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| How many times have you said I'm not meeting anyone?
Posted: 7/23/2008 10:30:20 AM | | Have you ever thought that just maybe you passed on someone you shouldn't have? We all have reasons for people to pass on us. But I wonder. Just maybe it becomes to easy to just click an move on. But do you ever think that you just might run out of people to click on? The herd is getting smaller all the time. Many of the good ones are taken. I know. I'm only available since March. Since April two women expressed an interest in me. When they met me at a social event and went out on a date with me.Wake up. Give some people a second look. What hurts to send back a note saying "thank you for writing and let's talk". What do you have to lose? Being single. | |
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| How many times have you said I'm not meeting anyone?
Posted: 7/23/2008 11:25:34 AM |
Have you ever thought that just maybe you passed on someone you shouldn't have?
Nope. There was a reason to pass ~ so be it.
We all have reasons for people to pass on us. But I wonder. Just maybe it becomes to easy to just click an move on. But do you ever think that you just might run out of people to click on?
Good grief, NO. There are 1.6 million profiles on this site alone.
The herd is getting smaller all the time. Many of the good ones are taken. I know. I'm only available since March.
Wow, OP ~ and you are already feeling this way? I've been single 8+ years and still think "he's" available.
Since April two women expressed an interest in me. When they met me at a social event and went out on a date with me. Wake up. Give some people a second look. What hurts to send back a note saying "thank you for writing and let's talk". What do you have to lose? Being single.
I don't look at being single as being the loser, I look at it like I'm the ultimate winner. My personal life is a do-over now. I don't ever have to be with someone I'm not happy with or who isn't happy with me. What a gift. Learn, move on and do it better the next time ~ and yes, there will be a next time.  | |
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| How many times have you said I'm not meeting anyone?
Posted: 7/23/2008 11:29:26 AM |
do you ever think that you just might run out of people to click on?
No.
Some things are "negotiable" and we naturally adjust to the "available universe". It's not important, although nice, for example, if a woman happens to enjoy going to pro sporting events. I know how I'm "hard wired" in terms of finding a woman physically attractive, and that's not "negotiable". Nor are sexual attitudes and dating style.
Of course, for me, I'd far prefer to be alone, than to be with the wrong one, or in a confusing, angst filled dating relationship. So far, it hasn't been difficult to find someone, once I've come to the point of wanting to look. | |
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| How many times have you said I'm not meeting anyone?
Posted: 7/23/2008 12:06:10 PM | | Life is better shared. Two is better than one. We profit with a additional person in our lives. That's if we allow in the right person? At 44 your in your prime and you would seem to have the time to continue as you wish. But you might file away what I have written for possible future use? In my last relationship I felt like I was in heaven. I had all that I could ever ask. But the woman was too damage and not willing to work on her serious issues. I have a lot to give. So I make myself available to a woman. Life is more fun when I'm sitting next to the woman I want sitting there. Just like chasing my acting career. I have to be active and awhere of the remaining available women. You have more fun with a woman. That's a guy talking. | |
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| How many times have you said I'm not meeting anyone?
Posted: 7/23/2008 12:26:45 PM | Some people are just better at seeing what won't work and why, than others. If it was wrong the first look why would it be right the next look? Do we get needier the second time around LOL I hope not. Not everyone is on a desperate search for someone, and lots of people have no intention of being part of the 'herd' to be looked over a few times hoping that someone will settle on them because no one better showed up. 
Have I passed over someone who might have, later on, been a good person to be with, probably, but then I wasn't ready at the time so what difference does it make. If the time and people are right, it'll work out, if not, beating a dead horse isn't my idea of building a relationship, nor do I find a good place to find a good match, the people I've already found not compatible. Sounds a lot like going in circles and second guessing yourself. I don't shop for people. | |
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| How many times have you said I'm not meeting anyone?
Posted: 7/23/2008 12:35:36 PM | | I never regret passing on someone. Either you feel it or you don’t. Also, I’m not about wasting my time or the other persons. I'm confident in who I am and what I want. Only those who are not have those regrets. | |
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| How many times have you said I'm not meeting anyone?
