| 1st and 2nd Date Transition...
Posted: 7/25/2008 11:55:32 PM | I have yet to meet anyone in person from POF yet. I just joined a couple of weeks ago. I am curious though about 2 things:
a) Going from Emailing to 1st Date
b) Going from 1st Date to 2nd Date
What have people with Online Dating Experience found to be a good TRANSITIONS?
1. Ask for Phone Number 1st?
2. Ask out on 1st Date directly by Email?
3. Ask for 2nd Date on 1st Date?
4. Write email thanking them for 1st Date and then ask their thoughts?
5. Wait a few days and then call/email?
I know there is a LOT OF SPONTANIETY involved...I am just asking for GENERAL TRENDS that work and don't work. Looking forward to some great advice!! | |
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| 1st and 2nd Date Transition...
Posted: 7/26/2008 12:25:57 AM | | in my experience ,the situation just got to a point where typing wasnt satisfactory anymore.her or i would evenyually need to do something away from the computer but still want to chat so one of us would ask to chat on the phone.the date would go about the same.i would be free one night and ask her if she would like to do something.it was always a pretty natural process. | |
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| 1st and 2nd Date Transition...
Posted: 7/26/2008 4:56:27 AM | I haven't used online dating in about six or seven years, but here's what worked for me (as the girl, and really, that's who you should be listening to on these questions  ) then:
1. Not necessarily. If you want to talk instead of email, it's fine, or if you get the idea she wants to. But a lot of women are fine with setting up the first date via email. I am.
2. See above.
3. Not unless you're having a great time, you think she is, too, and something comes up naturally (Like "hey, I love that band, too -- did you see they were playing in town next Friday?"). Give yourself and her a chance to reflect before committing to anything else.
4. Write or call (whichever you're most comfortable with) the next day. Seriously. She will have decided if she wants to go out again, I promise. I know all that crap about how you don't want to appear too eager blah blah blah, but if you had a good time, put her out of her misery (of wondering) and come right out and say so. You're not asking her to marry you, you're just saying you had a good time and thanking her for her time. It doesn't make you a chump -- it makes you a direct, thoughtful guy. If you don't want to go out again, tell her you had a nice time but you just don't think you have a lot in common, or whatever.
5. See #4. Really. It's good karma. Don't try to be Joe Cool about it all. Just be upfront. | |
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| 1st and 2nd Date Transition...
Posted: 7/26/2008 5:06:12 AM | | I think Jane has the right idea. Couldn't have said it more perfectly myself. Let's hope all the guys on POF read this forum. Guys who have put me on their favs please read Jane's post. thanks | |
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| 1st and 2nd Date Transition...
Posted: 7/26/2008 6:04:28 AM | ^^^^agreed. Granted, I only dated for a short while, but I did meet quite a few nice gentlemen, and a couple real weirdos. One thing I learned early on - if you are looking to date, or a LTR, or anything besides a email buddy, you don't want to wait too long to meet. . . it really is a whole different world. I know of people who emailed, chatted and talked on the phone for MONTHS - only to realize they simply weren't compatible the first time they met. Which, btw, makes things very Awk-Ward! I can't help but think this whole 'cosmic connection' over email is overrated...gimme a real life breathing man! JMHO | |
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| 1st and 2nd Date Transition...
Posted: 7/29/2008 12:35:40 AM | Jane - Great answer...I really appreciate it!!
I have a related query. I'm connected well with a few people on here through Messaging back and forth (sometimes quite lengthly). However, all of sudden some of the girls just stop responding randomly?!?
Has this happened to other people and WHY??? | |
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| it's called blowing you off
Posted: 7/29/2008 5:07:59 AM | Well I have concerns like this too.
You write back and forth and they can't manage to get out more than a few words and don't ask you anyhting.
After a frustrating conversation, it dies out
They're not interested, they're just writing back to be polite, some people love to get the last word in.
Someone else sparked their interest more, or they just got busy.
Transition to second date - once this happens you're almost there
Maybe 10% of your dates will lead to a second date
Sometimes it'll feel like it's going nowhere so if it is, break it off within a few weeks.
Sometimes she'll actually relax, invite you to her place, and you won't need to do anything fancy on dates, just rent a movie instead of breaking your wallet everytime
If you add them to your favorites and notice they keep logging in without replying to your emails, well, obviously they're not into you. I wouldn't worry about your conversation in those emails, it's mostly about the pictures and your common interests | |
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| 1st and 2nd Date Transition...
Posted: 7/29/2008 8:36:04 AM | | I have met 4 people from POF and I think it depends on the people and each situation is different. Out of the 4 that I've met I had fairly good experiences, most were talking through email for a bit and then exchanging phone numbers and finally meeting. (Some I have talked to and never met for various reasons) One of the men I met I'm good friends with and still talk to, one I had a very bad 2nd date with, one lived too far away and the commute wouldn't have worked for either of us and the last one I am actually hoping to see again. So it does vary from situtation to situation and person to person. So I would say talk through email a bit til you're both comfortable enought to exchange numbers and go from there. Good luck | |
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| 1st and 2nd Date Transition...
