| Men in their 50's with young kids
Posted: 7/26/2008 8:34:32 PM | Ladies, how do you feel about this? I have run into a lot of men who did not become fathers until they were in their late 40's and now when they should be planning retirement--like me, thank you--are raising 6 year olds. They are divorced from younger wives.
I'm ready to be step-grandma, not stepmother again. Financially, this sounds like a bad investment for happiness and security. | |
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| Men in their 50's with young kids
Posted: 7/26/2008 8:55:47 PM | I think it's great they just waited a little while longer to have kids and maybe they can help the kids out better than anyone in their 20s-30s or older 40s i think everybody should do what makes them happy, and if god didn't think ANY of us would be good enough for the children he would have NOT let us have them especially by the men who we think so little of. | |
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| Men in their 50's with young kids
Posted: 7/26/2008 11:33:05 PM | | Whose happiness and security, yours or his? It seems it's more on you than him. It's your preference though, you're not ready to do your own lifestyle without a young one to depend on you. The only thing I'd feel bad when I see a late person having kids is that they aren't going to live that l ong to see their child grow into adulthood. But as long as they fill it with happiness and love, does it really matter in seeing an older person with a young child? | |
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| Men in their 50's with young kids
Posted: 7/26/2008 11:37:52 PM | above post....
My brother N law father is in his late 70s my brother law died when his my neice was 2yrs old acturally none of us has control on how long a person will live lord knows i thought my dad would be around after my son grew up but my dad passed away 2/22/2008 my son is ONLY two he will, be three years old in march 26th and it is still heartbrakeing knowing my son will never have anymore time with the ONLY grandfather who was in his life by CHOICE and WANTING to be in his life. | |
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| Men in their 50's with young kids
Posted: 7/26/2008 11:38:04 PM | above post....
My brother N law father is in his late 70s my brother law died when his my neice was 2yrs old acturally none of us has control on how long a person will live lord knows i thought my dad would be around after my son grew up but my dad passed away 2/22/2008 my son is ONLY two he will, be three years old in march 26th and it is still heartbrakeing knowing my son will never have anymore time with the ONLY grandfather who was in his life by CHOICE and WANTING to be in his life. | |
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| Men in their 50's with young kids
Posted: 7/27/2008 4:54:06 AM | | I think if you found a man your age that had younger children and you aren't ready to be stepmom, then you either stay friends only with the man or move on. It would be unfair to him to love someone that was not prepared to help "mother" his children. Definitely be upfront with him and share your feelings. | |
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| Men in their 50's with young kids
Posted: 9/13/2008 6:55:03 PM | | I have to agree 100%.I raised my two by myself for the last 13 years and I am not really crazy about doing the grade school thing again .I have less then two years left of highschool and I am loving it.I did my time. | |
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| Men in their 50's with young kids
Posted: 9/13/2008 8:23:11 PM | My mother was 46 when my youngest sister was born, my father was 50. Because of their age and experience she got the best of everything the family could offer. Protection from her older brothers, a bit more wealth and a bit more parental experience. When my father passed away my youngest sister was thirty seven and had established a family of her own. She is successful, happy and well adjusted. From the standpoint of the child it is only good.
Considerations of where your wealth will be spent during your retirement years is a valid concern and a very personal decision. You can use the money on travel, pleasure cruises and fine wine, things you have worked to experience. Or you can project that wealth into the future by investing time and money in your family.
Just my two cents. | |
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| Men in their 50's with young kids
Posted: 9/14/2008 2:02:20 AM | You need to go with what is right for you. If you do not feel that you could deal with being a step-mom to little ones then you need to pass on those men.
I agree with some other posters about older parents... an older friend has a younger daughter and he said it is great, he is settled in a career, he no longer wants to party, he has far more patience, he has (I think) a 6 y/o and two in their mid-late twenties.
Because men can reproduce much later (I believe)... I think there becomes a point where they have a greater risk of leaving behind relatively young kids.
Which I personally don't really agree with. | |
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| Men in their 50's with young kids
Posted: 9/14/2008 5:24:25 AM | I wouldnt have a problem with it. They can still plan retirement and raise a child. And just because you date or get in a relationship with a parent doesnt mean that you automatically become step-parent, unless you plannned on marrying the man and adopting the child. Good for them for having younger wives and having children, shows they still got some vitality and spark in their lives, instead of sitting around in a rocking chair!
