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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > What is it with people breaking our hearts?      Home login  
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 latingirl7
Joined: 7/24/2008
Msg: 1
What is it with people breaking our hearts?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I just wanted to talk to people... I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years... he fell out of love with me... didn't have time for me etc... I love HIM with all my heart.. he wants to remain friends because he seems to think "that's what made us good - the fact that we are such good friends" it is so hard to keep talking to him knowing he's moving on and I have these feelings for him that I just can't discard. I tried cutting him out of my life for a while (which last a grand total of 2 days) so that I can try to get over him and then finally maybe we could truly be "just friends" but I just CANT! I'm dumb, I have this hope that he'll see how good I really am and that he'll fall back in love with me... it just sounds stupid when I type it out and say it out loud... wow... it's how I feel and I can't help it... I don't know what to do. Should I talk to him but not as much as we used to or should I just cut him out? Either don't sound good to me but I know I have to do something cause I'm hurting.
 SpecialHeartedLady
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 2
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What is it with people breaking our hearts?
Posted: 7/27/2008 10:05:45 PM
Oh, Latingirl, I feel your pain. Do all you can to cut him out for good. Falling in and out of love is a wrong way to go about a relationship in my experience. Love is a choice, and he's choosing not to go the long haul with you. It's sad when men don't know the value of a good woman. You deserve better.

I don't know your whole situation, but I will momentarily assume it was a consumated one without marriage. Perhaps waiting next time and guarding your heart will help. I think true lasting relationships that stand the test of time are really a fluke these days. Most people don't look at it as much of a business venture as they should. I don't mean that in the way I think everyone is going to take it, but we have to match up goals and what we are like and want out of life and choose to be together. Like my profile says, love is what is left over when the blaze of infatuation runs out, when it is inconceivable that your roots could ever be separated. Love like that is what it should be, and it's incredibly rare. People just go about, get a feeling and jump. I've learned that's not wise...at least not for me, or for anyone I know of.

Anyway, a little on a tangent there. Talking about it and letting yourself cry is good. Don't bottle it up. Get a few friends, or just take yourself out. Avoiding places you shopped together or ate together, if possible, might ease your suffering.

Here's a virtual hug for you!
 AnglFlynToCloseToGround
Joined: 4/16/2008
Msg: 3
What is it with people breaking our hearts?
Posted: 7/27/2008 10:07:35 PM
You need to take a look at the big picture and see what you want and what you can handle in the long haul and then deside ... I know for me I would rather be friends and talk to them ... atleast then I know if they are ok and if they are happy ... or if they could use a friend threw a hard time ... just my opinion

 lenexdar
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 4
What is it with people breaking our hearts?
Posted: 7/27/2008 10:11:47 PM
i know the exact way your feeling right now all i can say is its gonna take time for you to heal. Right now just worry about you and help your self get over him then try and be friends , get those lil thoughts of oh maybe he'll fall back in love with me out of your head if your gonna try and be friends with him. With my ex had to do the same thing get over him and me getting jealous then we became really good friends , ha i even help him with dating advice and he does vice versa .

Just be strong and everything will turn out right :]
 ru4meffb
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 5
What is it with people breaking our hearts?
Posted: 7/27/2008 10:14:38 PM
I have just gone through the same situation and I know that right now, it is next to impossible to remain friends. There are too many mixed signals that you read as hope. I know a lot of people tell me that in time, everything will work out. Logically, I know that this is true, but it doesn't help right now. I have finally decided to work on myself, work out, be the best person that I could be...that will go a long way in rebuilding the self esteem that is lost when something like this happens. I know that jumping back in to the dating scene is ok for a distraction, but not for a cure.

I feel for you and wish you luck.
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 6
What is it with people breaking our hearts?
Posted: 7/27/2008 11:22:30 PM
First of all the way you are acting now to me shows why you didn't stay together. Its' like you are a stepford wive and you dont' have a say in what is happening. So he says it's better to just be friends so that is how it is? If it's too hard then just don't be around him and move on. You want to be friends because it's your only hope of having this person. He knows that and I'm sure he uses it to his advantage. I think you need to realize it's over. I think if you leave him alone and move on, you will be much happier. And if you are not there to walk all over, he might even realize what he's losing and come back to you. But right now he doesn't respect you.
 cupatea2010
Joined: 7/30/2007
Msg: 7
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What is it with people breaking our hearts?
Posted: 7/28/2008 1:24:49 AM
You can learn to be JUST FRIENDS when you detach...to detach you have to step away from the bedroom scene. Yeah...I know...but just being friends means he might mean he is actively seeing someone else. But don't let him have it both ways...seeng you and her.
 spark2see
Joined: 7/11/2008
Msg: 8
What is it with people breaking our hearts?
Posted: 7/28/2008 9:41:00 AM
believe me it's not just women that have their hearts broken. It happens with females too, they get cold feet, think it would be better to be friends than partners

I don't buy that. be friends with him if you want to, but wait a while until your feelings for him die down and make him make the effort.

my opinion, he's not a good friend if he doesn't love you like a sister at least

it all depends on the situation but it'll be easier on you if you're not around him and forget about him
 SueisWho
Joined: 1/9/2008
Msg: 9
What is it with people breaking our hearts?
Posted: 7/28/2008 9:48:01 AM
Mthom., GREAT words!

