| Content vs. happy
Posted: 8/13/2008 7:20:05 AM | Pick one:
A life feeling reasonably content, with minimal risk, but with the knowledge you'd never be REALLY happy. Of course, there would be moments of happiness, but it would be fleeting. Otherwise, you'd be content. Yes you know there could be more, but you're not in discomfort without it.
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A life with risk on a regular basis, but for the most part, you experience true happiness. It's a state of being. Of course, there's always the risk that it could all go away, and then you would be very unhappy.
Which would you choose?
Is "content" good enough? If not, why? Aren't moments of happiness enough? Why do people think that you have to be happy *all* the time?
Before you answer, try to think of the two scenarios in not just the dating/romance/sex context. Think of it in a work context, a housing context, whatever context you'd like, and see if the answer is the same.
Yes, I know, this speaks a lot to risk aversion, which has been re-hashed about a million times. But that's not what started this whole thought process. It was more of content vs. happy debate. Is content enough? | |
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| Content vs. happy
Posted: 8/13/2008 7:21:54 AM | I'd be quite happy to be content and content to be happy, why would I have to choose? Questions like this make no sense.  | |
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| Content vs. happy
Posted: 8/13/2008 7:25:23 AM | ^^^^I agree with daynadaze-
Typically when a person is happy they are generally content as well. If a person is discontent I would doubt they are very happy-kind of a silly question. | |
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| Content vs. happy
Posted: 8/13/2008 7:29:42 AM | [
A life feeling reasonably content, with minimal risk, but with the knowledge you'd never be REALLY happy. Of course, there would be moments of happiness, but it would be fleeting. Otherwise, you'd be content. Yes you know there could be more, but you're not in discomfort without it.
I think this scenario is reality. Life is about balance, not constant happiness. When people constantly chase the euphoria, they never truly achieve happiness. | |
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| Content vs. happy
Posted: 8/13/2008 7:32:35 AM | What you fail to clarify is with the content situation, are there moments of passion not just happiness/joy, and one can transfer this to professional situations as well.
You have a job that you like, that you feel pretty good going to on a daily basis, and it has moments when it is really busy and you feel uber alive because you are barely able to stay ahead of a tricky deadline. This would describe content with moments of happiness, or your content could mean that you never really have the challenging times but you enjoy what you do and the people you work with so you are fairly happy if you have reasonable expectations in life. I don't want to work a job that I am amped up 24/7 because it is frankly frigging exhausting.
The same in a long-term relationship, maybe you aren't burning with desire 24/7 but you do have moments when the sheet time puts you over the moon because of the deep love and affection you hold for the person. This would be the type of relationship where the love grows slowly from the basis of friendship rather than being an insanely passionate thing that knocks you off your feet. It has been my experience that the insanely passionate is something that burns out and/or the passion manifests in other ways like fighting constantly because there is not enough compatibility and common values, etc. to hold the relationship together outside of the fabulous sex.
I would rather do the slow burn any day. There is a hell of a lot to be said of contentment and even the relationship that is primarily content is not without risk because there is never a guarantee of permanence in anything. The guy/gal has a midlife crisis and leaves looking for youth; just for some reason one day seems to change into a different person who doesn't want you for other reasons; a tragedy occurs that rips the relationship apart instead of bringing the couple closer together; or you merely grow apart and find that there is not enough contentment and moments of happiness to continue staying together.
Great risk is great risk because take the stock analogy, the reason the payoff can be so huge is that you can also wind up losing your shirt. If you get off on the excitement and the potential you are willing to take the risk while you have a known, less shiny alternative that has a good payoff without so much risk. | |
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eazk
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Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 7 | |
| Content vs. happy
Posted: 8/13/2008 7:34:32 AM | If there's really true happiness...exactly where is the risk? Are you talking putting yourself in harms way? I can imagine too many partners that would sign up for a lifetime of happiness with you going off to risk life and limb every day.
And part of true happiness is having the safety net of a pure comfort zone...a peace / contentment with the choices made. So I'm not sure how happiness wouldn't be part of contentment.
Actually, I think this is one of those non-sensical questions someone gets to when they realize their new dating partner is "fine" but they just aren't feeling the edginess of things. If so, keep in mind that even that edge is going to smooth off someday, so you need to decide how much having the consistency of that edge matters to you.
