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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > how to deal with loving someone that doesnt love you back      Home login  
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 david_johnson
Joined: 2/4/2008
Msg: 1
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how to deal with loving someone that doesnt love you backPage 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Hi, ive recently got involved with a beautiful girl and i know i love her, love everything about her. but i dont think she feels the same way anymore, she used to but more recently i feel as though i am becoming a burden on her and that she is just keeping me around until she finds a better replacement
.

does anybody have any advice on what i should do, or how to deal with a person not loving you back. i have told her how i feel but she just avoids the situation
 dysfunction_junction
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 2
how to deal with loving someone that doesnt love you back
Posted: 7/30/2008 3:11:58 PM
that's easy
cut her loose
 david_johnson
Joined: 2/4/2008
Msg: 3
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how to deal with loving someone that doesnt love you back
Posted: 7/30/2008 3:13:29 PM
thats easier said than done mate, iv tries that but i just think about her 24/7 and miss her badly
 Greyfeld
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 4
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how to deal with loving someone that doesnt love you back
Posted: 7/30/2008 3:14:39 PM

thats easier said than done mate, iv tries that but i just think about her 24/7 and miss her badly


We already know.

The answer is still cut her loose.
 actualizing
Joined: 5/2/2008
Msg: 5
how to deal with loving someone that doesnt love you back
Posted: 7/30/2008 3:22:16 PM
Get yourself together again. It's not really healthy to be the one who loves too much. I know because I have certainly been there. When that happens though, it's a callout from the universe to pull back, reign in, take stock and cut the cord. Everyone else said it. She is probably losing respect for you because you love her despite the fact that she does not feel the same about you. It's silly but true. Get your self-respect back. Only love those who can love you back, it's really that simple. You probably get a kick out of the challenge. I know, I've been there. Ask yourself why you think you don't deserve to be loved. Answer yourself. Kick yourself in the butt and move on brother.
 david_johnson
Joined: 2/4/2008
Msg: 6
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how to deal with loving someone that doesnt love you back
Posted: 7/30/2008 3:22:33 PM
definetely didnt wanna hear that lol. anybody else got diff advice
 Rhiannah
Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 7
how to deal with loving someone that doesnt love you back
Posted: 7/30/2008 3:28:30 PM
Get your own life and find someone else
 HarDayKnight
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 8
how to deal with loving someone that doesnt love you back
Posted: 7/30/2008 3:29:31 PM
Yeah man. Stay there and be a doormat until she can't stand you anymore as a human being, and leaves you without even your self-respect. You'll feel much better then.



Seriously! Grab you balls out of her pocketbook and get to steppin'! At least she'll remember you as a man!
 Greyfeld
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 9
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how to deal with loving someone that doesnt love you back
Posted: 7/30/2008 3:32:20 PM

definetely didnt wanna hear that lol. anybody else got diff advice


Absolutely.

Don't post on a public forum for advice if you're looking for a miracle cure, because all you're going to get is a kick in the balls.

If it was really that easy, none of us would be on a dating website.
 dysfunction_junction
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 10
how to deal with loving someone that doesnt love you back
Posted: 7/30/2008 3:32:59 PM
reality is a harsh mistress
cut her loose
you will be thanking us for our profound wisdom later ;)
 bwr6fission
Joined: 5/10/2005
Msg: 11
how to deal with loving someone that doesnt love you back
Posted: 7/30/2008 3:33:43 PM
are you always at her beck and call? are you always defering to her for what your going to do? is your answer always yes dear? does she ever call you anymore?

you know the feeling you get when someone is always around and wanting to hang out with you? wanting to hang out a little bit too much?

managing a relationship is kinda like fishing, you have to keep the tension on the line. if your always there, there's no tension and shes not wondering what your doing. give her room to wonder a bit and room to come to you a bit.

odds are you may have screwed it up badly already. smothering her too soon is a bad thing.. she has to come to you also. it has to be in balance both of you.

so yea it looks like cutting her loose is whats going to happen anyhow one way or another.. but.. you can try pulling back a bit and looking into dating other women for your own good. get a life doing more stuff other than calling her 26 times a day. distract yourself and be busy. get a hobby.. racing martial arts.. anything..

good luck.
 princej3822
Joined: 11/18/2006
Msg: 12
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how to deal with loving someone that doesnt love you back
Posted: 7/30/2008 3:36:44 PM
Sorry to hear she doesn't love you back. The best tool you have now is to maintain your self respect. There's nothing as repulsive as someone who is appearing too clingy. We've all been on both sides of the situation and neither is good. Maintain your composure and use this as a time to know other people. Don't drop everything each time she snaps hers fingers. Good luck.
 whispah1961
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 13
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how to deal with loving someone that doesnt love you back
Posted: 7/30/2008 3:38:39 PM
Ex hubby and I were together a total of 20 years, with 15 of that being married. At the end he got into the wrong crowd, used God knows what kind of drugs before I found out. He changed physically and emotionally. I still loved him and wanted to get him help and rehab, but he didnt love me anymore and said so, and I still like a dumass didnt want to believe it. The last straw was when he threw the Valentines day card on the floor as soon as I handed it to him. I ended it right then and there and made other living arrangements. Yes there were tears and second thoughts and doubts- but I kept repeating to myself that I was doing the right thing, Im doing the right thing..... 2 years later I realize I was right...its no use staying in a relationship with someone who doesnt love you, no matter how much time was spent. Move on dude, there are plenty of people looking for a good heart out there who wont smash it on you. Good luck.
 Diadora
Joined: 6/16/2008
Msg: 14
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how to deal with loving someone that doesnt love you back
Posted: 7/30/2008 3:42:36 PM
Different advise. Find that place within youself of deepest humility and prepare to reside there. When you put yourself in service to someone who does not love you, you have made them the most important thing in your universe and you have made their dismisal of you a part of how you accept being "loved".