When are many people going to realize...BE AN ACTOR RATHER THAN A REACTOR!!!

It's YOUR life, start living it!!!
 zeehag
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 10
What is it with people breaking our hearts?
Posted: 7/28/2008 9:51:10 AM
we each put ourselves into the position of being heartbroken----the thing is to stay detached while trying to get close--isnt that what the men do???.....do no tallow your self to put yourself into the position of caring tooo much for a guy who thinks you are ok but still has the wandering feets---goes same for men with females---everyone has wandering feets until they find the one they think si IT for them ....then to find out is not the one----so make sure before you jujmp in---easy to say, most dificult to do----i get tripped up all the time by those who start off strong and disappear-----is wrenching to find out the ones you put so much effort into just vanish--but that is internet,,,,,,anonymous and easily gone....gather yourself up and get healthy and there will be someone for you who gives a damn about YOU and who you ARE ----keep looking, girl---it will happen .....when you do no texpect it.....




 mattyfrost19
Joined: 6/11/2007
Msg: 11
What is it with people breaking our hearts?
Posted: 7/28/2008 9:56:18 AM
i no how u feel hun, i am trying atm to try and get over my girlfriend who i have recently split up with after been 2gether with her for 3years, i still love her and she wont have me bk but its breaking my heart.
 Mickey_blueeyes
Joined: 3/31/2007
Msg: 12
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What is it with people breaking our hearts?
Posted: 7/28/2008 12:35:18 PM
I split with me girlfriend (3 years ago & it still hurts) & before that we were really good friends, I think the key factor here is to accept that he does not wanna know anymore, it sad but you must accept it.

Now is not a good time to be alone call up friends & make plans go to parties you might have skipped when you were going out with your Ex. The longer you keep busy & do think that take your mind off of him the less it will hurt.

I know it feels awful having been someone's life for ages & to then have them cast you aside like yesterdays news. The important thing is to remember that your still worth loving.

As someone already said avoid going to places where you shopped together, I also found it helped not too listen too songs that reminded me of the good times past.

It's gonna hurt like mad & your gonna cry, rant & get angry (I know I did & I'm not ashamed to admit it). If you have good friends it's best to have them around as they will offer you the support that your gonna need.

It's never a nice thing to watch a realationship end but keep in mind that now you have a chance to start a new one (only do this when you feel ready though). Sadly holding on to the hope that the other person is gonna suddenly realise how much they need you does not work it took me 3 years too come to terms with that.

I hope you start to feel better in time.

LonelyPhantom

p.s. here is a hug coz there vital at a time like this
 jm0405
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 13
What is it with people breaking our hearts?
Posted: 7/28/2008 12:39:28 PM
I would say move on, find someone else for your life....but you can be friends with your ex, but don't expect too many miracles there either. When he dates seriously, his little honey will make sure you're out of the picture due to her own jealousies and insecurities. If you found someone else, likewise, they might not like you hangin' with your ex either. I would simply move on, get over him, part ways amicably so if you see each other walking down the street in 4 years there won't be bad feelings between you.
 georgez1970
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 14
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What is it with people breaking our hearts?
Posted: 7/28/2008 2:12:40 PM
I know your pain. I fell hard for a girl that I swore hung the moon.. She was kind she was sweet. My kids loved her. She went back to her old boyfriend. She broke my heart and she crushed my kid's hearts. That hurt even more. She said that I was the nicest guy she ever met but left anyway. She said she felt like she was making a mistake. Not all guys are like the guy who left you. There are a lot of us left. Some just have people like my former girlfriend in their past. If they are a player, you don't need them. If they are kind and sweet they have been through what you have but they are willing to try again. Give them a chance. GZ
 NoseyNeighbor
Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 15
What is it with people breaking our hearts?
Posted: 7/29/2008 6:55:12 AM
I can try to get over him and then finally maybe we could truly be "just friends" but I just CANT! I'm dumb


Your not dumb. Your suffering from obsession disorder. Get some therapy as obsession is treatable.
 pretty moon
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 16
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What is it with people breaking our hearts?
Posted: 7/29/2008 7:08:41 AM
A Woman should know how to fall in love without losing HERSELF. You now need to take care of yourself for a bit , without contact from him. Perhaps at some point you can gain a friendship with him but not until you have gained a sense of self.

