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 CatrinaMac
Joined: 5/6/2007
Msg: 1
His mobile is switched off!Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I met a nice guy online 6 months ago and we started dating. Saw him nearly every weekend since we met and sometimes during the week. He lives about sixty miles away and usually came to mine which I guess was a bit of a commute. After a few months he suggested a couple of times that I think about moving closer to where he lives as I want to look for another job anyway so we could see each other more, but I wasnt sure about him so didnt really reply. Anyway the last week I saw him, I wondered if he had met someone else as he wasnt available previous weekend - no good reason and phone calls weren't as frequent as before, but he didnt mention anything when he came to see me and we got on the way we always do and even mentioned a couple of things we might over the next couple of weeks. After a couple of days of not hearing from him, I called only to find his mobile off and no answer on landline.
I have called a few times -always the same. Phone is off. So I left a message to get in touch and also mentioned I wanted something I'd leant him back. Still no word! I really don't get it. I think he has met somewhere else but don't understand why he wouldnt just say even on the phone. Not even a text. Has anyone else experienced this?This was about 10 days ago and up to then, he always came across as a very kind, caring person.
 boutenuf
Joined: 5/9/2008
Msg: 2
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His mobile is switched off!
Posted: 8/3/2008 4:35:09 AM
He has decided this is working for him, hence he is no longer interested. This happens frequently to men and women alike. It would be nice if the people who do this type of thing would just get a backbone and be honest with those they have been involved with. But they don't and there isn't a damn thing any of us can do about that.
 Broomstick Express
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 3
His mobile is switched off!
Posted: 8/3/2008 4:43:35 AM
Sounds like you became to much hard work and needy.
 ~Kyn~
Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 4
His mobile is switched off!
Posted: 8/3/2008 4:46:15 AM
Gee...I know you threw the other information in there OP....but if a guy I was dating for 6 months just disappeared...my first thought would be...is he ok? and go around to check up on him.

Sure he could be blowing you off (which is what you're suggesting I assume from your post)...but regardless Id wanna check up to make sure nothing's happened.

If anybody I knew that I was in constant contact with just disappeared like that Id be worried about them.

Worst case scenario is...he doesnt wanna see you anymore...which in that case...going around would be logical anyway cos Id still wanna get my "stuff" if it was important to me.

Edit to above post.

Sounds like you became to much hard work and needy.

Meh...I dont think so...the guy wanted her to move closer.
Maybe he got disheartened?
 capricorn40
Joined: 4/25/2008
Msg: 5
His mobile is switched off!
Posted: 8/3/2008 5:09:49 AM

Sounds like you became to much hard work and needy.


I think it's WAY more than that. In fact, there is so much missing for this situation.
First of all, if you are seeing someone almost every weekend and sometimes during the middle of the week for 6 months, you just don't stop contact for a couple weeks for no reason.
The OP sends text's and he can't answer them back to say he is ok?
Maybe he lost his cell phone? Don't know why you can't reach him on his Land Line.
I just don't think it just a matter of him "ditching" the OP. Had this been just a a few weeks of dating , yeah. But, not 6 months. Not enough information.
 Broomstick Express
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 6
His mobile is switched off!
Posted: 8/3/2008 5:15:05 AM
Capracorn and Kim you don't think he got sick of doing all the traveling and only getting phone chats from her. He wanted her closer so he didn't have to go to so much effort for some honey.
 grapevine
Joined: 10/2/2005
Msg: 7
His mobile is switched off!
Posted: 8/3/2008 5:19:19 AM
You need to switch him off.
 SirShrek666
Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 8
His mobile is switched off!
Posted: 8/3/2008 5:24:22 AM
buddy, even if that were the case, the point is he should still get some backbone and at least be honest about it
 jimtash71
Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 9
His mobile is switched off!
Posted: 8/3/2008 5:25:59 AM
Capracorn and Kim you don't think he got sick of doing all the traveling and only getting phone chats from her. He wanted her closer so he didn't have to go to so much effort for some honey.


That's exactly what it is but neither was she putting any effort in.

I'm not gonna do all the driving and this or that for someone that isn't reciprocating and I don't mean with sex. I mean get in your car and come to me. It's only fair.
 Livnlearn4life
Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 10
His mobile is switched off!
Posted: 8/3/2008 6:01:02 AM
Typical, he doesn't have the balls to tell you he in either with someone else or is not interested. Hugely disrespectful! Unless what u leant him was 1000.00 $ then, well this is a no brainer!

