| Met a new guy and need opinions
Posted: 8/20/2008 5:15:19 PM | Hello
I have recently met a new guy about 5 weeks ago and we have been dating each other about once a week. Given the fact that I only get 1 free evening per week, I can not see him more than that right now. He is a very nice guy who appears to be polite and kind. He tells me that he sees other women on the evenings he is not with me but merely as friends and that there is no sexual encounters happening with any of these female friends. He seems to be upfront about these outtings. We have not been intimate but just in the very beginning stages of dating. My question is this: Do I believe he is hanging out with women whom he says he is not interested in anything other than friendship? Do you all think he could possibily be a player and would you be fine with his going out with others?
Thank you | |
|
| Met a new guy and need opinions
Posted: 8/20/2008 5:34:02 PM | Oh my GAWWD!!!
Stop right there- you're already analyzing and throwing up the red
flags. Relax- date. See where it goes. He is not committed to you and
neither are you to him - YET. Take it slow and nice and have good times
together.
You are reading into this and waving flags that should not be waved yet or
maybe not at all.
God man- congratulations on meeting someone you want to spend time
with- now go have fun and stop obsessing over nothing. | |
|
| Met a new guy and need opinions
Posted: 8/20/2008 5:34:23 PM | A player is not someone who goes out with women and doesn't have sex with any of them.
He is going out with you and there are no sexual encounters with you...so why would it be hard to believe that he isn't having sex with the others.
Maybe he likes to go out and have fun but doesn't feel he has to have sex with anyone unless they are special.
The final idea...he has a girlfriend or wife and you are his distraction and he is feeling guilty in trying anything with you since he is torn between cheating or not. | |
|
| Met a new guy and need opinions
Posted: 8/20/2008 5:39:42 PM | | Thanks for your opinions and you both are probably right. I'm not throwing up red flags but I was just sitting here thinking I would ask others on here what they thought of this. This is a first time experience for me in that a guy I am dating also goes out with other women almost every night he is not with me. I guess I needed a definition of what a player is. | |
|
| Met a new guy and need opinions
Posted: 8/20/2008 5:41:39 PM | The fact that he's been upfront should count for something as far as credibility. Give him the benefit of the doubt until he demonstrates otherwise, but don't automatically assume the worst. You really can't expect him to sit at home twiddling his thumbs when you are not available, not at this stage.
Does he touch base during the week when he's not with you? Has he expressed a wish that he was out with you instead of the "friends"? If he gives a thought to you and communicates, he may be genuine. You may never really know. Only time will tell. | |
|
| Met a new guy and need opinions
Posted: 8/20/2008 5:43:30 PM | Vixen honey- if he was a player- not only would he NOT
tell you he hangs with other women - One of those women or
his wife would have called you by now after five weeks.
Okay maybe longer but my point is he is being up front with
you- he has girls that are friends that he hangs with. Does not
mean anything other than what he is telling you. Be grateful he
is up front.
When they are upfront they are USUALLY not lying .
Its when he does not tell you and you find out on your own. Then you have a
problem. | |
|
| Met a new guy and need opinions
Posted: 8/20/2008 5:45:53 PM | Hi Candid,
I know I should give him the benefit of doubt. I guess I just find it hmmm different in that a guy I am dating will also see other women so often.
Yes he calls me every evening before going out with his woman friend. I dont know if he is genuine or not at this point but I guess I should just wait and see. I have said nothing to him of course as I dont feel I have that right and to be honest it never really bothered me until today so I figured I would get some opinions.
Thank you | |
|
| Met a new guy and need opinions
Posted: 8/20/2008 6:01:34 PM | Yes he calls me every evening before going out with his woman friend
That is odd but it depends where they are going.If they're going to a church or work function then that's ok,if they are going to a club I would be suspicious.
As was stated earlier as long as you aren't in a committed relationship then you both are free to do whatever.
