| SINGLE AFTER 20YEARS AND IM DEVASTATED
Posted: 6/11/2005 5:05:44 PM | | I was married 21 yrs and she left me for a guy she met online. Im ok with her gone,now, but she moved our kids away and I miss them terribly. Anyone had similar situation? When does the hurt go away or does it? | |
|
| SINGLE AFTER 20YEARS AND IM DEVASTATED
Posted: 6/11/2005 6:04:15 PM | I'm really sorry to hear that. I know it has got to suck
and I can't really tell ya if the hurt goes away or not.
Are you able to see your kids???? That is very important
to stay in contact with them. The hurt should subside
but I don't think it goes away completely. | |
|
| SINGLE AFTER 20YEARS AND IM DEVASTATED
Posted: 6/11/2005 6:24:45 PM | | It's better to be apart than with someone who didn't want to be with you. Sometimes relationships just end, and the other person moves on. It takes a while to adjust but then you get on with life. Like after a fire salvage what's left, but don't hang around the ruins. there will be someone new, in time, and the rest of the world is still standing. Women just do that sometimes. | |
|
| SINGLE AFTER 20YEARS AND IM DEVASTATED
Posted: 6/11/2005 6:32:06 PM | | well man im sorry that you have to feel that pain, i thought i had it bad .i was with ex for 7 years and then out of nowwhere i just wasnt with her anymore....they pain does fad but the emptiness never does,the longing for something that once was will always be there. but deep down inside you already new that,didnt you...as far as the kids are concerned...dont worry they be back if they knew you on any kind of level when mom takes them away no matter what they will always resent her for it and they will find you...now was she remarried to this guy,and did she have a job that forced her to relocate....if you answered no to both...then she illeagally took your kids out of the state with out your permission. in missouri..the law state that she would have to remarry and his job would have to force him to relocate in order for her to do so without your permission. | |
|
| SINGLE AFTER 20YEARS AND IM DEVASTATED
Posted: 6/11/2005 6:37:07 PM | | havent been there, but i know lots about pain. and time is the only known cure. just time. of course, if you never see your kids, well, that pain i would think is forever. but, if you get to visit, it will hurt after each visit for a lil bit. but finding joy in knowing the next visit is comming with ease it | |
|
| SINGLE AFTER 20YEARS AND IM DEVASTATED
Posted: 6/11/2005 6:50:05 PM | | I can sympathize with this, being in your shoes, He left and its up to him to keep the contact with our kids. My kids are older and they saw what happened to me, they make their own choices if they are young you better get an attorney so you can be in their life. For the pain, yea it hurts, but it gets easier and life goes on. In order to move on you have to heal, and take care of yourself and after 3 and half years I might be there finally. :) good luck | |
|
| |
| SINGLE AFTER 20YEARS AND IM DEVASTATED
Posted: 6/12/2005 12:24:40 PM | | I gave my permission for her to move out of state. I believe my girls will be back soon, and I didnt want them to hurt any worse than they already did. Luckily they are teens and they know the score.I really appreiate all the nice people who feel my pain. I to feel yours. | |
|
| |
| SINGLE AFTER 20YEARS AND IM DEVASTATED
Posted: 6/12/2005 4:23:50 PM | | Been single 34 of my 38 year life. Met someone, bought a house, had a child then 4 years into our relationship, she abandoned us only to never be heard of again. My son is 7 and doesn't even know he has a mom!! Hurt? Of caurse!! | |
|
| SINGLE AFTER 20YEARS AND IM DEVASTATED
Posted: 6/12/2005 6:07:57 PM | | Im truely sorry for your situation. I can only hope things have improved for you, I mean if not for your ex you wouldnt have your son. Thats alot to be thankful for. I to am holding that thought in my heart. God Bless | |
|
| |
| SINGLE AFTER 20YEARS AND IM DEVASTATED
Posted: 6/13/2005 3:07:21 AM | | simpledad, my heart goes out to you.....I too was married 21 yrs. and my ex left me for someone online....the kids stayed with me though....so I can totally relate to what you're going through.....time makes the hurt less, but you never forget....hang in there | |
|
| SINGLE AFTER 20YEARS AND IM DEVASTATED
Posted: 6/13/2005 8:48:50 AM | | Kinda similar ... ex's new Online life and pals made her happy, I made he unhappy, got kicked out, but got my boys back a year ago (less than 3 months after the split). that helps, having the kids. do understand the abject pain of not having them. keep your chin up. the pain fades slowly for some, quckly for others, but 6 mos. to a year is what i've been told is average. good luck. | |
|
| SINGLE AFTER 20YEARS AND IM DEVASTATED
Posted: 6/13/2005 9:13:45 AM | I suggest you gather yourself and fight for your kids before she gets more legal standing.I don't know the details of how or why she left,their ages and the time frame,but you have RIGHTS.Those rights decrease to some degree as long has she has custodial possession. | |
|
| SINGLE AFTER 20YEARS AND IM DEVASTATED
Posted: 6/13/2005 9:20:07 AM | | Most painful situations have a possitive side try to find it. Freedom to do what you want, not having to be responsible for someone elses feelings,I dont know its hard for guys as they are used to having everything done for them too and it would be hard to come home to nothing for a while but you may get used to it and just pleasing you. Be kind to yourself and if you dont turn bitter towards women you will meet another love and be a stronger more compasionate man. An exciting new chapter is something too look forward too and never ever give up because things can change in a heartbeat to total fullfilment ive seen it happen many times. Get your little black book out and sew some wild oats. Oh the kids too yes they will find you and love you too if your a good man.Its painfull and expensive to fight it and the odds are always in the womans favor. Good Luck dood you have a good site here for communication | |
|
| SINGLE AFTER 20YEARS AND IM DEVASTATED
Posted: 6/13/2005 9:31:48 AM | Do all you can to stay in touch with your children...little things cards, special books, poems, it doens't have to be expensive. Just make sure they know the truth. I share your pain...I am a MOM always, with a broken heart...they say time heals...Why can't adults do the right thing by there children. Your hearing from a lady who got screwed every direction and now waits for it to be all right again. I recently realized he took all my dreams...now I have but one to be a MOM again..to tuck them in , kiss them in the morning and wipe their tears....hug away there hurt...
