| Foolish Hearts...
Posted: 8/6/2008 8:57:24 AM | "I'm feeling that feeling again. I've made the mistake and can't win...". How many times this year have you put yourself out there? Only to have your hopes dashed.
Me, I finally decided to get back out there. Nothing wrong with it. So fellers, what in-roads and positive things have you taken or done to make yourself ready for love should SHE find you? Feel free to speak up! This should be to give each of us encouragement, ideas, support on how to make love work in our lives!
And Ladies y'all are welcome to! | |
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| Foolish Hearts...
Posted: 8/6/2008 10:00:14 AM | First, take care of yourself. Be selfish about this.
It also helps to look for things to be grateful for... things to be happy about. If you're not used to this, it will take some practice.
Ask for good things to a part of your life. Figure out what you want, then ASK FOR IT.
This is not trivial... knowing what you want, seeing it in your mind, is not an easy thing. This, too, takes practice. | |
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| Foolish Hearts...
Posted: 8/6/2008 11:23:23 AM | Only ask of your potential mate what you are willing to give back. BE what you want your mate to be. Know that communication means listening, comprehending, talking and meeting in the middle. Know that a relationship is a partnership, not a right or a dictatorship.
Yes...I am very ready. | |
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| Foolish Hearts...
Posted: 8/6/2008 11:56:24 AM | I agree with both messages 2 & 3; but would add that initially you should be yourself, keep expectations in check & be open to the feelings... (this, regardless of the number of hurts you might experience - taking the chance without becoming cynical can be the tricky part). Take the time & communicate in learning about/exploring one another (there is no set timeline for such - its all about the two people involved when).
I'm happy to say that I've met a POF fish & we're making a go of it - we had a l o n g, l o n g distance relationship since last October & just yesterday brought the last load of my stuff to the place we got new together here in TX. During the time we were getting to know each other, he threw me for a couple of loops as I'm sure I did to him, so I would add that empathy & compromise/compassion are also valuable to a successful relationship. I may have had to kiss a few frogs along the way but I finally found my prince.
cata | |
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| Foolish Hearts...
Posted: 8/6/2008 2:58:21 PM | Well Cowboyenuff... I'd venture to say that it's better to feel the pains of the heart than none at all. At least you know your heart is still alive and capable of loving again. Beats the alternative of the unfeeling, cold, shattered pieces of a heart from times gone by.
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| Foolish Hearts...
Posted: 8/6/2008 3:26:23 PM | | All I can say is what is happening to me today. The thing about life, I think, is that one has to love themselves first. If they can't , then it makes it hard to love someone else. Family has alot to do with it. If one doesn't have a loving family, then find one. There are plenty of people looking for love. They might be closer than you think. Just don't blow it, or one will be saying, here I go again. Enjoy life while you have it. | |
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| Foolish Hearts...
Posted: 8/6/2008 5:23:36 PM | Yeah the pain is better than to be numb.
It does get hard after awhile, let down after let down.
Really wonder if there are any good women left out there but I keep trying.
Just have to find that right one. | |
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| Foolish Hearts...
Posted: 8/6/2008 6:09:49 PM | Really wonder if there are any good women left out there but I keep trying.
Just have to find that right one.
sounds like you answered your own "wonder" Chuck... there are plenty out there.. the kicker is coming across the RIGHT one for you...or is it THE right one for you? or maybe the right ONE for you... Oh heck! how about THE RIGHT ONE for YOU?
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| Foolish Hearts...
Posted: 8/6/2008 6:15:32 PM |
All I can say is what is happening to me today. The thing about life, I think, is that one has to love themselves first. If they can't , then it makes it hard to love someone else.
I have to 100% disagree with you on this one Joe.. errr.. I mean afishin'.... I've never been nor do I ever care to be a "me" person... and I most definately can and have and do unconditionally love others effortlessly. Maybe it's because my joy comes from their happiness. I know that's still messed up because without them, I'm joyless... but still loving without loving me, me, me and it's all about me all the time! | |
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| Foolish Hearts...
Posted: 8/6/2008 6:17:46 PM |
"I'm feeling that feeling again. I've made the mistake and can't win..."
Just my opinion, but first of all, it's not a game to "win" or loose... secondly, experience is never a mistake... it's a learning moment.
 CowboyEnuff | |
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| Foolish Hearts...
Posted: 8/6/2008 7:16:30 PM |
it's better to feel the pains of the heart than none at all. At least you know your heart is still alive and capable of loving again. Beats the alternative of the unfeeling, cold, shattered pieces of a heart from times gone by.
Nicely said Shende
A heart not given
not allowed to fall
can hardly be called
a heart at all
for if you don't love
if you never give in
how will you know
if you're truely livin? | |
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| Foolish Hearts...
Posted: 8/10/2008 6:52:32 PM | So in starting this thread I did not think I would be volunteering what I am about to say next....
One thing after next happened last week. Seemed that someone I thought highly of decided she wanted to meet me. CAN IT BE ANY NICER Than that!!!!
