| back away or warn
Posted: 7/26/2008 12:59:05 AM | couldn't find a special place for this. just want some advice. Just broke up for the last time with a guy i meet here. After all the warning signs, which i ignored, advice from friends and family, which i ignored. I had to find the truth out myself Found out he is married, was going back and forth between us. Lieing to both and using both of us for money.
Now I am a delemia. I know he has used this site and others, to pick up women both in past and in present how do you warn other women to be careful of him | |
|
| back away or warn
Posted: 7/26/2008 1:06:38 AM | You can't.. Well.. you can but your post would be deleted and you can lose your posting privileges... It's against the rules to mention another POF member in any kind of defamatory way...
Unfortunately, there is no way for POF to control the married people that are on here lying through their teeth but you can be comforted to know that many of us know that.
I am sorry for your disappointment... Hopefully, you'll learn to listen to your instincts... | |
|
| back away or warn
Posted: 7/26/2008 1:10:26 AM | | thank you for you input. i don't want to be a venegful person. I really justed wanted to warn any one. I look at it as a lesson learned and listen to my instincts instead of thinking i am over reacting. | |
|
| back away or warn
Posted: 7/26/2008 1:14:01 AM | | But you can post what area he lives in..his age and what his interests are......only fair for those ladies out there in his area who don't want to waste their time.. | |
|
| back away or warn
Posted: 7/26/2008 1:19:07 AM | | You don't OP. With the best will in the world you can't look after the rest of the world. All you can do is learn from this for yourself and make sure you listen to your instincts in the future. The reason you probably convinced yourself that he was ok was because you wanted him to be, not because you really believed it. Sometimes people have a way of making explanations for people even when they know deep down in their guts that something doesn't add up, and that's what you did, and that's what probably lots of other women will do, and you can't stop them. If even your family couldn't convince you, how do you expect to convince a woman who doesn't know you from Adam? I'm sorry for your bad experience, but the most important thing to do is concentrate on you now, and becoming a wiser person next time. | |
|
| back away or warn
Posted: 7/26/2008 1:21:05 AM | Liars online are a fact of life. Unfortunately, even if you could "warn" others, only a small percentage of people on POF participate in the fora, POF is only one of many websites, and people can easily change their screen names.
Anyone who has done much online dating, sooner or later, has run into someone who has lied about his/her reality. I was "involved" with someone in a LDR for some time, and it seemed we had a deep connection. Actually we did, but was living a "double life". Even the name she gave me was a lie. She had been talking about marriage, and so on, when one fine day, deep into the relationship, I was sitting at home, when I got a call from her husband, who told me what the reality of her life was, and it was much different, in almost every detail, from what she had told me. He had somehow discovered about our secret relationship.
It's a really hurtful an difficult thing to discover, but there's no way to deal with it, except to be more careful to screen out the flakes going forward. Even at that, there are no guarantees. It's one of the risks we take in online dating, and each person has to calculate risk/reward for himself/herself.  | |
|
| back away or warn
Posted: 7/26/2008 1:26:49 AM | | thank you again. I am very new to dating sceen and very new to online dating. seems like i have been married my entire life. I am learning new things everyday. Need to learn how to screen people better, without becoming a closed off bitter person. hope that makes sense | |
|
| back away or warn
Posted: 7/26/2008 1:28:00 AM | Went through something similar myself... wish i could warn others that he is a liar and is only out for a one night stand but... due to the rules we cant... but i sympathise with you .... best of luck in your future fishing... and beware the red flags they are usually trying to tell your mind something that your heart just doesnt wanna see.... | |
|
| back away or warn
Posted: 7/26/2008 1:40:45 AM | thank you again. I am very new to dating sceen and very new to online dating. seems like i have been married my entire life. I am learning new things everyday. Need to learn how to screen people better, without becoming a closed off bitter person. hope that makes sense
Halleluja OP  NEVER get bitter. There are good and bad in BOTH sexes on here (so don't convince yourself that all men are the same, they're just good or bad 'people'), but you just need to learn to listen to your gut instincts. Any sign of a contradiction or any little pang of anxiety about someone and it's time to walk away from them. Our instincts were given to us for a reason, and although we don't need them to fight or fly the way we used to they're still there to tell us something, we just need to learn to listen. | |
|
| back away or warn
Posted: 7/26/2008 1:42:35 AM | It just doesn't happen to women.
It's a far to familair situation for men - unfortunately. | |
|
| back away or warn
Posted: 7/26/2008 3:55:19 AM | Your heart's in the right place for wanting to warn folks, but it's best to just move on. I usually figure out the depth of the lies in the e-mails and on the phone before meeting men face-to-face to avoid involvement with these situations. So what you might do is, instead of saving the world from this man, learn from your mistakes - what could you have done differently, better, modifed, etc. so next time your red flags come up sooner.
Also, when a woman or a man is on this site mooching money, the FIRST time they ask for money - RUN!!!!!!!!! That red flag is obvious! They don't want a person - they want finances/money. Had you told him NO WAY the first time he asked for money, you never would have heard from him again. He would have been back online looking for younger and dumber to pay him.
