| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/5/2008 7:29:16 AM | she treated me like shit for almost two years.
when i left her home in january for the last time, i thought if she loved me she would call, but she never did. did that show me how much she cared ?
i gave her my heart and she just tossed me away !
i should have known. i did know.
iwas just to blinded by her looks i guess.
i put myself through hell trying to hold on to her but she never gave me the time of day.
i think the only thing she wanted me for was sex.
so, if i was so miserable, why did i stay with her ?
it is hard to beleve that you can hate someone that you loved so much.
her kids treated me like shit.
she told me the guy she was with before me that she loved him. i asked her if she did and she said no. i asked her why she told him she loved him and her answer was because i did not want to hurt him. why did i think i was going to be different then him.
what has me so upset is that there were no final words, no ending , no reason why.
i just have no one to talk to about this.
she has hurt me sooooo badly !
i have been seeing a woman older than me for the past month. she is very good to me, treats me nice and all but i think she is getting ready to utter those three words to me , and i do not want to hear that right now.
dawn has hurt me so bad , have lost faith in woman and love !it has been 7 month since i have talked to her.
igot rid of her email and phone number just so i would not talk to her .
a few months ago she posted herself on a dateing site and when i saw it it just about killed me !
i do not want her !
i do not love her.
i am so angry and i just do not know how to let go of her.
i treated her so good !
trust me, i am not a ugly man.
women are alwasy aproaching me but i always tell them no thank you .
i do not want to hurt this girl i have been seeing for the last month, i do not want her to feel the way i do.
i think that is my problem.......i think of others before i think of myself.
why are people so selfish ?
i just think of all the time i wasted with her.........but i truly loved this woman.
why did i put myself through all of this for the past 2 years.
the sex was great but after i have had time to think about how good the sex was.....it was all about her, her selfish needs !
her kids...my god, they treated me like shit ! right in front of her and she would do nothing about it.
for the 2 years we were together did she not care ?
is she a player ?
is she a whore ?
i hope she ends up with someone that treats her like shit !
her mom told me she never seen her daughter cry......ever !
is she that cold, that self-sentered ?
why did i hang on so long ?
i just wish i had the chance to tell her how unhappy i was when i was with her.
but i will never give her the satis faction !!!!!
what do i need to do to get past this ?
this has been my best summer ever though. not sitting at her boys ball games on a saturday, then going to ****ing wal mart then home to ****, that is all we ever did.
did i mention that she lived 60 miles away ? did nothing but wear a path to her house every weekend.
you know how many times she got in her truck and ****ing came and saw me............two ****ing times.
she is so selfish.
it was all about her.
i think i wanted her to be someone she was not and will never be.
i hate her.....i hate her......i hate her for what she has done to me and my soul.
not a word from her in 7 months !
did i not matter to her ?
please give me some insight ! | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/5/2008 7:42:47 AM | Only 3 little words of advice.....GET OVER IT!!!
You were never as together as you thought you were, she has moved on and so should you. It is always easier to "love" the one you cannot have then to do the necessary work to love some one else. I could write you a book explaining all the phyical, psychological and sociological reasons you think you are still in love with her but what would be the point. Get over her, move on and stop holding her responsible for the way you feel. Only you can change that. Now stop whinning and go find a nice lady to boink with. | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/5/2008 7:45:40 AM | Insight into what? It was a bad relationship. It's over. Sorry she was a b*tch, but you gotta let it go. It's keeping you from being happy even seven months later. I think you may be in the "anger" phase of your grief.
Counseling/therapy may help, but in the end, it's all up to you.
You can be angry and let it eat you up inside, or you can say "F*ck it!" and get on with your life. Which would you rather do? Learn from it and be more wary of this type of behavior in the future, or dwell on it and be miserable?
Life is too short to be angry all the time. Living in the past only ensures that you'll miss out on what your current life has to offer.
Krys | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/5/2008 9:43:37 AM | please give me some insight !
There is no insight. As someone else said, you are in the anger phase. You really need to get over her before searching on a singles site for someone else, though, because you will 1) make poor choices regarding who to date, and 2) whoever you end up with will have to deal with the baggage of your ex that you haven't let go of.