Posted: 7/23/2008 12:53:43 PM | | Imagine if some of the girls in here wrote,"Thanks for writing, so lets talk!!!" to every single guy that contacted her? She would have carpel tunnel by day 3 returning more mail then a Rolling Stone. Its sad that you think every girl should write you back, just because you took 30 seconds to write an email to her. Is every girl obligated to sit and have coffee with you if you say hi to her on the street? | |
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| How many times have you said I'm not meeting anyone?
Posted: 7/23/2008 1:10:00 PM | So Rick_r
Do you write the marginal ones? that attitude of yours (which I see a lot on here) really is baffling. OK I agree that we know what we want if we have our stuff together and have actually THOUGHT about it. But can we be sure that a teensy distorted photo, a few questions answered with canned choices and a profile tell all about the person? If there are one or two things that pique your interest do you write? I understand the deal breaker criteria, but what about the marginal stuff?
Everybody - does each person you DO contact have to have a perfect score on your I WANT IT THIS WAY list? | |
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| How many times have you said I'm not meeting anyone?
Posted: 7/23/2008 2:03:42 PM |
Life is better shared. Two is better than one.
I appreciate your attitude ~ but I think you missed a few very vital words in there. "My life is better shared. I think two is better than one." would likely be much more accurate ~ because we all know, not everyone thinks alike.
We profit with a additional person in our lives.
That may be true for you, and others. Not everyone, however. (My life was bankrupt until I was rich all on my own.)
At 44 your in your prime and you would seem to have the time to continue as you wish.
I was in my prime when I was 24, 34, today and probably at 14 as well, and hopefully at 54, regardless of my personal relationship status. There is no timeline on "one's prime" unless you choose to view it that way. If you feel that you are better with someone, get on it ~ find her, settle in, be a couple. I am going to wait for the "right man for me" ~ if I already know him, wonderful. If I don't, that's OK, too. No hurry, no rush, no need to worry about it ~ it will be right, when it's right. JMO Happy fishing and good luck to ya. 
Everybody - does each person you DO contact have to have a perfect score on your I WANT IT THIS WAY list?
 Of course. (You always give me one of those "spew my pepsi" giggles.)  | |
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| How many times have you said I'm not meeting anyone?
Posted: 7/23/2008 2:13:08 PM | In order for these threads to work you also need a gold watch swinging back and forth.
Another " hey people quit being so picky " thread = absolutely useless .
IN MY OPINION ( for very green eyes from someone who has eyes o blue ) | |
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| How many times have you said I'm not meeting anyone?
Posted: 7/23/2008 2:37:14 PM |
ave you ever thought that just maybe you passed on someone you shouldn't have?
the only time i have any feelings remotely resembling the above is at dunkin' donuts. shoulda had marshmallow creme AND french cruller... | |
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| How many times have you said I'm not meeting anyone?
Posted: 7/23/2008 3:02:20 PM | | recall, what the heck are you doing here? Your in the greatest city on the planet. By the way, the one with the highest ratio of single women to men. Get out to museums, lectures, the stores anywhere single women congregate. All you will find yourself doing here is helping her carry her steamer trunk of baggage, to her next stop. IRL women are normal, they laugh, talk to you, have dinner, make jokes and enjoy your company. Here you will have to measure up to standards, do 25 emails, endless IM's and phone calls to get her to say "maybe I'll meet you for coffee, we'll see"...NYC is a mecca for life, this is at best a cyber store of smoke and distorted mirrors. Go gettum pal, Bob | |
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| How many times have you said I'm not meeting anyone?
Posted: 7/23/2008 3:48:08 PM | Actually, kind of a good question, especially on this site.
Since I changed my profile to not dating, the strange thing is that I've received more invites from women than I had before. 
It's not like my in box is exploding, btw. 
I have to admit, some (many) of those women that have messaged me seem to fit all my criteria rather well. They are Montrealers, and attractive and intelligent. They've written some wonderful words, and all in all a guy couldn't expect anything more really.
