| Friends?? or More??
Posted: 8/17/2008 6:07:51 PM | | I have a guy friend who is divorced and is pretty much a "player" in my eyes....no relationships...just sex... But, this guy told me he really enjoys my company and hanging out with me...he says he puts me "on a different level" than his "other girlss"...he hugs me every time he sees me and either hugs me or kisses me on the lips when we say goodbye. He calls me all the time....I get mixed signals or am i just reading too much into this??? I'm the one he calls at 9 a.m. to go eat breakfast with him(after he has slept with someone else), i'm the one he wants to go the movies with....i have a lot of his daytime hours....just not the one he sleeps with. Ok guys...please advise... | |
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| Friends?? or More??
Posted: 8/17/2008 6:08:50 PM | | Run away quickly lest you fall for his bullshit.Hes totally playing you. | |
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Posted: 8/17/2008 6:11:18 PM | | why would he want to spend his time with someone he wasn't interested in??? doesn't make a whole lot of sense....you're probably right... | |
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Posted: 8/17/2008 6:14:25 PM | Had this happen too. The man told me I was "different" than anyone else. Well, guess what? I found out (the hard way) I was no different than anone else! He must be telling every woman he meets they're "different" and they are "the one." (He told me that too.) He was a real player. Ugh!
I don't know if your guy is as bad as the man I met, but you already KNOW he's a player, so be careful! | |
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| Friends?? or More??
Posted: 8/17/2008 6:17:23 PM | Why spend time with you??
You're a challenge (for now) and players love challenges.
He'll eventually get around to sex.
Once the thrill of the challenge wears off, he'll be off looking for his next "challenge." Sex, I might add, will only hasten it. Be careful! | |
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| Friends?? or More??
Posted: 8/17/2008 6:21:06 PM | Even a player needs friends with whom he can just spend time with on a casual and social level.
You may be looking into this a bit much; the real question is do you feel you could continue on this path with him should you find a stable relationship and continue to just have a friendship with this gent, or are you looking and hoping that you and he may continue this into a growing relationship?
A porn star has sex all day, and gets paid for it; yet most of them have very stable and long lasting relationships. There is fun/work and then there is a relationship. | |
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| Friends?? or More??
Posted: 8/17/2008 6:29:00 PM | I don't see mixed signals really, just that he does not want a serious relationship, has too much respect for you to just sleep with you, and wants you as a friend. Unless you have feelings for him, consider it a good thing that a man wants you as a friend and not just for sex! and if you do have feelings for him, then you two need to talk it out.
Steve :) | |
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| Friends?? or More??
Posted: 8/17/2008 6:36:39 PM | | thanks...i like the way you think...a guess a small piece of me would like a "relationship"...but not necessarily with him...all guys want these days seems to be "sex"...with no strings attached...and thats why i'm still single...i guess thats why i question his motives...because it makes me wonder why he doensn't want to "just have sex" with me? When a guy doesn't make any sexual moves sometimes it makes me wonder is there something wrong with me? lol | |
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| Friends?? or More??
Posted: 8/17/2008 6:51:45 PM | | LOL....I was having a friendly conversation with a local woman last night about this. She complains the men she meets want sex right away, and when they don't, she wonders whats wrong with her! Best thing to do I think, is not to look past what it is, don't try and read into it, don't wonder whats going to happen next, and don't try to figure him out. Chances are, you won't. If your enjoying the current relationship you have with him, then enjoy it while it lasts. But do it on your terms. | |
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| Friends?? or More??
Posted: 8/17/2008 7:07:26 PM | You're just friends, keep it as such. Friends are a great thing to have in life but don't kid yourself that this is something more. Hugs are fine, kisses on the lips are not. Keep it as friends and whatever you do don't stop dating other guys. Keep your attention where it needs to be.... on your own happiness. He may eventually turn out to be a great guy who wants to settle down and be with just one women but you can't count on that nor should you be waiting for it.. there's POF in the sea :)
Best of luck with everything.
- Dyna. | |
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| Friends?? or More??
Posted: 8/17/2008 8:51:06 PM | | OP: He's analyzed you, and determined this is the best strategy to play you with. It's the classic 'slow game' approach. He can tell you have identified him as a player, so his only real option is to lower your defenses; how better to do this than to show no sexual interest in you. He is blatant about being a player, but you start to associate his being a player with other women, not yourself. Once you believe he isn't going to play you, it's advantage player. | |
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wolftx
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Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 12 | |
| Friends?? or More??
Posted: 8/17/2008 9:52:51 PM |
because it makes me wonder why he doensn't want to "just have sex" with me?
Man, that is a darn good player. Busy as a rabbit, and the lady on the backburner wants to pick a number. Well, have you already signed the eligibility form for picking a number? He's not THAT easy, you know...
Seriously, I'd think twice about kissing him on the lips, if he just came from another woman (and another and another). You don't need to kiss to be friends.
His motivation? You must make a mean breakfast. | |
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Posted: 8/17/2008 11:30:20 PM | player is a player done don't ask questions go with your instinct. | |
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Posted: 8/17/2008 11:36:56 PM |
player is a player done don't ask questions go with your instinct.