What it comes down to is that it doesn't make any difference how she was when you were together, what she did, how selfish she might have been, etc., etc. That's in the past, this is NOW, you aren't together anymore, and its your responsibility to move on. You shouldn't try to let in someone new until you let go of the past. It's not fair to the new person. | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/5/2008 9:50:52 AM |
i thought if she loved me she would call,
And? How long do you intend trying to resuscitate the dead? How long will you try to live in the past and ignore the present at the expense of your future? | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/5/2008 9:50:53 AM | What you just wrote in the opening post, write more and keep a little journal.
Write each time you feel sad, down, happy etc., about the relationship and when the time comes, you will know when, simply burn it, get rid of it, BUT do say 'goodbye' and move on this time.
Give yourself closure as it's clear you will not get it from her. Don't hand over all happiness and control and place it on someone else's lap as when you do; game over.
Learn from all of this....it's not all negative.
There are no mistakes...only lessons to be learned.
I wish you well and great happiness. | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/5/2008 9:53:26 AM | Aw lil fish...you will get over her when you love yourself more that her memory.
you will realize at some point your value is determined by your own view of yourself...not the words nor actions of other people.
the anger is confusion cuz your not respecting your own choice...your choice ends with you...other's who care for you meet you at that choice...at any time they have the option of removing themself from your choice...so if you respect where you end on that interaction then you relize your overextended into another human's choice...bring back that overextention and ask yourself...why you expect another human to parent you...get mad at parental love and command adult love into your life...
the wounds are your adult child escaping from your adult perceptions...hold all the adult and educate the child in you to adult ground...good luck fish. | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/5/2008 9:55:28 AM | If you do not love her then there is no need for hate.................
Nothing matters at this point....why she did what she did, why you stayed, it JUST DOESNT MATTER................
People need to learn to love without losing their SELF.................
It's been 7 months...time for you to work through the issues.......but you didnt do that because you didnt want to move on. If its over then dont wonder why she didnt call.
It sounds like she controlled you when you were with her, and she is still controlling you now that your gone. Not because she wants to at this point, but because of your hate and anger you allow it.
The anger and hate that you say you have is NOT affecting her. It is however caustic to you..........work through your issues and dont date till you do.
PEACE
:glow | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/5/2008 9:57:09 AM | Hi Gilmore,
I am going to give you some real insight and pray that you understand and take it well.
Many men are very turned on by the "chase" and trying to "win over" that special someone.
The problem is that sometimes the chase becomes so important that you forget about yourself. If you really love yourself (which it seems like you are not doing very well), you will look around and might just see there is a good woman near you, that you have never appreciated. Love yourself more and value yourself and you will be more open and attracted to someone that will love and value you.
Our culture is too outward oriented. We look at the superficial, but it is time for you to go inside and work on totally loving yourself and stop trying to find in on the outside and through superficial "stuff".
Perhaps a church (I love Religious Science) could be of assistance or a very good self help book or counselor.
Many blessings,
Chantaaljavascript:smilie(' ')
javascript:smilie('') | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/5/2008 10:00:21 AM | Reading your post was like seeing my thoughts put out there in front of me. I went through a similar situation and unless someone has gone through it, they really can't help. I got all the "get over it's", "move on already"....it's much easier said than done. I devoted my life to this man for almost 12 years...he was the father of my child...a bond I didn't share with any one else....then...enough was enough....and I chose to leave. He treated me poorly and I knew it...why did I stay?? Love makes ya do crazy things, but I see now that it wasn't love at all.....it was a comfort thing, he was familar, I knew him inside and out and he knew me the same way. Now, it's been 2 years since I turned my back and I am a MUCH better person for doing so. He, funny enough, has had nothing but bad luck in the love department since then!! I know I shouldn't delight in some one else's misery...but I am also a firm believer in what goes around comes around....ya get outa this life what you put into it!!!