One needs to know when to try harder and when to walk away. It's time to walk away.
He has made clear his feelings......wishing, hoping, or waiting will not change that. The only persons feelings you can control are your own. TAKE CONTROL




PEACE
 fly_higher
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 17
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What is it with people breaking our hearts?
Posted: 7/29/2008 7:35:11 AM
It really hurts doesn't it. It doesn't matter how long it is. 2 weeks / 2 months or 4 years. It’s all about trust. Totally trust. The lack of it is worst than being burgled, stealing your heart. the worst thing in the world. Run , don't walk
 RPierucci
Joined: 7/25/2008
Msg: 18
What is it with people breaking our hearts?
Posted: 7/29/2008 11:48:52 AM
Do NOT stay friends, it is the WORST thing you can do, trust me.

I dated my Ex for 7 1/2 years....yep, 7.....

I was devastated when she dumped me because "she fell out of love with me." She was my world, my love; I would have done anything for her. I tried to stay friends but what happens is that your ex gets over you but you never get over her/him.

You always think in back of your mind that there is a chance you will get back together and you cannot be friends.

It's a sad thing to do but maybe in 5, 10 years you guys can be friends again but for right now you need to drop it.

You are not "dumb," it's perfectly normal to want to stay in contact with someone that you love....trust me, I have been there. I loved my ex with all my heart, I never looked at another girl because I was very happy with her. I bought wedding rings and everything.....but she dumped me two weeks later....(she had no clue about the rings).

It hurts and it will hurt for a very long time....to be honest I still wake up in the morning missing her smile or her cuddling with me. I don't think you ever really get over anyone after dating a certain amount of time, you just learn to cope and live with it.

However, I would never go back with her. I know this sounds like a cliché but it's true, if that person loved you as much as he/she said she did, it would hurt them too deeply to leave you and see you in pain...unless they were really not in love with you.

I have finally accepted the fact that I will always love my ex in some way, but it just wasn't meant to be in this life and I will never go back to her. It will just happen again and it would be worse, what happened if he did this when you were married? Or if my ex did it when I was married to her? Not good, you will love someone just as much again, you just have to find that person.
 good guy75
Joined: 3/25/2008
Msg: 19
What is it with people breaking our hearts?
Posted: 7/30/2008 10:18:25 AM
if you keep talking to him you will never get over him.leave him alone your heart will mend you should have just stayed freinds.
 meteor 54
Joined: 2/10/2008
Msg: 20
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What is it with people breaking our hearts?
Posted: 7/31/2008 6:47:05 AM

Most people don't look at it as much of a business venture as they should[/qoute]

Latingirl, seems these words reflect exactly what your boyfriend HAS reduced
you to! Nothing more than a 'business' venture.
Careful Latingirl!
Advice from foxholes can be truly depressing, maybe rather too deep!
Business ventures?
Sheesh! Would be that romance should be 'easier' when handled as a 'business venture'?
"Sign this contract!" [on the dotted line!]
Your situation is quite common these days.
Though some advice is at most 'off the wall', at least truly hilarious!
 sn1ckerz
Joined: 9/4/2007
Msg: 21
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What is it with people breaking our hearts?
Posted: 7/31/2008 10:19:57 AM
He did all these things that you didn't like and then you broke up with him. Thats fine, it happens. But you said 2 things that stand out the most that I see:

he fell out of love with me... didn't have time for me etc...

so why would you want to be with someone who is NOT in love and doesnt want to spend time with you?

I have this hope that he'll see how good I really am and that he'll fall back in love with me...

If it was true love in the first place you wouldn't be asking anyone, thinking these thoughts, and never had written this thread.
So again, Why would you want him back?
I don't want to sound harsh but really think about this OP. We all had gone or will go through heartache. I had gotten my heart broken and it does suck. But if the other person doesn't want it it will never happen. keep smiling as much as you can. Keep occupied, and listen to the other replies that are posted. Their is some good advice.
 WearRed
Joined: 8/18/2007
Msg: 22
What is it with people breaking our hearts?
Posted: 8/8/2008 11:29:13 PM
Sorry you are heartbroken I think would be better for you to cut all contact with him at least for a time... For what you say friendship seems not possible right now... maybe in the future.
 ABitMuch
Joined: 7/14/2008
Msg: 23
What is it with people breaking our hearts?
Posted: 8/9/2008 5:09:57 AM
He is actually saying "um, just in case I get lonely I want to have a backup, k?" - you are going to hurt whether he is in your life or not so why make it easy on him?
 Go Rin No Sho
Joined: 1/9/2009
Msg: 24
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What is it with people breaking our hearts?
Posted: 6/1/2009 9:37:10 PM
Not knowing the facts, it sounds to me like this is your first love and breakup.

If that's the case, know that it will happen many more times in your life but each time it happens, it will hurt less.

Sounds sucky, I know, but life isn't fair. Life is life.
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 25
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What is it with people breaking our hearts?
Posted: 7/21/2009 7:24:09 AM
Yes, be his friend...AND begin talking to others! When you meet another you love wholeheartedly, make friendly calls to this guy less frequent.

Unrequited love, hon, never works. You love him. He doesn't love you the same way. It'll never work.
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