| Should love be worth fighting for?
Posted: 8/10/2008 7:28:06 PM | | It is hard to see everyday how many people just let go of love. It is hard to watch as relationships are given up on before people try and it is happening more and more everyday. Is working to keep love and working to keep relationships together something of the past. The reason I am so upset about this I guess would be because I have a story to share please check it out. " http://single27broken.livejournal.com/586.html " What has gone wrong that this is happening more everyday? | |
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| Should love be worth fighting for?
Posted: 8/10/2008 10:01:36 PM |
working to keep love and working to keep relationships together
working to keep love and working to keep relationships together
Do you not see the irony of that line?
It sounds as a bad mantra....no?
True love needs no work ! . . . . its not a thing of the past but remains very much a thing of the present! | |
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| Should love be worth fighting for?
Posted: 8/10/2008 10:10:08 PM | 'true love' DOES 'need work..it's a living , breathing thing , that is as individual as the Two People who make up the Relationship...!~ it must be nurtured and cared for, if not it withers, stagnates, and dies... 'true love' is WORTH 'the work!   it is the most glorious, awesome, giddy feeling ! (i suppose its the whole Rose & Thorn analogy-thing, lol)  | |
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| Should love be worth fighting for?
Posted: 8/11/2008 2:48:00 AM | Love needs both people to believe in it, and to work on it. That's a given.
But it's always good to know when things aren't going well, and that you can end things before they only get worse.
imo | |
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| Should love be worth fighting for?
Posted: 8/11/2008 3:05:30 AM |
It is hard to see everyday how many people just let go of love. It is hard to watch as relationships are given up on before people try and it is happening more and more everyday. Is working to keep love and working to keep relationships together something of the past. The reason I am so upset about this I guess would be because I have a story to share please check it out. " http://single27broken.livejournal.com/586.html " What has gone wrong that this is happening more everyday?
This story is very sad and very common. But who just let go? It seems like the narrator of the story did not let go, but the wife did. Both people have to want to work at keeping the relationship. I've heard a lot of people say, if my wife/husband cheated she/he'd be gone---no discussion, not trying to work it out, just that's it, no second chance. When, in fact, studies show that a lot of marriages which deal with and recover from infidelity are stronger than they were before. Most people don't seem to take the marriage vows seriously, like being faithful. Also, most peole don't seem to view marriage as a life time committment. And, when push comes to shove, most people don't seem to want to do everything possible to keep the marriage viablel when there are problems. There is no longer any societal pressure to stay married. Divorce is too acceptable. The only thing I think individuals can do is discuss all this before marriage and wed a like thinking individual, as well as being as sure as you can of the character of the person you are marrying. Still, there are no guarantees. Sometimes I do think a union between a man and woman is only meant to last a limited amount of time, like maybe 20 or so years in order to bring up the children. That would mesh with biology and the need for suvival of the species. And in primitive times, it was pretty much the case because only lived for 40 years or so. Now it's different and we want to be with a partner most of our adult lives, that's 60 years, and maybe it's is not realistic to think most unions can survive 60 years.
Anyway, yea, the story you read could happen to you. It could happen to anyone. The thing to do is have a postive attitude and do everything you can, for yourself, to prevent it. | |
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| Should love be worth fighting for?
Posted: 8/11/2008 7:38:47 AM | *hugs* ((((((((Matt))))))))
That is very well written from the heart. That's how I became an author is by painful experience. I read and wrote a lot during those years of soul searching in early recovery.
It has always happened and it isn't a recent trend. Years ago, you would have never known what happened to her or at the worst, she would have gotten an "impotence" annulment. Imagine what that was like for a man to walk around broken hearted while the entire town is talking about this public notice of how you lost her to another man because you can't perform. This was before Jerry Springer so these dissolutions were much needed entertainment and gossip to feel superior up close and personal. You might lose your position if she implied you found your friend as attractive as she did. Oh and then maybe add some unnatural affection for the family pet, too.
You didn't do anything wrong and you don't have to do anything wrong to lose someone. A lot of times, she doesn't know why she does the things she does anymore than you do. Women are prone to just running off one day, all throughout History and the world over for no particular reason whatsoever, really. And it may not be because she doesn't love you. She may love you very much and still run off with someone else. Some scientists say it is innate for women to travel and be attracted to strangers because it is good for the gene pool. Ever notice how travel brochures are aimed at women? While males remain close to the nest and are guarded around non intimates. Today, she can do that without having to sexually insult and publically humiliate you. The til death do us part rate in both suicide and homicide was higher.
There is nothing you can do about it. Sometimes, it is good that History repeats itself. You know how to love so you will love again. Oh yes you will. | |
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| Should love be worth fighting for?
