| What do women really want?
Posted: 8/19/2008 10:32:32 AM | | I saw the thread on what men really want so I thought, lets ask the same question to the women of POF? Is Chris Rock correct in saying "everything" I am curious to hear what women have to say on this topic. | |
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| What do women really want?
Posted: 8/19/2008 10:41:27 AM | do you mean real women or internet women? 
real women want confidence, security and humour.
internet women want a gig of photos and a net worth statement before letting you buy them dinner.
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| What do women really want?
Posted: 8/19/2008 10:53:02 AM | | I'm sorry, I thought you were asking women what they have to say. glansspurt, I think your on the wrong forum. As for your question, Terry, I believe that men and women both want the same things, they just ask for it in different ways. | |
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| What do women really want?
Posted: 8/19/2008 1:36:37 PM | I want a 1/2 decent looking guy in 1/2 decent shape
He doesnt have to look like a model, but attractive to me is nice
Average tends to cut it as long as he isn't much overweight and has pretty good teeth
So that's my physical
Non physical- I want a guy with integrity
If he has integrity, just about everything else will be there too
I also prefer a smart guy- doesn't have to be a genius, but of average intelligence at least
Oh and a non smoker  | |
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| What do women really want?
Posted: 8/19/2008 5:29:45 PM | What do women really want... in men?? Or in life?
I, for one, don't really have any idea what I want. All I know is I'm pretty happy with what I've already got.  | |
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| What do women really want?
Posted: 8/19/2008 5:32:55 PM | i want:
looks; good ones are optional; individual and comfortable in their skin are not
money; enough to feed, clothe and house theirselves, at least most of the time :)
career; as long as they love it and approach it with passion i'm cool....chronically unemployed or unhappily employed, i don't care how great the job is, is just draining
humour; the quirkier, odder and more sublime the better, but i'll pass on the stand-up comedians....the way above average percentage of clinical depression and high medication rates aren't all that condusive to a great relationship
intelligence is a requirement, although education and "book smarts" are optional.....it still amazes me sometimes just how often the two don't go hand in hand
and.................they have to be the most interesting person in the world to me  | |
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| What do women really want?
Posted: 8/20/2008 5:24:46 AM | Most men nowadays seek to "date" : "A woman that is smart, funny, open minded, easy going , sexy and well established...."---Which translates to MOST men do not want responsibility of any sorts.
The thought have came to mind and wondering what the men are good for nowadays since women can do almost everything themselves. Many women also find joy to have female friends as there are neither pressure , nor any demands from these same gender friends and they never have to feel being used by the men.
Many women must admit, it is the most rotton feeling( insult) if the men only look at us as the sexual object and if the men can not share or give any thing or any parts of themselves other than taking from the women the most precious possession--the dignity as a real woman who wants to be loved and respected by her man.
It is the men who have been paving the way since women have been rebelling in every way possible to plug up and disable the men's "rotton" behavioral patterns.
In this New era, men and women are equally capable of poviding for themselves. Women have almost equal amount of freedom and rights, men are very confused by what women want because they lost their real identity as "men" . Men are at lost in this new era.
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| What do women really want?
Posted: 8/20/2008 6:09:24 AM | I think Puppet Master is bang on. Kitten's response on the other hand really bothers me.
Yes I want a smart, funny, open minded, easy going, sexy woman. Well established I could care less about, I just dont want to be expected to be her suggar daddy. I'm not sure how that equals a lack of responsibility. I also dont think dating should involve one person taking responsibility for anything but their own actions and their own lives (or joint lives in a committed relationship). To me taking responsibility for someone else is demeaning to them - implying that they are incapable of taking care of themselves. (note: this isnt the same as spoiling each other, thats a seperate thing that shouldnt be based on money or responsibility)
What do you need us for? Well I hope you dont need me for anything I "do". You are right, you can do everything that we can do. I want someone to want me, to love me, to care about me, to be my partner in crime and to have fun with. If you are only looking for a man to "do" things for you good luck in your search.
Your point about only being a sexual object I agree with completely, neither partner should be asked to sacrifice their dignity.
As for our behavior - there are always bad apples, both male and female, dont paint us all with that brush. No one person or group is responsible for societal change. But also, have you ever had someone try to change you (as you seem to describe as the womans role)? The natural human tendancy is to rebel against that.