Good luck and keep you head up....not all girls treat men like that. | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/5/2008 10:05:51 AM | im going thru something similar but different.. it boils down to the same thing... we both have broken hearts... they were broken by someone who we loved and trusted.. that itself is not easy... the betrayal.. the ache in your chest like you cant breathe.. the saddness not knowing why? why couldnt they love you as much as you loved them... its very hard... i dont have any answers.. i am very angry with my ex.. im angry that he broke my heart and didnt care... but underneath it if, i am honest that i still love him, op you have to realise under all the hate and anger you still love her you may not want to but you do.. after that you hopefully may begin the process of letting go.
i hope for both of us that time heals wounds, i dont want to hurt like this again.
i wish you the best of luck and if u feel the need to talk to someone who understands im here for you. | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/5/2008 10:12:19 AM | Well you know as much as we think the other person is pulling the strings, at the end of the day we allow ourselves to be treated the way we choose. And guess what, what you permit, you promote. So nevermind that you hope someone walks into her life to treat her like crap in some quasi-whatgoesroundcomesaround divine justice, because you could of been the guy to educate her on respecting you 1st. Now some other bozo has to go and do that if she runs into him. Otherwise another doormat will likely appear in her life to replace you.
Anyways your 45 and this should be common knowledge by now. But i do wish you better luck in the future.
By the way just curious, how old was this bird? | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/5/2008 10:18:13 AM | i hope for both of us that time heals wounds,
Just remember, time doesn't heal a thing. Instead, it's what one chooses to do with time, that heals.
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/5/2008 10:54:56 AM |
why cant i get past her ?
Because you don't want to!
The only person being hurt by your anger and hatred is YOU! The only person that can make the choice to move past it (or not) is you.
Don't put all of that blame on her shoulders. It’s easier to wallow in self-pity than it is to take responsibility for your own mistakes. Every complaint you've stated about how she treated you while in the relationship... you allowed it. If you had any self-respect, you would have walked out that door as soon as she started treating you like that! If you don't respect yourself, how can you possibly expect others to respect you or to treat you with respect?
As has already been mentioned-- you aren't ready for a relationship with someone new. Take the time you need to heal, instead of putting someone else through the indignity of stumbling over all of that baggage that is piled around you. | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/5/2008 11:07:41 AM | | when a person is dumped the natural inclination is to be obsessed with wondering what you did wrong, if u were good enough, what could you have done differently, blah blah blah. We've all been thru it and we can all relate. We usually spend more time wondering why we were dumped, when we should be spending our time wondering why we felt the need to stay in a bad relationship to begin with, and asking ourselves if that person was good enough for US, and if not, why we chose to be with them once we saw their tendencies. Ask yourself that question, and spend your time analyzing that. It may give you a new perspective on your choices and why you make them. There are lots of good books on the subject. Usually it's the woman who has those tendencies, but sometimes it's the guy as well. Study up on it Dude! It could change your life! | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/5/2008 11:30:53 AM | hello how are you doing ? I was in your shoes a while back and i know where your coming from and what your are going threw and belive me i know it is not easy your heart has been ripped out stepped on and you may be feeling soo much hurt and soo much pain that you feel you may never love or let any one get that close to you or your soul again so I will tell you what some one told me and that is although that person hurt you you should not let them win because if you do they will alwaysalways keep you under their thumb or finger or foot just to hold you down while they rise to the top don't let them keep you down you and only you can keep your self on top please don't sink to her level please stay a float and stay strong I hpoe this will help you in the long run            | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/5/2008 12:01:54 PM | Hey Buddy,
I understand, believe me! I"ve been fighting this "get over him" battle for two years. The first thing you need to do is admit, you don't hate her. If you did, it would be so much easier. I tried to tell myself that I hated mine too, but we'll never move on until we deal with the fact that no matter what they did, we love them. Try not to dwell on it and find small moments of happiness where you can. Time will help and someday, we'll be able to remember them without the pain and anger. What she did is her problem, don't let it eat you up. There is something better for you out there and you can't let your anger and pain keep you from seeing it. Of course, you know all this already, but the heart wants what it wants, and it takes a strong will to turn that away. Wish her the best even though right now you won't mean it, keep doing it and someday you will be surprised to feel you do mean it. At least that's what I keep telling myself. From one broken heart to another, God bless and good luck. | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/5/2008 1:17:12 PM | I was in a pretty nasty relationship myself. She was very abusive to me and it took me years to work past it. What set me free, however, was the easiest, yet most empowering thing ever. I forgave her. I knew that as long as I kept myself up at night and held a grudge over her, she was winning. I wasn't about to her conquer me, so I forgave her for the way she treated me.