If children are a detriment for happiness and security, you most likely wouldnt be happy seeing someone who see's them as a source of happiness and security. | |
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| Men in their 50's with young kids
Posted: 9/14/2008 5:56:42 AM | | I've got 4 kids I am raising alone.My life centers around them.I work over 40 hours a week plus do wecker calls 24 hrs 7days.In my free time its spent with them.Play station,fishing or just horsing around.We spend a lot of time shopping and yard sales.I survived cancer where I lost my bladder and they almost lost me 3 times in a year.I never get to meet anyone and most females I talk to (usually at the cash register) don't know how i manage.Without having these kids there would'nt be anything to make me push so hard. They'll be grown up and gone soon enough and I really don't look forward to that time.I'd like to meet someone but I don't think they could keep up my pace. | |
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| Men in their 50's with young kids
Posted: 9/14/2008 6:39:44 AM | | Well im not a man in my 50's but close enough i guess.im almost 48 and still have young kids to take care of.And i think its hard to find a woman my age to date as most have kids that are older and don't need the attention.I'm a part time dad but still doesnt make it easy to find the right fit.So i guess you have to figure out weather or not you want to be with that person or not.Either its worth it or it isn't thats your choice.My kids always come first and until i find someone that's will to accept that and accept my kids to then ill be single for awhile. | |
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| Men in their 50's with young kids
Posted: 9/14/2008 8:16:29 AM | OP, I know this question was directed at the women; however it is a public forum so I hope you don't mind a man's point of view.
I am 57 and my children are not as young as the gentleman the OP is talking about. The younger girls are 14 and 15, but in some ways teens take up more time than younger children.
I have run into a number of women like the OP and some others who posted here; women that do not want to be involved with a man with kids. Most women in my age bracket have children that are grown and many want to be the focus of attention – they do not want to compete with kids. So be it. I respect your decision.
After my first few experiences with such women I tried to make it plain on my profile that I had teens and that I was definitely NOT looking for a mother for them. Not every man, including the ones with 6 year olds, is out hunting for a mother for the kids.
Having children means being engaged with them – time wise and emotionally. In my case with teen girls it's being available to help with homework, or shopping for Prom dresses, or doing a fun family activity or just watching a video with them etc. I will give as much time as I can to my lady friend, but she must understand that I have responsibilities as a parent and a father. She is welcome to join us in any activity and be part of a loving fun family activity or she can stay home and read a good book or take some time for herself if she wants. I make no demands.
If you prefer to pass on a man with young children, then take the pass and seek someone more suitable. But remember, you are likely passing on a man that had all those other qualities women say they want in a man – honesty, loyalty, responsibility, family oriented, giving, etc. | |
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| Men in their 50's with young kids
Posted: 9/14/2008 8:04:21 PM | | The man who can raise children at any age is a gentle, patient, caring, sensitive, tolerant, non-selfish man. I'd like to add some facts. My father was in his 50's when mom conceived my oldest brother. My oldest brother and I are 7 years apart. My mother was one lucky woman. She married a man 26 years older than she was. And they raised a very happy family. I don't come from divorced parents. They stuck together through death. Mom loved this man who could raise 5 children from babies to Eagle Scout to their own weddings. My dad never lifted a finger or said one harsh word towards me. Some of us never lose sight of the child within us. Children are beautiful people to surround yourself with at any age. Don't you remember being a child? I'm still waiting for adulthood. My point is a man, in his 50s, with children, is not someone to fear or avoid. Yet I also realize many women are very selfish and demanding. If someone you are dating complains about any time you spend with the kids, this person obviously lacks a nurturing nature. | |
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| Men in their 50's with young kids
Posted: 9/15/2008 4:09:48 AM | | If you do not want to date men with young kids don't. Put it in your profile. Then men with young kids will avoid you, which will be good for every one. Why you think you would be a stepmother, because you are dating some one with young kids is really getting ahead of yourself any way. Most singel dads or even part time dads are not looking for a step-mom for their kids, they are looking for a date and some one who talks step-mom stuff early pops up the red flags. | |
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| Men in their 50's with young kids
Posted: 9/15/2008 8:29:09 AM | I don't know OP..
In my experience finances are least of the problems for the "eternal playboy" who in his 40's figured out he wants to marry some chick half his age and reproduce.
It is the polar opposite of personality I find attractive regardless of (or perhaps expecially) when he owns ferrari or porshe.
Eeewww... Big "I need to compensate for something" sign? Eewww..
Now, a guy who was with his wife 20 years, has children including a very young child from that union - completely different story.
