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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?      Home login  
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 Emeral Reese
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 1
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Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I was dating this guy for two years. Things were so wonderful at the beginning, I couldn't have asked for any better. He even told me he wanted to marry me and was really good to me. Then as the months and ultimately years went on he begin to change his mind. He told me that he would only marry me if I helped him take care of his kids. (What he meant was free babysitting.) I never asked about where our relationship was going because I knew it was in the pot. Right toward the end I knew what was going to happen, but it didn't make it hurt any less when he broke things off. A week ago I was just starting to get over the break up until I saw him with another woman. I called him up, knowing that I was violating a female golden rule. I was just dying of curiosity and had to know why. I wanted to know who she was. I asked him if he loved her because he had always told me he loved me even after just a month of us dating. He said, "I don't know. Maybe I will in time." She has two kids like himself, and she's in her thirties. This may be a better match for him in some respects as I don't have any kids, but still I think it will end of being sord of like a long-distance relationship in that they'll have to find alone time with each other. She can't always just get a babysitter when she feels like it. So the only thing they may end up having in common by the end of the day is sex.
Anyway my question for you guys is what is up with guys dating two or three weeks after a break up? And is it ever just for rebound? Are they seeking to fill some void from the long term relationship?
 worldfire
Joined: 6/20/2008
Msg: 2
Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/16/2008 9:54:12 PM
Life moves on. No reason to be all heart broken and and not continue on with life just because one chapter ended. Some of us can turn the page and keep on reading.
 Emeral Reese
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 3
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Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/16/2008 9:55:45 PM
Right. But usually it takes women a while to process through their feelings before getting in another relationship. Again: why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
 Drag0n6
Joined: 6/9/2006
Msg: 4
Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/16/2008 9:56:25 PM
He said it perfectly, why dwell on the past move on?
 Emeral Reese
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 5
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Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/16/2008 10:02:33 PM
Okay. You're right. I am moving on, but I think it's a mistake usually to start dating so soon. A person has to think about what went right and what went wrong in the relationship and learn from that for the future before stepping back into the dating world. At least, that's my humble opinion.
 therearenonamesavail
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 6
Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/16/2008 10:03:00 PM
Why? In my case I knew it was over a while before i had the balls to atually end it. So really even though its only been a few months... its been more then a few months if you know what Im saying. Im not sayin its the case in your situation but thats how it is for mine.
 Emeral Reese
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 7
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Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/16/2008 10:04:54 PM
Besides if you move on too quickly, don't you risk carrying all your baggage to the next relationship?
 therearenonamesavail
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 8
Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/16/2008 10:06:45 PM
The way I see it, I deal with all my problems my self, i dont bring my issues from past relationships into new ones. And I dont dwell, I like to get out and meet new people and laugh, and enjoy life again. A lonely mind is a dangerous thing.
 GHiiiftw
Joined: 4/2/2008
Msg: 9
Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/16/2008 10:10:36 PM
There are two main reasons for this phenomenon:

1 - The man was already interested in, or screwing around with, the other female before the breakup, and he was able to make relatively a smooth transition.

OR

2 - The man was lonely, since he was without a girlfriend for the first time in a while, and he was also horny for the same reason, and so he found some other female to occupy his mind and get sex from. In other words, a rebound.
 crazytimes1
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 10
Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/16/2008 10:10:42 PM
By the time a guy tells you he has broken up, all his friends and family know and that you let it is get to that point implies you are the only person who did not know it was happening. He was long over you and you just did not know it yet.

You were told and he was already well on the way towards moving on. Why is it a concern of yours anyhow? He dumped you, what business do you have calling him to harass him about the new person he is seeing? Is this kind of behaviour one of the reasons he moved on?

There are two sides to every story- and even your side is not earning you much sympathy.
 antonioIII
Joined: 4/22/2008
Msg: 11
Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/16/2008 10:13:54 PM
best way to forget about a girl is to sleep with as many women as you can....works like a charm.we see no point in just sitting around and feeling sorrow.........best wayto move on is by moving on.
 bluezzz
Joined: 6/22/2008
Msg: 12
Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/16/2008 10:16:53 PM
As I stated in a previous thread..

Nuthin' gets you over the last one, like the next one.


