| Did I get what I deserved
Posted: 8/18/2008 10:47:59 PM | | I live in my boyfriends house. We've been together 1 year. We got in a fight and I thought he told me to get the out of his house, so that night after work I did. I thought we just needed some space to cool off and think. He called some woman that was in his work that day and goes and has sex with her that night. Confesses to me the next day. We are back trying to make the relationship work. We got in a little arguement tonight and he told me that night I got what I deserved (him having sex with another woman). If a man truly loves a woman how could he say something like this? | |
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| Did I get what I deserved
Posted: 8/18/2008 10:56:07 PM | No, I don't think you got what you deserved.
Shades of Ross and Rachel---did you ever say to him that you were "on a break"? | |
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| Did I get what I deserved
Posted: 8/18/2008 10:56:20 PM | | Shouldn't the question be "If a man truly loves a woman, how could he sleep with someone else?"????? | |
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| Did I get what I deserved
Posted: 8/18/2008 11:00:39 PM | I wonder -- do you believe it's true? You were very quick to go back to him, it seems, so it looks as though you have accepted his behaviour as being reasonable at some level. Maybe he's trying to make you admit that so that when you "get into little arguments" you'll stop bringing it up (I'm guessing that you were the one to bring up that topic, weren't you?).
People can say pretty much anything when they are sufficiently hurt/upset -- they are just in fight mode and trying to hurt you back. It's not about what they believe is true, it's about what they think might hurt you and stop you from your assault on them.
You really should not be getting into this place with your partner or pushing him into it. I don't think the two of you are suited, but if you have no self-control and think that arguments are a healthy part of a relationship then perhaps you could go on a course or read a book together to learn how to limit your arguing and gain some self-control and understanding of what is really going on when you argue. | |
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| Did I get what I deserved
Posted: 8/18/2008 11:16:49 PM |
Shouldn't the question be "If a man truly loves a woman, how could he sleep with someone else?"?????
You would like to think so, but for many the answer would sadly be "easily." | |
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| Did I get what I deserved
Posted: 8/18/2008 11:17:08 PM | You thought he told you to get out?
It just sounds like it's over. Definitely shouldn't go back to him, that's just giving him permission to screw around on you any time you fight.
Move on. | |
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| Did I get what I deserved
Posted: 8/18/2008 11:18:06 PM | Omg...........you're 46 --- i was expecting to see that you were a teenager.
If you really have to ask this Q, its a worry.................: (
And,NO,"Renman",no person "deserves " this sort of treatment,male or female,no matter what they've done !!
Jmo............
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| Did I get what I deserved
Posted: 8/18/2008 11:19:19 PM | | If he had sex with another woman on the account the that you had a "fight" -- you need to go your separate ways. | |
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| Did I get what I deserved
Posted: 8/18/2008 11:28:45 PM |
and I never had a twinge of conscience about it.
"Ren",from what ive read of your posts,doesn't surprise me.....
This thread just tells me that SOME men cant go 5 mins without a woman........
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| Did I get what I deserved
Posted: 8/18/2008 11:32:00 PM | | If a man truly loves you have could he have done somthing like that just being a part one nite ????? CHERRIE. | |
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| Did I get what I deserved
Posted: 8/18/2008 11:33:19 PM | ~OP~ There is a very thick line between right and wrong and that is just wrong (I'd be happy to recant my opinion if he's willing to post his side of this story and it isn't as you state.)  | |
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| Did I get what I deserved
Posted: 8/18/2008 11:38:18 PM | I think that if there is a fight, and as a result of that fight the parties spend the night apart, there should be an expectation, if reconciliation is in the cards, that banging someone else is a deliberately destructive act. If he's "done" with the relationship, fine. But it seems he's not. And while it might be possible to recover from this, what this thread is REALLY about is this man pretending that he was in the right and she "deserved" it for god's sake. For this woman to buy into THAT mythology-- that her boyfriend wasn't doing anything wrong--she might as well simply say to him, "walk all over me baby, I don't mind, as long as you come back."
Just my 2 cents.
One or the other of them, feels that it's an appropriate strategy, in an argument, to imperil the relationship, to, in effect, end it for a time, over an argument. To me, that's not acceptable.
You are missing the part where he told her to leave--although somehow he's managed to make her question whether she "really" heard that (lmao). And walking away from a heated situation is not always imperiling a relationship. Sometimes it's protecting a relationship, from the destructiveness that can come from a battle.
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| Did I get what I deserved
Posted: 8/18/2008 11:39:40 PM | | He is not taking any responsiblity for his own bad behavior. You have not seen the worst of him yet. Move on ... immediately. | |
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| Did I get what I deserved
Posted: 8/18/2008 11:41:46 PM | "Ren", i beg to differ & still stand by what i said in my last post..
If you read the Op's thread,you'll read that they'd been together a year & the night they had a fight & he told her to leave,he fukced another woman !!
THAT VERY SAME NIGHT.
As to why Op is back there again with him,trying to make it work,i have NO idea.