In my case I've always replied with the same type of tone. I'm focused on getting my post divorce debt on my credit cards down to zero, hopefully by the end of the year. Going out on a date, or God forbid winding up in a relationship , is going to be a distraction and delay from that task of mine. That's how I spent the FIRST two years here. I needed that, at the time, and I don't regret doing it at all. It was a wonderful period of my life, to be honest. I dated more than I ever had in my life, and with a fantastic quality of women - compared to my past experiences.
But now, I don't want to be in that position any more, and I want my freedom to get on with my life. I don't want to be in a position where I'm with someone, and saying "Sorry, can't do that , I'd rather put the money on my cards".
That's going to get old for both of us rather quickly.
By avoiding that, I avoid wasting their time - and mine. I think that's fair to them, and fair to me, in the end.
So, at least for the time being, that's just how it is. I don't regret doing it, at all. | |
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| How many times have you said I'm not meeting anyone?
Posted: 7/24/2008 12:55:05 AM | I am on the same page with Montreal Guy. I can relate to what he is saying. I too have been focusing on paying off my debts accumulated after long years of schooling, which I don't regret. Now I am in the new city and trying to find my way around, this is a bigger task that I thought. Although I have lots of time on my hands, this alone is an illusion, I know what I need to do and I need the time to myself. I don`t want to completely shut the doors of meeting people, but I am quite upfront with everyone, I do mention where I am in my life, and that I am not looking for anything serious.
I find that once you get into a relationship it is sooo easy to lose focus. I maybe more ready in the next six months, but at this point, no I have not desire of being with anyone. I quite enjoy my solitude and if I miss people, they are only one phonecall away. | |
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| How many times have you said I'm not meeting anyone?
Posted: 7/24/2008 1:18:14 AM | I get the sense you're just going thru a slump OP, and feeling a little down about it. We all go thru that from time to time when it comes to dating. I know when it happens to me I pull in the old fishing pole and focus on me for the time being, and use it for a period of self discovery. Occasionally it gets lonely, but most of the time I'm just alone, and that's perfectly fine.
Sure, I won't dispute that most of us would like a special someone in our lives and all that. But I don't think the world is running out of its supply of single women and men any time soon. And bear in mind that the reverse of your argument about passing on people that we shouldn't is that there are some people we SHOULD pass on, but didn't. I had the exact thoughts when I met my ex-wife, that she really wasn't who or what I was looking for, but I clearly remember thinking, maybe its time I step beyond my comfort zone and date someone I normally wouldn't. That turned out to be a big mistake.
I don't buy the whole "soulmates" thing, and I know there are lots of women out there that I could be very happy with, and who could be happy with me. I remain confident that somewhere along the way our paths will cross, but it won't be fate. What's that old quote? "Destiny is not a matter of chance; its a matter of choice." | |
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| How many times have you said I'm not meeting anyone?
Posted: 7/24/2008 8:42:35 AM | | Why write back and say let's talk when you know you don't want to talk to them for one reason or the other? I still say not writing back is letting the person know you aren't interested. Why not just leave it at that and write someone else? As far as running out of people. Not likely as there are roughly 6 billion people on planet earth. Don't think I care to click that many!!! | |
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| How many times have you said I'm not meeting anyone?
Posted: 7/24/2008 10:04:11 AM |
Why write back and say let's talk when you know you don't want to talk to them for one reason or the other? I still say not writing back is letting the person know you aren't interested. Why not just leave it at that and write someone else? As far as running out of people. Not likely as there are roughly 6 billion people on planet earth. Don't think I care to click that many!!!
For me, it just seems polite, but I fully understand why some people don't. My profile is pretty clear that I'm not looking, but I still get email, even without a picture, etc.. Most of the time, a polite response, indicating non-interest is enough, but every once in awhile, there comes the person with "issues". I just went through one, who got angry, kept writing, telling me what's wrong with me, etc.. The thing that took the cake was her telling me that responding to her email, with one of my own that said "no thanks", was "leading her on by writing to her". LOL
In terms of the OP. For what it's worth, the problem you're having, IMO, emanates from a negative attitude. Nothing is more unattractive than a bad attitude. The person you're writing to now had nothing to do with anyone in your past, or anyone who wasn't interested. If you can't approach each person with a clean slate and a positive attitude, you're just not ready. | |
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| How many times have you said I'm not meeting anyone?
