| Expectations?
Posted: 7/18/2008 1:56:15 PM | Hi all
do we set our expectations too high for relationships?
we want the perfect partner, is this imperfect world.
Have we all just become so wrapped up in ourselves and our expectations set so high for others that our tolerance for any short fall on these expectations for our partner or impending partner have has reached a finite level that we no longer tolerate any imperfections...or put more simply are we all just too bl**dy fussy!!
Lets be honest if we read the expectations for most profiles, we all should have the looks of a superstar, a bank balance of the Beckhams, look like ya 18 @ 40 +, oh yeah dont forget the 'GSOH' ...
how on earth did our ancestors ever get together with their warts (and plague and disease and lack of deodorant and peasant lifestyles, to propagate for our existance so we could spend endless hours on websites looking for the 'perfect partner')... the phrase 'warts and all' should be modified to 'only the perfect need apply'..
I expect nothing from anyone, I no longer have dissapointments in my life..
happy hunting...
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| Expectations?
Posted: 7/18/2008 2:09:16 PM | That's a god attitute.
If you don't expect anything from anyone. You'll never again be dissapointed.
I'm right there with you on that. | |
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| Expectations?
Posted: 7/18/2008 2:10:37 PM | This topic has been done to death...but here goes.
Why is it that I (and quite a few others, judging from other threads on the same topic) sense that those who complain about expectations being too high are those who have been eliminated by someone else....who's expectations were higher?
Indeed, it IS an imperfect world...and I am an "imperfect" being. That does NOT however mean that there is not a "perfect" mate...for ME. My idea of "perfection" and someone else's idea of "perfection" would be totally different.
The LAST thing I'd want is someone who looked like a rock star...or even a movie star, I don't even know who the hell Beckham is...and why would I care what they looked like at either 18 OR 40?
I expect nothing from anyone, I no longer have dissapointments in my life.. spoken like a true martyr. Could it be that those who expect NOTHING do so because they know they have NOTHING to offer? | |
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| Expectations?
Posted: 7/18/2008 2:10:56 PM | Thats how it is in the western world and this is where people get in a developed world.
In E.Europe, Latin America, Asia...even Japan that's the only one exeption I know of in the developed world that women are still Ok. (OK meaning ..."reacheable")
Its about objects you own.....to show off...basicaly everything is looked at as a resource.
Resource to be milked. There are other places where women likes you because of who you are....but how can the average american know about that? He deals with what he has....
Basically when i read those profiles I click next....I am sure many others do the same.
Why in the world would I want long term relationships now ...unde these conditions?
To get married then...go follow "her rules"...and then pay lawyers and other stuff say for divorce?. if you don't like it. Thx, but no thanx.....I would rather eat a piece of bread and drink water and enjoy the sunshine and feel the freedom. Yeah I like sex...but not as much to do "overkill" stuff...not even close.
Those man who were in the military know what I mean.
And needless to say...now the standard is that you need to buy 10 K gold ring or 20 K with diamonds. What? .... give me a break. Wake up people. | |
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| Expectations?
Posted: 7/18/2008 2:22:55 PM | Im not interested to read profiles who have lots of expectations..im not impress to people saying YOU MUST BE..like this and that, also that sounds like a dad to me, it echoes to my ears what my dad said when i was a child"you must be like this and that) lol.
I would be impressed if a man would present himself being a goof or crazy in a nice way-- well because im a goof myself (as what my niece always tell me)--haha-- that's a BIG turn on to me. | |
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| Expectations?
Posted: 7/18/2008 2:51:16 PM |
keep your rude and offending remarks to yourself Thanks for the email OP.....that could explain some of the "high expectations" eliminations LOL! | |
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| Expectations?
Posted: 7/18/2008 3:01:02 PM |
how on earth did our ancestors ever get together with their warts (and plague and disease and lack of deodorant and peasant lifestyles, to propagate for our existance so we could spend endless hours on websites looking for the 'perfect partner')... the phrase 'warts and all' should be modified to 'only the perfect need apply'..
They were horny? | |
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| Expectations?
Posted: 7/18/2008 3:06:57 PM | demanding people and I do not mix.  | |
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| Expectations?
Posted: 7/18/2008 3:30:59 PM | . . . it is a principle of his that no man who was not a true gentleman at heart, ever was, since the world began, a true gentleman in manner. He says, no varnish can hide the grain of the wood; and that the more varnish you put on, the more the grain will express itself.
Great Expectations, Charlie****ns.
you wanna be bummed out about expectations, go read that book. | |
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| Expectations?
Posted: 7/18/2008 3:50:17 PM | I think the internet dating venue allows us to set expectations too high. Everyone wants either Charlize Theron or George Clooney. We are all expected to not have an ounce of fat on us, be porn stars in bed and be millionaires.
They are unrealistic expectations in an unrealistic world of internet dating. | |
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| Expectations?
Posted: 7/18/2008 4:43:45 PM | I expect nothing from anyone, I no longer have dissapointments in my life..
But if they offer...you will take... | |
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| Expectations?
Posted: 7/18/2008 5:00:00 PM | | Dave, loosen the knot in your tie and take a breather.....a lot of us agree with you. :) | |
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| Expectations?