I wouldnt be. | |
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| Did I get what I deserved
Posted: 8/18/2008 11:44:06 PM | | Just remember you have no controll over any one else.Yo only can controll your seft.He;ll have to live with himseft.You be the better person ok? You did nothing wrong.No he got what he deserved,He got you where you will never trust him again .What other people does is not your fault.Only you controll you .If it had not happen that nite,It was bound to happen.It was just a matter of time .When he did have sex with that other woman he probally new right then what he had at a home a good woman [You]So when he told you .He probally was felt guilt.So he;s got to get the heat off of him and blame some one else for his mistake.Tell him he knows right from wrong and he is the blame cause no one can controll him but him.He the blame .Hope every thing works out for you .But remember once a cheater is always a cheater!!! CHERRIE. | |
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| Did I get what I deserved
Posted: 8/18/2008 11:44:45 PM | I understand the concept of tit for tat, I.E. if you slept with someone then he would
want to sleep with someone to make things "even". The thing is, that's just plain
stupid. In any case, do you rally believe that the guy can just whistle up a normal
girl to have sex with without there being some kind of prior relationship?
Unless you specifically agree to an "open" relationship where both parties are
happy and not just accepting it, it's not a healthy situation. There are just too many
good reasons for monogamy based on a relationship. Things like getting pregnant
and the potential for STD's amoung the most obvious. Emotional issues that can
also arrise are less obvious, but no less a factor.
A person that cheats on you once, barring some sort of extraordinary set of
circumstances, say being under the influence of some kind of drug that removed
judgment (and then you need to figure out how that was allowed to happen) it's
pretty much a done deal. Sorry. It sucks, no one ever wants to hear it, but it's
true. | |
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| Did I get what I deserved
Posted: 8/18/2008 11:49:59 PM | an immature approach!
id not be with a man like that - ever
if you have a fight and you need time to separate your thoughts from action then that is the best way- of course
but no man onor woman woman should go and have sexwith another
what about the poor girl he used?
does she know hes not technically free
she may not care but even that is not healthy for her
yuk yuk yuk all around
dump his sorry bum and go get a real man who will love you sweetly
never ever accept this behaviour | |
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| Did I get what I deserved
Posted: 8/18/2008 11:55:42 PM | no way are you 46!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
maybe i dont believe him then
hes what//same age? surely please GOd NOOOOOO- surely surely everyone grows up when theyre 40!!!!!! | |
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| Did I get what I deserved
Posted: 8/19/2008 12:00:45 AM | | He obviously doesn't love you and I'm at a loss as to why you don't realize this. Your relationship is effectively over - he cheated and is blaming you for it and is shoving it right in your face. | |
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| Did I get what I deserved
Posted: 8/19/2008 12:10:35 AM | He runs to get a booty call just because you had a fight? Confession or not, I wouldn’t be so quick to forgive. What’s going to happen the next time you have a fight? Or will there be no more arguments. You’ll walk around in silence, not being heard because your to afraid to speak you mind in fear he’ll run into the arms of another women?
He said “You got what you deserved”? This man is mentally abusive. Should you decide to stay and put up with this crapola, then I’ll have to say then I agree with him. Your to old and should be to wise to be tolerating this.
I’d be saying see ya, and run like I was on fire from this one. | |
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| Did I get what I deserved
Posted: 8/19/2008 12:24:18 AM | | No he wouldn't...trust me when they tell you to leave it's a power issue...and it'll keep on happening..if he's so fast to move on and have a romp with another then i wouldn't stick around IMO | |
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| Did I get what I deserved
Posted: 8/19/2008 12:25:49 AM | | I didn't read all of the posts....sorry... I was too bogged down by the header. Vonnie, without reading anything, I need to just say that you should NEVER ask that question ever again in your life. You need to look at the positive side of life. When you do, you will get the good things in life...and that, my friend, is what you deserve. Whoever he is--this PAST boyfriend of yours--if you are unhappy at this moment, he did not deserve you! A good boyfriend will not leave you guessing--you will know you are loved and will be happy without having to ask. Look for the best...and know that you will find him!!! | |
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| Did I get what I deserved
Posted: 8/19/2008 12:28:52 AM | | leave! he is twisted! you don't sleep with another person when your suppose to be in loveand in a relationship. because you had a fight? he played you. he fought with you then heaved you out just so he could lay a piece of ass he met at work? if you go back with him like wow! | |
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| Did I get what I deserved
Posted: 8/19/2008 12:28:57 AM |
No he wouldn't...trust me when they tell you to leave it's a power issue...
Exactly.
Doing wrong (sleeping with another) and then blaming you for it ("you deserved it") is emotionally abusive. Saying things and then denying it ("you heard things" when you thought he said to leave, contributing to your failure and his rightness) is ALSO emotionally abusive. IF he often puts you in this position of self doubt (about what you hear AND what you feel) then I would be very concerned.
Scratch that: I'd be concerned even if this was the first episode of this kind of manipulation.....not to mention infidelity.
Either way, even if your relationship survives, you shouldn't let him manipulate you with this kind of thing. Don't pretend to believe it's your fault he slept with someone else, because it's not. If you do, then you are consenting to his behavior AND his manipulation of you. | |
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| Did I get what I deserved
Posted: 8/19/2008 12:38:02 AM | my ex used to tell me that if i left i wasnt able to come back controll freak...
so i'd say from experience ultimately he doesn't really care about you and trying to work it out...would be a waste of time IMO...i agree also with "Don't pretend to believe it's your faul he slept with someone else, because it's not. If you do, then you are consenting to his behavior AND his manipulation of you. " | |
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