Don't contact him again. Sorry this happened. Move along!
 jimtash71
Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 11
His mobile is switched off!
Posted: 8/3/2008 6:14:51 AM

Typical, he doesn't have the balls to tell you he in either with someone else or is not interested. Hugely disrespectful! Unless what u leant him was 1000.00 $ then, well this is a no brainer!

Don't contact him again. Sorry this happened. Move along!


Right. So he does all the driving, spends his money on gas and does all the work. In the meantime, she wonders why she got dissed and you say it's disrespectful. She got what she deserved because if she isn't putting the same into it, then by all means he should look for someone else who will.

When are some of you gonna understand that it takes two?
 actualizing
Joined: 5/2/2008
Msg: 12
His mobile is switched off!
Posted: 8/3/2008 6:21:02 AM
Go with your gut on this one. Nobody here knows as well as you do what might be up. I would also be concerned about whether he is okay. This is certainly a frustrating situation and it has happened to me before. You might never know what happened. Just let go now. Send him a goodbye letter and either burn it or mail it. Peace.
 ripley65
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 13
His mobile is switched off!
Posted: 8/3/2008 6:28:22 AM
I dont know. Seems weird that his cell is always 'off' now and he cant be reached via landland. Im thinking that if he was just getting tired of you or maybe even met someone else,,his phone wouldnt be off all the time. Since its been a 6 month relationship, do you happen to know any of his buddies who might be able to tell you if he's ok?
 cncgandolf
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 14
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His mobile is switched off!
Posted: 8/3/2008 6:29:14 AM
"He lives about sixty miles away and usually came to mine which I guess was a bit of a commute. "

Usually or always? If it is "usually" than you have driven it and you do know what kind of commute it is. sixty miles each way is a long-distance relationship. It takes willingness to go the distance regularly from both sides to work. If one has to bear the commute more than the other than it is a breeding ground for a resentment which will eat away at the relationship.

"After a few months he suggested a couple of times that I think about moving closer to where he lives as I want to look for another job anyway so we could see each other more, but I wasnt sure about him so didnt really reply. "

Silence and avoidance are a reply. You didn't want to address the issue vocally, so you did it with silence. You said "no"

"he wasnt available previous weekend - no good reason and phone calls weren't as frequent as before,"

Key point, he has already demonstrated a pulling away.


"After a couple of days of not hearing from him, I called only to find his mobile off and no answer on landline.
I have called a few times -always the same. "

If he had not previously pulled away I'd be concerned, but he has as shown above, so I would consider it pulling away.

Point is, you got the same behavior from him as you gave to him. You didn't want to address an issue so you avoided it with silence. He is doing the same, avoiding you with silence. Sewn and reaped. Life works that way. Natural law.
 joe56215
Joined: 5/20/2007
Msg: 15
His mobile is switched off!
Posted: 8/3/2008 6:40:01 AM
sounds to me like your.... down the road...
 Gourmetchef50
Joined: 11/24/2007
Msg: 16
His mobile is switched off!
Posted: 8/3/2008 6:41:13 AM
I disagree big time!!! 'silence and avoidance' are NOT a reply!!! And i'd give that person who thinks it's 'ok' a piece of my mind.Silence and avoidance are wimpy..to say the least..and they show a lack of respect to another human being..if i had invested 6 months into a relationship and someone did the disappearing act?? I would definitely track them down and find out what the hell was going on.Would it change anything?/ maybe not,but i would feel better..and maybe...just maybe they would think twice before pulling that b.s. on someone else!! Its not natural..and its not right..
 Rainy Mondays
Joined: 2/17/2007
Msg: 17
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His mobile is switched off!
Posted: 8/3/2008 6:42:15 AM
You might want to do a thread search with keyword, 'disappearing' .

But to save you reading through the previous threads .... he is no longer interested and can't say this in person, so instead, he just disappears. This often leaves women without proper 'closure' and missing some of the stuff they have left at this disappearee's place.

My advice? Do not call, do not send text or email.

Start dating someone else and when he realizes you must be seeing someone else, chances are good he'll call you.
 evolving62
Joined: 12/29/2007
Msg: 18
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His mobile is switched off!
Posted: 8/3/2008 6:44:50 AM

I met a nice guy online 6 months ago and we started dating.

Sounds good.


Saw him nearly every weekend since we met and sometimes during the week.

It's heating up, they sound like they like each other.


He lives about sixty miles away and usually came to mine which I guess was a bit of a commute.

He sounds like he really likes you and is doing the traditional thing.


After a few months he suggested a couple of times that I think about moving closer to where he lives as I want to look for another job anyway so we could see each other more

the future's looking good. From what you're saying, both of you are into each other.


but I wasnt sure about him so didnt really reply.