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| Content vs. happy
Posted: 8/13/2008 7:36:10 AM | If you were intensely *happy* all the time you'd never have room in your head for actually living your life. You'd not last long in your happy high before you keeled over -- you have to sleep at some point.
Contentedness involves accepting that your life will have intensely happy moments as well as intensely sad ones and that it is not more "right" to feel one than the other. Sometimes it's absolutely right that you should feel sad and an existence without some sadness would be one oblivious to actual life and living and being in the world. Sometimes you can be happy and sad in the same moment, and that's right too, because there is more than one aspect to life.
VVV
On the other hand, "happy," "true happiness," "really happy," all refer to a state where you can't wait for the next moment to happen, because the last one was phenomenally mind-blowing. In my opinion true happiness is NOT about looking for the next moment AT ALL, it's about beling absolutely in THE moment!
I'm not talking about the idealized version of "content." Not sure I really know what you are talking about -- a kind of discontented "settling"? What's so "idealised" about actually being content? I've been content for years.... and I'm sure I'm not remotely unique in that.
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| Content vs. happy
Posted: 8/13/2008 7:39:14 AM | Ha ha - I just KNEW I should have differentiated between the two!
For the purpose of this discussion, let's say that "content" means that you're free from unhappiness. It's kind of in the neutral zone. You're not unhappy; nothing's bothering you; it's the state that you reach once you take care of all of those "I've got to fix that..." issues. I'm not talking about the idealized version of "content."
On the other hand, "happy," "true happiness," "really happy," all refer to a state where you can't wait for the next moment to happen, because the last one was phenomenally mind-blowing. You're one of those people that other folks want to smack because you're so pleased with your situation in life. | |
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| Content vs. happy
Posted: 8/13/2008 7:43:40 AM | Unlike some other posters, I dont think this is a silly question. But everyone's idea of risk is different, so its a little too broad to make a black-or-white choice.
For me, happiness is something that comes in waves or moments. Sometimes Im very happy, while other times Im not. I dont think its humanly possible to be happy all the time. Contentment is something I prefer, but again its not a 24/7 kinda thing. All of us go through times of discontentment with life.
I prefer minimal risk, meaning I like to thoroughly think thru things before acting on them. From there I can decide if the risk is outweighed by the positives. I used to take far more risk when I was younger than I do today, and I suppose that speaks to my own contentment. Im not joyously happy, but for the mostpart Im content with the relatively risk-free life I lead. | |
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| Content vs. happy
Posted: 8/13/2008 7:45:50 AM | it's my observation that most people are more than content to drift through life with the old status quo, preferably while minimizing risk and maximizing security. it really doesn't matter whether it's their S.O., their job, or -- more significantly, what's inside their own heads. this is precisely why government jobs are so popular, and why republics often fail. don't get me started.
i might be willing to take big risks, but not foolish ones.
happiness is *completely* self-generated, and has nothing to do with risk one way or the other. | |
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| Content vs. happy
Posted: 8/13/2008 7:54:08 AM | I'm not buying the dichotomy either. It's a false scenario - when would you ever have that sort of choice to make?
Read Albert Ellis on the subject of happiness and what prevents people from happiness. I'd say I'm happy most of the time with occasional instances of great happiness and even joy. I won't say I was ever truly unhappy, but over time I've learned to adopt the kind of mindset that leads to being happy with life.
It's quite possible to adjust your attitude; your state of happiness or lack thereof isn't set in stone. | |
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| Content vs. happy
Posted: 8/13/2008 8:05:35 AM | For the purpose of this discussion, let's say that "content" means that you're free from unhappiness. It's kind of in the neutral zone. You're not unhappy; nothing's bothering you;
I spent three years of my life "feeling nothing" while I was foolishely put on Paxil that some "expert" said would help me.
Death, in my opinion, would be a better option than to ever go that route again and one I wouldn't hesitate to take over "feeling nothing".
A bit dramatic I know, but so is feeling nothing.
One of my favorite songs of ALL time is a song by Nine Inch Nails that so reasonate with me and which speak of just that...feeling nothing. And although I wouldn't normally copy the lyrics of a song on a post, this song is exactly what this post is all about IMO.