I came across her ad as well. It doesn't bother me; I hope she learned a valuable lesson from it and doesn't treat the next guy like crap. | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/5/2008 2:23:45 PM | | OK girlee girl there are a few huge difference between you and the OP. First of all you were with him for 12 years!!!!!! VS 2. Hello ? Plus you had a child together..... he had what a cat maybe? Oh a plant ya maybe a plant. I am sorry you went throught all that pain and misery, I have to. In fact my situation was similar to yours. Not identical but similar. However you and I both bit it, sucked it up and moved on. I find his attitude to be more of a "Please tell me I am right and correct and I need to just keep in this comfy rut" sort of post..... sigh | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/5/2008 2:39:58 PM | | no it didnt matter to her and that should be enough for you to forget it as best you can and stop beating yourself up.You had a great experience,store it for the future,and be the wiser.All that matters in love,is that it happened. | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/5/2008 2:51:00 PM | DEAR GILMORE, MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU. I HONESTLY KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. BELIEVE ME. I HAVE HAD RELATIONSHIPS WITH GUYS THAT TREAT ME BADLY. I JUST GOT OUT OF MY LAST RELATIONSHIP. I MET HIM TWO YEARS AGO AND WHEN I MET HIM I WAS IN A REALLY GOOD EMOTIONAL STATE IN MY LIFE. I HAD FINALLY GOTTEN OVER THE LAST IDIOT. I TOLD HIM OVER AND OVER THAT MY ADDICTION WAS MEN THAT TREATED ME BADLY. IT STILL HAPPENED. I TRULY BELIEVE THERE IS SOMETHING IN US THAT MAKES US ATTRACTED TO PEOPLE THAT FILL OUR NEED TO FEEL BAD ABOUT OURSELVES. EVERYDAY IS A STRUGGLE. I USE AFFIRMATIONS TO GET THRU. LIKE YOU SAID....I AM VERY ATTRACTIVE.....I HAVE MY FINANCES IN ORDER, NO DEBT, I OWN MY OWN HOME...I HAVE A GREAT JOB...AM SELF EMPLOYED. ALL MY DUCKS IN A ROW. BUT HERE I AM IN THIS HELL EMOTIONALY. AND ILL TELL YOU ITS DEBILITATING. SO THIS IS WHAT I SUGGEST. TELL YOURSELF EVERYDAY.
I LOVE AND APPROVE OF MYSELF.
I AM OPEN AND RECEPTIVE TO RECEIVING ALL GOOD.
I AM YOUNG AND BEAUTIFUL AND PROSPEROUS.
ALL GOOD THINGS COME TO ME.
READ BOOKS BY LOUISE HAY. READ THE SECRET. IT REALLY HELPS. AS WELL AS TIME. AND IN TIME. ALL THE POSITIVE YOU PUT OUT TO THE UNIVERSE WILL COME BACK TO YOU.
IF I LIVED CLOSER WE COULD BE A SHOULDER TO LEAN ON FOR EACHOTHER. BUT WE DONT. SO FEEL FREE TO WRITE ME ANYTIME. AND KNOW THAT SOMEONE ELSE IS GOING THRU THE SAME THING. HOW WOULD YOU HELP ME. WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO HELP ME FEEL BETTER. DO THOSE THINGS FOR YOURSELF.
LOVE AND LIGHT,SUSAN | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/5/2008 10:13:01 PM | YOu sound like a sissy, and asking is is is a player or a whore? What a typical thing for a stupid man to say... and you are not good looking, get over yourself and move on, she didnt like you, her kids didnt like you so that may have made her look harder at you, it just didnt work out. It doesnt mean anything, go on, and you are lucky to have a nice person in your life now yet you are here crying and whining like a four year old.... wahhhh poor me, what is wrong with me? my mommy said I was handsome, why didnt she like me... wahhhhhhh sniff, poor me... wahhh.. you are 45? Dear God... you sound just pathetic
wipe your eyes and grow a pair, man up | |
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