Ha...I was just going to say that...a playa is a playa...so long as he's sleeping with other several women and just hanging out with you...you're just a buddy...and he hangs with you because he likes your company and there's no threat of you wanting a "relationship" after being intimate with someone :) | |
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| Friends?? or More??
Posted: 8/18/2008 1:56:05 AM | IMO this behavior is more like "having your cake and eating it too." He basically gets the validation of having a relationship (with you) yet still enjoys myriad sexual partners.
In a traditional sense this is unfair to everyone but him. You do not get the physical aspect of the relationship, and the women he pumps and dumps have no hope for the emotional aspect, as that is reserved for you. Instead of looking for one person to commit to and seek to fulfill all of his needs (and possibly fulfilling theirs) he has outsourced to multiple people.
This basically means he never has to face his insecurities, fears, or grow as a person so much as simply find replacements when one component calls him on his sh*t or expects more from him as a human being.
The danger in this is that it will generally affect your dating life (if you have or desire one) in the future as well as it is possible you may start behaving the same way. You may turn to him for emotional support (since you've known each other for so long and he is such a great friend), thereby cutting out communication or emotional development with the person you are dating. | |
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| Friends?? or More??
Posted: 8/18/2008 2:20:21 AM | OP: There is yet another possible explanation... he's setting you up to be the one who 'reforms him'. Basically, it's another way to play you... luring you into believing that if you initiate a relationship with him that that will cause him to 'see the light' and stop being a player.
Seriously, watch out. | |
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| Friends?? or More??
Posted: 8/18/2008 4:39:10 AM | If I had to guess Georgia - I'd say your closer to his age or experience and he finds it easier and more comfortable to be with you when he wants genuine female companionship. Don't be fooled though - he wants to sleep with you too, but he's afraid to get tied in because of your old fashioned values where sex is linked to some stronger form of commitment. He also sounds like a bit of a creep. He sleeps with other women, then a few hours later takes you to breakfast to tell you about his conquests?
Good luck... | |
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| Friends?? or More??
Posted: 8/18/2008 10:59:09 AM | You're so cute. He's a lucky guy to have found you
If I was he, I'd bang you just to let you know I love you too since it's obviously important to you.
mixed signals...no...you're getting exact signals. It's the women he's baning who get the mixed signals.
You obviously want him...player or not so just be open with him. accept the fact you share him and let him talk about the other women who's bed he just climbed out of.
You'll win in the end because 99% of the women who read this or who are in his life could ever deal or love him for who he actually is. | |
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| Friends?? or More??
Posted: 8/18/2008 12:30:35 PM | | Your going to be suckered. And your probibly going to sleep with him. Then he's going to give you some line about how he isn't into relationships/doesn't want anything serious or some such bs. Its a classic player trick to keep you hanging on for a second time. | |
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| Friends?? or More??
Posted: 8/18/2008 12:49:01 PM | I'd stop spending so much time with him. I have a guy that I went out with for a few months, and 4 years later is still in and out of my life. Tells me he's never felt this way about anyone, yet can't be with me. Calls me when he needs a friend.
Its easy to say you can be just friends, but the liklihood is that you'll develop feelings for him and he may not.
Its harder when that happens, belive me I know. | |
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| Friends?? or More??
Posted: 8/19/2008 1:10:00 AM | Oh, he wants to be more than friends. Friends with benefits, is the phrase, I believe. He likes you because you're not an easy catch. A player likes the thrill of the hunt.
At the same time, he probably DOES have some genuine interest in you growing -- but don't bank on the fact that it's a bed of roses by any stretch. It's only on the somewhat believable scale because he's chasing you (for fresh meat - lol).
It sounds like you're battling with the idea to sleep with him, but you want the go-ahead that it'd be okay? You don't want to feel dirty -- hence believing that he's wildly & genuinely into you, will make it not seem so bad?
Hey, if you're scared of developing feelings, distance yourself from him. You cannot bet a penny on the fact that he's REALLY into you. You're friends. At best, you'd get a solid friends w/ benefits, and if that's something you feel you need right now, and you're 100% sure you're not going to develop any romantic attachment, go for it. Otherwise, back away! | |
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| Friends?? or More??
Posted: 8/19/2008 5:16:57 AM | Dahlin', you're playing the girlfriend role for him, so he doesn't have to rely on his targets to do with him all the intimacy he craves. He gets the ego stroke of conquesting, and gets you for everything else.
Decide--firmly--what exactly you want from him. Write it down. That way you don't get hurt when it all goes someplace you didn't want to be. | |
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| Friends?? or More??
Posted: 8/19/2008 7:41:15 AM | Think of it like playing Texas Hold em: He knows he has a good hand and he is slow playing it waiting for the river so you will commit yourself before he goes all in.
In other words, he thinks he can have you at any time, but he is waiting for you to make your move so that after he gets you, he can say "It was your idea!" | |
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Posted: 8/27/2008 5:18:43 PM | | Gnuru, brilliant comment on outsourcing. What an insight! | |
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| Friends?? or More??
Posted: 8/27/2008 5:42:57 PM | Player,player,player! Now say it with me: Player,player,player. Keep chanting that everytime you see him. It will start to really sink in after awhile.lol. | |
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