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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > What if the woman makes more money than the man.      Home login  
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 Loveablebob
Joined: 12/25/2005
Msg: 1
What if the woman makes more money than the man.Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I work in the counseling field and it has lagged behind other careers in the medical filed as far as salary goes. Most of the women I seem to attract are well divorced, meaning when the split came they were married a very long time with assets to match,with careers they have worked at for 25+ years. So what is the feelings from the women, and men, about the fact the woman may make more money and have more assets than the man? Thanks for your reply. Loveablebob
 pretty moon
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 2
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What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/16/2008 9:51:32 AM
Bob........I would think as long as he is bringing to the table enough to cover half the bills then there is no problem.

When it comes to just dating.....who care as long as hes not loaning money from me...........


And trust me I know about the counseling field.........been there done that........you do it for the satisfaction , it sure isnt the money.
 conrades
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 3
What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/16/2008 10:04:31 AM
Bob, you're hinting at two very different scenarios here. One is where the woman MAKES more money... the other is where the woman HAS more money. Very different animals.

As for the woman making more - I can say from experience it doesn't really have to be an issue. My ex was a doctor and earned $250,000 a year. We supported ourselves but obviously her salary went further to provide a certain lifestyle. There were never arguments about who made more, I never felt 'small' due to her income, and she never used it against me. We discussed expenses, travel, and 'extras' equally - regardless of who was paying for it.

Now... the woman who HAS more. Not too much experience there, except for one woman I dated where I didn't like the idea (if things went further) of living in her HUGE home when I knew it was her ex making the payments on the mortgage.

I would think that women that have amassed wealth would be more particular in choosing someone and how they deal with their own finances.

In the end, and if this is what you're driving at, no - your salary shouldn't keep you from dating and being equal to either of these scenarios. Of course, everyone is different and you'll run into women that will discourage you from this way of thinking. Just keep chugging along... she's out there.
 Loveablebob
Joined: 12/25/2005
Msg: 4
What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/16/2008 10:06:35 AM
Thanks, I meant both.
 CompletelyDone
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 5
What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/16/2008 10:12:39 AM

Most of the women I seem to attract are well divorced, meaning when the split came they were married a very long time with assets to match,with careers they have worked at for 25+ years.


I think it's important that you date women you are attracted to rather than those who are simply attracted to you. Being a counselor, I doubt that I need to blah, blah, blah about the importance of similar core values. The rest is just "circumstances" and those, can change in a heartbeat.

If the woman is attracted to you or you to her for the reasons that work, I doubt that differing salary levels are going to matter much...
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 6
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What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/16/2008 10:21:07 AM
You don't say if it bothers you for her to have more money. If it doesn't, and it bothers her, I suspect you won't be chatting at all.

People know what you do and unless they are totally retarded, they are going to know that while you may be able to support yourself adequately, you won't be yaght shopping in the near future. I think any woman would want someone that can bring something to the table even if that is just self-sufficiency.

I don't need a man to take care of me nor do I want a man who I am going to have to take care of outside the normal giving relationship. If you wind up with a woman of means whether earned by the work of her hands/mind or the work of a long-term marriage, will you, as another poster indicated, feel comfortable living in her house, one that you could never afford?

Would you have a problem with her being generous with what she has knowing that you can not do something similar in return, knowing that your gifts will be more of a spiritual and emotional nature? What if she is miserly with what she has, will it bother you that she won't share or if she does, reminds you of it all of the time?

I think this question is like any other, you have to look at the person owning the assets and the one that doesn't and see if there is compatibility both with respect to the monetary and other issues. The scenarios I just addressed can come up with two people of modest means because how everyone deals with money, security and other issues differs.
 Leagueofextraordinarymen
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 7
What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/16/2008 10:22:06 AM
Why does it always half to be "half" can't it be 60/40. Every time I read one of these money issues it's almost always 50/50, it's always well as long as he is paying half the bills. So if the guy is making 200 less a month or a week and can't afford half the bills, I guess he's not worth the weight. JMO
I stated the above because this issue will be heard here many times throughout this post, no doubt so I thought I would get ahead of the game and state the obvious.
 Kickin Back 2008
Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 8
What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/16/2008 10:23:33 AM
This is overall a preference thing.

