| Law of attaction -- a different perspective
Posted: 7/22/2008 8:03:24 PM | What is the real law of attraction? I don't think it's that new-age or new-age type hypothesis that if you think of money it will get to you, or if you have one lucky number drawn in the lotteries, soon more and more numbers in your selection will match the drawn numbers.
But I think that the "law of attraction" is a very definite social-sciences law, a law that gives advantage to the beautiful people because they are beautiful. I mean strictly physical beauty here, not inner beauty or a brilliant personality.
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Many years ago I stopped at a red light at the busiest downtown intersection in Toronto. I was second up at the light, and an expensive car pulled up beside me on the curbside, on my right. A cop car pulls up right behind me. The light changes to green, the expensive car's door opens and a good-looking blonde gets out. She stands by her car door. I honk. I figured I had enough room to move smoothly past her open door, but if I touch her or her car with my clunker then I'm in trouble. She still stands there, looking around. It's a definitely no parking, no standing, no stopping zone. It's at Yonge and Bloor, right in that intersection, for those who live in Toronto.
The woman finally reluctantly steps back from her car door. It's a two-door, and I still don't move. She looks at me indignantly. I still don't move. Finally she closes her car's door. I move, but the light turns yellow and it's a red-light camera intersection. I stop. The cops have seen this, one gets out, walks over to me and tells me what a shit piece I was for not moving. I knew better than to say anything. He kept on asking me, so I told him I did not believe there had been enough clearing between my car and her open car door. By that time the woman had crossed the intersection, leaving her car there. The cop said in a belittling voice, "pussycat, there was a lot of room between you and her open car door. What do you mean you could not be sure of that? You want me to take your licence away right now?"
Then the light turned green again and I proceeded. The cops took off and went around me and disappeared into the dusty, hazy, humid summer afternoon. They never gave her a ticket, nothing. She was cool in the cop's book, I was not.
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Before a holiday, I think it was Passover, I put 7 items in my grocery cart, and lined up at the cashier. The lines were all incredibly long, and all the cashes were manned. This is a beautiful store, near the high powered Lawyers' and Doctors' quarter in my town. (For Torontonians: The Loblaw's store at St. Clair West station, in the outskirts of Forest Hill.) A guy in front of me had about 17 items in his handbasket, he kept it on the floor, then he realized he missed something and went back for it. The line inched ahead, and I went ahead of his basket. He came back, and complained that I took his place. I said, "Buddy, you have 21 items in your basket, I counted it. This line-up is for the express cashier, read it, it's on the sign: 8 items or less. (It should say "Eight items or fewer", but that's a common mistake. But no grammar mistake is common enough in my books to be tolerated.) The guy was angry, he said he had opened a yoghurt package, that's why there were eight little cups in his basket, but it's actually one item. I said, they'll need to be scanned individually. He said, so what business is that of mine. I said it's the shame of the public education system that graduates could not tell that 21 is a greater number and not a number less than 8. I was hopping mad, as was he. He was tall, about 24-25 years of age, strapping, blonde, very good looking and I thought pushy. I was 50-ish, dumpy, with an accent, and everyone else thought I was pushy. In the meantime a woman in front of me, another somewhat behind the guy, and two women from two other lines sided with him. "Why do you let this fart talk to you like that?" etc. However, a woman right behind the guy, who was witnessing the whole incident, quietly left the line, because she had like 12 items in her basket.
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I read in quite a few women's profiles that they want a guy who is witty, smart, cultured, funny, etc. They say that to them an intellect is more important than looks, and they could be really happy with a guy with less earning power than them, as long as they are both happy together. Some say their interests include reading and philosophy. All say honesty and open communication is important to them. This is the typical profile I answer.
So I write to them, with the honest, innocent and naive conviction that they mean what they say. I naturally write in-depth, personal emails to all that I approach on this site, with references to their text in their profile that makes it obvious that I read their text thoroughly and with paying attention.
To my greatest suprize at first, but of late to my expectations, most never write back, two who I had thought would be very promising for me deleted my letters without reading it, and they were not in the 0.01 percent of the members who get too many responses; out of the approximately 30-40 I had written to in the last 30-40 days one finally answered, and she then went quiet after sending me two notes, both of which I replied to in a timely manner, and in a spritited, kind and enthusiastic way.
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I don't blame any of these people who I think did me wrong in the above anecdotes. I realize I am not very attractive, and that's the common element in the three stories. If some woman approached me on this site who had my level of good looks, then I'd ignore her too, big time.
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This is my description of the "law of attraction". | |
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| Law of attaction -- a different perspective
Posted: 7/24/2008 5:06:10 AM | | My thought is this should be under Psychology because you sound bitter. Your attitude and personality may be more of the reason in these three stories - not your looks. You look fine. | |
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| Law of attaction -- a different perspective
Posted: 7/24/2008 6:48:44 AM | Hey! someone posted to my miserable whining. That's great, and thanks for your encouraging albeit a bit lame reassurance about my looks (all four of them), MS'ic.
