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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Split up with partner and he wont leave. Its making my life hell. ADV      Home login  
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 sassy_1974
Joined: 12/24/2006
Msg: 1
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Split up with partner and he wont leave. Its making my life hell. ADVICE PLEASE!!Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Hi, been with my partner 20 months or so, he moved into my home almost a year ago with his teenage son. We have never really got on, fought like cat and dog and its been one of the unhappiest times of my life.
We finally ended it over a week ago and ive asked him to leave, but he refuses to UNTILL the council rehome them which could take months.
I spend half my time up stairs in my room and have spent the last few days in tears. Im unwell with a temp lung problem and feel im not welcom in my own house. I myself have 4 kids and the house is in my name. Please does anyone have any coping stratagies as i feel i cant take any more, so very unhappy.
 benz007
Joined: 7/11/2008
Msg: 2
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Split up with partner and he wont leave. Its making my life hell. ADVICE PLEASE!!
Posted: 7/18/2008 8:22:46 AM
I feel your pain, when I filed for divorce my stbx would not move out of the house. She did got to the guestroom but we were both so miserable. She finally did move out after like 2 months cause she thought she had the upper hand but it backfired on her. Them not moving out is a control move IMO and they know we do not like it and just want to make us miserable, at least it was in my sitaution.

Do not isolate, he is getting the reaction he wants. Just do your own thing and if they think it does not bother you than he might leave sooner.
 *~Krysteene~*
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 3
Split up with partner and he wont leave. Its making my life hell. ADVICE PLEASE!!
Posted: 7/18/2008 8:59:02 AM
Yes I agree. This is your house. You do want you want to in it. If it makes him/them uncomfortable, maybe they'll go ahead and move out.

I know this may be an inconvenience to you for a time, but what about removing/locking applicances, turning off phone/cable/internet/tv, etc... ??? With his belongings there he has every right to be there (maybe - ask the police what if anything you can do to get him out of there - might have to serve him with eviction papers or something). However, no where does it say you have to make it comfortable for him to be there. Invite ALL your friends over. Invite ALL your kids friends over. (if you're physically up to it) TAKE BACK YOUR HOUSE. Take out all the beds but yours and the ones belonging to your kids. Make it as inconvenient as possible for him to live there.

Good luck with this. I don't understand why "he refuses to UNTILL the council rehome them". He's waiting for someone to find him a home? Why is that? When is it other people's responsibility to house a person? Is he disabled in some way?

Krys
 JohnnyC_78
Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 4
Split up with partner and he wont leave. Its making my life hell. ADVICE PLEASE!!
Posted: 7/18/2008 10:04:04 AM
"We finally ended it over a week ago and ive asked him to leave, but he refuses to UNTILL the council rehome them which could take months."
Sasssie you guys broke up, he is not your responsibility, he is using you mentally and physically still, the council rehome is his problem not yours, if need be go through the legal procedures to have him leave your home, I wish you the best.
 capricorn40
Joined: 4/25/2008
Msg: 5
Split up with partner and he wont leave. Its making my life hell. ADVICE PLEASE!!
Posted: 7/18/2008 10:36:07 AM
Not really understanding this. Your name is on the home. Why can't you have the police kick him out?
 Notts_Hun
Joined: 4/5/2007
Msg: 6
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Split up with partner and he wont leave. Its making my life hell. ADVICE PLEASE!!
Posted: 7/18/2008 10:43:03 AM
i would ask him again to leave & if he refuses i would involve the police as a the previous reply stated he isnt your problem anymore
 funone571
Joined: 4/18/2006
Msg: 7
Split up with partner and he wont leave. Its making my life hell. ADVICE PLEASE!!
Posted: 7/18/2008 10:53:31 AM
Not sure how the law works in your area but like others have said....it's time to get the police involved. He and his son may have lived there for the past year but your name is on the title of the house not his....if he doesn't leave on his own it's time to show him the door. Good luck
 OnceAgainGirl
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 8
Split up with partner and he wont leave. Its making my life hell. ADVICE PLEASE!!
Posted: 7/18/2008 11:14:32 AM
This sounds like the control tactic my kids father used on me. Rather, tried to use. When I split with my STBX he refused to move out. I felt the same way you do. You could try the legal route and have him removed. That might be your best option. It might cause a lot of stress at the time but he'd be out sooner therefore saving you stress in the long run. Because everything is in your name, you do have the right to remove him.

Or do what I did. Tell him you two are done and you're moving on and living your life however you want. I did. I was so over him by the time I left him, I started dating a close friend after about 3 months. (Yes, I kept it away from my kids). Basically live your life as though he's not even there. It really drove it home we were done and he was a bit more willing to move. You'll feel a bit better, too, by not letting it control your life. It helped me a lot.

