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Show ALL Forums  > Ohio  > What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?      Home login  
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 grannybritches
Joined: 6/4/2008
Msg: 1
What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Each of us probably have little markers which define what level a relationship has reached. These markers can be major things like having sex or moving in together. For most people, these two are the definitive markers that a relationship has reached a high level.

But what about the smaller stages along the way? Such as knowing what color eyes a person has or what their favorite food is. Remembering their birthdays. Becoming familiar with the story of their life. Favorite songs and restaurants. You know, all those kind of personal informational and event milestones that draw the couple closer and closer.

Do you regard those smaller things as a gauge as to what level your relationship has attained?
 Fishie Out Of Water
Joined: 8/2/2007
Msg: 2
What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 8/14/2008 8:06:25 PM
Not breaking a date with someone is a huge marker!!
 *~*ChardyGirl*~*
Joined: 6/29/2007
Msg: 3
What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 8/15/2008 1:49:27 AM
One indication is when someone's seen you at your worst (whatever that may be.....) & they still love ya .................
 climbsagain
Joined: 1/20/2008
Msg: 4
What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 8/15/2008 3:54:36 AM
Oh the small things. Knowing a persons eye color, remembering things. For some folks the fact is the little things are not important period. The little things are not tied to the relationship. For some the little things are just that, the little things. Perhaps the key is knowing your limitations and avoiding people that cannot meet your expectations?
 Wavfact
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 5
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What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 8/15/2008 6:07:46 AM
Hmm.. ok, I'll open myself up for this one.. The main indicator for me is sex.. First time you make love, that is the marker for which no one else enters the picture after that.. I don't do one-nighters.. If I like a girl enough to make love to her, I plan to stay and see what progresses.. For me, sharing such an intimate moment together makes her mine!

Unfortunitly, I'm still singles.. :(
 countrytat
Joined: 2/1/2006
Msg: 6
What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 8/15/2008 8:15:15 AM
WOW... that was special Dennis...... i dont think many guys can say that.... Kudos to you!
 Wavfact
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 7
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What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 8/15/2008 9:25:38 AM
I thought I'd get flammed over that post! lol
 velvetroses
Joined: 7/8/2007
Msg: 8
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What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 8/15/2008 10:00:03 AM
Wavfact - I have to agree with Countrytat, WOW!! wish a lot of men would see it like you do.
 Diesel66
Joined: 4/16/2008
Msg: 9
What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 8/15/2008 11:13:45 AM

Such as knowing what color eyes a person has or what their favorite food is. Remembering their birthdays. Becoming familiar with the story of their life. Favorite songs and restaurants. You know, all those kind of personal informational and event milestones that draw the couple closer and closer.


well doc if all those small gauges are hit on the first date whats that say? maybe its a start in the right direction with what could be a great relationship?

dennis darlin, if anyone would flame you for that they need flamed.....its nice to see someone still doesn't judge if date #2 happens pending if sex is involved on date #1.
 eazk
Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 10
What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 8/15/2008 12:38:02 PM
To me...it's when you can have a disagreement with both people being fully secure that the disagreement is not going to escalate into something more negative.

Sex is obviously a good marker, but there are an amazing number of people looking for and willing to have sex on the first date. Frankly, if I don't want to get up and have breakfast together and spend the weekend together, remind me again of why I'm bothering?

Sex (to me) is about an emotional connection...but there are a lot of women who are willing to have sex long before they'll show you their basement. And by the time they do trot out some of those deeper emotions, they've already passed the commitment phase of themselves to another before they've fully shared of themselves...seen more relationships go down in flames because physical intimacy long preceded emotional intimacy.

 caringwithhumor
Joined: 7/10/2007
Msg: 11
What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 8/15/2008 5:02:30 PM
LOL...Welp first you better have a Harley to ride. Most here, that'd their first question if they even email you back. I never seen a place like this.
 grannybritches
Joined: 6/4/2008
Msg: 12
What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 8/15/2008 8:55:53 PM

thought I'd get flamed over that post!