I personally would not mind if I made more money than my partner. What would bother me is if as a result he didn't want to work and I was fully supporting him. Different careers carry different salaries and everyone should understand that. I would not ask someone to change careers just so they would have a higher paying job.

Some men do not like having a female make more money and they personally cannot deal with it. Other men take pride in the fact that their mate is self supporting and has a good income.

Finances cause disagreements in relationships alot, but mainly due to not enough. I cannot see a man telling me he wasn't okay with me making enough money to support us both. And, I have no problem knowing I make more, as long as he will still help.

As for the woman having more money. I think that whatever she gained from a previous marriage is a bit of a touchy subject. It is hard to say how she would feel about those things and what she wants to do with them. If she wants to have the money in savings should something like that ever occur again, more power to her and you should not hold it against her. If she wants to spend it on some hot pool boy, that's her business too. It's kind of different than her making the money at work. Her having more than you should not be an issue unless you are not bringing anything to the table.
 Loveablebob
Joined: 12/25/2005
Msg: 9
What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/16/2008 10:41:19 AM
Because the medical field, and esp my counseling field has been to shakey the past 20 years I have never felt comfortable enough to put down roots. I have had to move many times when facilities have close to other towns. That being so, I have never purchased a house of my own and preferred to rent. That always gave me great flexiblity and sercurity knowing I could move at a moments notice. About all the women I meet have homes or condos amd I wonder what they feel about a guy that doesn't? Bob
 Catinka2008
Joined: 5/21/2008
Msg: 10
What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/16/2008 10:45:21 AM
When she's not looking, take a twenty out of her purse and offer to pay for drinks LOL.
 Just_Jay79
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 11
What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/16/2008 10:50:15 AM
Well if I encountered a woman that made more than me then I would simply thank the good Lord that there's one less thing I have to worry about going wrong in my relationship. No one likes arguing over money, but the last thing I want in addition to possibly losing half of my assets acquired while we are together is to have to pay alimony on TOP of that financial blow...

While there is a risk of a man also claiming alimony from the courts, it is far easier to laugh out of the courtroom than a woman demanding similar support, despite societal advancements of the last few decades... It's similar to a man claiming abuse - sure it happens, but you don't see if often...
 Osobluewithoutu
Joined: 7/31/2007
Msg: 12
What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/16/2008 11:01:12 AM
Maybe I'm new to this, but currently, I make more money than my boyfriend. We don't really "share" expenses or anything, but we seem to work it out fine. I pay for dinners and our fun activities at least 50% of the time... sometimes more, but I don't mind. (I'm used to paying for my kids, so only paying for him seems cheap to me!)

On the other hand, my bf's sister makes more than her husband and they have a few problems. He's basically an out of work chiropractor and stay at home dad. He cooks, cleans and does the laundry. He treats her very well and takes care of her, her son and the house, yard and pets. He definitely pulls his weight...

However, she throws it in his face when they get in a fight. It crushes his self-esteem and masculinity. I feel bad for him.

In my opinion, once in a "relationship", the money becomes "ours"... I don't mind sharing. Right now, I maintain seperate finances with my boyfriend, but if we get more serious, then I fully expect us to combine finances and expenses. Of course, this would be AFTER discussing it fully in advance.

My .02ยข



"If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu
 dogs rule
Joined: 10/12/2007
Msg: 13
What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/16/2008 11:01:35 AM

Hopefully Wasylbrytan answers but I agree, I don't understand all the negativity. You would think if these people have money in the program they would be hoping everything would work out and things will go well. Then on top of it you have people that made a profit and complaining they were robbed. I have seen it time and time again, the people that do most of the complaining

I see a good point there. You don't see anyone complaining when the man makes most of the money and she doesn't make enough to pay half the bills. But turn it around and everyone thinks he is some kind of sloth.
 LifeIsShortSoBePositive
Joined: 6/12/2008
Msg: 14
What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/16/2008 11:37:33 AM
She should message me immediately! Lol!!!

