| My girlfriend still gets sad over ex..should i be concerned
Posted: 7/23/2008 9:32:16 AM | I have been with my girlfriend for almost two years, and she never brings up her ex, who everyone tells me she was really in love with, and the break up was bad for her..the other night we were driving and she was drinking and this song..by brad..paisley i think came on " i wish you'd stay" and her eyes filled up..
I asked her what was wrong..but already knew. She said that it wasnt about " HIM" It was about the pain she use to feel after he left her. I didn't get mad, but my friends with us told me that they would consider that a red flag. I am not sure that's it, we get along well, and when i met her, she hadn't been sexually active before, and she trusted me with her first time. She doesnt talk to him, and when he showed up at her place, i was there and she asked me to tell him she wasnt there. Do you think i should worry? | |
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| My girlfriend still gets sad over ex..should i be concerned
Posted: 7/23/2008 9:36:44 AM | It does sound like she may not be "over" the ex......
I think she may have unresolved feelings there...doesnt mean she doesnt love YOU...but it ALSO doesnt mean her whole heart is with you either....
Best of Luck | |
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| My girlfriend still gets sad over ex..should i be concerned
Posted: 7/23/2008 9:38:39 AM | This is a tough one. If you have the testicles to dump her, i'd definitely do it. However, if you're the type that fears new beginnings and finding someone else, stay and see what happens! Maybe she won't eventually leave you, maybe she will.
She should be over him completely if she's in love with you, IMO. | |
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| My girlfriend still gets sad over ex..should i be concerned
Posted: 7/23/2008 9:39:15 AM | I wouldn't worry. Triggers can be very powerful, especially songs. You can end up re-living things in your mind that you have tried to forget.
You're subject line is a bit misleading, too. When I read that, I thought you were going to say she talks about missing him all the time. You've been with her for two years, and one time her eyes got misty over a song. It's not the end of the world, its NOT a red flag, and it's nothing to worry about. Just go forward and forget it ever happened. People around here are getting so paranoid about getting hurt that they are seeing red flags everywhere, if they actually exist or not.
Saying someone else's name during sex, and then continuing to say their name is a red flag.
Talking about an ex ALL THE TIME is a red flag.
Getting teary eyed one time in two years over an old song is not a red flag. Don't blow this relationship over some bad advice. It sounds like you've got a great woman. | |
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| My girlfriend still gets sad over ex..should i be concerned
Posted: 7/23/2008 9:49:46 AM | It really depends on the nature of your relationship. Most people
don't know how to judge the quality of their relationships, especially
men. Maybe there was some specific quality about THAT relationship
that is lacking in yours. More to the point, probably there is something
about him that is very important to her, that you don't have! You may be
able to adopt that quality, if you knew what it was. On the opposite side of the
same coin, maybe you do something, she doesn't like, that he didn't do! Same
thing! | |
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| My girlfriend still gets sad over ex..should i be concerned
Posted: 7/23/2008 9:52:15 AM |
Do you think i should worry?
Well you clearly are somewhat concerned, hence the thread question.
You said she had been drinking - this would exacerbate a feeling, maybe enhance an emotion she felt from time to time.
You were there when the ex showed, of course she would say what she did. Question is, what is you hadnt been there.
Idont mean to paint a completely black picture but I do think you do need to have an open, honest conversation with her. Tell you want complete honesty from her and that if what she tells/answers isnt what you want to hear, then it wont be the end of the world. And mean it.... | |
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| My girlfriend still gets sad over ex..should i be concerned
Posted: 7/23/2008 9:52:22 AM | I know another poster said that crying once over a song after two years of faithfulness is not cause for worry, but I beg to differ: if anything, the fact that she'd well up AFTER two years TOGETHER is great cause for concern in my books. 
After that length of time she should have been over him, especially if she had time between her break-up and meeting YOU. If she didn't and just jumped from him to you, then I hate to be the pessimist pissing in your Corn Flakes, but chances are you are indeed the Rebound Guy, and the only reason she's hung with you as long as she has (compared to the usual short-term shelf-life of most rebound relationships) was that she's young and was a virgin.
I'm just assuming this since you're 21... So I'm betting that if she was a virgin as you claimed, then she was your age or quite probably younger given the stats on teenage sex these days... 
Guys and girls at that age have a nasty tendency to just go with the flow rather than face up to hard decisions, and in this case she may have well found comfort with you thinking it would help her get over things rather than face it alone. She may have given her virginity to you, which she was originally saving for HIM, simply because you were a nice enough guy and she did not want to chance giving it up to a loser/jerk down the road, so she hedged her bets with "good enough" since the "ideal" was no longer available.