I'm not confused, and it really doesnt matter if I understand exactly what a woman wants. We all do things sometimes that we might not even understand ourselves, how can we expect a partner to know everything. Does it really matter as long as we accept and love each other for who we are. | |
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| What do women really want?
Posted: 8/20/2008 6:44:40 AM |
As for our behavior - there are always bad apples, both male and female, dont paint us all with that brush
I agree. These discussions get so frustrating when there is so much generalization. | |
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| What do women really want?
Posted: 8/20/2008 7:08:34 AM | | I agree also. All the generalizations just go to show that there is confusion regarding roles as defined by society and those that individuals are attempting to create for themselves and then possibly trying to get others to buy into what they're selling. You can't go wrong working on yourself instead of generalizing about the behaviors of others. Working on ourselves includes knocking down some walls and barriers that create some of the conflicts. Just because we're not in a relationship doesn't mean there is anything wrong or that we have incorrect expectations or need to change someone. Shouldn't we just be moving ahead with our days and keep learning how to accept others for who they are. Yes, NEW DAWN, everyone!!!!! lol | |
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| What do women really want?
Posted: 8/20/2008 7:49:54 AM | Msg 10,
elmo, men like you are not easy to come by. You have a good head on your shoulders. I wish I had a younger sister to introduce you to her. You might be the fairy tale in the making with a good little woman.
At my age, I see the "dating" world has many lost souls in it especially the men in 40s and 50s (because they are of my interest ).
I was talking about "most", "many" but not '' ALL" and just the "IF " scenerios, the bad apples so to speak . And I was just touching on the confusions (not the nerves)of the roles of the genders , which is affecting who women really want from the men and vice versa.
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| What do women really want?
Posted: 8/20/2008 9:41:51 AM |
And I was just touching on the confusions (not the nerves)of the roles of the genders ,
unfortunately it seems to me that a lot of this "confusion" that both men and women appear to be suffering from these days is nothing more than justification and excuses as to why things aren't working out the way we want them to.
now, while i think in some cases there are both men and women walking around with very unrealistic and/or out-of-date ideas/expectations of the other, i firmly believe that most of us have more than enough smarts to figure it out.....we just don't want to have to compromise too much of anything.
once you take away the need, all that's left is the wants.....and the funny thing about wants is they seem to grow in direct proportion to the shrinking of the needs. the less we need, the more we want; i don't care what aspect of our lives we're discussing. | |
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| What do women really want?
Posted: 8/20/2008 4:45:45 PM | Beliefs on what is "happiness" are corrupted these days, and that is a big part of what is wrong with the dating game. It is the beliefs that drive the behaviors, and I think most people are quick to forget that.
Women like kitten claim to be independent so they dont really need a man cause they have all this freedom and rights. Not trying to single her out, but that mindset of "we dont need men...ha ha ha....learn to live with it" -- well that solves nothing. Its the line you get from a lot of women that are all jumping on the independence bandwagon because they think it makes them look like a better and more confident person and all that foolishness. The idea that someone might (shudder) need someone else is viewed as weakness, and we all know how society frowns on a person with weakness (women viewing men especially).
I think men in general are not worried about a woman that has some weakness or pain in her life, but women detest a man who even discusses such experiences. Its like he has a disease or something for having been a human being and having earned a few wounds and scars. Chalk it up to judgmental mentalities that women seem conditioned to, or blame it on society in general -- either way we have to accept others humanity. We have to stand up against the stupid beliefs people practice and out them for what they are. I don't see many people of either gender these days willing to really do that. Lots of judgment out there, but not much rational thought with reason to back it up.
Look at how many people want the trophy life, and not the person. Even when they find someone like that, well when the other person shows some humanity or the shine comes how "perfect" they are then that person is out the door, and the search for a new perfect mate continues.
Add any amount of elitist practice to how someone lives and I guarantee you they have some silly list of must haves. Problem is until you start looking at the person deeply you are not going to even begin to know if you are compatible as mates. No matter how proud people are of how the world precieves all their achievements or material stature, the truth when it comes down to it is that you can't love a suit of armor. Not your own, and not someone elses.
