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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > A lot of women don't like sex?      Home login  
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 x_file
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 1
A lot of women don't like sex?Page 1 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
I have been reading the forums on regular basis for some time now it has come to my attention that many women, deep down, seem to hate sex or if not sex, something about the sexual act. Perhaps some of you ladies can clarify. It is embarrassment? Do you find sex degrading? It is fear? Is it social conditioning?

Way too often I hear women use the phrases, "give sex" and "allow sex" instead of "had sex" or "enjoyed sex". Something is very wrong when someone uses "allow" or "give" to describe something they claim they like. No one says "I like basketball. I'm going to allow some basketball!"

I've also heard a woman say, and I'm quoting, "If I give my body, I might as well get paid for it". She was talking about having sex with guys she didn't like very much. It had nothing to do with prostitution or anything related.

Gianna Lynn was once asked by a reporter, "What do you love and what do you hate about being a porn star?", and she answered, "I like the fact that we get paid to have sex".

Of all the answers she could have gave, she choose that particular one. She could have easily said, "I enjoy sex, and I can't believe I'm getting paid to have sex".

In addition to all this, I have heard endless accounts of, "I find him attractive, I like him, but I wouldn't have sex with him!" Once at club a friend said that to me so I said to her, "Okay, you can just make out with him". She replied, "I want it to be special". An hour later she made out with a random girl. She wasn't a lesbian.

Ladies, if you like sex, as many of you claim to, wouldn't you want to have sex as often as you feel like it?
 InternetRFunny
Joined: 8/9/2008
Msg: 2
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A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/18/2008 9:24:00 PM
I've been reading the forums for a little while too. But I get a totally different message. It's not the sex women are afraid of and avoiding... it's the motivation behind the sex. Women tend to enjoy sex when they are more emotionally attached to their partner. But this attachment is often optional for men. So from our point of view, we are always wondering whether a man shares that attachment or not.

When a woman judges wrong, you can find the results on these forums. They have sex, and then the man leaves/disappears. Try to imagine what that feels like. It hasn't happened to me, but I can figure out that it doesn't feel good.

Of course these are generalizations, but the most common scenario I've seen.
 MissEmpress
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 3
A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/18/2008 9:25:58 PM
Sex for men and women is very different socially as well as I guess naturally.

Women like sex but for societal reasons cannot engage in it freely or in the same way that men can.

Also,more practically when a woman has sex someone is coming into her body (no pun intended)...I think that is a lot more personal when you think about it. Also naturally... we are the child bearers and while yes men and women produce children and the responsibility *should* be on both, in reality if a man wants to up and leave he can. A woman can't just separate herself from the fetus unless she gets an abortion, and even then getting an abortion is going to affect her body and her mind. Because of the make up of a woman's body/vagina as well, we are more susceptible to STDs. With that being said we have to be more responsible when it comes unto sex so maybe that is why women have the attitude they do. But most of us like or love sex .
 InternetRFunny
Joined: 8/9/2008
Msg: 4
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A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/18/2008 9:30:22 PM
MissEmpress hits on some great points too. Agree with all she said.
 eazk
Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 5
A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/18/2008 9:48:16 PM
REALLY!!! WHERE???

Hey...maybe the problem is, they don't like sex with you...or with the last 17 jerkoffs who sent them vids of their d1cks before the learned the girl's name. Maybe they think it would be sexy to be truly desired than just be considered a piece of meat for someone else's pleasure.

Personally, I've absolutely not had that problem...of course, I also don't message women that are in that amount of pain in their profiles. But if you focus in the right direction, this is never a problem.

 x_file
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 6
A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/18/2008 10:06:19 PM

So from our point of view, we are always wondering whether a man shares that attachment or not.


I have noticed that. You're right. But I don't understand. Why is attachment so important to women? And more importantly, why is attachment so important to women for sex?



When a woman judges wrong, you can find the results on these forums. They have sex, and then the man leaves/disappears. Try to imagine what that feels like.


I've have read and heard enough testimonials, I know. But I don't understand.



Women like sex but for societal reasons cannot engage in it freely or in the same way that men can.


