ready to let it control his life like your friend has.
Giving up is the easy option. | |
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| Chronic Fatigue
Posted: 7/15/2008 1:39:55 AM | | I am a nurse myself and i dont know what to do!!She does not come accross as a depressed person. i know you will say well what does a depressed person look like but she actually seems very happy to plod along the way she is. When i call in to see her and her little sister she seems to be in great spirits. She is never dressed and doesnt seem to do anything to help herself but she seems in great form. It makes me thing maybe she is too tired to do anything and on the other hand im just not buying the whole not able line. | |
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| Chronic Fatigue
Posted: 7/15/2008 2:14:44 AM | | have a look at my claiming disability thread o.p as should be able to claim and open new doors for your friend ie for days out etc. search on the net for support groups or for other sufferers or carers as they might give you ideas | |
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pign
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Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 7 | |
| Chronic Fatigue
Posted: 7/15/2008 2:44:43 AM | | sounds like depression, defo look up the net for advice, support groups, even though she is smilin she could just be hiding from uyou so you dnt no the extent, most people who suffer from depression feel ashamed and guilty and dnt want to tell the people they are closest to. | |
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Ray67
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Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 8 | |
| Chronic Fatigue
Posted: 7/15/2008 3:16:25 AM | Depression is never easy to deal with live with someone for 7 years that had it there life one minute could be a bed of roses and the next hell.
Dr's hand out pills saying this will make you feel better but it really like putting a lick of paint over rust on an old banger you can't see it but it's still there there is no sure way to fix it but it sure helps if the person gets out and seeks help and not from a Dr that just hands out pills .
a good friend they can trust to with there feeling is always a bonus problem is it's not always the person you expect (like yourself)
try not to point it out just remember when there having a good day to make it a great day and when things start to go belly get them to remember the other day when you was out shopping or something don't over do it just get there mind off feeling down. | |
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AlmaM
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Joined: 3/20/2008
Msg: 9 | |
| Chronic Fatigue
Posted: 7/15/2008 3:30:10 AM | Few days ago I heard one of my friends is in a similar condition... he is a marine biologist and used to perform in dangerous diving exhibitions, used to be a very lively and energetic person, simply you do not get it how these things happen almost overnight.. he almost doesn't leave the house now .. and has reached the bottom this time.
I blame the women 
I have a philosophy that a solution to this problem would be getting back to your roots and use the laughter therapy. | |
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| Chronic Fatigue
Posted: 7/15/2008 3:31:37 AM | As someone who suffers quite badly from Fibromyalgia (which is quite similar to chronic fatigue), i can tell you that as hard as things are for your friend her mindset and general outlook on life play a massive part in this condition. If she has been diagnosed with cfs then she should be seeing a consultant every few months who would be monitoring her progress, or lack of it. One of the best treatments for cfs is gentle regular exercise and solid sleep. The solid sleep is usually helped by taking Amitriptyline at night. Hydrotherapy is a wonderful exercise and would also encourage her to interact with people. Her consultant should have referred her to a physio who would have supplied her with gentle stretching exercises , a plan of action, and hydrotherapy sessions. I could stay in bed some days but refuse to give in. I am re training in computing as my previous job was a very physical one. Please be firm but fair with her, she will thank you for it.
Hope this helps, good luck. | |
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| Chronic Fatigue
Posted: 7/15/2008 3:43:46 AM | I was diagnosed with ME, just over a year ago, so can relate to the chronic fatigue issue. I'm symptomatic ME, so i fall asleep at the drop of a hat, suffer joint pain, muscle pain etc. But i manage without medication, i work, and have social life altho it is limited. There are alot of support groups for people ME or CFS, pm me if you want some details, or there's alot of websites that offer advice.
