| Your "Looking For" answer
Posted: 7/15/2008 5:40:46 PM | I was wondering if what you have in your "Looking for" question determines on how people see you, and contact you?
I mean you start contact with another and you either hit it off or you don't. But you usually have a chance to make a new friend.
Does friends actually mean friends?
Does longterm mean you can't become friends?
It seems like the people I have met that had longterm listed, and either of us didn't feel that spark, chemistry etc, we have no more contact other than telling each other we didn't feel it. And a friendship doesn't start.
Is this common with alot of you? | |
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| Your Looking For answer
Posted: 7/15/2008 5:41:59 PM | | I have enough friends, I don't need anymore. That's not why I joined this site. | |
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| Your Looking For answer
Posted: 7/15/2008 5:53:57 PM | Hey, Mr. B! :)
I think it's all in how you define "friend" or "long term", etc......
Call me old school, but I don't mind making friends(not fwb)....I didn't grow up with those things(fwb) and I don't embrace them now.
Perhaps, on a slightly different thought, it's not so much a person "seeking" out things, be it a mate or job or what have you, but these things are already on one's path, it's just a matter of timing, decision-making, and being in tune to the signs as a person walks down their road in life. So if a person just resides in being happy right now, where they're at, then they will be more open to meeting someone who is compatible to them.
It's always when you least expect it, that things happen. :) | |
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| Your Looking For answer
Posted: 7/15/2008 5:56:16 PM | Speaking as a woman, I don't think it matters to guys one bit what you have as your preference. I have friends listed and an in depth profile stating what I am not looking for. But it does not stop men. As well, since I am only looking for a good chat, I could care less what someone is looking for. Take intimate encounters seekers. Just because you are looking for sex from one person, does not mean you cannot have a sensible conversation with someone else. I do understand what you are saying about the long term thing. That is the only filter I have up. I would say the majority of guys that contacted me looking for long term kept trying to convince me that no really I was looking for a relationship.
Cheers,
A | |
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| Your Looking For answer
Posted: 7/15/2008 6:18:45 PM | As far as mine goes, yes thats what I want. BUT I would like some foreplay please (foreplay= chat). At least make an effort. I won't meet anyone right off the bat and that seems all that anyone wants. Relationships are a slow moving train. So is getting to know someone.
But thats just my opinion. | |
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| Your Looking For answer
Posted: 7/16/2008 3:35:03 AM | Sue,
I too am old fashion, so I do not want the FWB.
Skillet,
Thats what I am talking about. Conversation, getting to know each other, just hanging out and all that stuff. Not saying, meet fast and sleep with them.
Just if its decided not to have a relationship, why does communication have to stop all together and can't talk again as friends? So far only 1 person we still talk. | |
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| Your Looking For answer
Posted: 7/16/2008 4:50:34 AM | | None of these little tidy drop down menus can cover the expanse of what people might be looking for, what they feel about children, etc, etc. Also, they only give you the option of choosing one thing. Actually I would choose all of them if I could, and I also want to meet women too, not just men. | |
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| Your Looking For answer
Posted: 7/16/2008 5:00:13 AM | | I also wish you could select more than one option. I seleced "dating" b/c "long term" puts way too much pressure on a first date. I'd prefer "open to all possibilities." | |
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| Your Looking For answer
Posted: 7/16/2008 6:18:06 AM |
I also wish you could select more than one option. I seleced "dating" b/c "long term" puts way too much pressure on a first date.
I also chose the "dating" option for the same reason. My ultimate goal is to find something long term, but I'm not looking to rush into something and get super serious right away. I like a slow developing relationship. I also chose the "dating" option because I am open to casual dates while I am still looking for that something serious. Not everyone I chat with on here has to be potential marriage material, or even someone looking for that end result. | |
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| Your Looking For answer
Posted: 7/16/2008 6:54:34 AM | | I am not really here for friends so if I meet someone and it does not work out to anything , then we usually just leave it at that. I am looking for a partner not friends. That doesn't mean if I happen to run into that person again that I am going to be rude or ignore them. Of course I will be friendly and polite , but it's not like I am going to start buddying around with this person. | |
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| Your Looking For answer
Posted: 7/16/2008 7:39:38 AM | ok, not a woman ... well, at least I'm pretty sure I don't look good in pantyhose ... but OP, I'd have to stay I started out on this site hoping to find someone to be with for LTR, as time as has progressed I think I moved on to FWB, and now I'd be happy to just find a someone that can stand my sense of humor for more time then it takes to make this post!
