| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/17/2008 9:48:00 PM | I've had a few men say to me that money shouldn't even be considered one bit when choosing to have a child. Personally, I believe it should be at the top of the list right next to commitment for life.
Too many things go wrong. Being as prepared as possible for the unexpected, say... twins born three months premature, or a sick child who needs surgery and a 4 month hospital say that requires a 2 hour drive daily in an old klunker... would be good realistic reasons to make sure money is considered.
Then you have other issues, and generally men want a gorgeous and thin woman... which means that paying for a gym membership and help if you're without family becomes necessary, ...etc... then you have special food, clothes, diapers, etc etc etc.
I could go on and on, but these are some things I think are important for a woman to really have sanity and for her (usually her) to take care of herself and her child.
Do you think money is important, or a factor at all in choosing to have a child?
~C | |
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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/17/2008 10:07:25 PM | Nope.
One thing you'll learn is that you can never have enough money for children!!! Expensive little things they are.
Gym membership??? Have buggy find park... why pay for something that you can get for free and spend time with your little one too. Brisk walk, jog with buggy... and a baby makes a great resistance weight for those bingo wings!
Thinking about about all the negatives that could go wrong is a bit strange.
Special food - for baby? Its free and on demand.
Clothes - babies actually NEED very little in the clothing department.
Diapers - disposables are expensive...can save a lot of money is you go down the cloth bottom route and its much better for the environment.
Baby doesn't care if the Pram is second hand, if the clothes are hand me down, or if mum still carries some pregnancy residue.
Baby does care that they are loved and fed.
Top priority when considering having a baby... Do I have the time, love and commitment to give... A large savings pot is just a nice extra. | |
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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/17/2008 10:20:14 PM | A woman needs to get out and breathe on her own for a while, can't always be with the child.
I know you can't always be prepared, but there's having a child on a whim and living with the indescribable, insurmountable consequences of ignorance, and then there's at least trying to plan and consider cost.
I saw that arguement coming.
Got to think about the ways of the world too. | |
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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/17/2008 10:21:07 PM | | no I don't beleive money is that important, but yes you need to have enough to provide the basics, I'm poor myself but if I had lots of money my daughter wouldn't get hardly anything more than she gets now, not because I do not love her, it is because I do love her so much, I don't want to spoil her I want her to understand the value of a dollar and how much people should be valued for their character not their clothes. | |
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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/17/2008 10:44:20 PM | OP, if everyone sat down and analyzed all the possible scenarios of what 'could' go wrong, civilization would come to an abrupt halt. Yes, unexpected events happen, but don't go looking for them. If and when something occurs ... then deal with it. You cannot let your fear of the unknown dictate your future.
The majority of us were not 'planned' and many likely arrived at less than ideal times, but our parents managed just fine. You simply make do the best way you know how.
There isn't an obstacle that can't be overcome with the right mindset.
While finances should be considered, it's not all that important.
If you wait until you can afford children, you'll never have them. | |
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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/17/2008 10:52:20 PM | I got to tell you, everything i wrote in the original post and more happened to me for real, times 2. Trust me that being as prepared as possible is definitely needed. I never thought I'd have sick babies--who thinks that they will, we always think it's someone else, but look at the March of Dimes, Children's hospitals, Children with Cancer, etc. It has to happen to someone, and happens a lot actually.
There is good reason to consider the consequences... which doesn't mean "look" for them. When things happen and you have no alternatives... like... on the way to my 2lb baby's heart surgery, we hit a rock and it sucked the last $20 of gas out of the gas tank when it smashed a hole in it. We had no way to pay for even food, let alone gas, a new car, a new tank, and so on. If we waited til we had money saved, I finished college and had a decent job, a reasonably affordable place to live, etc, things would have been different for sure.
I am surprised more people don't think more realistically. I really thought there would be different responses here. I guess until people live through the difficult times like we have, they won't be able to see the other side.
As far as Eyes post above, yeah, babies born with dead intestines need very expensive special food, oxygen tanks, heart monitors, etc etc. I understand that cutting corners everywhere helps, but it's not enough as a rule, it's always a struggle.
I'm sorry you think it's strange to contemplate all avenues of events. If you lived it, you might feel differently. Oh, and disposable diapers for two babies, LMAO.