Some people make this a permenant part of their landscape. Others find that they want something way more equal.
 Rubytyr1
Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 15
how to deal with loving someone that doesnt love you back
Posted: 7/30/2008 3:50:01 PM
It's a awful situation...painful as can be, I know.

My advice? Walk away - I know you dont want to hear that, but if she doesnt feel anything for you - theres very little chance that will ever change.

I was madly in love with a girl from 17 to 20, and stuck with her as a friend thinking it was at least "something", but it wasent the right path - the sooner you pull yourself away, the sooner you can let go.

Wish you luck bud, either way~

 david_johnson
Joined: 2/4/2008
Msg: 16
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how to deal with loving someone that doesnt love you back
Posted: 7/30/2008 3:51:35 PM
thanks, this really helps.....i think i just needed to be told. i think i knew the answer deep down but just didnt want it to be true
 Blk_Archangel7
Joined: 12/21/2007
Msg: 17
how to deal with loving someone that doesnt love you back
Posted: 7/30/2008 3:51:38 PM
move on to someone that does love you of finds interest in you.
 BaldyisBeautiful
Joined: 3/28/2008
Msg: 18
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how to deal with loving someone that doesnt love you back
Posted: 7/30/2008 3:51:59 PM
Start a regular routine of fantasizing about Rhiannah?????

 lh90716
Joined: 1/7/2006
Msg: 19
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how to deal with loving someone that doesnt love you back
Posted: 7/30/2008 3:52:05 PM
That one is easy if a men or women tell u they dont want u or love u. Then leave an find someone who likes u for u. why stick around or cling on to someone who told u verbally they don't want u. just move on an find someone who does. remember love is not hard to find sometimes it finds u, when u least expect it. look for the love that finds u. if that love finds u an u don't want that love u have a right to say im cool. u get it. To each its own.
 wickedlovely
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 20
how to deal with loving someone that doesnt love you back
Posted: 7/30/2008 3:52:23 PM
My heart goes out to you david johnson. I JUST (2 days ago) broke up with my boyfriend who I loved dearly. He told me "he loved me but that he was not in love with me" - first time I've ever been fed that line! Cried, thanked him, broke-up with him (not immediately, had to let it sink in for about 24 hours). It totally sucked because we had hot, dirty, awesome sex...I wish I didn't love him...would so stick around just for that. Anyway, it sucks but you're not getting any other advice because there isn't any good advice to give. I erased all pictures and just dropped off a box of his stuff when I knew he wouldn't be home today. We are on good terms, but I need to erase him...you do the same, david johnson. I've cried for two days, and somewhere in the corner of my mind I still think he may come back to me...I think he does love me and he is just screwed up...but I can't live on a spark of hope in the corner of my mind...I've gotta live for today, a today I stand tall in...even if it hurts.

Good luck to you.
 TxSippiGal
Joined: 9/30/2007
Msg: 21
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how to deal with loving someone that doesnt love you back
Posted: 7/30/2008 3:57:39 PM
Sumptin ain't quite right here... you say "she used to but more recently i feel as though i am becoming a burden on her and that she is just keeping me around until she finds a better replacement"

Have you done something???? to make her lose interest??

I just feel you are not telling the whole story..

But bottom line is you can't make someone love you back.
 sunshyne1977
Joined: 5/8/2006
Msg: 22
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how to deal with loving someone that doesnt love you back
Posted: 7/30/2008 3:58:49 PM
been there,you have to let go and move on for your own self respect. i spent a year hoping someone would come around,he could talk the talk,but never could back it up. its hard and you will miss them but i almost guarantee once you cut them out of your life,you will feel free
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 23
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how to deal with loving someone that doesnt love you back
Posted: 7/30/2008 4:00:16 PM
David - is that you don't "think" she doesn't love you, or have the two of you really talked about your relationship and what you both want out of it. Some folks can't verbalize "I love you", yet their actions will show their love & affection. Others will verbalize, yet their actions stink. If the 2 of you aren't on the same page in the relationship, then you probably need to move on.
 JubileeCherries
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 24
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how to deal with loving someone that doesnt love you back
Posted: 7/30/2008 4:06:13 PM
David,
I'm going to say something that you really don't want to hear. Her feelings are not the same as yours.

I know it hurts like hell but you must reach deep down inside and find the strength to cut your ties. You will grieve for this loss and it will take time to get over.

Sweetie, I wish you all the best.
 ForumDawg
Joined: 7/23/2008
Msg: 25
how to deal with loving someone that doesnt love you back
Posted: 7/30/2008 4:17:36 PM
I like what Diadora has said to you. Good advice.

What you've described isn't love. It is an emotional disorder. People who think and feel in the way you describe here end up stalking and/or doing other dumb things. They may become such pests that of course the women ought to do whatever possible to get away fast.

Obssesive thinking and associated "crazy behaviors" -- such as protestations of undying love -- may lead other people to feel nervous. Women get especially nervous about men with abnormal thinking patterns, because women are generally physically weaker, and it can be relatively easy for some women to feel threatenend by a man. In short your "undying love" may actually be making you seem less attractive.

You say she acts like she wants to ditch you. This could be a sign that she is experiencing a natural and healthy desire to put distance between herself and a guy with thought processes such as you have described. She may still be talking to you because she actually likes you, underneath it all, and somehow hopes that you will grow up and get a grip on yourself.

An important question is, "You REALLY don't want to give up being insanely obsessed with her, do you"?

One of the reasons I like what Diadora advises, is that it is consistent with my own gut feeling that people have to be able to treat each other like equals, else the relationship probably won't be a long-term success anyway.
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