I don't think it's solely "financial investment" you're talking about, I think it might to do with the whole person. | |
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| Men in their 50's with young kids
Posted: 9/15/2008 9:10:10 AM | Plain and simple.... the info is on their profile, if it's not appealing to you move on.
They don't have to justify as to why they are here, nothing wrong with looking for a person to share their family or lives with now is there? . Also there are alot of women on here with younger children in that age group looking for men. Sounds like you are frustrated at not finding what you are looking for here.
Profiles are here for a reason. | |
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| Men in their 50's with young kids
Posted: 9/29/2008 5:50:23 AM |
Plain and simple.... the info is on their profile, if it's not appealing to you move on. Ummmm ... no it's not always on the profile.
Most men in their late 40's to late 50's who have young children do not post it on their profile. In some cases, they actually withhold the information until they get to know a woman really well.
Personally, I do not like such surprises.
I have dated men who make a date with you (say for breakfast) and show up with a young child in tote. One time, I just assumed it was the man's grandchild. It wasn't ... it was his. Personally, I'm not really wanting to date men with children young enough to be my own grandchilden.
In a lot of cases, these children are a result of a mid-life crisis and unfortunately for me that is also a giant red flag. Men who leave long marriages for much younger women and produce a couple of "love children" only to divorce again (as quickly as they ran from their long-time spouse) ... that's not a good track record.
I'm just extremely leery of men who had mid-life crisis issues. Most are really shallow and I just don't want that in my life!!! Some will get that and others will be insulted ... eh? | |
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| Men in their 50's with young kids
Posted: 9/29/2008 8:39:07 AM | My BF is 48 and has a 6 year old. Inconvenient at times? Yes. Beyond what I can handle? No.
But if I was in my mid 50's, I probably would not want to deal with it all the time. By the time my youngest turns 18 (eight years) I'll be VERY done with raising kids. I am not as much concerned about a man's financial responcibility towards the child as I would my free time being taken up by a small child that needs 100% of your attention. As a spouse you would take on part of the work like it or not. | |
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| Men in their 50's with young kids
Posted: 9/30/2008 6:17:30 AM | hi all .This is a passionate subject for me .I am 50 with a 7 yr old and my mum is 91 not much help from family .i love it but yes it is a killer to a relationship..i would rather have my son than a relationship anyday.i was married for24years i didn t think i would spend the later part of my life like this. I would love to meet a man 50 with young kids as long as he didn t just think i was going to be a cheap babysitter. He would have to be very active in his childrens lives too.. love you all bye from australia | |
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| Men in their 50's with young kids
Posted: 9/30/2008 6:48:37 AM | I had to wade in on this one. The lady I was sharing a room with, after I had my son. She was 40 and had a baby girl, and had a son 2 years old. The father is 60. I thought it was great that they were both able to have these children. but in ways, I felt sorry for the kids. I know we can't see the future. People get sick at any age. Something out of ones control. Now starting at 60. How much are you going to have in common with your children. You are getting older. Are you going to be around long enough to see them Graduate, or get married. Maybe.
I just think it's going to be alot for the kids as they grow. Dealing with ailments that the elder folks get. I don't know. A small part of me thought the parent selfish. But everyone deserves to live what they feel is best for them. | |
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| Men in their 50's with young kids
Posted: 9/30/2008 9:39:53 AM | | My youngest daughter is almost 5 years old i am 47,most of my freinds kids are getting out on there own,i have a saying i lived by -i do not want to grow up with my children i want to raise them,i got all my partying in at a younger age,did all i wanted to do at a younger age,without having to worry about who is babysitting my children and coming home shittttt faced in front of them,my oldest is 16 and at age 47 her friends know who and what i am>>>>>>>>a great 47 year old dad<<<<<<<<<<<< | |
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| Men in their 50's with young kids
Posted: 10/1/2008 4:29:44 PM | I love children.
Raising mine and teaching have been very fulfilling and rewarding.
I certainly wouldn't end a relationship because of them, however I'd be hesitant to commit without a very real concept about how it would work.
I've noted that most men in their 50's with children (very young children) were married to very YOUNG women when they had these children.
They tend to come with baggage that is not related to the children, but to what the immature ex-wifey's needs and demands required of them. Most aren't over it or ready to be single dad's and are looking for the next Mrs. Ex # 3 or 4 to care for him and his kiddies.
Love kids - but love my freedom now that mine are grown.
Not ready for grand babies yet either.....but no control of my sons' sex lives there so what will be - will be. | |
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