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 Irespire
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 1
why do girls love small talk so muchPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
even though most males are hardly intelligent

why do females love small talk so much, even more than guys

i have my own answer but i want to see what you say

and this should be 200 letters, dont know why it isnt
 Irespire
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 2
why do girls love small talk so much
Posted: 8/23/2008 2:07:03 PM
i dont mean all girls

just most
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 3
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why do girls love small talk so much
Posted: 8/23/2008 2:12:25 PM
Because small talk isn't small talk. The more we share, the more we bond. The more I learn about someone, the more I care about them. If it's the man I care about, I just love hearing his voice.
 holigolightly
Joined: 5/19/2008
Msg: 4
why do girls love small talk so much
Posted: 8/23/2008 2:15:20 PM
What do you mean by small talk?
And in what context? - random acquaintance, friend, girlfriend, long term girlfriend, just started dating girlfriend, stranger at a bar....

I talk small talk with certain people (i.e. acquaintances/strangers) because I don't think they would want to hear about my views on the meaning of life and my entire past history.

So, since you attribute small talk only to women, I have to ask - what are these deep and intriguing topics that men talk about?
 JonnyBoy239
Joined: 6/18/2007
Msg: 5
why do girls love small talk so much
Posted: 8/23/2008 2:18:34 PM

what are these deep and intriguing topics that men talk about?


That's easy!!

The holy trinity: Football, beer and steak.
 RedCassandra
Joined: 10/9/2007
Msg: 6
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why do girls love small talk so much
Posted: 8/23/2008 2:24:23 PM
^^^^ No boobs? Dayum.


even though most males are hardly intelligent

why do females love small talk so much, even more than guys

i have my own answer but i want to see what you say

and this should be 200 letters, dont know why it isnt


Seeing that you had trouble writing an opening post of sufficient length, the fact that you associate females and "small talk" is quite laughable.

I am not even going to comment about the "in-depth" nature of the op.

*shakes head*

 Irespire
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 7
why do girls love small talk so much
Posted: 8/23/2008 4:24:48 PM
i said more than men, men talk about plenty of BS too and it annoys me just the same

and this isnt small talk i just didnt want to be pompous with big words and stuff
 dysfunction_junction
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 8
why do girls love small talk so much
Posted: 8/23/2008 4:52:51 PM
why do females love small talk so much, even more than guys

small minds love small talk. personally, i'm not at all interested. this may explain why i have few women friends. i can't speak the lingo.

i would hasten to add that this has *nothing* to do with gender, although i think you may have a gender bias probably because you think the female version of small talk that you have overheard is inferior to the male version, because it is less interesting to you.

the male version generally centers around getting laid and the latest football game, with minor variations. as a matter of fact, there are entire radio shows and magazines centered around the male version of small talk. there is a *lot* of money to be made from small talk for guys. at least women keep it to themselves.

now excuse me but i'm off to finish my dissertation on hidden variables and nonlocality in quantum physics.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 9
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why do girls love small talk so much
Posted: 8/23/2008 4:56:01 PM
Supposedly men speak 7,000 words per day ~ women 20,000 (on average.) Maybe those women don't think it's trivial things they wish to talk about. Me personally? I start dozing off when the conversation turns to small talk, but that's just me.
 Irespire
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 10
why do girls love small talk so much
Posted: 8/23/2008 5:01:17 PM
well both are annoying

its just that females tend to do it more often, from what ive seen


titties and beer are overrated in my opinion
 dysfunction_junction
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 11
why do girls love small talk so much
Posted: 8/23/2008 5:04:23 PM

titties and beer are overrated in my opinion

LMAO!! i believe that is the first time i have *ever* heard such a statement uttered by a man. let me get a better look at you, hon
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 12
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why do girls love small talk so much
Posted: 8/23/2008 5:13:17 PM

i would hasten to add that this has *nothing* to do with gender, although i think you may have a gender bias probably because you think the female version of small talk that you have overheard is inferior to the male version, because it is less interesting to you.