The system horribly failed my kids...I stayed home 12 yrs...I left a controlling abuser...I just didn't want to have an affair...and wanted to be happy...we agreed as adults to let them finish school and me to get settled ..they are 16 hours from me. He threathened me if I took them...he threatened me in front of them...I never thought he would go against his word where they were concerned...money is the root of evil....He had my kids taken from me by the cops...how much trauma is that...I've done nothing wrong...I was to "NICE"....they want there MOM...I couldn't afford a lwyer ..I didn't think to hoard money...I just wanted to be free...He is very well off...and replaced me before I was out the door...I tried to do the amicable thing...it appears that divorce is always dirty pool. I will not admit to being his partner for 16 yrs. My daughter is 13 and begs for me...I've begged and she has begged...so if anyone out there has a miracle or a lwyer who would fight for free..I'm all ears....I got no where with those individuals who are providing a service...NOT!! There is alot to this story it would make a hell of a movie....maybe that is my calling ..novelist..or activist!!
Life isn't fair...make the best of it ...it is truly bittersweet...do try and have the sweetest day....
Thanks for letting me share... | |
|
| SINGLE AFTER 20YEARS AND IM DEVASTATED too
Posted: 6/13/2005 9:54:57 AM | | Hey its tough. People change and I was hit with the same deal last fall so I can say that I know what your going through.I,ve been getting better every day. My girl and I had 23 years togeather,2 kids and all the rest of it. We grew appart over the last several years with no infedellity that I,M aware of. Now we are both happier people so if you can hang on it gets better as time passes.The biggest issue for me was to look away from myself as being the reason for the seperation and just understand that she was no longer happy with her life and had to make changes.In hindsight she did us both a favour.The world is full of people looking for other people so I hope you find yourself someone when your ready.As for the kids I have two boys and I think that they are better of to see their parents happy and seperated rather than miserable and togeather, I think both parties must be carefull not to use the kids as leverage or amunition.They are human beings and the seperation is not their issue. | |
|
| SINGLE AFTER 20YEARS AND IM DEVASTATED too
Posted: 6/13/2005 10:15:16 AM | Yes...you are right Action60 they shouldn't be in the middle ever. Two happy parents also is the key...unfortunetly my ex failed to communicate and still does. My kids are being scarred for life...by his power and abuse of it....I think one day he will be a lonely old man.There happiness should be at the forefront at all times. Mine are at an age where their wishes should be respected ;my daughter needs a Mother right now. Money shouldn't be an issue in her upbringing.
Have the sweetest day!! | |
|
| SINGLE AFTER 20YEARS AND IM DEVASTATED
Posted: 6/13/2005 10:43:19 AM | Hi simpledad,
Lots of people who replied to you have been through what you are going through at the moment. And I am just one of them. Words cannot describe feelings of being betrayed, pain and devastation left behind.
Time will heal but you will never forget (forgive).
All the best,
buzzingbee | |
|
| SINGLE AFTER 20YEARS AND IM DEVASTATED too
Posted: 6/13/2005 1:05:42 PM | hummmm you're right young lady.
I think i may be a lonly old man myself.as for the pain my friend it never go's away it's always there somewhere in the back just waiting to surface again when ever it pleases.MAKE SURE YOUR KIDS KNOW WHO YOU ARE..... and do the right thing by them. what ever that means... | |
|
| SINGLE AFTER 20YEARS AND IM DEVASTATED too
Posted: 6/15/2005 8:29:35 AM | | Dont say that hammer of course it goes away, ask anyone who has time up. time heals everything and you will get over it. It may be inconvinient and painful but not the end of the world. Never ever give up, the tide will always turn | |
|
| SINGLE AFTER 20YEARS AND IM DEVASTATED too
Posted: 6/15/2005 5:34:15 PM | | there comes a point after the breakup when you realize that all that 'love' stuff is best saved for the young. i've been home alone since '87. nice to think about romantic love and such but personally, i'm over fifty and was way too traumatized to start over. it's hard. don't let anyone try to tell you otherwise. will the pain pass? no. | |
|
| SINGLE AFTER 20YEARS AND IM DEVASTATED too
Posted: 6/16/2005 4:42:06 PM | | wow bag1 your very sinicle. all I can say is I dont want what you have,and I believe I will get much better soon. Can I suggest some counseling for you maybe that will help.Good Luck | |
|
| SINGLE AFTER 20YEARS AND IM DEVASTATED too
Posted: 6/16/2005 5:10:46 PM | i'm not sure if tthe pain actually passes (if it passed like a kidney stone at least you'd be fully aware of it) or if you just forget about how much it hurt. then the next heartbreaker comes along and refreshes your memory all over again. only those with alzheimers seem to be immune. Are there home lobotomy kits available yet?
no offense meant to anyone by any of this. if i weren't laughin' i'd be cryin' | |
|
Home
login 