Dennis, anybody that would flame you over that comment would only be showing their own ignorance. Hang in there! The right person will come along one of these days.


Sex (to me) is about an emotional connection...but there are a lot of women who are willing to have sex long before they'll show you their basement. And by the time they do trot out some of those deeper emotions, they've already passed the commitment phase of themselves to another before they've fully shared of themselves...seen more relationships go down in flames because physical intimacy long preceded emotional intimacy.


eazk, this is a very wise thing that you've written here. Women and men alike would do well to heed this advise. The problem is that we've pretty much been conditioned that physical intimacy is the only way to emotional intimacy when the whole package of emotional intimacy also involves intellectual compatibility, common interests, communication, age compatibility, and even doing housework together. I've often heard it said that the best foreplay is for the man to take out the trash without being asked. (I hear an "amen" on that out there in cyberspace.)

As far as those little things in life being a guide in defining a relationship's journey, I do need those little markers along the way to affirm where I am on the highway of love. I think it is the nature of women to be looking for those, but not necessarily important to men.
 *~*ChardyGirl*~*
Joined: 6/29/2007
Msg: 13
What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 8/15/2008 9:41:38 PM
Once again "eazk" has nailed it....

I dont think sex defines the depth of a relationship at all,coz as "e" said too many people are more than willing to have sex on the first date,so,where do you go from there.....................?
As "e" said,do you want to have breakfast with them in the morning? Coz for many,its a shag,then,onto the next one........

So,where's the intimacy?
The genuine interest in each other?
The excitement & anticipation in getting to know someone?
Where's the "quality"?

Dennis is obviously NOT one of those men.....

"eazk",wanna see my basement,now?
 avision4u
Joined: 1/9/2008
Msg: 14
What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 8/16/2008 4:38:29 AM
Well, I'm guessing, once again that basements don't define the depth of a relationship. I never tire of granny's search for answers to paradoxes. My answer would be akin to just two prerequisite questions. How deep can a hole be? How far is infinity?

So, the depth of a relationship is defined only by the limitations of the souls involved, as the mind has too many shortcomings.
 -kasie-
Joined: 7/25/2008
Msg: 15
What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 8/16/2008 5:29:12 AM

Hmm.. ok, I'll open myself up for this one.. The main indicator for me is sex.. First time you make love, that is the marker for which no one else enters the picture after that.. I don't do one-nighters.. If I like a girl enough to make love to her, I plan to stay and see what progresses.. For me, sharing such an intimate moment together makes her mine!

Unfortunitly, I'm still singles.. :(


Dennis I think your extremely wonderful just simply feeling that way. That makes you seperate and special

Sharon in answer to your question..
But what about the smaller stages along the way? Such as knowing what color eyes a person has or what their favorite food is. Remembering their birthdays. Becoming familiar with the story of their life. Favorite songs and restaurants. You know, all those kind of personal informational and event milestones that draw the couple closer and closer.


I feel that can be looked at in two ways. I can answer those questions about several of my men friends and have a deeper connection with our friendship. This does not mean that we sleep together. It only means that we have become so close and talked about so much that we have learned about one another. I don't want to have sex with someone, I want to make love to someone so that being said, I have to wait until I feel the DEPTH has been reached to cross that bridge. I too want to wake up and have breakfast with that person but not just once a week. Once we have reached that point, I suppose we have reached the depth.
 Fishie Out Of Water
Joined: 8/2/2007
Msg: 16
What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 8/16/2008 8:52:51 AM

I don't want to have sex with someone, I want to make love to someone

Too many people just don't get it... you can have sex with anyone. If there is no emotion invested in the person, that's all it will ever be! Jumping right into sex (or "test drive") will not make it evolve into a relationship. The test drive also will never let them know what it is to make love with this person.