They should have a category for "long term friends - LTF", which is pretty much where most guys end up anyway!
*said with a Rod Sterling voice*
"Imagine if you will a young man on a mission to find the love of his life. He's met a young lady who he seems to have a lot in common with and he is completely smitten by her only to find out that she likes another guy. This young man has just entered ... THE FRIEND ZONE!"
do da do do, do da do do | |
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| Your Looking For answer
Posted: 7/16/2008 8:34:33 AM |
I also wish you could select more than one option. I seleced "dating" b/c "long term" puts way too much pressure on a first date. I'd prefer "open to all possibilities
I agree except that I have friends on mine. I figure it could start out as friends, maybe lead to a date or dates, and ultimately lead to long term. | |
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| Your Looking For answer
Posted: 7/16/2008 10:13:05 AM | I'm not actively looking per se, I'm one of those "if it happens it happens" people, but I personally have long-term listed to ward off the people obviously looking for sex... some people think "dating" means you're not up for something serious. So I do think it helps people not to see me as a potential quick lay.
I do, however, message people in a friendly way - if I don't feel chemistry but we're having a great conversation, I'll keep it going. If we don't end up dating, no reason we can't be friends. | |
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| Your Looking For answer
Posted: 7/16/2008 11:09:46 AM | I think curlyboop has a great point:
I seleced "dating" b/c "long term" puts way too much pressure on a first date.
I can certainly agree with that.
Baldy……
That was good about the Rod Sterling/Friend Zone. Thumbs up buddy!
But if you decided to have FWB was it your decision or that many you did meet seem to just want the same and not LTR or more?
That is what I am starting to see here with online, especially that this site is free and makes it a bigger playing field for the PLAYERS or not so serious people.
LauriMarie brought up a valid point in answering my question.
but I personally have long-term listed to ward off the people obviously looking for sex... some people think "dating" means you're not up for something serious. So I do think it helps people not to see me as a potential quick lay.
So with that said, could Long-Term mean your desperate or something?
Have to thank all of you who answered. Great answers so far people, Thanks ! | |
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| Your Looking For answer
Posted: 7/16/2008 5:20:59 PM |
So with that said, could Long-Term mean your desperate or something? When I was trying to date here, I put "long term", because that's what I'd ultimately like to find right now.
The categories are nearly meaningless though (other than intimate) - you can see a girl looking for dates list "hang out", and then immediately find one ("not single/not looking") using the same category for finding friends.
I always just ask, and if merely seeing "long term" scares them off, then they probably weren't looking for the same thing as me anyway. | |
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| Your Looking For answer
Posted: 8/8/2008 3:54:42 PM | The way i see it is this.
If you are clicking on those whom are looking for "long term" they are not looking for friends, rather "the partner" whether they find it here, cyber space, or through locally, friends etc, that is what they are seeking.
So, if the Chemistry isn't there then there off running to keep searching.
I know i can "count" my friends on my fingers. Lots of acquaintances, but when people here or Myspace for instance, want to be "friends", then you can gather easily 5 - 10 in one week... How are you supposed to talk to all of those people plus your own friends, family when they keep messaging you, haha... You can't.
Sure, i have chosen a couple that i have added as "acquaintences" or else i still communicate with a few here, as long as they don't write to me every day, and become a tad compulsive trying to change it to dating, which i have no interest with, in that particular person and they are aware of this, I'm happy to remain in touch with some, but truthfully, i started accepting that, exactly what you are asking and next thing you know, call me , text me, what's your email address, are you saying i have no chance? Just text me ahhhhhh.
So, we kind of sometimes back of nicely unless someone has been great with communication and we feel comfortable....
But just understand, the "Hang Out" your not for me, is like dating, as every guy is doing the same thing, what are you doing, coffee? Catch up on the weekend?
I suggest you just say, stay in touch and on occasions, email and say hi nothing more then the trust comes into it, and the friendships can develop and then you can "Hang Out".
Just my opinion and observations thus far with me
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