In the long run if society keeps rejecting humanity, they will lose it. If you dont practice it in your own life then you won't really know what it is. It especially applies to looking for that other person to share life with. "Sharing Life" as most people seem to know it these days is just the hollywood version that everyone seems to want. Small wonder then that people are obsessed with illusion about what relationships have to be. Something to think about.
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| What do women really want?
Posted: 8/20/2008 4:51:35 PM |
Wow!!! All these deep thoughts!!
No wonder none of you are fun!!!
Ummm... if you read back, seems like the men on this thread are the deep thinkers. | |
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| What do women really want?
Posted: 8/20/2008 5:20:58 PM |
Ummm... if you read back, seems like the men on this thread are the deep thinkers.
Ummm if YOU look back you would only see 1 before I posted.
Glasses anyone??? | |
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| What do women really want?
Posted: 8/20/2008 6:10:42 PM |
Wow!!! All these deep thoughts!!
No wonder none of you are fun!!!
Wow, all that fun!!
No wonder you have no deep thoughts!! | |
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| What do women really want?
Posted: 8/20/2008 6:51:43 PM | Msg 16,
bubble boy, Yes, lots of judgement out there and you judge as well.
To quote you "Women like kitten claim to be independent so they dont really need a man cause they have all this freedom and rights. Not trying to single her out, but that mindset of "we dont need men...ha ha ha....learn to live with it"
Not only you have judged me but you have also twisted what I said.
Certainly, I would want a man's big shoulder to lean on when I feel weak and fragile, but he is not easy to be found.
Factually, majority of the women are conditioned to be independent since the women's lib. Most households(with children) have been needing dual incomes to survive since the mid 80s from my recollection. The 80s, the 90s and 2000s have been training the women to be independent due to the neccessities of life and it has nothing to do with "makes them look like a better and more confident person and all that foolishness". The very fact that some women are very independent, which have put the huge dents to the men's ego.
Most single men looking for their potential future partners/mates would want "A woman that is smart, funny, open minded, easy going , sexy and well established( is certainly very much desirable by most men). If you have taken the time to read the men's profiles, most of them mentioned women who are employed besides good-hearted, younger than they are, slim, attractive.....etc
"Add any amount of elitist practice to how someone lives and I guarantee you they have some silly list of must haves." -------I am sure you must have a list of must haves and must nots as well on selecting your potential future partner/mate.
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| What do women really want?
Posted: 8/20/2008 7:59:37 PM | No actually I have no list.
Simple compatibility does not take much other then a willingness to enjoy each others company. But that is not what I find many of the women on here looking for to be honest. I don't want to sound stereo type angry male, because I am not. I do see the same bad practices within both genders. But women have very different reasons for it. The reasons are what make some of them completely unapproachable.
I personally don't think that the so called "independence" a lot of people have gained necessarily makes them confident at all. Seems to make them more lonely and resentful of what society seems to now expect of them. But that itself is part of what elitism is.
As I said I am not trying to single you out, but your beliefs that it is mens ego's that are the problem says a lot about what kind of stereotypical behavior you cling too there, and the kind of social conditioned beliefs you practice. Your reaction is typically defensive. I am just trying to make a valid point, but I suspect you dont see that way because it comes from a man.
Men dont have a problem with women being independent. It has more to do with encountering women who preach their independence loudly and clearly in a way that makes men wonder what is the point in being around women like that. If we are not needed then what is our purpose for being in that relationship? Are we just a person of convenience for women to have that shoulder they claim that the don't need - but otherwise we should just be around to be bashed or judged? Because that seems to be men's lot these days.
I would challenge you to scrutinzie your beliefs and practices a bit more closely. All that conditioning that you admit women are exposed to brings with it a lot of negative practices as well. Women just seem to be blind to it. Thats whats sad. Women seem to want an illusion. That is what I think dams all of us to never finding happiness in a relationship.
If what we want is the same then why are so many of us living alone? There in lies the question that provokes so many of us to ask what the other really wants -- yet why is there so much cause to reject what they answer. Food for thought there.
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| What do women really want?
Posted: 8/21/2008 4:23:53 AM | Wow!!! All these deep thoughts!!
No wonder none of you are fun!!! Wow, all that fun!! No wonder you have no deep thoughts!!
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