Whatever happened to getting to know that you really want to be with someone (beyond just the "lust") before you make breakfast plans to restore your energy??
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 17
What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 8/19/2008 6:10:06 PM

Too many people just don't get it... you can have sex with anyone. If there is no emotion invested in the person, that's all it will ever be! Jumping right into sex (or "test drive") will not make it evolve into a relationship. The test drive also will never let them know what it is to make love with this person.


I have to disagree with that. As time goes by emotion does come into the sex if it was meant to be. It absolutely can evolve into a relationship. My boyfriend and I are living proof of that. What started out as wild and passionate sex with no ties to love has turned into something much deeper and meaningful and full of strong emotions. We definitely fell in love while enjoying sex. The good news is we still know how to have the wild stuff too since that's where it all began. The bad news is we can't do that when his kids are staying for the weekend (which will be starting soon).
 sher007
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 18
What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 8/20/2008 9:15:17 PM
hmm, well dennis, i guess we still have respect and more to come...maybe :)
 sher007
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 19
What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 8/20/2008 9:22:46 PM
Relationships are built on all levels, depending on the type of relationship you want with that person...you may remember eye color off the bat if you want more than friendship....remembering birthdays develops with time for all relationships....all the stuff in between is just getting to know someone better. Moving in or sex...well that should be it...no one else should be invloved in that relationship, friends may stay as just that...friends. Stages along the way develop as mile markers do on the highway..you notice them and keep going, or you hit the median for a uturn.
 1Just4Forums
Joined: 8/16/2008
Msg: 20
What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 8/21/2008 5:39:35 AM

If I like a girl enough to make love to her, I plan to stay and see what progresses.. For me, sharing such an intimate moment together makes her mine!


Definitely not flaming the poster...All women like the concept. However, seems to me if the woman stated that ownership of the man begins at the time of sex, she would definitely get flamed.

As to the question - There are many milestones in building a relationship. One of the markers I look for is - when one inidcates a need, does the other person show an interest and/or do they try to help without expecting a payback - possibly not even wanting a thankyou . IMO Relationships should be a flowing of caring for each other at a practical level. Without that, there is not a deep friendship.
 Diesel66
Joined: 4/16/2008
Msg: 21
What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 8/21/2008 8:31:04 AM
Here is an interesting thought. I found a book this week on soul searching. In one section regarding self beauty.

This girl met a guy and he seemed very nice. They shared a lot of good times together so she put him up for the final test. She took laxitives, filled the pots full of yes her sh!t
for a week. By the time of their next date she greeted him at the door and he asked to see his date. She told him it was her. He did not believe this because the beautiful girl he had been dating now stood there pale, dark circles and skin hanging on bones. She gave him his choice of being with the girl who he met or the beauty he met. The beauty being the smelly stuff in the pots!

I guess the moral of the story is you can meet all those markers yet is it truly pure or material!
 DesertFox3
Joined: 8/6/2005
Msg: 22
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What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 8/21/2008 8:44:47 AM
Inspiring, especially coming from you Diesel
 Diesel66
Joined: 4/16/2008
Msg: 23
What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 8/21/2008 8:55:33 AM
Well DF what can I say I've been doin some deep soul searching as of late! You didn't know I had it in me did ya! LOL

I've learned relationships can be based on many levels. You can take it slow or fast but until you touch every aspect you just don't know if its real or not. Great sex is nice but it can't be the only thing holding a relationship together.

Get to know your partner from the inside out! Looking at things from the outside does not give you the whole picture.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 24
What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 8/21/2008 1:29:12 PM

I've learned relationships can be based on many levels. You can take it slow or fast but until you touch every aspect you just don't know if its real or not. Great sex is nice but it can't be the only thing holding a relationship together.


That really is the key. We made points to explore all levels of the relationship and found we both wanted to build on everything. Honestly it wasn't the actual plan the first week but it's turned into something amazing.
 DesertFox3
Joined: 8/6/2005
Msg: 25
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What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 8/21/2008 3:34:43 PM

Well DF what can I say I've been doin some deep soul searching as of late! You didn't know I had it in me did ya! LOL

Don't worry, it'll pass soon!
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