| How did you get back into dating?
Posted: 7/15/2008 3:42:53 PM | I am going through a divorce and have been separated a little over 10 months now. Me and my stbx had alot of issues and the relationship was not healthy for either of us. She cheated on me at the end and that pretty much was the deal breaker. She was instantly in another relationship but I wanted to make sure I did not repeat the same mistakes so I have jsut concentrated on myself and our son as I did not want to bring another person in to disrupt his life even more.
Well I think I am ready to get out and start dating now, my divorce in theory should be finalized in the next 6 months but as of now we are going to trial so who really knows. It has been along time since I have asked a girl out or done anything on more than in a work enviroment. So how did you get back in the game and what kind of advice can you give as far as what worked and what mistakes you made? | |
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| How did you get back into dating?
Posted: 7/15/2008 7:49:24 PM | I waited until I was completely free of my ex and healed from the breakup before I actively began dating.
If you are going back to court, you are just asking for more headaches by inviting someone else to share the drama that is guaranteed to be involved with the court process and the remnants of the finalization of the divorce.
Personally, I'd continue waiting until you are completely free before seeking a new mate. | |
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| How did you get back into dating?
Posted: 7/15/2008 8:14:22 PM | | I personally don't see the harm in going on a date or two... you've been separated for 10 months and she has moved on.. as long as you are up front about what is happening in your life, I really don't see a problem... do what you feel is right :) | |
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| How did you get back into dating?
Posted: 7/15/2008 9:35:21 PM | I found out I was pregnant when I was 20, and working a minimum wage job. We broke up shortly thereafter, and I promised myself that I wouldn't date until I got myself financially stable. I went back to university while pregnant (had my baby during spring break), and went into a 3 year college program that pretty much guaranteed a job at the end of it.
So, 4 years of non-dating go by, and graduation is on a Saturday evening. I had been going to this little pasta shop a few blocks from my place and there was a cute waiter that worked there. I decide that since graduation at the end of the week, I would ask him out on a date for the following week. He said yes, and we went out for coffee on the Tuesday.
That is how I got back into dating. I realized that the worst thing that could happen is that he could have said no. And realistically, if he did, who cares?
I rationalized that he didn't know enough about me to really reject *me* (or if he did, it would mean that he was too shallow, and I wouldn't want to actually date him anyways) or that he had some other issue in his life preventing him from dating (like a gf/wife/bad baggage/etc), in which case, I wouldn't want to date him either!
Good luck and happy fishing! | |
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| How did you get back into dating?
Posted: 7/16/2008 3:43:24 AM |
I am going through a divorce and have been separated a little over 10 months now. Me and my stbx had alot of issues and the relationship was not healthy for either of us.
I am glad to hear that you feel the need to give not only yourself but your son time as well to heal from your last relationship. People need time after a major crisis before getting back on track concerning any issue.
As for your question, that really depends on the person and the last relationship. The resiliency and honesty with oneself will determine the amount of time needed before starting a new relationship. In short give yourself as much time as you feel both your son and you need before dating again.
She cheated on me at the end and that pretty much was the deal breaker. She was instantly in another relationship but I wanted to make sure I did not repeat the same mistakes so I have jsut concentrated on myself and our son as I did not want to bring another person in to disrupt his life even more.
Not sure if you know this but anyone who “jumps” from one relationship to another are very shallow (emotionally) and those that are quick too attach can detach just as quickly. Not a good (emotionally) sign really. Also relationships born out of infidelity only have a 5 percent success rate so good luck to her next relationship. Of course only time will tell. | |
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| How did you get back into dating?
Posted: 7/16/2008 7:44:49 AM | | I haven't been in a relationship in 4 years (been on dates though). I personally believe that you must be stable (finacially, emotionally, etc.) both for yourself and your child before bringing someone new into the picture long term. | |
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| How did you get back into dating?
Posted: 7/16/2008 4:13:06 PM | First...hang in there...it gets better! You did the best thing about waiting, getting things together for you and your son. I did the same for my kids. I am a single Dad.
You have stress coming, with all the court stuff, so be carefull of that.
You are not talking about a "relationship"...but just dating, adult interaction and some "me" time. Go for it!
Not sure if this helps or is the answer...but I started volunteering for different things, my interests, things in my town. Made other friends outside of me & my Ex as a couple. New married friends and yes single Moms too...think they understand me better...as a single Dad. I have had fun, shared coffee or a lunch with nice ladies...if something comes of that, it will. But I having fun and I'm living a life. Many times, my kids join in of projects, so it becomes a family thing. Don't know if this helps you...I can only say hang in there Bro! It gets better. You sound like you are on the right track!
Keith | |
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| How did you get back into dating?
Posted: 7/16/2008 4:48:40 PM | It took me awhile too OP,
Here I was Finally just getting custody of my very ill 1 year old son and over our breakup along with having my house, career, dog, and second jobs lined up, not to mention my dad just passed away so helping my mom too....Woah, talk about a very heavy integration, Whewwwww!
I didn't know how in the world I was going to do it or make it all work so I flat-bottomed out! Quit my career and all other work to be a Mr. mom for a little over a year and lived off my savings to get my son back to full health and my mom back to good spirits then kick started it ALL back on---- while praying nothing broke or bad happened. It took about 6 more months but it started working out fine for all of us again....I have a super, duper mom (grandma) and great brother to whom I am blessed with.
You're a good man for doing the right thing by waiting til everything is ok with you and your son too....trust me, it will pay off HUGE in the future! I date occassionally but dating is not a game, it's a committment from you to a good woman for a good future and the women I have dated are partiers, hung up on jerks still, or are serial daters and have no need for that so we just hang out with family and friends til a good one comes along. | |
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| How did you get back into dating?
Posted: 7/16/2008 11:45:41 PM | No one likes to be alone, and I think seeing your ex move on may think you should date too. As someone suggested, you should wait til the court is settled so no drama is occured with dating while you deal with court, that wouldn't be fair for no one. However if it's casual, and you're upfront, then that's fine, but it will boil down to rebound dating. Do you knwo what you want in yourself, what you want in a woman *if you're first thought is no cheating, then perhaps that's a good indication that you aren't ready to date since you're having past wounds that your ex did to you. you need to heal emotionally as well as mentally so that the next person you are in a realtionship is healthy and not a rebound.
Join a single parents group and interact and perhaps you can get some guidance and support through this time. | |
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