Once again, I'm not trying to be a cynical or bitter poster, but having been in your Nice-Guy shoes in the past I can only try to warn you to keep loving her but keep a wary eye out; after all this time that song shouldn't have done squat. If anything she should have just said "that used to be my song" and laughed it off because you've made her happy again such that she can forgive and forget.
The fact that she cried implies that she has done neither, and you, my convenient sir, might be set up for a heartbreak of your own...
Best of luck and I'll pray for you that I'm wrong on this one!   | |
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| My girlfriend still gets sad over ex..should i be concerned
Posted: 7/23/2008 9:55:13 AM | I honestly don't think I could be with such a woman. She obviously is still in love with her ex after over 2 years of breakup. Not only that Op maybe you should be concerned about her ever having those kinds of feeling for you. Lets face it, if it hasn't happened in two years, I doubt very much if it ever will....
So my answer is yes, I would be hugely concerned, To the point of ending my relationship with her. | |
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| My girlfriend still gets sad over ex..should i be concerned
Posted: 7/23/2008 9:56:02 AM | "She doesnt talk to him, and when he showed up at her place, i was there and she asked me to tell him she wasnt there. Do you think i should worry? "
NO NOt at ALL! you should NOT have to worry. she doesnt have feelings for him she doesnt like him/love him she doesnt care for him it all! She doesnt even want to talk to him! she is just sad, pissed of what he did to her in the past and the way he made her feel which is like shit after things ended.
DOnt play that stupid song ever again if she is drinking. hold onto her, help her move on with life,be there for her emotionally, stick together stay close and be optimistic for a better brighter future. Through time you two will grow. | |
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| My girlfriend still gets sad over ex..should i be concerned
Posted: 7/23/2008 10:10:54 AM | Although it can be a bit confusing I think it's really kind of lame to expect any of us to have no emotions over an ex.
If you were with someone that you were into then that means you had feelings. To cut out feelings and trump that as being anything other then a bit sociopathic cuts out what makes us people.
I would much rather be with someone who has loved and lost and considers that experience as something that has developed them into who they are now than with someone that was capable of cutting out a meaningful part of their life like a tumor. Wouldn't someone capable of doing that be able to cut you out of their heart just as easily as a cheater returns to cheating?
At what point did it become expected that all emotions and feelings should begin and end with the moment your in with no greater impact than a bad movie.
I would say that was my two cents but with the current economy it's more like six cents. | |
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| My girlfriend still gets sad over ex..should i be concerned
Posted: 7/23/2008 10:11:53 AM | If this one incident after drinking was the extent of her showing sadness, I wouldn't give it too much thought.
But why was her ex coming over after two years of being apart? That would make me wonder if they've had other contact. | |
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| My girlfriend still gets sad over ex..should i be concerned
Posted: 7/23/2008 10:13:08 AM |
but my friends with us told me that they would consider that a red flag.
Friends don't always know what's best. After my breakup, my friends told me I should f*ck as many women as possible and not worry about a relationship. And BEFORE my breakup, when I was unhappy in my last LTR, my "friends" told me to just stop contacting her altogether - no actual breakup, no explanation, after 2 years of being together. Sometimes "friends" can give some pretty bad advice.
She was drinking, and it was a song that was being played. Has a song ever made you think of an ex? YOU KNOW after 2 years if she is over him or not. Don't ask your buddies, don't ask POF - go with what YOU already know. | |
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| My girlfriend still gets sad over ex..should i be concerned
Posted: 7/23/2008 10:14:05 AM | she is not telling you are the fact and i would see a red flag. if you can play then you should be able to stand up and face the facts of life. but she should of gone to the door not you and just think if it was you at the door and another guy open the door , what would u think? | |
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| My girlfriend still gets sad over ex..should i be concerned
Posted: 7/23/2008 10:14:44 AM | I can only speak for myself on this but I wouldn't be too worried about it.
There are a couple songs that will come on that trigger a memory of my ex hubby and I will tear up a little avery now and again depending on my mood.
Its not because I am still in love with him, we are both completely different people than we were when we first got together. So the part that makes me sad is the loss of that innocence of your first real love and who we were then, it isn't for him and does not in any way mean I would ever go back to him. He's not that boy and I am not that girl.
It really all depends on the person involed.
I have to agree with the person that said we are all getting to paranoid. We all had lives before our SO's and those experiences wil continue to have some sort of impact on our futures.