My recommendation is reflect on what happened and make changes for yourself. Other women online, like myself, would have realized what he was about long before it became dramatic, traumatic or turned into a dilemma. If one falls victim to him in the future, like you, it's up to them to change their way of thinking when it comes to being online, learn from the mistakes made, and figure out what they could do differently. | |
|
| back away or warn
Posted: 7/26/2008 4:01:08 AM |
Had you told him NO WAY the first time he asked for money, you never would have heard from him again. Yep. Stick to that. Funny how they stop calling when you do it. | |
|
| back away or warn
Posted: 7/26/2008 5:04:00 AM | It amazes me this happens again and again. Trusting blindly will or may lead to a broken heart. Signs he’s married...
• Wears clothes you like and when you comment on them he doesn’t know the brand or where he purchased them. Of course the wife bought them
• Won’t answer the phone, you get voice mail and he calls back later
• Only talks to you when he’s walking the dog
• Only talks to you when he’s driving
• Gets testy when you kiss his neck, the leave marks, lipstick on collar thing
• Carefully folds and places his clothes down before making love as opposed to tearing them off in a heap
• Never available on Holidays – it’s family time
• Never available in the evening
• You’ve never been invited over
• The tan line, ring dent
• Spent in the bedroom – two lovers does take it’s toll
• Car sex is the norm
• Showers before leaving – i.e. removing your scent
• Washes the unit before leaving – wife’s have a 6th sense for this odor
• Takes his cell phone with him when he leaves the table, hate for you too see the phone light up and say Wifey
• You don’t have his work number
• You don’t have his home phone number
• Won’t answer his phone in front of you
• He comes to your area of town – as not to be seen in his
• Edgy in restaurants, looking around
• Won’t open his wallet and show you the pics of the kids – mixed in with the wife
• Breaks dates at the last minute
• Can’t spend the night
• Says he’s going out of town for X number of days, on business and you don’t hear from him. See the wife is with him 24/7 at this time
• You do not meet any of his friends
• You’ll see him outside talking on the cell, like goes to the bathroom and has to slip in a call
• Gets nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs when you pick up his cell phone
• Only takes you to restaurants he’s never been to – go figure. Can’t risk having that darn waitress/waiter recognize him
• Doesn’t charge for meals, events, whatever...Always cash. Wifey pays the bills
• You find the cell phone bill has been opened and the itemized call pages are missing
• Ditto with credit card bills
• Will not use his toll transponder in the car, does the slow cash lane as the wife will see the tolls and locations paid – real sneaky crap there, attorneys use that one for divorces.
• Different color hairs in the car and they’re not dog
• Never gets too much sun when he’s with you, the wife would ask about it, how that happened at work or wherever he lied and said he was going
• Weekend availability is nil
• You’ve never met his children
• Your name is stored in his phone as some guys name
• You will find the cell phone bill opened up and the itemized pages are removed – ditto with the CC statements | |
|
| back away or warn
Posted: 7/26/2008 5:15:15 AM | | mac...what a great list! And very well thought out. | |
|
| back away or warn
Posted: 7/26/2008 5:28:51 AM | Butterfly, I think you have gotten some really good advise here as to the situation you have been in. I was also pleased to see that you have your profile open to anyone, not just men. That's a good thing. If any other women in your area want to know, it's as simple as an email now.
Red flags are something our brain picks up and we ignore with our hearts. There are many of us who have done that and some that still continue to do. After getting "burned" a few times tho, we do catch on. It's the fact that we can't believe someone would do that. Most of us are honest and compassionate people (it's in our nature to trust). I for one don't want to put up too many walls.
You have done all you could do up to this point. Good luck in the future !!
Blonde  | |
|
| back away or warn
Posted: 7/26/2008 5:41:54 AM | hey Butterfly we have a male's list of red flags which are very good.. I think I would have picked up on most of them.. cept for the cell phone stuff..
So Can you share with us the redflags that you saw?
All I would like to say about your situation is that I am sorry that happened to you.. his poor wife!!! Aren't you glad you aren't married to the jerk?
Also, I am not saying I have never been played by a married man.. but.. I think as far as the men I have met online I have not been played by a married man to the extent that we met. Basically what I do is try to get him relaxed and low key.. and just not say a lot if there is an inconsistancy but will bring it up again at a later date. I look for the red flags.. they are pretty easy to spot.. the most obvious early ones are an irregularity with contact.. nervousness.. only give out cell phone and can't talk but specific times.
I did have a couple of male online friends say to me that he got a lot of contacts online from women who lived like 100 miles away and they suspect that many of them were married women looking for a fling.. that is "meet half way" that way they are out of town but don't spend more than an hour or so driving.
