| Faithful before we meet????
Posted: 7/17/2008 11:45:20 AM | I am just posting this to hear what others have to say!!
In my profile it says and I am looking for a long term relationship!
I started exchanging emails with someone on here and we started to instant message a little. We were talking about meeting sometime but hadn't actually made a date yet. This had only gone on for 2 - 3 days!!! Had discussed maybe this coming weekend.
Now I have a woman friend and her and I get together occasionally for an evening. She had called and we got together Tuesday night. A non-commital thing. Could get to be more someday but isn't right now. If I meet someone that I want to be commited to then that's it! Hey I was in an eight year relationship that I was faithful in even when we had to live apart for long periods of time. Hell, she cheated on me!!! The woman that I was msging had sent a message asking me what I was up to Tuesday night. I didn't answer until Wednesday morning. I could have said nothing but that's deception so I told her what I did Tueday night.
I got a message back saying something like - I can't believe you wanted to see me! Something else Bla Bla!! Don't ever message me again.
Hmmmmm! I thought, I have to be faithful before we even meet????
I was honest but, I did msg back letting her know that I saw her profile on Fling tuesday afternoon. She said I have no e-fling!!! Well I can see your pic and name on there. Do you have a twin???
I can't figure out how to delete that profile on fling! Don't ever message me again!
I shake my head and wonder if people think that just because someone isn't abstinent, they can't be an honest faithful person when they decide to be?
Anyway, curious to hear what others think about this!!!!
C. | |
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| Faithful before we meet????
Posted: 7/17/2008 11:55:41 AM | It's funny how some people think that others should abstain from having sex while on the road to seeking a long term partner! A tad crazy if ya ask me!  However I think that while you are in the throws of 'courting' someone, you should try and hold off until you make a decision which direction you will go! Many people will not accept the double dipping idea! | |
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eazk
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Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 3 | |
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| Faithful before we meet????
Posted: 7/17/2008 11:57:06 AM | | Erm....you hadn't even met?? Some people never graduated (mentally) from high school, I guess. Once you've been dating someone for awhile, and you agree to be mutually exclusive, then yeah, you're expected to be faithful. Until then, what you do is your business. | |
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| Faithful before we meet????
Posted: 7/17/2008 11:57:21 AM | I see nothing wrong with what you did.
You haven't even met the girl yet, so really, what's her problem? The point of this site is to find new people. So what's the point of only chatting/seeing one at a time? And that fling site thing is pretty funny and embarrassing for her. | |
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| Faithful before we meet????
Posted: 7/17/2008 12:39:16 PM | | That website Fling is a very unappropiate website for meeting a serious partner, I just googled it... Isn't that a place where you do online sex and sh*t (it looks like that is what it is by their advertisement?)? | |
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| Faithful before we meet????
Posted: 7/17/2008 12:48:20 PM | | I don't want to sound rude - but some details are better kept to oneself - Saying you had a date is one thing - but I for one don't want to know how much or how little a person is having sex - I guess if I was a voyeur or something. | |
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| Faithful before we meet????
Posted: 7/17/2008 12:57:47 PM | Charles, sometimes it is better to keep things that aren't serious to yourself...
I had one guy interested in meeting me, but then also had a date, a few days before me, and he had sex with her. He gave me the option as to see him or not... I took the not, simply because it was a date that lead to sex.
Some people have friends with benefits, and that to me is a different story.
Some people get insensed about the whole have sex so close to meeting another person.
For me, I wouldn't want to be someone he was kissing on, or trying to, if he was trying to get to know someone else as well... It felt a lot like, now who's the better lay, and I didn't want to be in that position. If he had just had a date, no big deal, but it was more than that, and he asked, and I declined...
I don't know if it is so much a matter of being faithful, but rather the feeling that this person you don't know well is a serial .....hmmmm can't think of the word..... A serial layer.....
I wouldn't worry to much about someone that decides they don't want to be someones seconds... If she is just a FWB, keep the sex part to yourself... | |
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| Faithful before we meet????
Posted: 7/17/2008 2:08:32 PM | er charles...
Where you mattress testing with your ‘friend’? or just hanging out??? | |
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| Faithful before we meet????
Posted: 7/17/2008 5:48:47 PM | | Mattress testing or not if you had developed the idea that you wanted to meet and she sent you a message about Tuesday, then you should have done one of two things; cancel the non-commital regularly occurring sure thing, or told the prospect that you had already made plans. Having never met, it is none of her business what those plans were just that the Tuesday in question was not going to work. Now the point is moot. | |
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| Faithful before we meet????