Something else you could do. Lay down the rules. He has to do everything himself. You won't feed him, do his laundry etc. Since you've split, the home is in your name and he is now just a roommate, charge him rent. Do up an agreement that he has to sign. Give him rules for the kitchen i.e. not allowed to cook after a certain time, must replace what he uses. Treat him like a tenant. Keep in mind, that binds you to the rules of being a landlord. He just might rethink staying there, though, if he knows it will be no free ride.

Just ideas. I hope it works out soon for you.
 brandiw
Joined: 4/6/2006
Msg: 9
 wanderbaby
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 10
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Split up with partner and he wont leave. Its making my life hell. ADVICE PLEASE!!
Posted: 7/18/2008 12:39:06 PM
Find out the laws about eviction, some have the rule of 30 days to 60 days. is he paying rent? My friend told me in france that they can't evict people when it's winter, don't know if that goes for England, but since it'sn ot winter, then he has no reason to stay. If the eviction is 30 days, giveh im a certified letter, so that you have evidence that you did inform him, and use it in court if you have to. Then when 30 days is over, either get the police and evict him out, or move his stuff out while he's gone and change the locks.

if you have a temp lung problem, why are you smoking, I don't think that's helping you to improve your health.
 sassy_1974
Joined: 12/24/2006
Msg: 11
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Split up with partner and he wont leave. Its making my life hell. ADVICE PLEASE!!
Posted: 7/18/2008 1:03:07 PM
he's partially dissabled.
wont leave untill the council find him appropriate housing. meanwhile we just act like 'friends' untill he finally leaves.
i cant do that, the break up-altho inevitable- is hard, as i thought id find the one and that finally id be happy..obviously this isnt the case and pretending we are just mates after being in a relationship for almost 2 yrs is hard.
I feel i cant move on till he has gone, he cant see why i feel like this.
urgh just a mess and if i had somewhere to go i would :(

I have been diagnosed with Pleurisy, no smoking isnt helping true but at the mo i need something to calm my nerves.
 Westpark2
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 12
Split up with partner and he wont leave. Its making my life hell. ADVICE PLEASE!!
Posted: 7/18/2008 1:33:12 PM
Sounds like you are both living in a council house which would indicate he is listed as being in the house?

Does that also not give him some legal responsibilities and rights in respect to the lease of the house. So effectively once you allowed him and his son to move in he assumed responsibility in respect to the monthly liabilities so reason would dictate that once an emotional break up is reality one should not simply be expected to be thrown on the street be it a mother or a father?
 everlast_toronto
Joined: 5/28/2008
Msg: 13
Split up with partner and he wont leave. Its making my life hell. ADVICE PLEASE!!
Posted: 7/18/2008 1:46:59 PM

Not really understanding this. Your name is on the home. Why can't you have the police kick him out?


I was just about to say the same thing.......
its your house, if he's not paying you rent, then he's tresspassing
 CanadianChic2006
Joined: 5/6/2006
Msg: 14
Split up with partner and he wont leave. Its making my life hell. ADVICE PLEASE!!
Posted: 7/18/2008 2:31:16 PM
If he pays rent you have to give him notice... otherwise... kick his bottom out... call the sheriff/police and find out what is legally required for you to do!
 msmotorman
Joined: 9/23/2006
Msg: 15
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Oh girl Just start dating a man like me
Posted: 7/18/2008 6:25:29 PM
when he sees my 6ft 3in 305 lbs of mississippi redneck, heck I would move in to . He would Leave real fast !!!
 cporter4392
Joined: 7/15/2008
Msg: 16
Split up with partner and he wont leave. Its making my life hell. ADVICE PLEASE!!
Posted: 7/18/2008 7:15:34 PM
First you need to find out the laws in your city if he has your addrese as his mailing addrese then most court will say he is a legal tenant in which you will have to give him an eviction notice .
If he has no mailing addrese then he can be removed by local police department
 capricorn40
Joined: 4/25/2008
Msg: 17
Split up with partner and he wont leave. Its making my life hell. ADVICE PLEASE!!
Posted: 7/19/2008 3:25:00 AM

I feel i cant move on till he has gone, he cant see why i feel like this.

Which in itself is the main problem you have. You want him to figure it out, do the right thing and move out. Not going to happen. He doesn't give a shit about your feelings and the sooner YOU get a clue about it, the better you will be able to deal with this crapfest of a situation.

Do something about it!!!!!

Stop whining about how he is ruining your life. Go to the citizen advice bureau. Find out what your options are.
A close friend once said, "When you break up (divorce), make sure YOU drive the bus"
One of you needs to take the wheel. He just sitting back waiting for the council to re-home him. He can sit SOMEWHERE ELSE. Where? Not your problem.

The day my wife walked on me, I was on the horn with lawyers trying to find out what ALL my options were.
Nothing get resolved from inaction. Things NEVER work themselves out. You have to take control. Lover boy ain't going to do anything as long as he's got a roof over his head and you paying the bills.