One other rule I live by and it has saved me a lot of heart ache.. "patience is the weapon that reveals deception".. always be patient.
| |
|
| back away or warn
Posted: 7/26/2008 5:43:09 AM | | what his name then so we can all ready fo him | |
|
| back away or warn
Posted: 7/26/2008 7:05:15 AM | Unchainedbutterfly-
I'm sorry that you had to have that happen to you, but trying to out them does little but make you look spiteful and vengeful. Even if you were to warn other's-one woman's trash can become another woman's treasure. Most people I know, even when presented with facts about a person's lack of integrity still need to make their own decisions about a person's character ( or lack there-of) on their own.
There are sites that you can put his picture and online information that will alert other women to his misleading 'dating' practices. I don't remember the specific name of the site in question, but I'm sure if you use a google search you can easily find a host of sites that warn other's of potential bad boys and girls.
Good luck. | |
|
| back away or warn
Posted: 7/26/2008 7:16:56 AM | what his name then so we can all ready fo him
 | |
|
| back away or warn
Posted: 7/26/2008 7:33:42 AM | Maybe we can post their name in the local paper or on a bathroom wall! Nothing makes a person straighten up fast like public ridicule. There is life outside of POF rules. You could also go to a sight and register his name on dontdatehimgirl.com. I am not saying be vengeful,it just warns others about his activity. But here it means getting the gong!
I am sorry for your disappointment and betrayal. You are a formidable woman and can do better. Erase his number and all information about him on your phone computer ect. You can't stop him from doing this to others but in the paper you can warn his wife and family. Tell his wife you had no idea and are very sorry. Maybe if she knows how hes doing it it might make things a little tighter at home. JMO | |
|
| back away or warn
Posted: 7/26/2008 7:39:39 AM | | You are not supposed to warn other women. He has a purpose in life. His purpose is to use others, because he cannot take care of himself. He is supposed to teach others about dishonesty, manipulation, lying, cheating, and womanizing. Some people have to learn by experience, and he is put in the world to teach those who will not listen to friends, parents, family about lying, cheating on spouse, womanizing, manipulation. I am sure you are so much more intelligent than before you met him. So, count your blessings that he did not steal your heart, along with everything else. Be thankful you are not the unfortunate person who is married to him.... and especially be thankful that you do not have any children from him. | |
|
| back away or warn
Posted: 7/26/2008 7:41:10 AM |
You could also go to a sight and register his name on dontdatehimgirl.com.
Let me make this clear. No one has posted me on any of those sorts of sites, so it's not "personal".
That being said, if posting someone on one of those "bad dates" sites makes you feel better, I suppose that's fine. The reality of the sites, from all the articles I've read, is that there are a lot of false reports, women who are angry that someone wasn't interested, or "buyer's remorse" if they had sex, and he stopped calling, etc..
On top of that, when these sorts of topics come up, there are usually a dozen different websites recommended, so what are the odds of a woman finding the right website to find the listing? Besides, the really bad guys are going to frequently change screen names.
It's more about using some common sense and judgment, along with the acceptance that life comes with risks, and we all, at some point, get burned. This experience was not traumatic, and it isn't the end of the world. It was unpleasant, but the OP would be better served for her own serenity to let it go, and move on. | |
|
| back away or warn
Posted: 7/26/2008 7:45:20 AM | Just go to "Mail Settings" and check the box that says "Block Married People"...
Yeah, that'll stop 'em.  | |
|
| back away or warn
Posted: 7/26/2008 7:48:53 AM |
Now I am a delemia. I know he has used this site and others, to pick up women both in past and in present how do you warn other women to be careful of him
Really OP,
Give the sisters some credit. It aint hard to figure out the players, the cheats, the married ones. Just because YOU ignored the warning signs, doesn't mean others will.....so there is no need to 'warn us'. We are quite capable of screening out bottom-feeders on our own.
As well, we need to come across these losers once and awhile to test our spidey senses and keep'em at peak performance!! | |
|
| back away or warn
Posted: 7/26/2008 7:50:53 AM | I have a few postings on here because I have had 2 of the "wife" call me. I had dumped them both because the flags were there at least two weeks before the calls. Lies, not much of what they said was consistant or matched up.
I have learned that you get my number and addy, I get yours and I will verify. If you will not do this, I say bye. Equal opportunity stalker, email, and phone previlages or just sincere communication from honest couples looking for what ever they are looking for. No more one sided release of information. I meet no one that will not give out real name and real information. This could get dangerous.
I tried to post several ways and POF dealted them all. I understand it is your word agains theirs. Some women and men just get into a p***ing match and tell more lies. So I get the point POF is making.
The guys I ran across get a kick out of getting women to meet them clear across town at a fictious addy. While they stay in the comfort of their home laughing about the desperate women on here. But the ones I got ahold of were really good. I am not a stupid woman. Lot of calls, emails, IM and a lot of real information just slightly off. Close enough I did background and got dead on. Wife that abiviously loves the drama by feeding into it or she would not beg me to not bust him on profiles. I did anyway. One wife just keeps deleting his profile secretely, calling and emailing the women and it just continues. Don't get her. They must deserve each other. | |
|
Home
login 
