| | Are single, custodial men undateable?Page 1 of 7 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7) | | I have had little to no luck with woman on this site since I joined. As an experiment, about a year ago I took out the part of my profile that says "custodial", and lo and behold, I started getting responses. I've since put it back in, because I feel it is important for a potential partner to know that ahead of time. I won't sit here and tell you I have the perfect profile or great pictures, but I've seen more "read deleted" Than I care to admit to. Are custodial dads that untouchable? | |
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| Are single, custodial men undateable?
Posted: 7/19/2008 6:59:10 AM | Custodial dad. So, the kids live with you full time I presume. Personally, I think it is fine, but then again I have kids with me full time too. It really makes no difference. Men with children at home at least part of the time understand better the pressure I have to balance a date and my kids. Then we can also enjoy doing things with all the kids like going to the baseball game. (my kids are 17,15 & 13)
If the kids are really young some woman I know do not want to be mommy to more small children, so they know from jump you can be the best man in the world but they are done with the kids at a certain age so why pursue something earlier on they know will not go anywhere.  (Better to not get into something and hear, "you have kids full time... I am not interested" ) Know from the beginning.
Personally, I like kids of all ages, soon mine will be out of the house and my feelings then might change.
P.s. I lived in lake geneva for yrs. Had I been there now I might see if you wanted to go to the beach.  | |
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| Are single, custodial men undateable?
Posted: 7/19/2008 7:11:04 AM | It's not really about the fact that YOU are a custodial parent...it's probably more about the women you are choosing to contact. How do THEY feel about children?
I have raised mine...want no more...want someone in a similar parenting situation...either grown and on their own, older, or shared custody. Maybe it sounds selfish, but why should MY schedule have to go around someone elses children's schedule, when I have already been there, and done that? :)
And sweetie...it is not a gender specific thing...single parent women have it happen ALL OF THE TIME. ;)
The key is to find someone compatible with YOUR life and where you are at in it. | |
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| Are single, custodial men undateable?
Posted: 7/19/2008 7:41:04 AM | | I try to make a point of not contacting the ones who don't have kids at all. Someone who's had no children, male or female, cannot comprehend what we go through on a day-to-day basis. I've always had some confusion with the ones that say they want no kids, but have their own. Does that mean they don't want any more kids, or they don't want to deal with someone else's kids? This whole "being back out there" thing is more confusing then it was when we were kids! | |
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| Are single, custodial men undateable?
Posted: 7/19/2008 7:44:57 AM | | Holy crap! I didn't know we were rating threads on here. I didn't post this question looking for sympathy or attention. I'm looking for ideas, dammit! | |
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| Are single, custodial men undateable?
Posted: 7/19/2008 9:25:36 AM | | Actually, beyond the scheduling difficulties of having kids and trying to date, I believe custodial individuals bring a lot to the table, especially to someone who has been left. Custodial parents are family oriented. They are the ones who will fight for what is right for the kids. They take ownership of a very difficult task and remain the core of the family. Custodial parents have also struggled through child rearing and can sympathize (or empathize) with those in similar situations. Besides, kids build character in a person. Don't look at being a custodial parent as a hinderance. Yes, you are going to have more logistical problems where a "freeman" will not, but you're a man with a plan. You are in a niche market now. 100% dateable. Just don't date a 20 something who still wants to go clubbing. | |
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| Are single, custodial men undateable?
Posted: 7/19/2008 9:36:18 AM |
Are single, custodial men undateable? They are if they're in their late 50's and early 60's with a 5 year old. Even a 10 year old is more than I want to take on right now. I know that's not what you meant when you started this thread, but believe me I am running into that.
These guys had a mid-life crisis and went out and messed around ... got a younger woman pregnant and started a second family. It didn't work out and now they have the child.
I love children and had four of my own. But they're big now and I'm done with that part of my life. Now I have decided to be selfish and make it about me and my man ... just us two. I wouldn't mind having grandchildren over now and then, but unless there's some sort of major tragedy in the family and I have to end up with raising a grandchild ... I'm ready for a "childless" relationship. | |
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| Are single, custodial men undateable?