My recommendation would be to ask him if he wants to be in a committed relationship. | |
|
| Met a new guy and need opinions
Posted: 8/20/2008 6:08:13 PM | Oooh red flag............... I hate being the mean honest one but I'm in a similar situation as far as my time being one weekend a fortnight to currently see someone. I would not like him seeing other women during that time..............it's wrong on all levels. | |
|
| Met a new guy and need opinions
Posted: 8/20/2008 6:15:38 PM | Ok cup cake here it is stright from a guy. ( not a player ) you go out one time a week. You said it your self,you can not see him anymore then that. Most guys can be nice , its the others that gives the rest of us a bad name. Trust me when he tells you that there is not sex between them its not from lack of trying,he is only human . He is on this date thing to try and find that one person. There will be others who will push it to the limit. He's up front because he wants you to know that is you dont push it to the limit someone else will. Bet he did'nt tell you this from the beginning. Now to your questions . Do I belive he is hanging out with other ladys just as friends? ( No ma'am I do not )
Do I think he is a player ( yes ma'am there is a 50% chance he is or he would not have thrown in your face the fact he is seeing other girls)and would it be fine if he was going out with others? There is so many answers to this question.mine is going to be a statement. When dating a lady or a man there comes a time when you know it is time to stop seeing other people and take your post of all dating sites. This also includes down sizeing the amout of men YOU have as friends and the amout of GIRLS he has as friends | |
|
| Met a new guy and need opinions
Posted: 8/20/2008 6:17:11 PM | well, my first question is how serious do you want to be with him? If this is something you want to persue long term, is he willing to stop seeing these women if it bothered you? If you are just casual dating then its no big deal he isn t intmate with you or any of them either. all of you know about each other and he is just finding female companionship. If you want more and so does he, then it would be only natural for him to quit seeing all the others.
thats my opinion. Hope it helps, or confirms what you already know.
good luck
stillsingle 44 | |
|
| Met a new guy and need opinions
Posted: 8/20/2008 10:55:40 PM | He's a SMART guy to tell you he's seeing these women,so,as to allay your fears.......(sort of "reverse psychology" )
The fact he also calls YOU before his dates is another clever move,imo......
Whereas he may well be sleeping with one/all of them.
You'll never really know,and my guess is he wouldnt tell you the truth anyway.
The Q is more how you feel if he is in fact sexually involved with one or more of these "friends" ?
You'll know the answer over time................
Good luck,Op ! | |
|
eazk
|
Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 13 | |
| Met a new guy and need opinions
Posted: 8/20/2008 11:23:54 PM | Hmmmm...you sound like a perfect candidate for an FWB...once a week, just enough to let of some excess steam.
Of course, if he's doing that with 3-4 others...maybe that would be 4fWB.
Do you all think he could possibily be a player and would you be fine with his going out with others? Soirtanly (in my best Larry Howard voice). But define player? A real player wouldn't have any issues with discussing the other women. He'd treat it all very matter of factly with the countenance of "If you want to be with me, this is what I bring to the table. It's the jerks and such that wouldn't be honest...up front.
It's dating...go with it. If you want to have sex, you're a big girl...hit the web sites, learn which STD's get transmitted how, learn how to purchase and install condoms, make it part of your pleasure, and do what you want to do. Invest of yourself when you don't have to work 6 nights a week.
 | |
|
| Met a new guy and need opinions
Posted: 8/21/2008 12:23:23 AM | Is he screwing around with other chicks? Maybe. Would I expect a guy I've been casually dating for a month and a half to curtail other relationships? No.
If the possibility that he's romantically involved with other women bothers you then it might be in your best interest to end things. But if you want to get more serious with him then it sounds like you need to open up your schedule to make that happen. | |
|
| Met a new guy and need opinions
Posted: 8/21/2008 4:50:41 AM | | you only had 5 dates and your not his one and only. hes not a player nothing wrong with seeing others. | |
|
| Met a new guy and need opinions
Posted: 8/21/2008 4:59:19 AM | What you probably need to figure out is if he's telling his other female friends that you're a "friend" or if he's telling them that you're "dating".
Also, does he express interest in seeing you more often, even if you don't have the time to do it? | |
|
| Met a new guy and need opinions
Posted: 8/21/2008 7:15:42 AM | | If he's not been intimate with you, why do you think he is being intimate with others? And even if he has been, so what? | |
|
| Met a new guy and need opinions
Posted: 8/21/2008 8:01:08 AM | He goes out with girls SIX nights a week? Is he going out with them one on one or within a mixed group of guys and girls?
Sorry OP - I detect player.
I recently met a guy who comes to my meetup groups but hasn't signed up (doesn't want to leave a trail). One Friday night I saw him call 3 separate girls on his cell phone to see if he could get one to come out. He told me he had three girlfriends, then later "they're only friends".
He is a sharmy rat that goes around to all the single ladies at the events I'm at and attempts to get them. I saw him with one that I had talked to before so I went over and said to them "Don't listen to this guy - he has three girlfriends already". Dude later had the audacity to tell me not to interrupt him when he was talking to girls! Tried to alpha-male me. It was humorous.