Dang, I must be doing something WRONG when I see all these women supporting these jerks.
 julesv66
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 18
help will be out there.
Posted: 7/19/2008 6:10:42 AM
Hi, been in the same situation, but at the time I was married and the house was in joint names so we both had equal rights to be there. If the house is in your name, you should have more rights to evict him. I would suggest visting your local citizens advise bureau next week, and getting some free legal advice. Im certain they will be able to point you in the right direction. Good luck.
 samstyles
Joined: 3/23/2008
Msg: 19
help will be out there.
Posted: 7/19/2008 3:22:14 PM
I can see why you dont want to involve the authorities, but I really think you should.
It wasn't until after I got out of a similar situation that I realised how much it had hurt the kids. Do it for them.

Also, I hate to contradict another post, but what ever you do, dont have a formal agreement of living arrangements or you're giving him rights to stay.

Citizen's Advice Bureau isn't consistent so an alternative is a free 1st appt with a solicitor. Mine was better than CAB.
 goochboy
Joined: 9/8/2007
Msg: 20
Split up with partner and he wont leave. Its making my life hell. ADVICE PLEASE!!
Posted: 7/19/2008 4:30:10 PM
....well move on.................... with me.....and he wont bother u anymore...
 crimsonandthewhite
Joined: 7/27/2005
Msg: 21
Split up with partner and he wont leave. Its making my life hell. ADVICE PLEASE!!
Posted: 7/20/2008 11:21:19 AM
he has squattors rights since he has lived with you more then 2 weeks , but what u can do is go to the police tell them ur situation , they'll probaly tell u exactly when they can legall escort them out theres no reason to go through hell when u dont have to but if u honestly have a big heart and cannot kick them out i suggest keeping urself busy like reading, arts and crafts or scrap booking whatever u can do in ur own home u can also try therapy
 capricorn40
Joined: 4/25/2008
Msg: 22
Split up with partner and he wont leave. Its making my life hell. ADVICE PLEASE!!
Posted: 7/20/2008 12:02:57 PM

he has squattors rights since he has lived with you more then 2 weeks ,


Nope, that is wrong.
Squatting is when someone occupies an empty or abandoned property without the owner's permission, often without his knowledge and without any normal legal right to do so.

The OP lives there. She does not have to live with someone in her home if that person has no legal right to be there. It is NOT squatting, because the home was never empty.
 faithfey
Joined: 2/16/2008
Msg: 23
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Split up with partner and he wont leave. Its making my life hell. ADVICE PLEASE!!
Posted: 7/20/2008 2:16:10 PM
Pop into your local police station and ask them for help. In the UK in situations like this they can be suprisingly useful. Unlike a lawyer they have no axe to grind (money to make from you in fees!) but they do know the law inside out for circumstances like this. They'll be able to tell you exactly where you stand. If they offer you help to get rid of him - take it!

I feel sorry for his kid but this is one time you have to look out for the atmosphere all this is creating for your own child and put them first. It's not doing the children any favours being in a hostile environment. The council have a duty to put him up till he finds his own place, it's not your responsibility anymore. The police can help direct him to the relevant housing advisors etc. They'll visit your home and will do a welfare report on both your kids for social services in case they need to intervene (more likely for his child than yours right now) and help chase up the council for his accomodation.

Be polite and respectful and you should find them very helpful in a non-confrontational way. Where children are involved it tends to bring out the best from our boys in blue!
 vamberlee
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 24
Split up with partner and he wont leave. Its making my life hell. ADVICE PLEASE!!
Posted: 7/20/2008 4:43:38 PM
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. It took me over a year to get my ex out of the house. He refused to leave too. I even went so far as to ask the police for help and they said as long as he is paying half the rent...they couldn't help me. I found that the only alternative was to make HIS life in my home hell. I had to make him want to leave. I was a royal **** and as mean as I could be. I'm not a nagger but I became one... it worked we had a HUGE blow-out one day and he left....finally!
If you stay in your room and he doesn't have to deal with you....he wont leave.
 ConsciousSoul
Joined: 7/9/2008
Msg: 25
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Split up with partner and he wont leave. Its making my life hell. ADVICE PLEASE!!
Posted: 7/20/2008 8:05:53 PM
Hello Sasssie, I think many responses you got here make senses. Whatever you do, basically, it falls down in 2 possibles categories:
a) If he is paying some of the rent, and has his name legally on the papers, then you need to go through eviction process, which is a legal process, and you will need to gather legal information about what to do.
b) If he is NOT paying the rent and his name isn't on any legal paper, then technically, he has no rights. You should tell him he must be out by a fixed date you should determine, and tell him you will call the authorities and get him kicked out by the police if he is not out by that date. His refusal to leave shows he is not willing to work on this, and this is your life and your home. Do it politely and with respect, but be firm and set a limit date, and stick to it.
Good luck!
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