Besides the obvious the name calling/labeling, what are some of those reasons? And why are you women listening to those reasons?



Also naturally... we are the child bearers and while yes men and women produce children and the responsibility *should* be on both, in reality if a man wants to up and leave he can.


I understand. But I'm not really talking about having children. I'm talking about having sex, and nothing more.

Not every sexual act results in children... birth control pills and condoms, if you used in combination, virtually eliminate any change of a woman getting pregnant.



Because of the make up of a woman's body/vagina as well, we are more susceptible to STDs.


Can a woman get an STD by having sex with a guy who does not have an STD? I'm sure the answer is "No", but I rather ask anyway.
 InternetRFunny
Joined: 8/9/2008
Msg: 7
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A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/18/2008 10:14:29 PM
I have noticed that. You're right. But I don't understand. Why is attachment so important to women? And more importantly, why is attachment so important to women for sex?


This is like asking why attachment ISN'T important to men. I don't understand that either.

You can chalk it up to nature, if you so choose. Go read about evolution and natural selection. Women who wait for mutual attachment end up with a man who will stick around and help raise the babies, thus furthering the woman's genes and furthering the next generation's preference for mutual attachment. Women who have sex with just anybody have less of a chance of that male sticking around, and so her babies have less of a chance to live, and so in the next generation there will be fewer women who have sex with just anybody.
 x_file
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 8
A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/18/2008 10:34:39 PM


This is like asking why attachment ISN'T important to men. I don't understand that either.


I'm not sure that's actually true. There have been enough posts by men on these forums who miss their lady friend which makes me question your claim. It might be that attachment isn't important to men for sex, but I doubt that's the case when it comes to a long term relationships.



You can chalk it up to nature, if you so choose. Go read about evolution and natural selection.


I have read Darwin.



Women who wait for mutual attachment end up with a man who will stick around and help raise the babies, thus furthering the woman's genes and furthering the next generation's preference for mutual attachment. Women who have sex with just anyone have less of a chance of that male sticking around, and so her babies have less of a chance to live, and so in the next generation there will be fewer women who have sex with just anybody.


That would be, in a nutshell, Darwin's explanation. But I'm not talking about having sex for babies, I'm talking about having sex for pleasure. How many people actually go in the bed room thinking, "I'm doing this strictly for a baby"?
 InternetRFunny
Joined: 8/9/2008
Msg: 9
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A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/18/2008 10:41:48 PM
That would be, in a nutshell, Darwin's explanation. But I'm not talking about having sex for babies, I'm talking about having sex for pleasure. How many people actually go in the bed room thinking, "I'm doing this strictly for a baby"?


A person can't just "decide" to throw off thousands of years of said natural selection just because logic says he/she should. If that was possible, everyone would have way fewer problems, because everyone would be logical all the time. Whether the sex is for pleasure or for babies, most women including myself feel a need (lets call it instinctual?) for emotional attachment from both parties. That's just how it is. -.- I'm sure many woman would turn this feeling off if they could. They try. From what I've seen, it just always ends up coming back to bite them.

edit; There's also the issue of the male usually being more powerful physically. There has to be a certain amount of trust involved in letting a larger, stronger person make you vulnerable...
 x_file
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 10
A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/18/2008 11:01:21 PM


Whether the sex is for pleasure or for babies, most women including myself feel a need (lets call it instinctual?) for emotional attachment from both parties. That's just how it is.


In other words, the desire/need for emotional attachment in women is greater than the desire/need for sex, right?
 brunettemiss01
Joined: 7/31/2008
Msg: 11
A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/18/2008 11:17:09 PM
Personally I love making love to someone I love and care for and having sex with them when in a relationship. It's an expression of feelings, passion, desire and love and it's healthy, natural, and normal. I'm all for it.
 snjbeach
Joined: 7/14/2008
Msg: 12
A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/19/2008 12:52:05 AM
xfile,

"In other words, the desire/need for emotional attachment in women is greater than the desire/need for sex, right?"