Your friend sounds depressed to me, its very common in fatigue suffers, and this needs to be treated. What about her parents? They need to make her do things, get up at a regular times, takes naps every few hours, and mange her life around these if necessary. Have you spoken to her parents about how you fell? This is gonna sound like a cliche, but you have to manage the illness and not let it manage you. | |
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| Chronic Fatigue
Posted: 7/15/2008 3:44:48 AM | So are you people suggesting that chronic fatigue isnt part of her lack of motivation and that she is just depressed? Like where does the chronic fatigue come into it?
billybullshine, thank you for your input, you seem to know what you are talking about. I believe she does physio now and again but i dont expect she practices it on her own. well done to your retraining, that is fantastic but i dont beleive my friend has any interest in retraining or ever working again. She will not as much as commit to leaving the house any given day, i will ask her if she will come to such and such with me and its always a we'l see how i feel followed by a no, not able. Seems when it is something of interest to her (which is very rare) then shes well able to do it. I feel like this friend uses her condition to do what she likes and quite frankly if it was anyone else i would forget about them but i feel guilty because i know at times she is very unwell.. | |
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| Chronic Fatigue
Posted: 7/15/2008 3:52:10 AM | | Buddy28, i think twinklepops makes some very good points also. Maybe you could start by suggesting a day out somewhere on a nice sunny day. Suggest something that would capture her interest. Once she gets into the habit of being up and about then it starts to become a routine. I do feel that the conditition IS her life at the moment rather than part of it. Depression does seem to have set in and her healthcare professionals should be made aware of her general condition ASAP. | |
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pign
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Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 14 | |
| Chronic Fatigue
Posted: 7/15/2008 3:55:58 AM | I feel like this friend uses her condition to do what she likes
sounds like depression has set in because of the chronic fatigue and comments like that show that you dont understand and that is not something you should say to her!
mental health issues still have a stigma and still a lot of people dont understand!
her doctor should refer her to a specialist, and if she is still having problems leaving the house then maybe a psychiatric nurse could help. | |
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Ray67
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Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 15 | |
| Chronic Fatigue
Posted: 7/15/2008 3:59:56 AM | Buddy28 no need to feel bad about it anyone who has been where you are will tell you the same thing we all get days where we just feel like saying to hell with it.
you have to remember that you have to sometimes step back and take some time for your self or the next thread could be about you.
I don't know who your friend is but I can be sure even if she doesn't say it she does appreciate your friendship.
try not to arrange days out too far ahead just be ready to grab her at a moments notice when you know she's ready even if it's pouring down with rain. | |
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AlmaM
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Joined: 3/20/2008
Msg: 16 | |
| Chronic Fatigue
Posted: 7/15/2008 4:05:42 AM | I have a friend who is very overweight, she falls into the category of obesity.
She claims she has every disease possible.
Everyone is against her. Nobody understands her. Meat makes her fat ( but tones of bread and wheat do not). and so on .... the only problem she doesn't see is overeating and she doesn't accept that maybe being overweight would make her ill, claims opposite: being ill making her being overweight.
Now, we have only one life. At least that is my belief and it is up to us how we are going to spend it.. sometimes you need guts.. loads of guts to change yourself and change your surrounding but the feeling of being a winner over your own weaknesses is the most powerful one can get. | |
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| Chronic Fatigue
Posted: 7/15/2008 4:06:57 AM | Yes i dont understand in the slighetest that is why im looking to see what others think.
Quite frankly, i have my own life and family problems to deal with, i cant make a huge difference in my friends life but i wish there was something i could do.
She has an excellent doctor and specailist. I have suggested a counsellor to her in a very subtle way and i got a very adament no way, no one in her family is open minded to that kind of thing, they are looking at the situation in a very medical way. She would probably take it very badly if i mention a psychiatric nurse, that in her eyes is implying that it is all in her head.
She seems to be able to leave the house when she wants so i would not say its a phobia to social circles, i believe she has no interest. I do not feel like she is the same girl that i loved so dearly and i dont want to loose contact with her but i am running out of reasons to stay friends with her. My heart goes out to her because at times she is extremely ill and i would always expect my friends to stand by me if i was ever so unfortunate. | |
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| Chronic Fatigue
Posted: 7/15/2008 4:10:42 AM | Hi pign , sorry if i worded my answer wrongly, i didn't mean that she had depression because she had chronic fatigue. If she has been diagnosed with cfs i would hope that she had already seen a specialist and he had referred her to the physio. The mental health issue is a very problematic one and a lot of specialists still refuse to accept cfs as a diagnosis. I agree with you regarding the psychiatric nurse , i have heard so many accounts from people during my numerous visits to hospital and it's amazing how you learn about these things simply by chatting in the waiting room or hydrotherapy pool.
Also depression is a very complex thing as my friend no doubt would tell you if she were on this furum. The word depression seems to suggest all the wrong things don't you think? When actually it is far more in depth than that.