You're right, I agree it's not really philosophy what my OP was, but it's a response to the philo question to what Law of Attraction should really mean, if we could only extract the nonsense out of that theory, you know, the popular one. My post here, in that sense, is a semantic argument in response to the other posts on Law of Attraction.
Thanks for noticing it. I mean, its mere existence. Wow.
And I apologise for sounding bitter about it, but I wish to ask you, what human being would not be bitter about being spat at in every turn in life sheerly because of the level of the good looks he or she has?
As for the unattractiveness of my bitterness, which could be the main source of my woes, as you say -- well, that varies greatly, along with how bitter I feel in a given moment. It's not always the same, and most time it's not even there where I am. But my looks seem to follow me wherever I go. For some mysterious, but maybe scientific reason, it seems to know exactly where I am at any given time. | |
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| Law of attaction -- a different perspective
Posted: 7/24/2008 7:23:53 AM | In those three stories - I don't see the connection between the situation, your looks, or their looks. I see the connection between your attitude and their reactions.
Why be bitter about people who are obviously ignorant and/or superficial? You should pity them instead. Your strength rising from the occasions of being spat on is what makes you more attractive anyway. I am not talking about inner beauty either - as I noticed you posted that you weren't talking about that. Strength, wisdom, and kindness actually make someone look more appealing. Body language and posture are physical attributes that adds or takes away from someones physical beauty.
Also, why would their opinion of your looks matter to you? You should be glad for who you are and how you look. | |
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| Law of attaction -- a different perspective
Posted: 7/24/2008 7:44:36 AM | So basically this is just another "why don't women respond to my e-mail" threads.
For your "lady at the light" story, here is another:
I once tended bar in Denver. There was also another bartender: a lady with very long blond hair. She was thin. She had perfect teeth. Very stunning. She usually made twice the tips I made. Usually. The hotel hosted conventions. Sometimes, certain groups would come in whose demographics predisposed them to resent beautiful women. In those times, the stunning bartender would work all night and come away with a few coins dropped in her jar while I'd walk with a wallet-full of bills. Things even out. More so when you don't keep track of the times you get slighted, because it happens to everyone.
For the second half of your post, I'll simply say:
I didn't read your profile. Perhaps post a thread in the profile reviews to see if it can be improved. I sometimes take the time to write a good profile (though currently I'm not really looking, so I haven't taken that time). When I do write a good one, I get lots of e-mails from the ladies. I don't even have to send out first contact letters because I get so many. People will say the written part of the profile is not important - that it's all about having a good photo. They are wrong. | |
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| Law of attaction -- a different perspective
Posted: 7/24/2008 1:27:04 PM | Thanks, Hank, for your encouraging words. Indeed, many a time I have enjoyed undue advantage for being what and who I am, even by cops. One night I came home late and went through three stop signs, and a police cruiser was following me. He stopped me, gave me a lecture that I should not do that, because he himself thinks the stop signs there were stupid, but if a kid comes out of a side street at three in the morning, it doesn't matter whose fault it is, I get a lot of explaining to do if I run over the kid. I got my licence and insurance out during this lecture, he said never mind, just don't do it again. He did not give me a notice of infraction. Or is that infarction? So he forgave me on personal reasons, which I believe were, that he though I pre-agreed with him about the stupid stop signs.
Many other times I get a deal and a break and more than my share of kindness. True. But the times that I get the short end of the stick, at most but not at all times, it boils down to physical beauty or the lack of it. I started a philosophy course for fun this summer at the local university. At first the two TnA's (teaching assistants), both being young women, hated me, they did not want to see me in their tutorials. In the course of the lectures I stood up to the prof a great number of times, apparently quite appropriately and on good grounds, because those two girls have more and more respect for me. One keeps constantly checking me out during the lectures, the other waved at me on the street and asked how I liked the course, in a manner that indicated she wouldn't mind chatting in a cafe. I consider these two about-turns of attitudes toward me a triumph of logic over looks.
So I posted the whining OP not because that is my overall philosophy; not because my mind were constantly on that; not because I were constantly depressed and obsessig over my looks; not because my life were totally void of joy and happiness; but because I thought that is how "the law of attraction" works, not in some other way, which is often discussed on these forums these days, and which I think is, in so many other words, stupid. To me, the "law of attraction" means that physical beauty is another reason why people like or dislike each other, among the many other factors that make people like some and not like others.