Bluezzz
 Emeral Reese
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 13
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Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/16/2008 10:17:35 PM
Gee. Thank you, crazytimes. Lovely sentiments you sent. I suppose I called him up because we are indeed still friends. It's not like he didn't know this would be hard for me either because he did. He told me so. He acknowledged he would still be with me if it weren't for the fights. We just didn't get along well as a couple, but we're much better off as friends. He even alluded that he was going to watch over me like a big brother because I was so much of a "sweetheart." I just shouldn't have told him everything. That was my mistake, and I acknowledge it. Now don't harass me for that.
 SassyHouLdy
Joined: 7/11/2008
Msg: 14
Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/16/2008 10:25:51 PM
I can certainly feel that pain. I found out two weeks ago, quite by accident, that my ex husband was seeing someone else and had been long before our divorce was final (about 8 wks ago). That's just the way he operates. I was his fifth wife. When I asked about her he said he didn't love her he was just trying to replace me. Then it was yes I do love her, I don't know if I love her. Bottom line, he's too insecure to be by himself for any length of time. I think a lot of people, not just men, are that way. They just can't stand being by themselves so they rush right into the next relationship as soon as they can, taking all their garbage with them. What they don't realize is how much more painful it's going to be for both of them when they realize it's just a rebound thing (which he's already admitted) and they have to try to pick up the pieces after that falls apart.
 Emeral Reese
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 15
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Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/16/2008 10:32:20 PM
But it's not a rebound if he breaks up with you as my ex technically broke up with me, is it? (Really it was more of a mutual thing. We had both had it up to here with each other by the end.) I don't want him, but I don't like seeing him with someone else either. It hurts. It's like a slap in the face saying, "I was lying to you the whole time I was dating you."
 GHiiiftw
Joined: 4/2/2008
Msg: 16
Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/16/2008 10:33:01 PM
Sassy:

No offense intended, but I'm sincerely curious - what goes through a woman's mind when she starts getting serious with a guy who's been married four or five times already?

My sister married a guy who had been married two or three times before, and he's totally worthless. Their marriage is likely not long for the world.

I can understand two divorces. But after the third one, shouldn't little warning bells be going off?
 RickyMonch
Joined: 12/1/2007
Msg: 17
Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/16/2008 10:33:41 PM

Right. But usually it takes women a while to process through their feelings before getting in another relationship. Again: why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?


guys do that? damn!!!

you know..the last girlfriend i had was back in 2005, and i am still single. Not all guys do this, just the bad apples a few women seem to pick out. Plus! you shouldn't care!! move on!!
 Emeral Reese
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 18
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Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/16/2008 10:52:24 PM
No, not all women. A lot of women want space after a long-term relationship is over because it would be really insulting, stupid, and bad for the next guy to see us upset over a dead relationship we can't bring back.
 Emeral Reese
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 19
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Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/16/2008 10:55:01 PM
By the way, Sassy. Thanks for your post. It helps to know I'm not alone in this situation although I feel for your horrible situation, too.
 RickyMonch
Joined: 12/1/2007
Msg: 20
Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/16/2008 11:07:13 PM

No, not all women. A lot of women want space after a long-term relationship is over because it would be really insulting, stupid, and bad for the next guy to see us upset over a dead relationship we can't bring back.


a lot of women??
hahaha,

ok...almost all of my lady friends have gotten over a guy, they used to say they love, in two weeks to two months. You think that is enough space?/

I think not, the usage of a powerful word as love should take a lot more time than two months or two weeks. Women do it as well.

the last ex i had, in 2005, got over me in two weeks.

LOL

i think both men and women are the same, just that women try their best to make themselves sound innocent, we are both the same.
 Emeral Reese
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 21
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Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/16/2008 11:13:15 PM
I agree love is a very powerful word and should not be used lightly in relationships. Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is not jealous, etc., etc. Love is the perfect four-lettered word but it is rare.
 ten ocho
Joined: 10/26/2007
Msg: 22
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Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/16/2008 11:42:20 PM
But usually it takes women a while to process through their feelings before getting in another relationship. Again: why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?<<

I would disagree. It sounds like your ex left? Unfortunately (and we have all been there) the one who leaves is ready to move on quicker, because he/she was 'over it' before the other half.

Anyway, it's not just guys.
 WpgGentleman2
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 23
Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/16/2008 11:43:40 PM
I understand that women like to talk with other women about their relationships, and I suppose that includes breakups. So a woman would need time to do that.

Rightly or wrongly, in late 20th and early 21st century North American male culture we seldom do that any more.

So there would be no point to the pause.

Secondly, as far as he was concerned, it sounds like the relationship had been more or less over for some time, just it had not been formally announced.

Finally, the best way to get over a failed relationship that you really cared about at one time, is to have a new relationship.

I hope you find someone else too.
 ten ocho
Joined: 10/26/2007
Msg: 24
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Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/16/2008 11:44:29 PM
And for your second question, rebound? Hmmm....maybe for the dumpee, so to speak. Sadly, the dumper either had something going on for this person before, or is simply casual with this person.

Everyone is different though. If you were together 2 years, and he was dating 2 weeks later, it's likely a fling and won't last. Stay away and he will probably come back...if you let him.
 rivereye
Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 25
Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/16/2008 11:52:24 PM
I'm pretty sure it has a lot to do with the double-meal discount coupons from Denny's. You wouldn't want to see us miss out on a great deal, would you? After all, we, the b@st@rd elite of the male population, are truly hard driven to save money any way we can. We, collectively, are sorry ,however, and would like to offer a formal apology if you have been inconvenienced by these circumstances in any way.
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