There's yer answer. Hello?
 Ismene1
Joined: 7/25/2008
Msg: 19
His mobile is switched off!
Posted: 8/3/2008 6:47:49 AM

Sounds like you became to much hard work and needy.


Seems like there was a lot of effort in the commuting, but I don't know where you get the needy part...

It seems this relationship lacked some communication....you dated for six months and talked about moving closer...but did you tell him clearly why you were hesitating to do that. Now, seems he is done and hasn't bothered to communicate that to you. Neither of you seem to have done a great job of communicating. However, I do think that after a 6 months relationship, it is really jerky to not even let someone know you want to end it...he should call and let you know. Communication: the foundation to any relationship...seriously.
 untamed one
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 20
His mobile is switched off!
Posted: 8/3/2008 6:50:02 AM
It's sad when exciting , passionate relationships like this one come to an end .
 cupatea2010
Joined: 7/30/2007
Msg: 21
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His mobile is switched off!
Posted: 8/3/2008 6:52:11 AM
You were not pliable enough for him....the cost of gas..and the travel of being with you. He found a local gal to be with OR someone who is controllable enough for her to actually move for his convenience..

No need to get upset.....if you moved ...he would have lost interest anyway and where would that leave you?
 Curiousaboutit
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 22
His mobile is switched off!
Posted: 8/3/2008 6:57:57 AM
He may be kind and caring but a 120 mile round trip can't be easy on the guy's wallet.

Perhaps he made a self-deadline, "If I don't get to such and such point in the relationship after 6 months, I gotta bail".

If you lent something to him, I guess you'll have to make the long trip (I hope it's worth it) and maybe meet him face to face again.
 indehills
Joined: 2/23/2008
Msg: 23
His mobile is switched off!
Posted: 8/3/2008 7:12:36 AM

If you lent something to him, I guess you'll have to make the long trip (I hope it's worth it) and maybe meet him face to face again.

That's what she needs to do anyway. Instead of having us pull answers out of our @sses when we don't actually have a clue as to what's going on, she needs to personally go to his house and at least see if the guy is OK or not. A month into one of my relationships, my GF disappeared for 3 days. I figured she decided to bail or something, as I didn't get any texts, she didn't answer her phone, and I got no replies to my e-mails. Turns out she was VERY sick and was in the hospital.

Same GF also lost her cell phone service because her brother ran the bill up with the second line and they shut the phone off. Who knows, maybe this guy's behind on his bills and things got shut off (wouldn't surprise me if he's paying for gas to drive 120 miles round trip to see the OP). That's the thing, the OP doesn't know, and WE sure don't know, either. She needs to go find out for herself.
 supersnuggle
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 24
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His mobile is switched off!
Posted: 8/3/2008 7:17:52 AM
Most posters here are assuming way too much, and are just guessing what happened. Worst case scenario...he was killed or severely injured in a car wreck. Or maybe he had a heart attack. Truth is, the OP, and certainly none of us, really knows what has happened. The only thing that makes it sound like he may have just bailed out, is that he was hard to reach the week prior. But still, it would be pretty low to just disappear after six months.

If I couldn't contact him any other way, I think I would have to go to his place, and see if he is there. I know if my gf of seven months just disappeared, I would definitely be trying to find out what happened.
 CatrinaMac
Joined: 5/6/2007
Msg: 25
His mobile is switched off!
Posted: 8/3/2008 11:23:33 AM
Thanks for all your messages and suggestions. He does not seem like the type to just not let you know what was going on but I guess thats the easiest way out of any relationship if you meet someone else. I'm sure he would know I'd worry though . Pretty convinced he met someone else but he was really into talking,very chatty guy so why couldnt he just let me know! I agree it must have been hard the travelling. He never really complained about it but did mention money quite alot and that there were problems paying his bills -as he had to start a less well paid job because of redundancy a year ago and had I not been in present situation I would definately have been happy to travel to him more though he never asked me to. I travel with my job so am rarely at home during the week so on weekends I usually need to come home to check on things, wash clothes etc which is why I rarely went to him. The times that he saw me during the week was when I was staying a bit closer to his place anyway. If I did not have that type of job I definetly would have gone to him more. As some posters suggest I do just want to jump in the car and see what's happening but I'm worried that he won't be there and how long do you wait - If I knew he would turn up I'd wait all day but he could be away over night too. The point about getting hold of a friend is a good one. I have never met any of them but he sent me an email once one of those chain things and it has his daughters email, brothers and about 80 other contacts on them so I could get in touch with any or all of them but if he has just dumped me isnt that going a bit far, though it might make him think not to do it to anyone else as one poster said.
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