Posted: 7/18/2008 5:15:26 PM | | I never have expected anything from others. There are only a handful of people I know that when they say they are going to do something and they actually come through. Women or men. It is hard to find integrity and genuine common courtesy out of people these days, so if I meet somebody who will follow through with what they say I look at it as a positive. The bad thing is I still wait for them to not follow through instead of having that trust in them. | |
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| Expectations?
Posted: 7/18/2008 5:50:35 PM | .
But of course, we all have great expectations. If we didn’t, then just anyone we happen to meet would do.
For instance, most of us would much prefer a like minded friend, lover and companion. Otherwise, we wouldn’t feel very good about bringing them around our family and friends.
I’m betting that the OP isn’t willing to date every girl or woman he meets. This means, there must be a whole series of expectations in play there. Now, if OP is just talking about looks, that’s only one aspect of the expectations most people have. Actually, that would be preferences, but whatever.
My preferences are that she be presentable and polite (rather conservative, like I am) in public and have a quick mind. But, when we’re alone . . . well, ahem, that’s different. 
The really interesting part of going out in public and meeting people is that everyone is different. Some may be a lot of fun to watch, but that most certainly does not mean that I want one like that for my best friend and lover. So yeah, just like most people, I guess that I probably expect certain things from those I call friends -- as they do from me.
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| Expectations?
Posted: 7/18/2008 5:53:41 PM | I actually expect my life to work out.
I expect to have a loving relationship.
I expect most people are kind and basically good.
Funny how my reality meets my expectations.
Maybe because what we're looking for is generally what we find? | |
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| Expectations?
Posted: 7/18/2008 6:03:59 PM | I've learned that relationships work best when each of us truly understands what our needs are, how we want to live our lives, and which qualities and personality traits that the other person possesses will be a good fit for us.....
It is not about Expectations or Limitations.....It's about Knowing Oneself & Compatibility...
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| Expectations?
Posted: 7/18/2008 10:49:41 PM | Radio Chick
well said, could have not put it better myself, | |
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| Expectations?
Posted: 7/18/2008 11:07:00 PM | ItsMargo said:
I actually expect my life to work out.
I expect to have a loving relationship.
I expect most people are kind and basically good.
Funny how my reality meets my expectations.
Maybe because what we're looking for is generally what we find?
Perfect! My the most favourite answer on this thread. Thank you ! | |
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| Expectations?
Posted: 7/19/2008 12:36:30 AM | | I think if you have positive expectations, then you will reap positive outcomes...and if you focus on the negative then the universe will give you that back ten fold. I should be the most negative person out there, I came from a bad family, I have buried two partners, I have had my heartbroken, I have had many experiences that weren't so great but it is all about attitude, if you constantly think that people have too high of expectations then guess what you will keep meeting those that do, so drink a nice tall cup of happy and rethink what you are putting out there in your world...I guarantee you that if you think it, it will happen! | |
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| Expectations?
Posted: 7/19/2008 1:09:12 AM | a very good friend of mine once told me when i was having relationship issues
"if you expect nothing you wont get hurt....and if something good or bad happens react acourdingly | |
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| Expectations?
Posted: 7/19/2008 1:18:38 AM | | I agree with you, but I think a lot of this perceived fussiness stems from illusions that places like this create in giving you the impression, that you can meet/have exactly the kind of person you want. While that may seem plausible in theory, in reality I suspect finding such people so perfectly tailored to our desires is like waiting for that one in a million, who never actually appears. it amazes me how many people are prepared to resign themselves to singledom, seemingly forever, in the belief that their mr/miss right is out and that eventually they will be found, but will they? In my experience those people wait forever. They just will not except 2nd best, will not except any compromise on their expectations. Not a bad thing if thats how you prefer to be....but. | |
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| Expectations?
Posted: 7/19/2008 1:58:11 AM | thanks Pip,
the 'supermarket of dating' plenty of perfect looking goods on the shelf, until you get home and take that wrapper off....its never quite what one expects...how we delude ourselves is beyond measure. | |
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| Expectations?
Posted: 7/19/2008 2:10:24 AM |
I expect nothing from anyone, I no longer have dissapointments in my life..
I feel EXACTLY the same way! I often tell a person, when we're meeting for the first time, not to come with any expectations of ANYTHING, just to look at it as a brand new experience, for better or worse. I also agree that, once we get over those expectations, we're no longer disappointed. Too bad everyone doesn't think that way, IMO. | |
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| Expectations?
Posted: 7/19/2008 2:16:51 AM | First of all...Do you want a conditional or unconditional friendship to start. Friends come in many colors, shapes and thought patterns...Doesnt mean you have to marry them...Out of many friendships come true loves. Its built over time... The first thing earned is trust. Through consistentcy of actions. No two on this earth are exactly alike and thats a good thing. If someone really is annoying then they arent for you. Gracefully bow out. From every experience we have we have two choices. Learn something or leave less the wiser.
So, the next time you go to meet someone, balance out your thoughts. Just go to have an enjoyable time, regardless. If they are rude or less than human, say good-nite and leave. If they are a blessing, sit, enjoy, refresh and be thankful...  | |
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| Expectations?
Posted: 7/19/2008 2:29:23 AM | 23# From my experience I think thats easier said than done, especially when you state what your looking for. Whenever I date, there always seems to be that clause at the back of my mind that says your here for a particular reason, other than to just enjoy the view. It seems unavoidable.
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