So while it may have looked to observers that my OP in this thread was a self-pity post, my point was to show what really the law of attraction meant to me. | |
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| Law of attaction -- a different perspective
Posted: 7/24/2008 6:27:39 PM | the law of attraction has its valid points, but it's watered down pop psychology.
years before these people were making a cottage industry out of cranking out these books, there was a fine and brilliant man by the name of neville goddard who never charged a penny for his lectures, except to cover the cost of renting the facilities. neville trumps this pop psychology crap ANY day. but, he sucked at business. | |
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| Law of attaction -- a different perspective
Posted: 7/26/2008 5:16:13 AM | Most people I knew in High School thought that way: the pretty, handsome, rich, popular people get all the breaks. Then we watched lots of them have their lives fall apart, and a lot of the ignored people have a really great life. I know several very attractive women, who "attract" things all the time, and they've been through several very unhappy relationships, often involving violence. I also know several very plain women, who have "mysteriously" got the loving husband, the house, the car, and are incredibly happy. Yet they are the "unattractive" ones. I have seen this played out many times.
It really does seem to me that the "unattractive" women end up with everything the "attractive" women wanted.
So who is really "unattractive" and "attractive"? Who is the Law of Attraction favouring? If I used your definition, I would say the opposite of the Law of Attraction works.
In high school, you are right. Once my friends got close to 30, the opposite had occurred. | |
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| Law of attaction -- a different perspective
Posted: 7/26/2008 3:21:02 PM | | you know, the forums would be alot cleaner if we could just press a flag this thread button on every page of a forum. Then eventually a mod could come by and just press delete. | |
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| Law of attaction -- a different perspective
Posted: 7/26/2008 6:36:15 PM | ^^^ There is a thread devoted to reporting violations of forum rules in the forum called "Plentyoffish Site/Suggestions/Help". I won't include a link, because the thread gets too big, and so a new thread is started every so often. So its better to go into the forum and find it. But it's always on the first page, and usually the first thread in the list. I suggest that you have a look at it, because it gives you an idea of what sort of things are reported. Generally lots of threads are reported, and then one of the mods will look at it sometime every day or every other day, and then act on them.
It allows us to help the mods out to keep posters to adhere to the forum rules. Effectively, we police the forums by reporting violations, and the mods check our reports and act on them if they consider them genuine violations. Without this, there would probably be too many posts for the mods to handle. | |
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| Law of attaction -- a different perspective
Posted: 7/26/2008 6:40:26 PM | | Ah, thank you greatly, that's actually basically what does for picture modding except it is anybody who can become a modder, just by opening a link. Then there is a voting process. It generally works pretty well-ish. | |
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| Law of attaction -- a different perspective
Posted: 7/26/2008 6:50:50 PM |
If some woman approached me on this site who had my level of good looks, then I'd ignore her too, big time.
Then you're getting just what you deserve. No reason to complain, because you're part of the problem. | |
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| Law of attaction -- a different perspective
Posted: 8/23/2008 2:18:01 AM | After reading your post of a different perspective ….i was reminded of places and times in my past and present that I felt the same way. Your post reminds me and teaches me that I need to be aware of my intentions of the present And feelings of negativity towards others and situations that make me feel like the victim.
This is the message I learnd from reading your post:
I need to change my perception......who am I letting my self be......in the moment or situation? | |
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| Law of attaction -- a different perspective
Posted: 8/26/2008 12:26:52 PM | All, there's lots to agree here...but my penn'worth:
there _is_ no law of attraction; we are predisposed to identify patterns where none truly exist and this is part of a greater hunt for meaning. However we rely on the few times we guess correctly to mean we have got it right. The bell curve is noted as being the common view but the skinny sides hold much more variation than we allow. Some of you may have heard of the Black Swan concept - something I'm about to dive into (so yes, only know so much just now...but tomorrow ;)
As regards replying - people are here for all sorts of reasons, some honest and straightforward and some *cough* not so public. We write to the profile, rather than the person, a small enough distinction. We hope the person will reply. And on the flip side, some fairly important warrior philosopher mentioned something about taking control of the things you may, and disregard the rest, i.e. don't get upset when you weren't in control, because the only things you are really in control of is your thoughts, attitude and outlook.
Ok, that was far too heavy for a first-ish post.
ATB. dmp. | |
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| Law of attaction -- a different perspective
Posted: 7/9/2009 4:15:03 AM | | You attract whatever you put out and it sounds like you are getting EXACTLY what you believe is true...which IS the Law of Attraction in a nutshell. What we see outside of ourselves is EXACTLY a perfect reflection of what we believe is true. Change your mind, change your reality. Go to www.thework.com and answer the 4 questions, then do the turnaround. This will change your life IF you DO IT. Pooh pooh it and you get what you get. The Law is the Law, it works the same for everybody, whether we believe in it or not. | |
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| Law of attaction -- a different perspective
Posted: 7/9/2009 2:34:51 PM |
One night I came home late and went through three stop signs
What's up with that? What kind of attitude does that reveal? It says: "You are the only person who matters and too bad for everyone else".
