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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > Oh now, she looses the weight      Home login  
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 TravelingMel
Joined: 7/23/2008
Msg: 1
Oh now, she looses the weightPage 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
I dated and married my wife when she was over weight. She gained a lot during our marriage. I think she was up to 325. I constantly encouraged her to eat right and go the gym.

Our marriage failed for various reasons. It was never about body shapes. I'm not Shallow Hal.

Now that she's getting remarried, she can eat right and go to they gym? I hate to admit that she looks good.
 FatBottomGirlie
Joined: 10/5/2007
Msg: 2
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 7/31/2008 8:00:27 PM
Sometimes having a big change in your life allows you to make the changes you want for the right reasons. If she had truly wanted to eat right and work out when you were together she would have. Maybe she didn't do it because you wanted her to. Truth is, you'll never know.
 tru218
Joined: 1/20/2008
Msg: 3
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 7/31/2008 8:01:09 PM
Apparently she ate for emotional reasons, as do so many overweight folks. She most likely was not happy at all in your relationship.

Tough break, huh?
 IceFish Muirgheal
Joined: 2/6/2007
Msg: 4
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 7/31/2008 8:07:13 PM
Sorry Mel, truth is she wasn't happy and carrying the stress of being in an unhappy marriage. Now she has met someone who makes her happy.
 ru4meffb
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 5
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 7/31/2008 8:09:50 PM
Being in the same situation myself, although not 325, I think the reason she probably is losing weight now is that nobody is telling her to. I know that seems messed up but the more my ex would mention it, the more I resisted...I think it has something to do with wanting someone to love you for you for yourself, then you become comfortable in that love and you want to lose it to be a better person. I remember when I left my husband, he and I were shopping for a couch for my new place and he turned to me and said "The bad thing is, when we get divorced you will lose weight and I will not reap the benifit...can I get a raincheck" At the time, because I was kinda used to talk like that, I said no but I was not really upset at what he said. As I told other people, they were appalled. I know it is a complaint among men but a woman wants to know that she is loved unconditionally.
 Snakewhisperer
Joined: 2/3/2008
Msg: 6
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Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 7/31/2008 8:10:07 PM
If you broke up for other reasons, what difference does it make? If you loved her and thought she was attractive just the same, what difference does it make? People are just who they are. Sometimes they gain weight; sometimes they lose weight. I don't totally understand the point of this thread. Do you want her back now because she's thinner?

Sounds like you met her when she was overweight but was constantly trying to change her. That always backfires because the person does not feel loved and will eat (or drink or whatever) as a substitute for that love.
 PinayMermaid┬«
Joined: 6/21/2007
Msg: 7
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 7/31/2008 8:10:50 PM
We all tend to be complacent when we are comfortable in a relationship, hence, we let ourselves go by gaining weight and looking less attractive. After all, who do we really do it for? This is the same attitude I had when I was married so I can certainly speak only for myself.

There is a likelihood that your ex will get into the same old pattern of behaviour after awhile. Then she would ignore her new husband like she ignored you and pile up all those weight again. But then, this is not really your business now so you just move on and make yourself better instead.

Just my 2cents.
 Myster E_
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 8
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 7/31/2008 8:33:43 PM
I hear twinkies and ding dongs make great wedding gifts.
 cupatea2010
Joined: 7/30/2007
Msg: 9
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Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/1/2008 1:15:32 AM
Maybe it was because your a secret agent and you were gone all the time...
 virgilskid
Joined: 10/29/2006
Msg: 10
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Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/1/2008 1:33:02 AM
Could also be that she was secure enough with you to know that whether she lost the weight or not, you would be there, it wasn't a factor. Maybe this new guy has made it a point that he might not be there if she doesn't lose the weight. Time will tell, if she is doing it for that reason than the new marriage will probably fall apart and the weight will most likely come back, if she's doing it for the right reasons and doing it the right way, lifestyle change and a reasonable exercise routine, the marriage will have a better chance and she may keep the weight off. Meanwhile, find yourself a smokin fitness instructor and crash the reception.
 ski_bike
Joined: 7/18/2008
Msg: 11
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/1/2008 1:49:33 AM
She lost the weight because she had to to date effectively. Now that she has him, she'll blow right past 325 on her way to 4 bills. Wait for it.
 Dumpling-Girl
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 12
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Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/1/2008 1:54:17 AM
If she had you "constantly" "encouraging" her to eat right and lose weight, then you made her feel unattractive to you, and unhappy, and she most likely unconsciously needed to rebel against that and continue eating. I was only slightly overweight as a child, and my parents telling me that I should lose weight made me feel grossly overweight and it bothered me, but not in a way that made me want to lose the weight, just made me resent the parents. Also my when my boyfriend suggested these things, it just made me eat more. When I didn't have this negative energy, I was able to lose weight on my own, and especially when I was in love with someone who didn't ever make me feel unattractive. My ex-boyfriend who made me feel unattractive is now with another woman who is overweight and she kinda got chubbier with him too (and he doesn't even prefer that). Hmmmm...
 tuckerjo
Joined: 5/11/2008
Msg: 13
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/1/2008 2:21:10 AM
Just wish her well and be happy for her that she is getting healthy again. At 325 pounds no matter what her height she is morbidly obese ,and that is just unhealthy. We are not talking about 20 or 30 pounds here. Losing as much as she lost is a major accomplishment.Be happy for her and stop acting like she lost weight now just to spite you.