Posted: 7/19/2008 9:40:34 AM |
I've always had some confusion with the ones that say they want no kids, but have their own. Does that mean they don't want any more kids, or they don't want to deal with someone else's kids?
It means different things for different women...but I think for a large majority, it means the same thing that I feel. I spent my entire adult years and a couple of my teen ones too!...as a parent. A devoted, wonderful, kick ass one, I might add! ;) Being a parent defines so much of who I am, today. :)
I most definitely do not want additional biological children of my own...I have no desire to adopt, either. Since my ultimate goal is to find the ONE person to grow old with...I choose those who do not have the "barrier" of younger children. I say "barrier" for lack of better descriptives...because it is not about the responisbility of children, per se...it is more about how having children means that I am restricted from the freedom I now have, since mine are raised.
Again...the best thing to do is not take it personally. It is not about YOU...it is about the place you are at. Commonalities is important in relationships. There are probably a million different ways couples clash NOW, though they would not at another time. Distance, careers, goals, schooling, children, etc... | |
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| Are single, custodial men undateable?
Posted: 7/19/2008 10:29:13 AM | I completely agree! Family oriented males are hard to find. Like I said earlier if the lady is moved on in her life then yes, it will be hard to meet someone. However, I understand what you are going through as I am in the same boat. Mention children and men are afraid to merely say hello. I am not looking for a dad for the kids. I would like to go out and not alone all the time. Plus, for me it is also nice if we have a family supper and watch a favorite movie all of us and eat popcorn.
So, you are looking for a special lady and when you do find her you will appreciate her all the more!
Door county is beautiful!! | |
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| Are single, custodial men undateable?
Posted: 7/19/2008 11:14:41 AM | | If women have a problem with you having children, why would you want to date these women anyway? Just keep looking and the right one will come along and love both you and your children. | |
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| Are single, custodial men undateable?
Posted: 7/19/2008 11:44:23 AM | Y'know, I've been on this site for some time, alternating between actively dating and being a forum rat, but I've never, ever felt any kind of rejection that I could remotely say was caused by my status as a single parent. Ever.
Now, maybe it's because I don't waste my time looking for those kinds of reasons, but this topic is brought up often enough by both genders that there's gonna be the concern that these parents are surreptitiously blaming their children for their inability to start new relationships. And I call bullcrap on that.
Maybe you were too big. Maybe you were too skinny. Maybe you had a hunk of spinach between your teeth; maybe you're a lousy conversationalist; maybe you're too redneck; maybe you're too liberal; maybe you had bad breath, bad hair, bad manners, bad language, bad skin, or BO.
Here's the thing: that person sitting across the table from you can reject you for fifty different reasons, or even no reason at all. But there's such an unhealthy fixation by too many single parents on their own status as parents that the first thing they point at when they find out there's not gonna be a 2nd or 3rd date is their kids. Ladies and gentlemen, you need to stop that shit. | |
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| Are single, custodial men undateable?
Posted: 7/19/2008 12:41:44 PM | I am sure it vastly reduces the number of women who will consider dating you.
However, I also think it means the women who will date you are more likely to be your match.
You will have less dates but those you do have will be of a better quality.
Some would say that was a good thing, especially when your life is as busy as being a single Dad makes it! | |
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| Are single, custodial men undateable?
Posted: 7/19/2008 12:58:29 PM | everyone has preferences, just as you do, OP. Shrug off the ones that bypass you just because you're custodial. But it could be other reasons too, however, those who see you are custodial may prefer not to be involved with someone with kids at the age they are in.
The "I don't want any more kids" usually means they no longer want kids, doesn't mean they dont' want other kids..
here's some options:
go to profile review, and tweak your profile, it does need work.
go to a paid dating site, people take dating more seriously since they do have to pay for it.
go join a single parents group or singles group, that way you get interactons with other people, may meet a nice lady or two. | |
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| Are single, custodial men undateable?
Posted: 7/19/2008 1:36:27 PM | | I don't start off going after the ones who don't want the kids. I think that if you want the "weekend dad", you should put that in your profile. I wouldn't waste hers or my time, then. | |
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| Are single, custodial men undateable?