Posted: 8/11/2008 7:55:52 AM | Love isn't worth fighting for. I don't believe. I too have sufferer a broken heart recently by someone i met on pof. And it has made me cold and bitter. You have to realize one thing. you can control your responses to circumstances and circumstances. you can control finances. You can control your car. the music you listen too and the clothes you wear. the type of dog you get.
But the one thing that you cannot control is the human heart. They either love you or they don't period. And honestly I am to the point where I don't think love in the relationship sense really exists.
Its all a dream made up by Hollywood and a state of mind we create within ourselves because we are lonely but basic human nature is to be sosical and feel cared about.
I used to be the romantic good guy that treated women well until this girl broke my heart and now I am like any other man.
If love is so painful, so fragile, so unforgiving, so creul and so empty,
No its not worth fighting for. | |
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| Should love be worth fighting for?
Posted: 8/11/2008 7:59:13 AM | I dunno - I've always figured those words "working at a relationship" sounded way too much like digging a ten foot ditch in hundred degree heat..........with a spoon............and no sunscreen.
IMO both partners should just "be" - and see how it works.
Caring.....a bit of compromise.......mutual attraction.......common values - YES.
But if you need to cajole, bend over backwards, are changing the essense of who you are (or trying to do the same with your partner) OR regularly having to come up with reasons to convince someone of why they should stay........don't know if they can pay ME enough for that kind of "work".
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| Should love be worth fighting for?
Posted: 8/11/2008 10:32:30 AM | That's why you have to both decide right up front if this relationship is really what you Both want,not just one person.The feelings might be there, but if there is only one person working at it, then what is the use?
You're beating a dead horse. See? It takes both parties to really make it work. And that's because you both want it so badly. Real love takes time, work, effort, committment, more work, more committiment, more time, etc... You have to nurture it to help it grow... | |
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| Should love be worth fighting for?
Posted: 8/11/2008 2:50:23 PM | if its a fight its not love its a war and the battleground is all too often an innocent party.
If its work you will probably feel the need for a break and this usually means break up | |
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| Should love be worth fighting for?
Posted: 8/11/2008 5:06:48 PM | | Love is always worth championing. I read your beautifully-written story. She abandonned you and love didn't. You have love. You are loved. Feel it. Sometimes the hardest thing to do in a situation like yours is to love a person who has hurt you, but that is exactly what you must do now to reclaim your spirit. Love her now. You do this by sending her loving thoughts and forgiveness. Do it now. Fake it until you make it if it doesn't come straight from your heart. This is the love that is worth fighting for. This is unconditional love. As you learn to give it of course you will also receive it instantaneously. I do not say this because of a book I read but because this is how I learned to cope with a seriously love-deprived childhood. I know it works. Bless you and I am sending you love right now. | |
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| Should love be worth fighting for?
Posted: 8/11/2008 5:39:49 PM | Love is always worth fighting for. But if you have to fight for it, then it isn’t love.
In a relationship that is transformed by love there are many obstacles to fight. Distance, money, background, passions, personal traits, circumstances, family, etc. All those are worth fighting and overcoming together with the one you love and who loves you.
But if you are actually fighting the one you love then it’s a lost cause. Each of us is an individual and we have our needs and wants we’ve compiled from childhood up. They take on many different disguises and one of them is dissatisfaction with the one we may have loved once and dissatisfaction with the direction our life is going.
If the one you love has chosen to do things that start to break down your relationship and good communication with them gets no results then they aren’t yours anymore. That’s tragic but all too common. It doesn’t matter the reasons, either valid or invalid, and it doesn’t matter how much time and emotions you’ve both invested in your relationship.
I read your journal and my opinion is that she has not drifted away from you within reach to get her back. She hopped on a camel named Clyde and rode off into the desert. Wave goodbye, put your pictures and momentos and broken heart in a box and keep on truckin’.
Sorry, OP, but you are really asking if it is worth fighting her, for her. That’s a battle with no winners.
In my lifetime I've learned that one can love and be loved more than once.
Good luck. | |
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| Should love be worth fighting for?
Posted: 8/11/2008 5:52:11 PM | | RETROSPECT will take effect for her in the future if she does not get herself together. That is a very sad seperation. i suggest hanging in there and giving her space to sort her thoughts. she has made the mistake of a lifetime. they both have made a lifetime committment. that is worth fighting for and giving everything that you have. there is no need to rush anything. there is no need to go anywhere. obviously, this man is not cheating. he know where his priorities lie. she is foolish. | |
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| Should love be worth fighting for?
Posted: 8/11/2008 6:00:45 PM | | It only work if both people fight for it.... I was just with someone who, I was fighting as hard as I could, but it turned out that he didn't have the drive, or should I say was seeing what else was out there. It has broken my heart, and I know that I am not perfect but I gave him mylife and 110% even when things weren't good, to find out that he was emailing from his single on line dating account. I doesn't work out that way. | |
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| Should love be worth fighting for?