It's childish to spitefully hope she gains back her weight.
 libre rich
Joined: 4/13/2006
Msg: 14
Oh now, she loses the weight
Posted: 8/1/2008 2:45:06 AM
Yeah, Mel, I can empathize with you. Been in your same situation. My wife now, and others previously, have been very heavy. Unfortunately, all the nagging we guys do will not help!

But then again, what are we fellas supposed to do, just sit back & be complacent like our significant other(s)??

You, as I, found yourself literally between a rock & a hard place. Women seem to gain more weight than men when the relationship and other aspects of life are not working out. Speaking of working out, try this the next time : Do a few easy exercises at home, in front of your next S.O. Stuff like loosening up and bending & stretching. Maybe the lady of your life will see how easy some of this can be, and will want to join in. If not, then DON'T PUSH it with the next one. Perhaps both of you seeking counseling will help, so as not to hurt or ruin your relationship. The only problem is the denial factor. If she doesn't see how unhealthy she is, there's not much you can do. As we all are saying, "Better luck the next time!"...

Good luck! Try complimenting little things she does so as to help her feel better with the so-important issue of self-esteem...
 tuckerjo
Joined: 5/11/2008
Msg: 15
Oh now, she loses the weight
Posted: 8/1/2008 3:01:59 AM

Yeah, Mel, I can empathize with you. Been in your same situation. My wife now, and others previously, have been very heavy. Unfortunately, all the nagging we guys do will not help!

But then again, what are we fellas supposed to do, just sit back & be complacent like our significant other(s)??

You, as I, found yourself literally between a rock & a hard place. Women seem to gain more weight than men when the relationship and other aspects of life are not working out. Speaking of working out, try this the next time : Do a few easy exercises at home, in front of your next S.O. Stuff like loosening up and bending & stretching. Maybe the lady of your life will see how easy some of this can be, and will want to join in. If not, then DON'T PUSH it with the next one. Perhaps both of you seeking counseling will help, so as not to hurt or ruin your relationship. The only problem is the denial factor. If she doesn't see how unhealthy she is, there's not much you can do. As we all are saying, "Better luck the next time!"...



Holy shades of Peter Griffin. " There are not fat men only fat women"



Listen I am not trying to beat up on you or make you feel bad ,but come on! It's very obvious from your photo that you are quite a heavy guy so who are you to be "showing" someone else how to lose weight and live a healthy lifestyle? Again not trying to be mean at all , but you need to be realistic about how big you are.When someone is not fit and in shape themselves then they really have no business demanding it or expecting it of others.
 RussianChick7
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 16
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/1/2008 3:51:56 AM
Maybe she was hurt by you telling her she needed to loss weight. I know when I am told that, its like a knife going through you. And I do not think that when someone is unhappy that they could better a setuation but like many said, be happy for her and that she is getting healthy.
 ceeceekitty
Joined: 11/6/2006
Msg: 17
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Oh now, she loses the weight
Posted: 8/1/2008 4:25:42 AM
Mel, from your heading----"so now, she loses weight"......speaks loud and clear as to what stood out in your relationship.
Her weight.........constant encouragement is another way of saying, you nagged.
You watched....you nagged.....

2 years before my marriage dissolved, "he" was so supportive.
How thoughtful, he even printed out a calorie chart as a "guideline", a daily meal planner and a log.
Along with an exercise guide.
All in a nice binder, with the title; "Kathy's weight loss program".

I gained weight...and went from 185 to 238 in less than 6 months.
He upped the support.......called 3 or 4 times daily....what's for supper, what have you eaten, what time are you going to the gym.....blah, blah, blah.

Oh and every evening as he enjoyed his beer......lite beer of course........with his munchies, he looked at my "daily eating".

So supportive, he asked why I didn't fill in the log during the day......
So supportive, he gave me a gym membership and new gear for my birthday.

I ask for golf gear and lessons.

He was short and often described himself as "average".........at under 5'7" his weight was 190.
When I met him he weighed about 130 and his waist was 29/30.

When I had to spend 3 months away, because my mom was ill, I dropped about 60 pounds........gained it back and then some when I went back home to him.

Of course ,when we divorced, I lost 183 pounds immediately....

I'm always relucent and hesitate when I read a profile that says, I"m very "supportive"...........

Stop looking at her, op, that ship has.............ah, dingy, sailed.
Focus on "you".
I know my ex does the same thing............. I weigh under 140.
He gets to see my pics, via, our grand daughter's scrapbook.
About 25 pounds less than when we first met.

ceeceekitty
 nebula22
Joined: 8/14/2007
Msg: 18
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/1/2008 4:47:59 AM
I hear ya friend.... my ex got a little heavy during our marriage too...

