| How do I handle this?
Posted: 8/3/2008 5:00:16 PM | Ok, to get this all out in the open, I am married. My husband and I have not had "intercourse" in a very long time. I have chosen to have a realtionship on the side with a married man whom I've known for about two years. My question is, while all the foreplay and leading up to stuff is excellent, he has an issue with "his little man" being ready. I have never been with a man that had this issue and I am not sure how to deal with it. Once he actually does get him to work well enough to get in there, it's over pretty fast. He spoke to a doctor about it and the doctor advised quitting smoking and drinking less caffeine.
I know that it isn't me, becasue he has the same problem with his wife. But I tell you, this is the main thing I am missing from my realtionship with my hubby and I really, really wanted it. I like him and I don't want to hurt his feelings. And I don't really want to stop doing what we do do well together.
Please, I understand that my cheating is not the moral thing to do, but please stick to the answer to the question and not about my moral character. | |
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| How do I handle this?
Posted: 8/3/2008 5:04:06 PM | Has he stopped smoking and drinking caffeine??? Sounds like he needs a second opinion. A real doctor would do some tests, heart related first, perhaps hormonal. There are many different remedies for ED, and it sounds very much like all but his penis is cooperating.
And I hear you, married here (though my husband knows) and I split with a man who refused to talk to anyone about it. I don't want to babysit someone's penis and I need the sex.
But if you care... encourage him to have his doctor give him a referral. | |
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| How do I handle this?
Posted: 8/3/2008 5:05:18 PM | I think I'm going to just sit back with my popcorn and watch this one unfold.  | |
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| How do I handle this?
Posted: 8/3/2008 5:42:05 PM | Is there a reason he can't take viagra, etc? Does he have a heart or blood pressure condition? Has he stopped smoking and caffine? Does he drink alcohol? Does he have depression? Is he taking medication that can cause the problem?
First things first; no masturbating on his part. No smoking, caffine, or alcohol on days you guys are going to have sex; smoking and caffine constrict the blood vessels cutting down on circulation; and alcohol dulls everything. When you start off, watch porn, and extend foreplay. All of the ED drugs work great if the individual doesn't have anything going on that prevents them from working, have him get a prescription. Good luck. | |
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| How do I handle this?
Posted: 8/3/2008 5:53:16 PM | | maybe is phycological, i mean if you said he's married as well... he knows he should not be doing that, and may effect his mental state to the point he cant keep it up | |
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| How do I handle this?
Posted: 8/3/2008 6:08:37 PM | Ya know no_halo71, I really respect the way you phrased your post. You made it quite clear that the relationship was your choice and you were not looking to address any opinions about it. Just had to say. Good job.
Anyways, how do YOU handle this? Depends what you mean. Do you mean "How do I FIX this?" because if so, well... its out of your hands hun, figuratively speaking I mean ^_^. As for how do you... RESPOND to this? Well... that all depends on your level of commitment to this relationship. If its more then casual or a long term dalliance then well... supportive would be the way to go. Subtly supportive I mean. Try to be supportive without making his problem... the obvious reason for it. I'll leave it to you to figure out how. If you aren't really emotionally invested in this at all... Id be crude and say "There are plenty of penises in the sea hun, fully functional ones." ^_^ | |
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| How do I handle this?
Posted: 8/3/2008 6:12:20 PM | so confused on why...if this is the "one thing" that is missing from your otherwise blissful marriage... why are you wasting your time on someone that can't provide it REALLY effectively?
dang, i'd sure make sure if that was the "one thing' on my list...i'd have it in good working order...before i betrayed my vows and stuff...might just be me. i would have checked that out though... i'd think, the last thing you want when having an affair is more work.
also - not attacking your morals but do you have an exit strategy for this situation? not judging you ... i just always wonder how things like this end without a big drama.... if you spend too much time getting his issues solved, it might be hard not to get really emotionally attached.
very curious to hear more... | |
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| How do I handle this?
Posted: 8/3/2008 6:21:54 PM | I have been supportive thus far (3 times) and try to make sure he understands that we will handle this together. He more than caters to me the rest of the time. I don't think this is an extremely short term thing but I don't think it is an everlasting love either.
And btw....I was really surprised to see something up here about me "looking for attention". I have read and enjoyed these forums as a lurker for a while and have seen people post anything from hairy buttcracks and big vaginas. My post, about my experience, is attention seeking? I don't get it. | |
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| How do I handle this?