So after some time we decide on a day and then this or that happens and I am once again feeling let down. For a few sober hours I wallowed in my "let down"! But then on Friday afternoon, or maybe it was Thursday... not to clear which, I ended up listening to something that my kid said...
"whenever I am unhappy dad, I just watch me a good ol' movie cause it cheers me up!"
So listening to her advice I found my "HAPPY PLACE" watching a disney movie. A few hours later I was all cheerful and smiles.
My addition to this is not that you should not let things get you down. Instead what you need to do when they do! Get over feeling sorry for yourself, or mad at the OPPOSITE sex... they can't help it. After all they are built that way! (hahahaaaa)
Just make sure that you do not "wallow" in the self doubt, disappointment, and failure you have in achieving that which matters most to you.
"Dust your butt off, get back up on that horse and COWBOYENUFF UP!"
"C"
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| Foolish Hearts...
Posted: 8/10/2008 10:19:19 PM | Yeah, getting mad at the opposite sex can happen! Sometimes, you fellas aren't so bad, though.  | |
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| Foolish Hearts...
Posted: 8/10/2008 10:32:42 PM | | it's on another thread and I'd never have the guts to say what she said.. "fake it until you make it" might be a good attitude to adopt? not at all like me.. and a bit deceitful.. but hey! what ever works for the one in charge! and we are the only ones in charge of our attitudes! | |
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| Foolish Hearts...
Posted: 8/11/2008 5:08:26 PM | CowboyEnuff you are a very sweet man and give the best hugs. Everybody has their high and low points in the bumpy road called life. Lord knows I have had mine. You are so right that sometimes you just need to dig a little deeper inside yourself to find the happiness.
A few of my favorite sayings......Treat people the way you want to be treated........you have to make yourself happy and be content with yourself before you can be happy with someone else
hugs to you my friend!! You too Chuck | |
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| Foolish Hearts...
Posted: 8/14/2008 2:06:29 PM | Dunno… maybe it should be a whole new thread, but somehow “foolish hearts” seems to hit the nail on head. Okay… I’d like to open a serious dialog. Folks, are you really on POF to find someone, either for friends or romance, or are you here just for the halibut?
Crazy me… I try to be as open and honest as I can… to have an accurate profile, current pictures, and approach people in a sincere manner. Yes, my objective is to find a special lady, but at the same time, it’s pretty great to meet new friends, both female and male!
Why do some people create a profile and then do NOTHING? At the very least, it would nice if they announced themselves in the Texas “Introduce Yourself Here” forum.
I’m also well aware that as the years go by, I’m getting more restrictive… less compromising of whom I wish to even chat with, let alone meet. And is that the problem? I have read enough throughout the forums, that we all have some pretty specific ideas of what we DON’T want and often too little clues to share about what we do… other than they must be between ages x and y and not looking for an “intimate encounter”. (And, yes, I mean that sarcastically.) I thought that our Texas “Deal Breakers!” forum was a very good idea to get people to open up, but that seems to have died on the vine as the last post there was 4 months ago.
So, what do you say? Should we all continue to swim around this pond… same old, same old? Seems to me that this would be a “foolish heart” – that old line about insanity being to do the same things repeatedly and expect different results?
Or will you speak up and share about why you’re truly here and how you intend to go about making some positive changes to accomplish that goal? Or does anyone out there have some other ideas to make this on-line experience work better? | |
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| Foolish Hearts...
Posted: 8/14/2008 2:33:44 PM | What a nice post, HowDidI. Especially about the halibut. I will make this short for now. But to me, people want Love. but are unable to give Love. I, myself, Love every day, one way or the other. Friends are one thing. But True Love is another. I guess that is why we are on here. Love one another as yourself. Good saying. Take care.  | |
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| Foolish Hearts...
Posted: 8/14/2008 3:10:15 PM | Hmmm ... if people are not "on here" to find either friends or something more then why exactly would they be here? I get lost in that thought alot.
I think I'm pretty layed back and on some occasions ... comical! Yet, I seem to not be able to figure out the "dating" ritual so far! I try and maybe that is my problem ... I need to not "try" and just "be"! I say that ... but I can't seem to do it!
As the fish dood said, "love one another as you love yourself" ... isn't that just the simplest way to do things? Yet ... how many folks actually do?
... and if you break down love are we talking about normal human to human love or is it "romantic love" we seek? And, should that not also include respect?
I wonder if we get so caught up in the notion of "love" that we lose sight of what it takes to get there in a relationship. Sometimes "love" seems like a foreign concept I'll never feel again (meaning romantic love). I value and realize the importance of all kinds of love ... parental love, friend love, self love (haha ... not what you are thinking you perverts) but, I miss romantic love.
I just know that before I can find that I need to have some self love... the kind where you value yourself enough to know when someone else does not! I think this is an evolutionary process and is often affected by those we encounter along the way. We become damaged as do they and sometimes it is as if we are traveling in a parellel universe .... seeing them but being unable to connect.