Good luck OP and maybe try telling her it made you uncomfortable and why it did see what she says before jumping off the deep end. | |
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| My girlfriend still gets sad over ex..should i be concerned
Posted: 7/23/2008 10:18:43 AM |
I usually don't get along with the black people, but TigerWoods and Wildman are throwing down some serious knowledge. Wildman, your profile is very funny!
all i can say to this ...WOW.....get out of the slave days dik.....I am not the nicest guy ever but that is uncalled for.....i have been reading the Forums for a long time and have to day TigerWoods and Wildman ALWAYS have a great input with loads of life experiance...you on the other hand ....need to get a african american friend and learn for urself...they can be as nice or even nicer then 90% of white ppl....GROW UP
ppl like u cause rasist problems on our planet...we may be dif colors but we all bleed the same color blood....u embarase white ppl looser | |
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| My girlfriend still gets sad over ex..should i be concerned
Posted: 7/23/2008 10:24:14 AM | Should you be concerned ? DEFINITELY !
Should you dump her ? I'd wait and see how things play out from here.
If she starts closing her eyes during sex and calling you by this ex's name then that would be a dealbreaker IMO.
PS if JWORKS goal was to steer this topic to something completely different I'd say he has succeeded brilliantly .
PPS your profile is hilarious WILDMAN ! | |
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| My girlfriend still gets sad over ex..should i be concerned
Posted: 7/23/2008 10:25:56 AM | The ops g/f is not available to him emotionally and i doubt very much if she will ever be. If after 2 years she is still crying after hearing a song on the radio, She obviously is in no way ready to date, let alone become involved in a serious relationship.
I say it's cause for concern, Why? because relationships are hard enough without your g/f doing flashbacks about her ex. The Op will always be compared to this ex and he will never measure up. The Op needs to go find a woman that's going to be giving him 100 percent of herself not just bits and pieces.
"I usually don't get along with black people, But Tigerwoods and Wildman are throwing down some serious knowledge"
Sorry but i honestly am not as offended by this as some posters. I really don't think the above poster meant it in the way it came out. Maybe his choice of words could have been different in this day of political correctness, But i respect his honesty. The people that scare me more are the ones that smile to my face but call me the N word behind my back. | |
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| My girlfriend still gets sad over ex..should i be concerned
Posted: 7/23/2008 10:26:44 AM | Im glad the formun is not to talk about the slave days.... sheeeeshhhh you dont have to get along with anybody , nor less date tigerwoods or wildman ....
that was way out of line in my book ....
to the poster ...
song can be very powerfull, and bring back memories ,,,,,,.........
now the one time is ok I guess , but realy if it would be me i raise a flag ...
talk to her .... tell her you concerned and its BS ,
she is not over him .... Im sorry .
why would a song bring tears to her eys , if in her heart its over ???
memories will always be there.... yes sometimes , I sit by myself and wonder , what if ...... but the again im single I can do that lol.....
If my man would do that , it sure would make me feel like s..t.... and I would have to draw the line .... out the door he goes , because i can not help him mend his broken heart. he has to do that on his own .
Im sorry . watch out , you may be going for a heartache yourself here  | |
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| My girlfriend still gets sad over ex..should i be concerned
Posted: 7/23/2008 10:26:45 AM | | In my opinion I dont think you have anything to worry about at all, and I can fully relate to her explanation. I can be feeling on top of the world and perhaps hear a tune that may send me to the pit of dispair as it reminds me of my ex, not that I would ever want to go back with him or even miss him, it just reminds me of what was and there were some very good times, if that makes sense. Do you never experience the same thing ??? The way you reacted also tells my your a very caring guy.....you sound good together dont let something so insignificant spoil a good thing. Very Best Wishes to you both......and if it helps keep the car radio off when your in there together....lol | |
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| My girlfriend still gets sad over ex..should i be concerned
Posted: 7/23/2008 10:29:29 AM | I'm not sensitive when it comes to racial issues, as I have no racial issues. I apologize if anyone was offended. It was a joke, such as jokes made constantly by black comedians about white people. Let me guess, you wanted Don Imus fired? Stop being sensitive and get over yourselves. Race is only an issue to people who actually have the issue. You're projecting. I watch BET all the time. Kobe Bryant is my favorite athlete. Coming To America is one fantastic flick. 
Justin
(I'm black and i'm proud) | |
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| My girlfriend still gets sad over ex..should i be concerned
Posted: 7/23/2008 10:29:50 AM | I think that you should be feeling quite lucky to have a woman who is soft enough to tear up over a memory that caused her pain at one time in her life. Moreover, she is comfortable enough in your presence to just be herself.
All her tears say is that she remembers how much it hurt to love someone and have the dreams fall apart. It isn't even necessarily about him so much as perhaps, her being happy now and knowing it would hurt if your relationship fell apart. Once a caring person has known what it is to lose someone, it's not something we can pretend can't happen.
As I see it, she is doing everything right and you should feel blessed to have someone who is soft and loving at your side. | |
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