I'd say that's about right. My mom has always taught me that women need to feel loved to make love and men need to make love to feel loved. I don't think of sex as a flippant thing that someone should do just to do. I'll admit, my opinion differs even from a lot of other women. But, in general, women are much more selective when it comes to sex. It doesn't mean that we don't enjoy it. It just means that we don't enjoy it with "just anybody". I hope that makes at least a little bit of sense.

The fact is that men and women are made differently and you probably won't understand a lot of things that a woman thinks/does. Just like women don't understand a lot of things that men say/do. Once you learn to accept that, your life will be much easier
 imsophie1
Joined: 4/12/2008
Msg: 13
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A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/19/2008 4:17:27 AM
I think the biggest problem is the differences between men and women mentally and emotionally. These are differences that we, as a species, will most likely never find a solution for. I heard something once that says it all:

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
 Spoken For
Joined: 12/26/2007
Msg: 14
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A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/19/2008 4:26:16 AM
I do like it, and I have it as often as I feel like it.
 2mybaby
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 15
A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/19/2008 4:55:30 AM
I believe it's like many of our original personality traits learned with childhood beliefs and later from real life-risk experiences. I think parental and family orientation towards sex has alot to do with ones sexual happiness. It's either right and valued highly or maybe they were taught it isn't. Religon gets in the mix, too. Biologically, anyone should enjoy it.

People expecting it to feel good will feel good persuing it together. A healthy sex life makes many people feel richer and happier , too.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 16
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A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/19/2008 4:56:14 AM
For some, sex is a conquest, thus the term, "giving" or "got some", as many men use.

For some women, the dislike isn't the sex at all--they love pleasure just as much as any man--its the d*ckhead at the end of the d!ck they feel they have to put up with in order to get some physical pleasure in life.

also, consider what a woman can go thru--she can get pregnant, be labeled a slut if she doesn't enjoy it "right", etc. Would you enjoy sex if the breakage of a condom changes your life totally, for the next 18 years?
 aspiring_angel
Joined: 1/25/2006
Msg: 17
A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/19/2008 5:10:45 AM
In two words: Inconsiderate lovers.

Many women have experienced men "using them" or not being considerate and making it all about male pleasure. They've experienced "players" and men who view them as "conquests" but lie and state they want LTR. This explains *some* women's poor attitude toward sex, especially when you consider that we were raised differently than males.

If you give it up too soon...
If you 'allow' yourself to be played...
If you have multiple partners = slut...
Only trashy girls (fill in the blank)...

Anyway, the story is an old one. Much of this places blame on the female, not the male and women live with the consequences much more than the males. (single mom, bad reputations, etc.)

My two cents.

I personally have a wonderful mate and he is very considerate and obliging.
 wolftx
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 18
A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/19/2008 5:16:38 AM
OP: I think you have a point here, although it is not about enjoying sex. Some women say "give", "allow", "let him use my body", "let him get some", etc. as if it was some kind of reward. Some women also say "I deserve", "treat me like I am supposed to", "I gave in", etc. again as if they had done the guy a favor just for being around him. I say they need to get off their high horses. For example, I don't like the term that the man is 'getting laid' - I always say I am the one doing the laying. Such use of the language perpetuates the old 'all women are princesses and all men are pigs'. Like I am supposed to be thankfully inching forward on my knees when a woman shows interest? Not happening.

But other than the semantics, I bet that the majority of women enjoys sex. Some too much. They have become just like men - disgusting.
 spicynicegirl
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 19
A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/19/2008 5:17:51 AM
I like sex but I just haven't found a man, since my divorce, that I would like to have it with .............call me fussy I don't care
 JustMary65
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 20
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A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/19/2008 6:09:43 AM
I enjoy sex alot-and if I have the opportunity to have sexual intercourse I'm not going to say-'no'! I think that SOME women don't like sex unless their is a true emotional connection to the man they desire to be intimate with. Each person has their own spin on sex and sexuality. Saddly, stereotypes, though most lame, haunt some women and they tend to hold back their sexual desires to project the image of a lady at all times. I know, even though some would say women should be sexually open and free wind up being labeled 'ho's' simply because they enjoy sex.

