| | First impressions, second chancesPage 1 of 1 | Ok, so I've been single just over a year now. Not sure why, but even though I'm interested in meeting people and dating, I never seem to make the right first impression to get a second chance. I NEVER know how to read a guy. I think they're uninterested and I find out later they wanted something but I gave them the wrong impression so they didn't bother with a second encounter. I think they're interested, and never hear from them again. It's a real ego squasher when you think you've made a good first impression and never hear from the person again. All the "one time dates" are making me feel like I'm doing something wrong. I'm just being myself, but I'm nervous and shy the first time I meet someone. Most guys say they want to be friends, and hang out.. but the real intention is usually an intimate encounter. *sigh* I just want to find a guy who's nice and wants to start out as buddies and take things slow, but everyone is in a rush for something. They want to get close right away. Maybe I'm making them feel like I'm not interested because I don't want to get close right away? Ugh! Dating is almost not worth it.. should I start buying the cats now? I don't think my dogs would approve!  | |
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| First impressions, second chances
Posted: 6/11/2005 6:21:13 PM |
Most guys say they want to be friends, and hang out.. but the real intention is usually an intimate encounter.
Maybe your assumptions are creating barriers to meeting a friend who could turn out to be someone who would be interested in dating you. Every chick I've dated has been a friend first. Assume nothing and see what opportunities for first/second chances come. | |
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| First impressions, second chances
Posted: 6/11/2005 6:56:25 PM | I'll admit that my timing sucks. I'm worried about going too fast and blowing it and I'm also worried about going too slow and losing her to some a-hole because I went too slow. Anyhow, I suggest you develop three objectives for a date. These objectives should be designed to: 1. Show an interest, 2. Show some of your warm side and 3. Gauge where this is going. It's easier than you think-
1. Ask about family etc.
2. Do what you can to make them laugh- tell a joke, do something stupid (like spill water on your lap) and laugh about it.
3. Tell that you've had a good time and express an interest in doing something more.
Be careful, the last one may not work. | |
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| First impressions, second chances
Posted: 6/11/2005 10:54:36 PM | here's how men are:
Men respond to women by wanting to mount them on the spot. This is basic biology. Men also have an intellect that reminds them of things like prudence, manners and culture. Take it for granted that the man wants to have sex with you from the moment he sees you until later than night when he falls asleep alone. It is not the same as when a woman wants to have sex. It doesn't mean the same thing. It also doesn't matter since he knows he will not be having sex with you for a while yet, and he is happy to wait unless he gets confused by flirting. If you flirt it will bring all his attention to the possibility that sex will happen right away.
Beyond this basic difference in sexual feeling, men and women are the same in wanting love, relatiionships, and all the rest. Just don't evaluate men using women's rules and you'll be fine. Women have to learn how to flirt without inviting sex outright. Then things work out. Men know when to hang back and go slow if that's what the woman wants.
This is very confusing for younger people because of the way women want men to crave them. Women don't understand that for a man to be so desirous it gets frustrating. So she will want to be attractrive and desireable but, at the same time, she will not want him to be all about sex. This is when men say to each other these women are nuts.
Sex is why men and women want to be together. Othwise they would be with people their own sex. So expect sex to be central, just learn how to send the right signals. You have to show interest without sending an invitation outright. Words help but aren't a requirment. Expecting men to ignore the fact of your appeal is pointless. They can't. All that can be hoped for is a kind of reasonable waiting period. | |
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| SassySmurfy
Posted: 6/11/2005 11:51:44 PM | ...you need to remember that when guys join these sites because there are so many options they can become like little kids let loose in a candy store. And even if they meet a great girl, there is the lure of more fishing incase there might be an even greater one out there... and they don't waste time about it... they do make hasty judgements and I am sure we women are just as guilty of not slowing down enough to really get to know someone...
So don't blame yourself because it's the nature of the beast ... the nature of online dating ... that a lot people probably do miss out on chances to be with someone great simply because they think there might be someone better out there...
And that isn't your fault.  | |
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| SassySmurfy
Posted: 7/22/2005 8:40:53 PM | | hmmmwellnow has some wise words. i tend to take more of the approach of airplane geek i always try to go too fast or too slow, and can't seem to find the middle. i'm just like most guys on here, in that we sometimes are clueless. i have met some girls on this site as i'm sure alot of other guys have that i got off on the wrong foot with, and thinking that it's nearly impossible to get a second chance to make a great first impression. all i can do i learn from my mistakes and the mistakes of others. | |
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