Posted: 8/11/2008 6:03:50 PM | When you are married it is worth working on. If you are just dating and it is not working move on. Love should not be hard, not in the beginning.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO POST WEB SITED ON THESE FORUMS... YOU ARE GOING TO GET DELETED. | |
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| Should love be worth fighting for?
Posted: 8/11/2008 6:14:25 PM |
LOVE is the ONLY thing worth fighting for.
fighting? who are we fighting? work yes, but fight?
I'm sure someone will say that its just a phrase but what exactly does it mean? | |
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| Should love be worth fighting for?
Posted: 8/11/2008 6:18:04 PM | Well, I couldn't get anything from the link but in answer to your question, it depends on what stage of a relationship you are in because while love is essential for a good relationship it is not the only ingredient and is not enough ergo it is not necessarily that people don't fight for love, but they get into relationships with the wrong people making it necessary to fight for it.
When things are first starting out they should not be hard so a month or two in if you are already "working" on the relationship beyond minor adjustments to individual quirks and enjoying each other's company you should probably consider whether there is adequate compatibility there because it does take two people to have and keep a relationship and similar commitment levels is essential.
What most people don't get is that you need to pay attention to it from day one. Do things together, make sure you have fun, when things are good, date night and all that good stuff so technically working on it should begin very early in the relationship and ideally doesn't feel like work for quite a while. | |
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| Should love be worth fighting for?
Posted: 8/11/2008 6:30:07 PM | see, this is just confusing
why? I can tell you I have no idea
I do not think anyone has the perfect answer
Love takes work and growth.. everything is exciting at first... but it need to stay fun and change as the time changes
One answer does not work.. Things do not work for lots of reasons....
selfishness, fear.. anyone who has been hurt so scared to be hurt again.. so selfishly they are going to hold back...
sometimes we mistake love for something else.. or we get confused between fun and sex ... and feelings and tenderness
Fighting for love I am not sure... are you fighting to try and make someone see your heart aches for them... that you love them and the sound of thier voice... that time with them.. is treasure and that when you are in a room filled with people, you can think of them and your heart races... your mind wanders and you actually feel like you have never felt before.. just thinking of them.... makes you smile...
or is it because you want to win.. that the thought of someone not feeling the same way makes you feel inadequate, unwanted , that you want to keep what you feel is your no matter what....... thats just not a fight worth having... but thats just 1 persons opinion
what breaks your heart.. any heart.. is when you let your guard down..when you are willing to take chance.. and then your fears come true... and the person you want or thought you wanted does not want you... no thats not truley where the broken heart comes in... its when you put hat wall back up... thats the broken heart.. keeping the wall down and not beleiving in fairy tales.. but trust in possibilties
thats worth FIGHTING FOR! (sorry about the spelling) | |
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| Should love be worth fighting for?
Posted: 8/11/2008 6:35:25 PM | I agree a marriage should be worked on. I agree that when you get married in a church you are making a promise to yourself, your other half, and God that you will try to make it work.
Love doesn't require fighting, love should just be. You don't stop loving someone when you split. You still love the person they were.
Anything besides a marriage, that is a different story. It sucks to break up, it hurts bad, but when you aren't married, there isn't a commitment. It would be nice if people didn't leave without a word or break up so easily. | |
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| Should love be worth fighting for?
Posted: 8/11/2008 6:41:23 PM | | it`s the breaking down of the family structure.....people don`t need each other anymore..love has become a want but not a need.....we can each survive on our own now....we don`t need a partner for food or shelter....times are a changing ......not necessarily for the better imo.... | |
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| Should love be worth fighting for?
Posted: 8/11/2008 7:03:36 PM | Sorry to hear of your struggle,mate.
I'm not sure if people let go of love, or if it lets go of them.
Part of it, is about getting complacent, I believe, and living in an illusion that Love requires no work.
I sure feel for you though, brother, cuz it happened to me...only after 20 years together and 3 Children.
For a long while, I sought answers...to what went wrong...as you are doing now
But , the only answer that finally resonated was...'it doesn't matter'...it's over
It's more like the Family, Unstructured, 'Justlooking'
Yet.....
Is love worth fighting for?....yeah...you bet it is.
I'd do it again in a heartbeat, that is, if I could find a pulse.
Feel better my friend..
It's a big chunk of your life, yes..
but, it will all work through you, in time.
Kimbo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ | |
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| Should love be worth fighting for?
Posted: 8/11/2008 7:17:29 PM | | It is worth fighting for or coming to a compromise unless there is someone else involved. That is when the bond has been broken and the pain is hard to mend. I do not want someone who does not want me. It is not as much as the fighting for love but the settling for a one-sided relationship. Once the bond is broken, the heart will be afraid. | |
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