After the divorce, she went on a crash diet because she knew she would need to lose the weight if she wanted to catch a man...
Now she looks better than she has in more than twenty years..
She now weighs approximately 130 pounds. Which aint bad for a 5' 5" Gal.

Unfortunatly, I have gained weight since she offered me food for sex. I now weigh 128.. This is more than I ever weighed in my life.

I got me a bike and will be riding to get back in shape.

You should also be taking care of you right now too.
You need to catch a Gal for yourself.
 virgogidget
Joined: 11/10/2005
Msg: 19
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Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/1/2008 4:57:35 AM
No wonder wow
I hope shes happy now with a man who loves her for her
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 20
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/1/2008 5:09:02 AM

I dated and married my wife when she was over weight. She gained a lot during our marriage. I think she was up to 325. I constantly encouraged her to eat right and go the gym.

Our marriage failed for various reasons. It was never about body shapes. I'm not Shallow Hal.

Now that she's getting remarried, she can eat right and go to they gym? I hate to admit she looks good.


Well, what can I say??? Nagging and cajoling about one's weight does not help.

I have been heavy all my life. Unfortunately it's the way it is and I do what I can from watching what I eat and walking everyday and it does help. Sometimes it's all I can do to maintain.

My grandmother screamed and yelled and yelled some more about my being heavy from the time I was about 6 years old all the way into adulthood. - She just never, never stopped and said choice things about how I would not amount to anything, how I would flunk out of college, and if I got a job scrubbing toilets and emptying trash cans in a nice office I would be very very lucky. It made me feel very very bad about myself. It was pure hell getting on the bus to head off to school everyday listening to the kids talk about what fun they had at their grandparent's house every weekend baking cookies and shopping at the mall. Instead, I went to my grandmother's and heard her tell me who horrible I was because I was a heavier person.

Later on as I got older, I took some very big extremes to get myself to a size "small". Sad but true. I went and binge dieted, starved myself, etc, until years later, I found myself at the doorstep of a dietitians's office in the area where I live only to be told I was malnourished and was not eating right if at all. I told her I there was no earthly way I could be malnourished as I was heavy. She said that believe it or not, many of the heavier people out here suffer from malnutrition simply because they don't eat right and don't know how to. She helped me to get balance and my self esteem and worth back in check and to this day, although I will never be a twig, I am finally at a place where I can live with myself.

It's bad enough that in general society, women have a poor self image anyway, but mine was totally out of the realm bad and eroded my self esteem and self worth. Later on, I took my self worth back and graduated college - with a bachelors AND a master's degree and have a good professional job, much to my late grandmother's dismay.

Sure, it took a lot of time and some counseling and self help, but I took the steps I needed in order to gain back my self worth and esteem. Am I still heavy? Yes I am still considered a BBW, but like I said, I do what I can to help myself. Do the old tapes of how I am no good still play? Yes they do, but I now have ways I can silence them.

So you can see, that yes, we can overcome. sometimes it can take a dramatic life experience for one to get their life in order and in this case Mel, it took her leaving you to take care of herself. I know you cared about her and probably meant well, as you wanted to have her around for a long time, but sometimes it just doesn't work.
 chickenchaser26
Joined: 11/12/2006
Msg: 21
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/1/2008 5:13:38 AM
The irony is that I lost weight trying to look good for BOTH OF US and be HEALTHY and that is when our divorce occurred. He didn't want me to be thinner, would attempt to sabatoge my diet by bringing home the "treat" for us to share, get upset when I headed to the gym (asked his skinny ass to come with and wouldn't), implying I was trying to attract other men. That does a number on someone too - I am by no means skinny yet but unconditional love goes with both thick and thin.
 helinda
Joined: 3/3/2007
Msg: 22
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Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/1/2008 5:23:33 AM
Hi Mel,
And your point is???
 pretty moon
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 23
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Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/1/2008 5:24:18 AM
My question would be ........Why does it matter to you. If she is your ex , she is your past. Or should be. But obviously not if you have to start a thread about her.

And for you to say it wasnt about her weight. Poppyc0ck. If she was a brunette and you always liked blonds, and she now dyed her hair blond , would you be starting a thread on "Oh, now she's a blond." I think not.

I dub you Shallow Hal. You can deny it all you want.

I wish her well.........and thats what you should be doing.

Move on

And libra rich.....tsk tsk.........kettle--pot


PEACE
 ImAHotMess
Joined: 7/11/2008
Msg: 24
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/1/2008 5:41:44 AM
Good for her. (or him if it had been a man) sometimes it is amazing what people do or how they remain when miserable...At one point I had gained weight after a horrible horse accident, and my x husband was cruel about it. I am finally past all of that, but his actions and emotions to me during out marriage did not help. Even the last guy I was involved with was mean...it is funny now that I look HOT, and he has gotten rather fat from bar food and beer. Just be happy for her...she must feel better. I know I do.
 Invictus01
Joined: 2/20/2008
Msg: 25
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/1/2008 5:44:16 AM
I don't get it. You are broken hearted about her losing weight?
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