Now in physics, the 'law of attraction' states: "Opposite forces attract; identical forces repel." It seems to me that the situations you open this thread by describing are ones in which you take exception to others who have the same attitudinal orientation that you do; so, far from providing a different perspective on 'the law of attraction', you seem instead to have really just provided us with yet another example.
Just sayin', is all.
On a different note:
You attract whatever you put out and it sounds like you are getting EXACTLY what you believe is true...which IS the Law of Attraction in a nutshell. What we see outside of ourselves is EXACTLY a perfect reflection of what we believe is true. Change your mind, change your reality.
That should read: "one perceives what one is conscious of". It should of course be noted that reality is not contingent upon ones perception of it - I think we can all agree that the world does not cease to exist when we fall asleep. It is, however, a defining characteristic of religion that it teaches people how to lie to themselves well enough that reasonable doubt can be exorcised - nothing new in that, whatever age we are in.
I don’t want to end this post without a positive note, however, so I’ll just comment that, no, of course life isn’t fair; it is people who have the trait and quality of fairness. A little empathy goes a long way. | |
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| Law of attaction -- a different perspective
Posted: 7/9/2009 3:27:32 PM |  Sorry... not laughing at you, but I've been there.
Years ago I had a fantastic product. I told everyone it did this, that, and everything else under the sun. It did. I wasn't lying. But everyone just nodded or said "cool" and just walked away. After about 3 months of banging my head against a wall, one person said, "I don't care what it does." He wanted one anyway but asked if I could change a few things. The few things were ALL cosmetic/aesthetics. Guess what I learned from that!? Then I started pushing the looks and how nice it would look on their desk. "And it's functional to boot." I sold tons.
Getting frustrated while in the thick of things is what I call "the law of repulsion" (or whatever). lol You gotta lighten up and SHOW more maturity and intelligence that the annoyance. THEN things will go your way.
Scenario 1: You get out of the car and ask her for her number. It doesn't matter that she's never do it. When the cops show up, say something like "She wanted my number but I'm married." and laugh. "I didn't want to hit her car. It's ok now, I can get by."
By showing the cop you're upset, it puts you on a lower footing than HE is (forget her). You have to be at least at eye level.
Scenario 2: I'd just laugh at him and then ignore him. NEVER argue. It puts you on the defensive when you should let them try to explain it away as he cries like a little girl.
Scenario 3: This is the best. NEVER give a woman what she wants. Give her what YOU want to give her. Screw them if they don't want it.
I'm relatively attractive and my brother no so much. But HE got all the babes growing up. It's wasn't looks at all. It was attitude. He wasn't c0cky, he just never kissed them up on a pedestal and did his own thing. The phone never stopped ringing for him. Mom even had to put a few out the door for him. lol.
If something doesn't work for you, change it.
BTW, the Law of Attraction really does work. But it's nothing new and has been said a hundred different ways. Remember the Power of Positive Thinking? | |
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| Law of attaction -- a different perspective
Posted: 7/9/2009 5:06:49 PM | I'll always remember what I consider to be a 'famous quote' from a philosophy prof back in university (3rd metaphysics and epistemology class):
"It is of the nature of the real that it resists the will."
Pretty good rule-of-thumb, I think: very helpful in "keeping it real."
Indisputably, we are all walking waterbags of ongoing chemical processes. We are intimately linked to out environments on a molecular scale, and are all pumping out chemical signs that others pick up on a molecular level... chemical pheromones, for instance, have been proven to be pivotal in attraction.
We are social creatures, too - a fact we seem to share with our closest simian relatives, so it must be supposed that this has been true for a s long as humans have been such. As animals that work together in groups, there is a survival advantage to be had in having others of a group actively pick up on the chemical signals which accompany stress or fear: having the whole group become alert at one member's fear helps ready the group to ward off predators, protect the children, etc... even if there is a trade-off in that predators can sense this, too - the old adage, "animals can smell fear."
There is nothing mysterious or unique in this: trees emit chemical signals when under attack by insects which causes other trees nearby to produce chemicals which make them more resistant to the insects - before the insects reach them.
There are environmental guidelines in place for slaughterhouses which stipulate the level of neuro-chemicals - stress and anxiety related - that can be in the air from the slaughtered animals.
So yes, as the social creatures which we are, there is a causal link between 'how we feel' and the reactions of those around us: it is well documented and it occurs on a molecular level of interactivity with other living things.
There is no disputing that.
However, this does not mean that we create the reality around us by our thoughts - no matter how much we might like to think that this is possible. Influencing people by how we act is a completely different form of interactivity. | |
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