Thanks for the posts. | |
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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/17/2008 11:07:39 PM | I agree with specialheartedlady
Waiting until you are financially stable is a good thing because you never know what may happen. That goes along with anything, not just kids really. You always have to look ahead in life, never behind. Life has a tendancy to throw curve balls in every direction at random intervals. Can you predict it? No. Can you change it? Yes, most times. Every day is a struggle for some... mentally, emotionally and financially. Bringing a child into the world is an honour, not a requirement. Being financially ready, and emotionally ready will certainly assist you in bringing your child up the best way possible. | |
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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/17/2008 11:15:56 PM | | So just wondering if you already knew your own set response why post this? I personally think its crap when people say they are waiting for just the right time.....there is no exact moment when a couple looks around and is like yeah ok lets have one on decemeber 12th . Yes making sure you can afford to house, feed, and cloth a child is a good thing....does it always happen...no. You could have the best job make a ton, nice house the whole nine...then when the baby is there, lose the job (which is common right now), then not be able to find another and lose the house to boot! All of which are common in my area right now. Yes something could happen where the child has a health condition that needs to be taken care of. You can only plan so much for the unplanned! Well anyways just my 2 cents ;) | |
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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/17/2008 11:18:54 PM | of course I know my stance. I began to say that in the original post. I posted it to see what others thought... and expected to hear more ppl say they would find planning to be the best way to go as much as possible.
I agree with you also... all the more reason to try and plan, having that 4 months worth of bill money in the bank for if and when something like a job/house loss occurs... very worthwhile thing to do.
No one said you can see the future or plan for every little thing. It's silly to take a concept and twist it to extremes. | |
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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/17/2008 11:24:45 PM | | I must have read over that in your original post..sorry...also that was my point I was being sarcastic you cant plan for every little thing. Also yes a little saved would help if times got tough. | |
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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/17/2008 11:27:12 PM | "I've had a few men say to me that money shouldn't even be considered one bit when choosing to have a child."
As a single father I know the importance of having money, money is very important when it comes to you and your child, not having money when you are single is not such a big as a deal but when you have someone taht soley depends on you brings a new light to the perspective
"Then you have other issues, and generally men want a gorgeous and thin woman, which means that paying for a gym membership and help if you're without family becomes necessary,"
Those are only issues for shallow men not yourself
"then you have special food, clothes, diapers, etc etc etc."
These would be real issues, you always need to be prepared for your baby which means monetary expectations come in to play, you can never have enough when it comes to your child.
"Do you think money is important, or a factor at all in choosing to have a child?:"
Money is a big factor and of great importance, a parent should want the best for themselves and their child(ren), if anyone says otherwise they have no real ambition for themselves let alone their children | |
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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/17/2008 11:37:33 PM | Oh thank you , lorddagoth! I'm so happy to see you understand and agree. It's nice to hear that sentiment. A single father who takes his responsibility seriously is one I have tremendous respect and admiration for!
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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/17/2008 11:43:46 PM | You're talking about very specific occasions, generally babies don't need special food.
Yes I do think its strange to go into pregnancy contemplating all the negatives that could go wrong.
I have lived it, just differently to you. I can't carry to term. My body starts trying to evict babies from 24 weeks. I've been in NICU, rooting for a 25 weeker to keep fighting. Watching the fight being lost.
Luckily I do have 2 healthy babies, and I wouldn't swap them for anything, certainly not for money in the bank. | |
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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/17/2008 11:50:51 PM | My twins were born at 25 weeks, 10 years ago. I've seen others die too. I know all about it. And yeah, I'm talking about specific occasions that happen all too often. It could even be the death of the breadwinner. It doesn't have to be my example. All of them have similar effects when completely and totally unprepared.
Always endeavor and always think about the consequences from all sides, pregnancy too.
I'm sorry about your situation. | |
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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/18/2008 12:23:58 AM | "Oh thank you , lorddagoth! I'm so happy to see you understand and agree."
Your quite welcome specialheartedlady :)
"A single father who takes his responsibility seriously is one I have tremendous respect and admiration for!"
Awe thanks :) | |
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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/18/2008 12:30:26 AM | I agree completely with lorddagoth. You have to think about the emotional needs of the child and commitment involved, but if you can't feed any other mouths then you need to rethink having any children at that time. I knew one young lady who was considering having a baby to 'feel complete'. Knowing her situation, I sent her to the grocery store with a list and told her to figure out how much it would cost for those supplies. We went over a list of other things needed for when baby arrives, only necessities, and by the time we were done she decided it best to wait. She didn't realize just how much money everything would cost.