Mike
 Montreal_Guy
Joined: 3/8/2004
Msg: 15
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What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/16/2008 11:59:31 AM
Doesn't bother me at all, actually.

When I first started out in a relationship with my ex, I made more money. She made a bad career choice, hit a burnout, and was unemployed for a while. That didn't change how I felt about her, at least the income part of it didn't.

I eventually had a job as director of production for a Montreal magazine. The GM of the company who hired me was perhaps one of the best bosses I ever had. Life was great, until he moved to another division, and they replaced him with an idiot.

Then, with all that money that I was making at the time, I realized how little that really meant to me. I hated my job, and every second I spent doing it. There was so much politics and back stabbing going on behind the scene there, it was like being in the Politburo.

I was asked to fire a gay employee, and I refused, because he was one of my best workers. I got fired instead. The idiot in chief that ran that little nightmare was fired a couple of months later - as I had told him he would be.

I got a good settlement, and drifted off into a career in sales.

At this time in my life, my ex started to make more money - and suddenly that was mentioned often and in a deliberate manner. What had been unimportant up until then, and never mentioned, was now a regular topic of discussion.

At the end, we had this conversation that was quite enlightening. You see, she had come to despise her job with a passion. She actually said she'd be happy just quitting and working at Walmart.

Problem was she judged herself, and everyone else, by their salary and possessions. After my divorce, after leaving that environment, I realized something. Even when talking about her family, her own flesh and blood, she's always speak of what they had bought, the expensive things they had, the flashy stuff.

She never said anything else positive about them, not related to money.

So if the next woman in my life makes more money, that's not a problem. If she hates her job, keeps on doing it anyway and is materialistic ?

That's an insurmountable problem.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 16
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What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/16/2008 12:14:36 PM
~OP~ I standardly made more money than my SO (both of them actually) and to be perfectly honest, I could have cared less. It wasn't my money, it was our money. I didn't want to do much more than make it ~ how it got spent was usually discussed, not always ~ but I certainly wasn't taking notes penny per penny to see who made more, who spent more, etc. If someone feels uncomfortable in their situation because they don't look as good on paper, in the stock-market, or they consider themself 'lessor' in the material possession department than someone they are involved with ~ I'd say they are involved with the wrong person. Relationships aren't supposed to come with score-cards. JMO
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 17
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What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/16/2008 12:19:40 PM
League, if a guy happened to make less than I, I wouldn't expect things to be 50/50, I would expect him to contribute in a manner similar to how he supported himself without me. Of maybe I would pay the house payment and he picked up all or most of the bills. Last month, my electric was more than half my rent so even there, there is room for negotiation and for me, I am looking for something that is fair.

I am also an our money type person but I also see the benefit of keeping some money that is each person's to do with what he wishes.
 Montreal_Guy
Joined: 3/8/2004
Msg: 18
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What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/16/2008 12:29:10 PM
I do believe in fifty/fifty, and always have. That's a minimum. As a man, I'd feel insulted if that wasn't the case. This of course applies to all "couple" expenses. If she wants something outside of that, there's no problem with that at all.
 JasonGrimm
Joined: 6/9/2008
Msg: 19
What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/16/2008 12:30:30 PM
It'd be great to meet a girl that had more money then me or made more! I'm so used to spending thoughsands on my last exes because they can't save any money and never have enough for us to go out. I really need to stop going out with any girls in my area and find me an intelligent hardworking woman.
 Sardonis
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 20
What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/16/2008 12:56:19 PM
Fine by me as long as she does not resent me for it. Even better if she likes to spoil me. HA HA!
 hellofagal
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 21
What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/16/2008 12:58:31 PM
What if the woman makes more money than the man???...simple...she pays the bills and he gets to lie....and keep all his...because she gets fed up trying to get a few bucks out of him and listening to the same excuses about where his money went...and so,she ends up taking over the financial reins and he sits back and lets her...no problemo...until they split up and he wants half of everything she has amassed for them...and support....
 kayliecat
Joined: 12/8/2007
Msg: 22
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What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/16/2008 1:00:33 PM
Well, first of all, if you are dating, why on earth do you need to know how much money each of you is making?