Posted: 8/3/2008 6:26:01 PM |
i just always wonder how things like this end without a big drama....
they don't
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| How do I handle this?
Posted: 8/3/2008 6:26:17 PM | | I'm usually the first to jump down the throats of people like that no_halo71. Don't listen. If you were attention-seeking, I'd know. ^_^ | |
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| How do I handle this?
Posted: 8/3/2008 6:37:32 PM | Tell him to take some Cialis, some Levitra & some Viagra. He should be good to go!!  | |
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| How do I handle this?
Posted: 8/3/2008 6:39:41 PM | Its called rough justice hunni for you both being a pair of cheating scumbags quite frankly and I aint mincing my words with you. Hopefully if theres a god he turned him impotent permently eh it's serve him right dipping his wick where he shouldnt be? Hes got an attack of the guilts. Maybe it'll drop off in the night when his blood pressure drops and his circulation stops to his erogenous zone. Honestly people... boy o boy...... | |
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| How do I handle this?
Posted: 8/3/2008 6:44:45 PM |
they don't
exactly. i can't help but think about the other parties involved. oh yeah... because i have been there. and it sucks...big time. there is another woman involved here...god knows she's already got issues if her man can't perform well...don't do this to another girl...the implications for your karma are just not good at all.
why would you risk it all for a guy that can't come to the party and have fun? be an adult and end a relationship before you go fix some guy that has ED issues.
at the very least, ... find a single boy that can do it RIGHT. think younger... | |
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| How do I handle this?
Posted: 8/3/2008 6:45:23 PM | lmao anatasisa did you get a bit over excited there hun? Well least someone did cos it aint married dude is it lol  | |
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| How do I handle this?
Posted: 8/3/2008 6:47:30 PM | If you're going to cheat...do as the others have said, get a younger single man! How can you cheat with a dud? | |
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| How do I handle this?
Posted: 8/3/2008 6:48:51 PM |
Please, I understand that my cheating is not the moral thing to do, but please stick to the answer to the question and not about my moral character. Sorry, no can do. Hey, as long as your husband knows and approves, fine, but otherwise...
kaboom
size 12 incoming.
Wake up and smell the coffee, girl. Snap.
I have to stop watching The View. Whoopie dominates my personality when I am tipsy.
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| How do I handle this?
Posted: 8/3/2008 6:57:20 PM | | You don't spit? You're lucky I'm so mature and refined... ^_^ | |
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| How do I handle this?
Posted: 8/3/2008 7:14:58 PM | | i would take it as a sign that you both shouldn't be cheating? | |
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| How do I handle this?
Posted: 8/3/2008 7:15:35 PM | Without judging you but in an effort to honestly reply to your question, I have to say that it sounds as tho they are either both suffering from physical problems or both having psychological problems due to the lack of sex for your husband and the guilt of cheating for your side man.
I am curious tho why the guy on the side having this problem seems to concern you more then your husband having the same issue? I honestly don't understand seeking advice to help another woman's husband but not your own. | |
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| How do I handle this?
Posted: 8/3/2008 7:30:33 PM | Not trying to judge - but ........ 'Guilt' sure would plague a sexual encounter in more ways than one! It can be stressful - sure kills the mood I would think?!?  | |
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| How do I handle this?
Posted: 8/3/2008 7:31:20 PM | They make pills for that..............lol
Really guilt can really put the kybosh on the wee fella, but then again what do i know. | |
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| How do I handle this?
Posted: 8/3/2008 7:34:43 PM | | *sits down next to JerseyGirl2008, and offers a cup of cola to go with the popcorn* | |
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| How do I handle this?
Posted: 8/3/2008 8:04:55 PM |
I am curious tho why the guy on the side having this problem seems to concern you more then your husband having the same issue? I honestly don't understand seeking advice to help another woman's husband but not your own.
My husband does not have this problem. But his issues are medical also.
For the others posters mentioning guilt, I could buy that except that the problem apparently isn't new. His wife is not interested in sex so he hasn't bothered to get a prescription and is only considering it now.
For some of the others who brought up getting a new lover. I don't go about this randomly. We care about each other and I would just like to help me be happy as well as him.
Thank you to most for being non-judgmental. By reading a post in a forum or a profile on a site it is impossible to know what kind of person someone is. You also can't make that decision based on one action they make. For those that were... I am glad that you have higher moral values or self-control or whatever. But I'll bet there are things you do that I wouldn't do either.
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