Yes, I know from personal experience. Doctors told me I'd never have children. Two years later, at a less than perfect time, I was pregnant. We managed but it was tough and we needed help. After only a small amount of discussion, I went on birth control. Due to my health issues I am very limited in my choices so I'm not like the average woman trying not to get pregnant. After a while, I was pregnant again. At least my youngest waited nearly 4 years to appear. She was supposed to wait another 3 after that but hey lol The time was even worse then before, though.
Now, I'm nearly done with my divorce, raising a 13 and 9 yr old on little money. That's why I'm back in school. I'm hoping to be able to at least help them with university to minimize their chances of going through this.
So yes, money is an important factor. | |
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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/18/2008 4:21:49 AM | No I don't. As my parents told me once......"No matter how long you wait to have a child because of money, you will never have enough".
You can't predict all the things that might happen in a child's life. You cannot prepare for it.
I am not rich, but I wouldn't trade having my children for any money in the world. And my children appreciate the things they have, because I don't have the money to buy them the latest fads.
Money can't buy love.
I am surprised more people don't think more realistically. I really thought there would be different responses here. I guess until people live through the difficult times like we have, they won't be able to see the other side.
I also had a special needs child. You cannot predict it, nor prepare for it financially or emotionally. And I have been down to my last dime just like you. You do the best you can, use the resources available, and love that child with all your heart. Money still doesn't matter.
And you cannot second guess your decision years later. Yes in hindsight it might have been better, financially if you had finished school and had a better job. But would you have the same child you have now? Probably not. Would you trade him for anything? Never.
And I sure hope you don't discuss things like this in front of him/her. It will make them feel like they are a burden on you. That you regret having them. | |
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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/18/2008 4:41:42 AM | Yeah I gotta say after reading the OP...that for as responsible as you're being in thought...fact is you just cant cover every base.
On top of all that...the other thing is that whatever happens...you will always make it through regardless of how little you have. | |
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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/18/2008 6:47:33 AM | IMO, if you have some self respect, and don't want to apply for food stamps, medicaid, etc etc, it matters.
If you're planning on having a child, you should be able to support the child, not expect society to support the child
yes, love and all that is most important, but the child will need medical care that insurance may/may not cover, food, clothes, car seats, etc etc etc. | |
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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/18/2008 8:29:05 AM |
Of course, those who choose to take advantage of the welfare system would see it differently.
Wow...ya know...in all my life...Ive never met a woman OR man that deliberately chose to take advantage of the welfare system.
Not saying those kinda people dont exist...just that Ive never met one...or seen one.
Most women have children thinking they'll have a partner.
Most men have children for the same reasons.
And the thing is...that even if a woman falls pregnant by accident...Im pretty sure her main focus ISNT on taking advantage of the welfare system. | |
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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/18/2008 9:00:05 AM | | Ill be honest with you both my pregnancies were suprises and so thankful it happened that way. I wanted to wait until i was financially secure I would still have no children. You will never be in a parents opinion financially secure enough for children. But when you have them it seems like everything falls into place. So while money is important to have you can't let it dominate your decision on having a child. Leave it up to God and he'll make sure he provides. | |
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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/18/2008 9:05:10 AM | Money is a factor to be considered in having a child. I know things happen but....
I refused to have another child because I knew financially I couldn't afford two children. When you think about the cost of clothing, formula & diapers, school supplies, school fees, food... then there are the smaller things like utilities going up, field trips at school, school pictures, year books... and even further along the whole graduation thing... | |
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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/18/2008 9:36:28 AM |
I really didnt see your post being on topic, because this has to do with financial stability.
Anything tangent to the topic at hand is continuity of thread.
The system is set up for a temp. use to get on your feet, and I have no problems for those who truely need it, But, it still doesnt change the fact that it doesnt matter HOW a child got here, by accident or planned, we do have 9 months to plan when that child gets here...
9 months is hardly enough time to plan for the next 18 yrs or so.
Which is why our system is set up to cater to single parent and low income families till a child turns 16 (they then receive their own personal income)...because our primary concern is for the welfare of the family unit and instilling that environment and the value systems associated with it...rather than throwing families out in the cold effectively just because they've decided there's a financial cut off point.
Unfortunately...just because the money stops...it doesnt mean the bills do and parents should have the option to stay at home and look after their children...because frankly...if you cant afford to do that...you likely shouldnt be having them either. JMHO | |
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