You might make oodles...but pay most of that out in child support. She might make oodles, but have a huge housepayment. So, regardless of salary, in effect, both are flat broke. which means going on "cheap dates"...as long as you don't mind say9ing "I'm broke, let's have a picnic instead of a fancy restaurant."...which, quite frankly,sounds good to me.

I dont' see what the big deal is. I was raised to believe we should follow our passions, not jobs w/the highest earning power. I'd much rather be with a man who loves his job and takes pride in it but doesn't earn a lot, than a guy who hates his job and works a 60 hour work week so is never around.

And same for me - I didn't go into my field to get rich. I went into it because it interested me and I felt like I was good at it. As long as my salary is enough for me to get by and provide me and the kiddos w/a home/food, then I'm happy.

I don't understand the issue of percentages. When I was married, which was the only time we merged finances, there was no percentage. basically we both tried dto make ends meet the best we could. Which meant in grad school we had stipends and loans. After that I worked and he was still in school and then on internship So yeah I made more. Of course, -1 plus 2 doesn't equal a lot. LOL We were still piss poor by most standards. After his internship (in clinical psychology), we chose (together) for him to take a job in SW Virginia, well knowing this meant I'd probably not be working for awhile, with professional jobs in my field so rare. But that was ok, we also had a young child. So after years of me having the only income, now he had the only income.

Allt hose years, we were a good team, good partnership.

It wasn't until he went a little nuts (from his disease, MS), and the marriage was falling apart that he started getting really nasty about me working or not working. A nd still likes to accuse me of not working all those years we owned a business together...even though actually I worked full time, for the business, IN the office. yeah, he conveniently forgets so he can be a martyr and say he worked oh-so hard and I was lazy...I probably put in 40 hours to his 70 in those early days. Of course, I also did every thing at home and had a newborn baby and a toddler. LOL Did I mention we are divorcing?????? Is it any surprise?

I think perhaps money being made is only an issue if there are respect and resentment issues already present in teh relationship. If you 2 respect each other, then you will respect what the person does for a living, regardless of the dollar signs associated with it. how does that sound for an answer?

Kaylie
 swingpup
Joined: 10/21/2006
Msg: 23
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What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/16/2008 1:11:15 PM
The dating thing per coinage is not an issue per dinner, attending a race as spectators, going the theatre or symphony, heading out on the boat locally etc. If she offers to split expenses or pay on occasion that's cool as well as appreciative generous.

When it comes to trips such as a week or two in Canada, Jamaica or Hong Kong then it just may become a split expenses type of thing.

On the other hand in a serious type of LT relationship it's what ever is agreeable to both involved. It's certainly not a situation in any event to have your accountant following you around issuing each debits and credits or keeping score.

In any relationship if in fact she possesses a larger portfolio then what you do great and if not great. If she grosses or nets more then you do per year why should either care. Communicate your concerns should you have any.

After all, who truly desires to have anything to do with someone that is tighter then a Bulls ass in fly season.
 ChicagoSassyRed
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 24
What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/16/2008 1:17:01 PM
I have recently come across this exact scenario. My opinion is if he doesn't mind that I make more than him...what does it really matter? It is more important for two people to connect on an intellectual and emotional level than to worry about the financial details...at least initally.

However...I have an ex who refused to work...and acted like I was his sugar momma. that is NOT a successful relationship and looking back I should have kicked him to the curb MUCH earlier than I did. Respect for who eachother are is much more important...and if ANYONE (guy or girl) abuses that respect by sponging off of their partner it should be shame on them!

And as far as apartment versus house goes...to me the only thing that really matters is that you don't live at home still (unless your parents are sick and you are taking care of them). I know a lot of people who don't want the responsibility of a house or condo...and that is OK. I just prefer to have my own four walls!
 staffycrackers
Joined: 8/17/2004
Msg: 25
What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/16/2008 2:20:29 PM
I don't think it matters. Nothing is equal. If a woman is making more than a man and the man thinks that's controversial then they're sexists. Raising the question looks as if you think there is something wrong with women making more than men. Just my opinion though.
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