So ... is it foolish to keep thinking that somewhere in the fish pond there is someone who will like, appreciate, and respect me for the person I am (including the damage) and with whom I can reciprocate ... and hopefully LOVE?
Nothing ventured ... nothing gained ... right?
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| Foolish Hearts...
Posted: 8/14/2008 8:25:31 PM | Ok, here's my story... I'm on here because my mother told me that my brother was on a singles site called Plentyoffish. I thought that was a funny sounding site compared to others. Being the pesky little sister, I thought I'd come on and look for him. POF made me make a profile before I could "search"... so, not being very good at profile making, I whipped up a semi suggestive saracastic ( it's my Scorpio.. cant help it ) profile that I felt no one would ever read anyway. I never did find my brother and completely forgot about the site. I was receiving "my matches" from two other single sites at that time. So, that is one reason why someone might "make a profile and then do nothing."
Every once in a great while, I'd get notification that I had mail on POF in my regular email. One day, I went snooping around and started clicking on things... and low and behold discovered the EVENTS!!!! and then the FORUMS! Now ,I dont shut up!
As far as your mention of people knowing what they DONT want... I'm in that pool . I'm not going to limit myself to things I'm ignorant of and say I only want this or that. I do however know some things I dont want.
I know the OP of the Deal Breaker thread and it was after she and I had partied together and I mentioned that to her in our conversation. I thought maybe it would make things easier if POF had the "deal breaker" section for our profiles.
I think some people are more reserved than others and wont say things out loud and that is why the thread died out. But then again, who wants to burn bridges and say,
" under no circumstances EVER will I date or be married to _________________."
This is the only singles site that I am on now. Why? mainly because its FREE! LOL But even it they started charging, I think it would be worth it for all of the friends I have made.
How to make it better? POF offers that with events and get togethers. GO to them! Better yet... Host something. It doesnt have to be a bar or CW dancing ... it can be anything.
I admit, if I met someone at an event and we hit it off, I'd persue it to see where it went. I highly doubt I will meet someone "through emails" or by reading their profile.
It is exciting to finally meet REAL people who's profiles have caught your attention at the events when you can look them in the eye and say, " OH! That was YOU who said....blah blah blah... in your profile!" | |
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| Foolish Hearts...
Posted: 8/14/2008 8:40:12 PM | Does enjoy meeting the folks I read about on here and other places (like 360 and Multiply)!
I can't wait to meet that ^ Shende woman ... she seems WAY cool! | |
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| Foolish Hearts...
Posted: 8/17/2008 9:33:11 AM | Well, Shende if it must please you to know...
I have been toying with the notion of hosting parties again in Austin. Simply because I have not seen much activity in Austin for them. Not tryin' to toot my own horn, but is seems that after I moved away for a yr that things died down in Austin. Well, I am BACK!!!
I am constantly getting info on things going on in and around AUSTIN... like:
"TUBEFEST '08" which happened this weekend and today down in Gruene, Tx.
VIL Nite this week at Dallas Nite club. This Wednesday nite to be exact! Which is on top of WINE ME, DINE ME, 69 ME (69 cent drinks) from 8-10pm.
And a whole slew of other events. So Ponytail if you are n the Austin area keep your eyes on things I write about.
As for the topic on hand, we gotta put ourselves out there at times to meet the person, people, friends we wish to bring into our lives. The internet has made it a whole lot simpler to put a pic up, pretend at being someone you are not when online. We can text all our conversations and NEVER hear the other persons voice. Send emails to them until the cows come home.
But the real test is in meeting that someone.
"CowboyEnuff"
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| Foolish Hearts...
Posted: 8/17/2008 3:31:23 PM | I have met several people through various sites - no dates from this site, but one good friend so far. In my experience, the online forum allows most people to present themselves in the best possible light - who they want to be. It's not necessarily intentionally deceitful. Think about it, most profiles are editing, agonized over and reworded before being posted - when you meet someone in person you can't edit, agonize over or reword what's coming outta your mouth - you have some filters, but still you are who you are rather than who you want to be.
I have found that tend to ignore the matches they send me here at POF and look at profiles based on what people write in the forums. Then again I am not really looking that hard for a significant other at the moment.
Part of the issue for me is also that I don't have an incredibly specific list of what I will and won't date - I am open to all possibilities, but some things I know are out of the question (too young, too old, minor things like that) | |
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| Foolish Hearts...
Posted: 8/17/2008 5:52:30 PM | ^ Agonized?!? Yikes! When you consider that a lot of people here say that very few even read profiles, I would hope that less emotional stress would be involved when writing them. 
…but still you are who you are rather than who you want to be.
Interesting, and I believe that to be true too. Reminds me of a wonderful quote by writer Kurt Vonnegut:
"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be."
Or maybe Steve Perry had it right:
Foolish heart, hear me calling
Stop before you start falling
Foolish heart, heed my warning
You've been wrong before
Don't be wrong any more | |
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