Sorry buddy28 i had posted before seeing your reply | |
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| Chronic Fatigue
Posted: 7/15/2008 4:23:10 AM | I am in a very similar position to this. My sister being 34 suffers from both Epilepsy and chronic fatigue. Epilepsy is now under control, however her health does not seem to have improved. My mother has Fibromalgia and is flying with it, however she wraps my sister up in cotton wool as she believes she is the only one who understands what my sister is going through.
My sister also rarely leaves the house. She stays in her Pajamas day after day, watching tv or sleeping. She eats all carbohydrates and crap. Counsellors and alternative therapies is not an option in her eyes, she wants a tablet and is willing to sit on her ass while she waits for her doc to find one.
I know exactly how you feel and you would think that a memeber of her family would have more power but they dont. I have banged my head off the wall for the past year. My sister does not seem to want to get better so i have to deal with that and get on with my life. Bottom line, you can not change anyone and as someone just said she only has one life and if she wants to waste it then that is her promlem. Sad to watch but true. i have given up, at times i feel like a **** and that i dont understand but i have to try and deal with it.
Good luck ! | |
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pign
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Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 20 | |
| Chronic Fatigue
Posted: 7/15/2008 4:30:05 AM | its such a tricky subject, she has cfs and should be gettin treatments for that, but if she is feeling so low and given up then depression can set in and anxiety. one day you can be on top of the world and the next you can feel so bad that you cant get out of bed never mind the house.
and its easy for people to say get over it and give yourself a shake but its an illness and without help and support then the sufferer has no control over it and if they cant "snap out it" then that can cause them to feel even more down! | |
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| Chronic Fatigue
Posted: 7/15/2008 4:44:43 AM | In my case my sister is diagnosed with cfs and i dont beleive that she wants to get better. She is never ever down or upset. I didnt think that was possible but she will not take one bit of advice. She has a list of food s she is supposidly allergic to and still eats them all. It is extremely frustrating. If i had her condition i would stand on my head if i thought it would make me better. I didnt think that anyone could ever be content with a life like that but i think she has proven me wrong.
Trust me theres nothing you can do | |
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| Chronic Fatigue
Posted: 7/15/2008 4:53:58 AM | Blondy
I apprieciate we have very similar situations but we seem to have very differnt views.
Can someone be happy to just hang around the house in their nightgown really?
I dont believe there is nothing i can do. I appriecate you feel you have been down every avenue but surely i just need fresh ideas from people who have been through this. I cant understand why she has done away with her own agegroup and now resorted to people in their 60's she even talks like she is in their age group. This girl was once a party animal with a great career and any amount of boyfriends and happy endings. Can cfs have such an effect on ones life that they give up as such. Maybe she is that tired that even the smallest task wears her out and so what if her parents would rather do it for her so that she has that shred of energy to be awake???
What do you think | |
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pign
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Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 23 | |
| Chronic Fatigue
Posted: 7/15/2008 5:59:23 AM | | she has mibbe put herself in a cocoon, she is safe in that environment and its possible she feels cant trust anyone or doesnt want to burden anyone, whatever the problem, she needs to talk and will in her own time, just let her know you will be there for her, you seem to care a lot about her and its great, she will push u away until u do go then thats her proven right, dont let her do that! be consistent and she will trust u with whatever else it is in time! | |
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| Chronic Fatigue
Posted: 7/15/2008 7:21:42 AM | she has mibbe put herself in a cocoon, she is safe in that environment
i think you are right but what is going to make her come out of this? Especailly when her family treat her like she is a helpless poor sick person.... | |
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| Chronic Fatigue
Posted: 7/15/2008 7:35:58 AM | Sounds like the poor girl is stuck in a spiral. It's only going to get worse. You really have got to try and get her to do somethings but don't force her. Maybe just ask, can she help you do something, even just out in the garden.
Sunshine can be a massive thing to help you when you are like that. My anxiety disorder meant I could be trapped in the house for days. Just sitting out the back with a cup of tea in the sun and the fresh air made all the difference.
Her parents obviously clearly love her and are worried. But they are not helping, even if they think they are, by doing everything for her. Again just ask her to help do stuff. Like "Can you just dry these bits up while I wash them?" anything. If you do nothing then your brain just goes to mush and depression easily sets in. | |
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