Posted: 7/17/2008 6:30:47 PM | | I applaud you for being honest OP, but you can be honest and still keep yourself from an awkward situation. This woman, who is a friend of yours, came over to spend a night hanging out (the FWB part is between you and your visitor). So when you talk to your new lady friend online and she says "what did you do last night?", its a simple matter to say a friend came over to hang out. You're being truthful and not hiding anything, just not giving her information that she doesn't need to know at that point. And she doesn't go off assuming you are some sort of online Lothario looking for another conquest. Yes, she clearly overreacted, and its silly for her to think that you shouldn't have any sort of life while waiting for her to come along. But there are more tactful and diplomatic ways of discussing the previous evening. | |
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| Faithful before we meet????
Posted: 7/17/2008 6:41:01 PM | | You should be able to do whatever you want before you commit to someone. However, that said, I don't think I'd want to meet someone who has a f*ck buddy and is still using her services while talking to me. So best answer: don't ask, don't tell. | |
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| Faithful before we meet????
Posted: 7/17/2008 7:54:21 PM | | Surely chatting with someone on this website isn't a commitment. If I'm looking for a long term relationship can I not explore more than one possibility at a time? | |
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| Faithful before we meet????
Posted: 7/17/2008 8:05:10 PM | | I agree with the others in saying better to have kept it to yourself. If you're meeting potentials, be honest first and say, hey, I'm casually seeing other people, hope that's okay with you. But really dude, if you're trying to make an impression on someone for a long term relationship - next time, keep it in your pants or leave out the intimate details. | |
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| Faithful before we meet????
Posted: 7/17/2008 9:12:06 PM | | it would bother me,but you were honest with her and she chose not to continue talking. so continue looking for someone else who wants long term and doesn't have a problem with you having some on the side . | |
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| Faithful before we meet????
Posted: 7/17/2008 9:22:19 PM | ~OP~ Honesty is always the best policy, however, too much information will kill the deal early on. I agree with others, telling her you were out is one thing, telling her what you were doing is an entirely different scenerio in light of the fact you'd only been talking a few days. It's none of her business and shame on her for questioning you ~ but ~ some people don't understand a vital reality: until it's exlusive, it isn't.  | |
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| Faithful before we meet????
Posted: 7/17/2008 9:30:47 PM | Hey guy I appreciate your honesty in the story . I do the same thing .I was interested in a girl I worked with never had dated her well one night one of my Ex's had come over to shoot the shit, well the girl I like called me and I told her that my Ex was there and that we were just friends , and that she has been dating the same guy for the last 3yrs. needless to say the girl never spoke to me again at work... point is some people are like that. most people I know would not be that honest, most people would say that it was stupid to even bring up. But I don't lie and my guess is that you don't either. I don't think you did anything wrong, Now if I'm even just talking to someone I wouldn't do anything with anyone else, but thats just my choice..  | |
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| Faithful before we meet????
Posted: 7/17/2008 9:34:49 PM |
you hadn't even met?? Once you've been dating someone for awhile, *AND* you agree to be mutually exclusive, then yeah, you're expected to be faithful. Until then, what you do is your business
and
until it's exclusive, it isn't
some emails, some online chatting, and plans to meet do not make an exclusive relationship, unless of course you both agreed it did. | |
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| Faithful before we meet????
Posted: 7/17/2008 9:56:09 PM | | I think that if someone is that jealous and insecure before you begin a relationship they will make a very irritating partner anyway. You are better off without the drama. | |
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wolftx
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Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 21 | |
| Faithful before we meet????
Posted: 7/17/2008 10:12:22 PM |
it is none of her business what those plans were
I think along the lines of the OP: While I am single, I can do whatever I want, but when I am committed, I am faithful. My exclusivity criteria are very simple: From the first sex to the break-up, death or eternity, whichever comes first. Once broken up, additional ex-sex does not count anymore, because it is already over. I am still single then. Your post is very reasonable, but you know the next question a woman is likely to ask. "So what kind of plans?" Or after the fact: "So how did your plans on Tuesday turn out?" or "So what did you do?"
The follow-up question sounds so innocent but puts you in a tough spot (if you don't want to lie). How do you react to that? Even the most polite NOYB reply will put her off. Obviously, saying "I had a great lay, how was your Tuesday?" does not cut it either. If you admit to having a 'female friend' over, she will have a follow-up follow-up question.
I agree that the 'new' girl has no claim whatsoever, as she has not even met the OP, and I was under the impression that she procrastinated a little. Plus, many women don't exactly study cookbooks until Prince Charming has some time for them, they go out and meet other people. My interest in other women would wane once I get attracted to a particular woman, which typically happens between the first face-to-face contact and first sex. Are we forced to lie or live like monks before we can even develop that attraction?
Curious to hear a reasonable follow-up that works, because I don't think OP did anything wrong (although I would not tell her about it either)... | |
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