This sounds like the dude you're dating.
When you meet someone right, his entire focus will shift onto you by 5 weeks. | |
|
| Met a new guy and need opinions
Posted: 8/21/2008 8:14:08 AM |
I have recently met a new guy about 5 weeks ago and we have been dating each other about once a week. Given the fact that I only get 1 free evening per week, I can not see him more than that right now.
Well OP.....it's pointless to assume anything if you only have contact with him once a week.
If you want this relationship to go a step further....make more time for you to be available to see him. He maybe under the impression that you only want to see him once a week....therefore he may think that you are not really interested in him.
He may eventually see more oppurtunity with one of his female friends and start dating her more frequently, especially if she has more time availble to be with him.
The ball is in your court....good luck | |
|
| Met a new guy and need opinions
Posted: 8/21/2008 8:52:13 AM | | Your relationship is very new and getting together once a week at this point seems appropriate to me. You cannot control what this man does the other six days/nights of the week. Time will tell regarding his character and sincerity. Try to be patient. And I'll try to take my own advice! | |
|
| Met a new guy and need opinions
Posted: 8/21/2008 1:42:59 PM | Seeing you once a week is not a big deal.
But he goes out every night? I don't know anyone who goes out every night, so I'd wonder what & why. Yeah its early in the relationship but I'd be careful. He may be telling you just enough to cover his tracks. | |
|
| Met a new guy and need opinions
Posted: 8/21/2008 1:44:00 PM | | if he is a player, he'll hang himself hopefully sooner than later. honestly i think he must like you if he is willing to only see you once a week. | |
|
| Met a new guy and need opinions
Posted: 8/21/2008 2:20:30 PM | Hello..
Here are some of your questions answered:
I am raising a child that live with me fulltime and combine that with employed fulltime, I have little time left over to give to a relationship. That is why I can't see him more than once a week right now.
Yes, he has asked if I could see more of him but says he does understand why I can't right now but he says he hopes that will change down the road.
I have not slept with him by choice. I have only dated him 5 times and just not enough time for me to feel I would like to have sex with him. Again, he says this is fine.
Yes, I do enjoy his company and would be interested in seeing where if anywhere, it could lead but No, I don't feel as though I would want to ask him or express my wonderings as to his going out just yet. Nor would I expect him to not see these "friends" or date really as there has been nothing established between us..how can it be after 5 dates?
I may not know this guys intention yet...If he is genuine or if he is dating or sleeping with others but I do know this..Time will tell. I really hope he has been honest with me because really that is all I do ask of him. If he is dating and/or sleeping with others then I think I do have the right to know as he has asked me and I have been honest with him.
The guy who suggested I may be a great candidate for FWB...Well I won't even waste my time to type my response to that comment.
Thanks guys~~ | |
|
eazk
|
Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 24 | |
| Met a new guy and need opinions
Posted: 8/21/2008 2:37:00 PM |
The guy who suggested I may be a great candidate for FWB...Well I won't even waste my time to type my response to that comment.
From his perspective...think of it from his POV. He's dating others AND bold enough to tell you about it. I see that as a bit odd. It would be different if it was 5 dates in 1-2 weeks and he wasn't planning on dating them any more. It sounds like you're one night a week and, for someone looking for FWB, that may be just the right schedule. Tread lightly, this situation does seem odd...doesn't mean he's up to no good...it's just very unusual.
| |
|
| Met a new guy and need opinions
Posted: 8/21/2008 3:25:46 PM | From how you have phrased your question I presume you guys are not exclusive...and the reality is, if you aren't exclusive or heading down that route and it has been made clear, then the person is free to see whomever else they want.
He doesn't seem like a player, as he told you about it. Therefore you can make your decision to stay or go if you don't like it. A player is one who strings you along and have you thinking you are their one and only while they are seeing others and telling them the same.
I don't think he views the relationship you guys have as something serious and committed but can you blame him? I don't know what you guys have discussed from what you haven't, but unless there is some mutual expression of wanting to become an exclusive couple...then his actions are not playerish and are acceptable. People date around to find out who they want to pursue something serious with, nothing is wrong with that. It is only wrong if you guys are exclusive or he is making it seem that you are but in reality he sees others. Which in your case,he is rather upfront so again I think he isn't doing anything wrong. | |
|
Home
login 