---------------------------------------------
"Every Day Is Exactly The Same"
I believe I can see the future
Cause I repeat the same routine
I think I used to have a purpose
But then again
That might have been a dream
I think I used to have a voice
Now I never make a sound
I just do what I've been told
I really don't want them to come around
Oh, no
[Chorus:]
Every day is exactly the same
Every day is exactly the same
There is no love here and there is no pain
Every day is exactly the same
I can feel their eyes are watching
In case I lose myself again
Sometimes I think I'm happy here
Sometimes, yet I still pretend
I can't remember how this got started
But I can tell you exactly how it will end
[Chorus]
I'm writing on a little piece of paper
I'm hoping someday you might find
Well I'll hide it behind something
They won't look behind
I'm still inside here
A little bit comes bleeding through
I wish this could have been any other way
But I just don't know, I don't know what else I can do
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JMO | |
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| Content vs. happy
Posted: 8/13/2008 8:23:28 AM | In true PoF fashion, I'll pick door number 3... even if it isn't on offer.
Just as rune has said.... All feelings are transient. Happiness and sadness come in waves.... think the ocean with waves... the crest is the happy moments and, like rune and others have mentioned, being happy involves being completely in that moment. As soon as your attention goes to something else is when you are no longer riding the crest of that wave. Sadness is like the trough of the wave... even when you are in it and it feels like it will last "forever" you just need to remind yourself that this too will pass.
The secret to being at peace, or so I think, is to recognize three things...
* the transient nature of feelings... they all come and go; both the "good" feelings and the so-called "bad" feelings.... have them for the moment that they are there and appreciate them for what they are. Don't try to hold onto the good ones nor avoid the bad ones.
* you are not your feelings... they aren't part of your identity; they are not who you are... they are simply how you feel right now.
* risk is a part of life; there is no security from it. So it is rather pointless trying to live your life from a place of eliminating risk... much more powerful to look at how you rise to meet the challenges of the risk that life is. | |
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| Content vs. happy
Posted: 8/13/2008 8:38:35 AM | I vote good post OP, as this is something I've mused upon. Since we're on a dating/relationship site, I guess the OP is specifically addressing 'content' while single vs 'happy' while in a relationship.
Relationships, in my experience and observing those of others I know, are an emotional roller coaster; there are ecstatic highs of delerious joy, and bottomless lows of angst and heart-ache. Do the highs outweigh the lows? For me, yes, though I sometimes ask myself if it's worth getting on the love-roller coaster for another ride, especially when I look at friends and relatives in f*cked up relationships. Sounds like the OP's in a similar place.
Shakespeare addressed it thus:
Thy love is better than high birth to me,
Richer than wealth, prouder than garments' cost,
Of more delight than hawks and horses be;
And having thee, of all men's pride I boast:
Wretched in this alone, that thou mayst take
All this away, and me most wretched make.
(Sonnet XCI)
So, happiness is great, but it comes at a price (as does anything worthwhile); there's always the possiblity that the other can snatch that happiness away from you at any time. The cost of that happiness is that you've given up your 'contentness' to the power of another who can you "most wretched make". Depending of course on how emotionally invested you are.
Is content enough? Depends if you are willing to pay the price for (possibly fleeting) happiness. | |
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| Content vs. happy
Posted: 8/13/2008 8:45:50 AM | For me, content is not enough.
So I would never be "not in discomfort" with scenario 1.
I would risk all the security I have in my life for the certainty of happiness. | |
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| Content vs. happy
Posted: 8/13/2008 8:48:08 AM | Ok, I'm in love with Coruja. For this post only, I am happy.
I have known people who are willing to be simply "content"--I think they are largely people who have pretended to give up hope on ever being happy. It's a facade. They would give up a bland existence for happiness, but they're afraid to be sad. Afraid if they go to sad once again, they'd stay there. They've pulled themselves up to "content" and don't want to go any higher out of fear.
Give me happiness and the whole roller coaster ANY day. | |
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| Content vs. happy
Posted: 8/13/2008 8:52:31 AM |
For the purpose of this discussion, let's say that "content" means that you're free from unhappiness. It's kind of in the neutral zone. You're not unhappy; nothing's bothering you; it's the state that you reach once you take care of all of those "I've got to fix that..." issues. I'm not talking about the idealized version of "content."