Posted: 7/29/2008 9:32:32 AM | I personally hate that whole wait-three-days thing where you're supposed to not contact them after the first date. Definitely follow-up before noon on the next day with a quick thank you note of some kind. The other person will be wondering/worried about how you felt and the extra time just wears both of you down. Listening to the standard advice to wait three days will just leave them a little disgruntled and cautious about you. In fact, the three day wait really serves to prevent you from going out the next Friday, say, if you think about it since you've lost a little momentum. And that's a Friday that she might fill... with another guy's attention.
There really isn't a one-size-fits-all suggestion that I can make regarding when and how to ask for a first date. I could only describe mine own approach and since that's unique it's not really going to help you much. | |
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ml456
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Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 10 | |
| 1st and 2nd Date Transition...
Posted: 7/29/2008 9:40:04 AM | | I don't think there is any general rule that applies to all or most situations. Things can vary based on the circumstances and the person you are talking to. Some people might prefer to talk someone by phone before setting up an initial date. Some people might prefer to set up an initial date by email. Some people might want to meet right away. Other people might want to wait a little bit longer before meeting. As for asking for a second date, either call or email the other person within a few days after the initial date. | |
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| 1st and 2nd Date Transition...
Posted: 7/29/2008 9:56:04 AM | I did on-line meeting for almost 2 years. Within 3 months of meeting I realized I preferred it this way:
1. I wanted to meet asap for a variety of reasons. So I only tolerated a couple of emails and then wanted to go to the phone and talk. After talking on the phone if there was any interest I wanted to meet right away. I wanted to know if there was a real connection, any chance for chemistry and also wanted to be sure they were 'free' and able to meet quickly. I quickly found out that most who could not meet quickly were in relationships and trying to figure out a way to meet me without their SO finding out!
2. If there was still mutual interest after meeting I found that virtually all the men I met made hints or asked me right out for a 'second' date. (I called the meet a meet, not a date but will call it a date here.) Those that asked plans were made by the end of the first meet. Others hinted and called within a day or two.
3. I always, ALWAYS called, emailed or text messaged a 'thank you' to whomever I had met, even the ones I was not interested in. I felt it was proper etiquette to do so. This was usually within 24 hours of the meet. I found the men did the same.
4. By the end of the first official date, if there was still mutual interest, we already had tentative plans for another date. There were a couple of phone calls in between as well. Those that were interested--were. No waiting 3 days to call or anything like that.
It all seemed to flow when things were right. | |
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| 1st and 2nd Date Transition...
Posted: 7/29/2008 10:06:26 AM | | I don't know for sure why that happens, but I have some guesses. I think in some cases there was some dealbreaker disclosed that you didn't even know about and the woman wasn't polite enough to tell you it was a dealbreaker. And sometimes I think it's because people play here; they want the titillation of flirting and talking but not actual dating (either because they've misrepresented themselves or they're married or whatever) so when it gets too real (or not titillating enough) they just shut it down. Maybe sometimes they get scared if gets to the point where naturally you would want to meet and they're not ready to for whatever reason. There's no excuse for it, really, unless they're assuming you're just playing, too, and if that were the case it seems you would know that. So I don't know why they do it. But don't think it's something wrong with you; it's them. People forget there are real people behind the chat window. | |
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| 1st and 2nd Date Transition...
Posted: 7/30/2008 5:09:47 PM | Thanks for the responses. Interesting thoughts on "DEALBREAKING"!! I wish that people would actually tell/inform me that "I have broken the deal" instead of all of a sudden cutting off communication completely by not responding. At least I would know then and be more careful in the future.
What exactly are some "Dealbreakers?"
1. Ask them for their MSN/Facebook/Email info
2. Discuss a sensitive issue (e.g. family, past relationships, religiion, politics)
3. Say something wrong unconsciously that has offended them
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| 1st and 2nd Date Transition...
Posted: 7/30/2008 5:54:40 PM | | I say send a message get to know each other over ims or vie e-mail if there is a connection you can either exchange numbers or exchange msn. I feel it's better to have a conversation over the phone before i meet anyone from here or any other site it give you a better feel of the person. Once you get to the phone calls and u both still connect then u can ask her go to dinner or a movie or just to go get a drink. However it all depends on the person but we can normally tell if someone is interested in you or not. | |
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| 1st and 2nd Date Transition...
Posted: 11/3/2008 12:50:10 AM | 1. Ask for Phone Number 1st?
I'll give them my number after a couple of sessions of chatting over msn or email if there's some mutual interest. I don't ask for theirs...they will offer it up if they feel comfortable. If someone is shy about talking on the phone we can TXT each other little messages throughout the day.
2. Ask out on 1st Date directly by Email?
Either that or by phone, but I like to meet early so as to not waste anyone's time. Usually there's a first meet agreed upon over MSN/email before it even gets to a phone call.
3. Ask for 2nd Date on 1st Date?
Treat that first date just like any other date, so yes you have to ask her out again if there's interest. If she says yes then you just hope she meant it and wasn't only being polite :P
4. Write email thanking them for 1st Date and then ask their thoughts?
Yes, email or TXT i find is good as it doesn't put them in an awkward position if they have mixed feelings about you. But defenitely some form of thank you.
5. Wait a few days and then call/email?
The next day is good. The longer you wait, the more time you give them to write you off as uninterested.
good luck! | |
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