Posted: 7/19/2008 1:45:51 PM | First things first. At NO time did I EVER blame my kids. I'll call bullcrap on you for even bringing that up.
Secondly, the rejections I've gotten have been right off the bat. There was never a moments hesitation in stating that because I had kids, they weren't interested. I'm happy for you that this never happened to you, however, I'm betting it happens on here more than anyone knows. That person wasn't sitting across the table yet. They were still in front of the computer. | |
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| Are single, custodial men undateable?
Posted: 7/19/2008 2:10:24 PM | Chill, prostockguy: as you can read, I wasn't speaking to your specific condition, I was speaking about how single parents go on and on and on about not being able to get more dates in general.
It can become a self-fulfilling prophesy too, if you're not careful: if you're so dead certain that your parental status undermines your dating ability, then *every* dating opportunity will be experienced through that lens, and you can lose out just because of your belief, and not just because you happen to be a single dad. | |
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| Are single, custodial men undateable?
Posted: 7/19/2008 3:26:53 PM | | i also am a single custodial father, and have been for 5 years, i think the problem is that most women are not willing to be in a relationship when the man has child at home, because they want to have their own children, and that deflects them from opening up into the relationship. i have been trying to meet and chat with women for quite sometime, and they all seem pretty hesitamt about being in a relationship with someone that already has a child at home. just my experience. im definatley not knocking anyone. | |
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| Are single, custodial men undateable?
Posted: 7/19/2008 4:33:32 PM | I left something out, but not sure if this is related, the cause, or a symptom. One of the reasons the ex split is because, and i quote, "it seems the kids are more important to you than I am". Maybe subconciously I keep going after the same woman.
Thanks for the kudos, but I didn't understand your last sentance. What is making them run?
Something else. I'm new to this whole forums thing. What is OP? | |
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| Are single, custodial men undateable?
Posted: 7/19/2008 5:19:26 PM | | I am in the same basic situation re: custody. I would have no problem with dating a guy who had 100% custody. Actually, it might be easier. Guys who have 50/50 or every other weekend often *think* we are in the same situation, but in reality just do not get that I cannot just drop everything with no notice and run out to get a drink after work for a few hours anytime they want me to. | |
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| Are single, custodial men undateable?
Posted: 7/19/2008 5:22:21 PM | Op is original poster, the person who starts the thread.
your ex used that as an excuse to move on. And it's not related to why women don't respond to you just because you're a custodial dad. | |
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| Are single, custodial men undateable?
Posted: 7/19/2008 7:16:38 PM | OP ... If I were your age and didn't have children or even had my own ... I'd still be okay with dating a man who has custody of his children. Why not? As I said ... I love children.
I think it's a matter of finding the right lady. Not all women will be open to your situation, but I happen to know a lot of women who would be. The bottom line for any "custodial" parent (man or woman) when it comes to dating ...
... you are a "PACKAGE" deal.
Are single custodial men un-dateable? Hardly. There are lots of women out there that would be glad to date a man who is doing the right thing by their child(ren). My niece just married a man who has custody of his children. She has her own two as well.
She has a lot of RESPECT for him because she knows the father of her children would never have even considered taking on such a responsibility ... yet will stand by and ridicule her day after day if she isn't handling things just perfectly with the children. | |
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| Are single, custodial men undateable?
Posted: 7/19/2008 8:04:27 PM | | I would not say that custodial men are undateable. Myself, I wouldn't mind dating someone that had custody of their kids. First off, it shows that they love their children, or they would have them with someone else all the time. It shows they are responsible even if they aren't the best parent because usually they are at least making their best effort. It shows commitment because whatever the cause that the mother didn't have them....the father never had to take them either. In a situation where a mother is unfit, sometimes the fathers will opt to let relatives take the kids or in the event of a mothers death, the father will bail and leave kids with grandparents, etc. NO>>>I WOULD SAY YOU ARE VERY DATEABLE...alot of positive characteristics in a guy who is raising his children. Keep on looking, and good luck. | |
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| Are single, custodial men undateable?
Posted: 7/19/2008 9:03:42 PM | I prefer to date fathers that have custody of their children.
I find it's easier both logistically and economically, and it's usually less of a headache from the ex. | |
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