On the other hand, "happy," "true happiness," "really happy," all refer to a state where you can't wait for the next moment to happen, because the last one was phenomenally mind-blowing. You're one of those people that other folks want to smack because you're so pleased with your situation in life.
I think you've made it an oxymoron, OP... You can chose to be in a neutral place or a happy one? Who wouldn't choose happiness.
There is never a point, I think, in contentment where you can say you've taken care of all those "I've got to fix that"s. It is those "I've got to fix it" issues that are keeping one from happiness. Once they are all resolved, by default, one is happy. | |
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| Content vs. happy
Posted: 8/13/2008 8:58:34 AM | Is this just and re phrasing of threads..."Are you willing to settle ..or look for the one"
Content with finding someone who is not going to argue with you at every conversation you two have...
Content in finding someone who is willing to be with you even if your not feeling all that entertaining...They will entertain you.
Seeking for the one...and meeting up with dozens of people with different characteristics that you may be content with but still have not met the requirements of what it takes to be content and happy. Leaving you lonely and being told to re examine our requirements.
I would be content with someone who is loyal and willing to take a chance on me.. | |
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| Content vs. happy
Posted: 8/13/2008 9:07:22 AM |
A life with risk on a regular basis, but for the most part, you experience true happiness. It's a state of being. Of course, there's always the risk that it could all go away, and then you would be very unhappy.
I'll take this option. Life IS a risk anyway, and everyday you wake up is a blessing. I have already been blessed with so much in my life anyway, and even though I am not currently in a relationship, I am happy for what I have in my life. The relationship will come in time. | |
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| Content vs. happy
Posted: 8/13/2008 10:00:02 AM | | To me, if you were always "content", at least in your context OP, then how would you ever know what real happiness truly is? I think to really know and appreciate true happiness, you have to have, at some point in your life, known what real unhappiness is, just to have a proper frame of reference. Emotions, both good and bad, are meant to be experienced in full. Otherwise you might as well be on one of those mood-altering drugs that are so overly prescribed in the US today, that evens you out and makes you walk thru life like an automaton. I personally will take the ups and the downs instead of a life lived along a flat line. | |
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| Content vs. happy
Posted: 8/13/2008 10:12:19 AM | Being free from unhappiness is the same as being happy. That's what un means. It means not. You could be not unhappy using double negatives, or content stating the positive, which would make me positively happy, or, not uncontent. Be careful though because incontinence is not a synonym for land not belonging to one of the continents. There are some remotely located islands that are not continents. The inhabitants are happy enough, content with not being incontinent. I know it is a generalization but for the sake of this discussion please accept it. Is a hair still a hair when it is split into tiny strands?
Just how much free time is too much? | |
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| Content vs. happy
Posted: 8/13/2008 10:13:32 AM | Before reading the other posts, your clarification included, I already had my answer and I didn't need to think twice or blink.
I would much rather have the true happiness with the threat of it going away than to be content indefinitely.
Life is about ups and down. You can't appreciate one without the other. If you're walking through your life being flat-line content you're not really living, you're existing.
I've done both and contentment isn't all it's cracked up to be.
EDIT: I "get" the question even if many others don't. *wink* | |
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| Content vs. happy
Posted: 8/13/2008 10:25:52 AM | I will pick ****Happy****** everytime.
Picture this: when you are 90 and sitting with an old body what do you want to remember about your life?
Do you want to secretly laugh as your remember the wonderfulness of your life..that you truely tried something, took the chance and it was good, really, really good...or do you want to be remembering well I coulda, woulda, and shoulda?
Rock n' roll baby, rock n' roll. | |
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| Content vs. happy
Posted: 8/13/2008 10:37:52 AM | | I disagree with the entire premise. I don't think you can have one without the other. For me happiness is being able to appreciate and find joy with what I have in the moment. In order to live in the moment a person must find contentment. 'Real' happines is an illusion created by Hollywood and sappy romance novels...the whole idea that everyday you need butterflies in your stomach from a romance and world travel for thrills is what's wrong with folks today. I completely disagree that being content also equates to low to no risk and that happiness equals adventure and risk...completely disagree. Find your inner peace and you'll find contentment and happiness. Nothing will stop you from jumping from an airplane, backpacking thru South America or jumping into a new and exciting relationship. Just my 2 cents. | |
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