Posted: 7/24/2008 10:31:57 AM | "Have you ever thought that just maybe you passed on someone you shouldn't have?"
Of all the women I passed on in my life, I can honestly only say that there was only *one* that I questioned my decision about afterwards. But I've always had an excellent Spidey Sense, and the ones that I heard about after the fact (their actions or situations), proved my choice correct.
"What do you have to lose? Being single."
You say that like being single is a bad thing. Far better to be single, than get involved in some woman's screwed up life (which is the norm today). | |
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| How many times have you said I'm not meeting anyone?
Posted: 7/24/2008 11:01:04 AM | "There is a little voice in your head for a reason. More people should take time to listen to it."
That all depends on the person, their experience, intelligence level, etc...
Spidey Sense is a good thing, but should also be used in conjunction with logic. | |
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| How many times have you said I'm not meeting anyone?
Posted: 7/24/2008 11:32:43 AM | recall, i think part of the answer to your question depends on one's age, location, and just "how many" emails you can answer in a quality way. i don't know about you, but i don't have time for sleeze, non stop and forever whining w/o any concern for me or others -- and then the people who can go on and on for days about nothing. so, for these people i just have to cut it and have no regrets, because i know they will find someone more in their energy field. i have no problem "blocking" the come on's from any inapproprate people w/o any explanation. i only stick with my much younger male e-buddies if i am sure they are just connecting on issues and are not trying to "milf" me. i also do this in the real world. when someone will suddenly show themselves as a potential partner is not for me to worry about. i have no clue. i cherish my friends. i leave that one to my HP, because i sure as h-ell have not done a good job of it, by myself!
so, with respect to who remains, it depends on whether you are willing to just connect, even if the person is not going to be your future partner. i am almost 60--good G-d, i got that one out (practicing for the evil day, which i do not look forward to)--and, i get about 2-3 different people corresponding on any one day, some with more emails per person than others. i have a deep affection for my regular e-buddies. some write very long communications. some just knowing i need my 'hug" or needing one themselves. many have now gone on to just calling me and i have free long distance now all throughout the usa and canada.
it's a very strange thing in the beginning to talk and bare one's soul to people you think you don't know. but, how well, does one really know their neighbors? or the regulars at the bar? in fact, would you tell your neighbor "some of those things" knowing you cannot just stop the long distance communication as with an e-buddy, seeing them every time you put out your garbage? and, as an example of a virtual connection, one of the things i always laugh at from one of the people commenting on this thread, is how on another really great guy's profile, she writes about him as a friend and says: he is one pain in her email!!! thus, we also are developing virtual siblings as well.
NOW, some people just don't have time for this. if i were working my old 80 hour per week profession, i would not have the time, but i would be doing a similar sort of thing out in my work world. as a consultant, i did not have to worry much about getting bogged down in office politics and to this day, clear across the usa, and almost 14 years later, i still connect with many of my old clients.
so, if i were in my 40's and getting way more "hits" and hundreds of emails per day: w/o a doubt, i would have way more sleezes to block, and sadly not enough time even then to answer everyone. if someone were asking for info, i would no doubt answer a one shot question. i would do my best to be there for any established e-buddy who i view as an investment in friendship. but, there is simply not enough time to consider everyone. so, i have always relied on my very good instincts and i am an active listener. that is very important.
the real important thing is to "get out". try meetup dot com if you cannot hone down what to do in the big city. the rest, i believe, is up to a higher order. just be sure you work on you and do your part. the rest does follow. that keeps me sane, knowing that. i just need to keep learning my lessons, until i get them right!
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| How many times have you said I'm not meeting anyone?
Posted: 7/24/2008 11:48:56 AM | It increases your chances of something working. Plus maybe they are some of the things you are looking for and we connect for a limited time making nice memories. We don't know how long we will live or if our health remains good? It keeps us active. The good ones don't stay out there long. So the messed up people usually remain out there longer and their the ones that will hurt you. The more people you meet the more chance you have to learn what you should be open too. Too many people stick to what hasn't work. Many of these people find themselves to the internet. The best way to meet someone is in the "real world" anyway.
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