To be frank-some men 'date' ( pay for dinner, movies, what have you) in hopes said 'date' will end in sex. So, in essense isn't he indirectly 'paying' for sex? I mean I've heard the term 'why pay for the cow when you can get the milk for free' which makes me laugh. Sex, for some is a comodity in which they use to get things-and it's not a gender specific thing either. But that doesn't mean that a lot of women don't like sex, more so I think they want to have sex on EQUAL terms.

Sex is pleasurable most often with the person you choose to be with and equally better when you do have feelings for that person. As long as I'm able I certainly hope I'll always be able to enjoy sins of the flesh. Sex isn't dirty-just some people's minds are..lol.
 Leeanne
Joined: 10/14/2005
Msg: 21
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A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/19/2008 6:24:02 AM
OP I don't know where you get that from at all - 'cause I have seen and feel totaly the opposite! Sex has to be one of the most enjoyable things on the planet!!
 smilinpixie
Joined: 7/9/2008
Msg: 22
A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/19/2008 7:07:55 AM
You can add me to the LOVE IT side.... but yes it does need to be with the right person. As others have stated... I think those who aren't enjoying it, is due to the partner they are with, not the actual act. Ask those in an unhappy marriage and they will repsond like it is a chore, ask those in a happy, loving relationship and they still very much love it!
 Desdemona00
Joined: 6/6/2008
Msg: 23
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A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/19/2008 7:18:19 AM
Women want to change the world, NOW, not for future generations but for us. So women try to ignore, all the chemicals that give off the lovey dovey feeling, and have and "He got his, and I got mine".

We can change the world, but we can't change how men think, many men will take sex as a gift, but leave the woman behind, if she is free with herself to soon. How hard do you think it would be, if when you had sex with a woman you had to wonder if your value had just gone down a notch.

Tell me you're a free thinking man, I don't care, from what I've seen with my own two eyes, men want something to call their own and when a woman gives up, yes gives up the goods he then wonders, "If I can get it, get it", I know others can.

And for all you enlightened men out there good for you, but you don't live where I live and the truth is most men that have the "sex on the first date" don't change how I feel, are not the kind of men most women go for, sorry. You are the nice guys and your key don't get the engine revving like the bad boy does. So women enjoy sex, they just wanna hold out if they like a man cause they want to give his most desired illusion, "that he is special, and 500 guys didn't get it already".
 BaldyisBeautiful
Joined: 3/28/2008
Msg: 24
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A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/19/2008 7:59:25 AM
Wow, which forums have you been reading, cause I don't get that impression at all!

Of course, I only search for forums with the titles: "I want your bod," "How kinky can you get," and "Do me anal" so my perspective might be skewed!
 Amy32223
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 25
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A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/19/2008 8:19:44 AM
I love sex which is exactly why I don't have sex outside of a relationship.
When two people are in a committed relationship they have the opportunity/responsibility/motivation to learn what pleasures their partner.
The situations you describe are obviously people "hooking up" rather than those in a LTR.
I believe that in most cases, men who are not interested in being with a women for more than a one night stand, are also not interested in making sure she "comes" away from the experience fulfilled.
For a man, you know that you are going to reach your ultimate goal of orgasm when you have sex.
You are in control of how quickly it happens for you as well as being responsible for weather she also has the opportunity for orgasm.
Enjoying sex, for a women doesn't mean enjoying it every time. A man who is a selfish lover can make sure that a women capable of multiple Os ends the evening having none.
These are the circumstances that lead to a woman feeling used and will make her refer to sex as a "let him" or "gave him" situation. She didn't say "enjoyed sex" because she didn't enjoy it.
Having bad sex will tend to make you not want to have sex.
To use your sports analogy... The most talented baseball player will not enjoy playing if his teammates don't care enough to play well and try to win the game. If you don't enjoy the game you may not want to play as often.
As for your porn star quote, perhaps she believes that her performances are convincing enough that she doesnt need to tell the viewers how much she enjoys sex. Maybe you should cut her some slack. There's a big difference between being good at oral and being eloquent.
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