Good point. However if you were to actually listen to much of what you call small talk is many times actually very important information, like family, health, money and all those things that many men benefit from but seem to place very little importance on. You know the kinda stuff like there is a measles outbreak at your childrens school, that your Uncle Henry is in the hospital with a stroke, that your girls best friend just renewed her mortgage for 1.5% below what your bank is offering...... It isnt all about shoes and makeup you know....
 UrbanTO
Joined: 4/1/2007
Msg: 13
why do girls love small talk so much
Posted: 8/23/2008 5:33:36 PM

i said more than men, men talk about plenty of BS too and it annoys me just the same

and this isnt small talk i just didnt want to be pompous with big words and stuff


What you're describing is not small talk, that's being an *ass, totally different.

Small talk is a social skill, it's what's going to save you at parties, at work, in life. It's what will make you meet people and have them want to get to know you. It's a connection with someone you know. It's like flirting. It's expressing an interest in your fellow human being.

I used to know someone who constantly wanted to get into the "deep stuff" all the time. She was having a hard time understanding why she had to do this while dating. She had no clue, not everyone want to be discussing deep and heavy topics all the time. Needless to say, she didn't date too much.
 howling_at_the_moon
Joined: 5/11/2008
Msg: 14
why do girls love small talk so much
Posted: 8/23/2008 5:49:00 PM
Small talk is so much more than small talk. It's a way to learn the nuances of a person, how they react socially, and there personal issues. Can they make conversation, are the comfortable talking about nothing in particular, do the stay current with whats going on in the world. If you actually pay attention to the small talk, you can learn a lot about a person. It also tells you if the person is full of themselve, full of poo, are they animated about what they talk etc... These of course are all important for when you first are getting to know somebody.

It was mentioned that small talk is a social skill. It very much is. Also talking is more of a girl thing, we do talk more than men. Something to do with the way our brain works and communicating. Even a shy girl will talk more than a shy guy.

In my case it's because I'm naturally curious about many things so small talk leads to me learning many things and subsequently asking many conversations.
 dysfunction_junction
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 15
why do girls love small talk so much
Posted: 8/23/2008 5:50:43 PM
Small talk is a social skill, it's what's going to save you at parties, at work, in life. It's what will make you meet people and have them want to get to know you. It's a connection with someone you know. It's like flirting. It's expressing an interest in your fellow human being.

I used to know someone who constantly wanted to get into the "deep stuff" all the time. She was having a hard time understanding why she had to do this while dating. She had no clue, not everyone want to be discussing deep and heavy topics all the time. Needless to say, she didn't date too much.

hey urbanTo that is an excellent point and thanks for making it. although i agree with you, i think op's and my perspective were a little different. in other words, i think he was asking why so many people make this their *primary* and *preferred* form of interaction. that was certainly what i was responding to.

don't get me wrong, i can talk trash with the best of them (one of them being my boss). as a matter of fact, when everyone else in the office hears us their jaws are just dropping. of course there is a time for light conversation and b.s. and i learned a long time ago that it is a great social skill to have.

on the other hand, it is just plain gross hear what are nothing but the totally vapid random neural firings so many people who make "small talk" standard operating procedure, because they are incapable of engaging with anyone at a more sophisticated level. i mean, i know people who can take the banal to new lows. even really good trash talk can be sophisticated, in its own way.
 Irespire
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 16
why do girls love small talk so much
Posted: 8/23/2008 5:53:03 PM
i know its a social skill

its really not that hard because small talk by definition is really predictable stuff. i didnt mean just 'hows the weather' but casual family stuff, school life, fashion, gossip, etc

its just boring and lame. id rather not meet someone that way
 pazoozoo
Joined: 8/28/2006
Msg: 17
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why do girls love small talk so much
Posted: 8/23/2008 6:02:07 PM
Because they know it aggravates some men to distraction. Small talk is a great way to get rid of a guy you really don't like, but don't want to go through a big, dramatic announcement.
 Irespire
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 18
why do girls love small talk so much
Posted: 8/23/2008 6:07:31 PM
you can tell whether someone can make conversation without small talk, small talk is talking about insignificant nonsense, if someone actually makes an INTERESTING conversation, then that tells you that

and you can tell most of those other things pretty easily without it if you have good observational skills

Do you honestly think that you can tell that much from just small talk? Small talk is mostly a social front, the same thing repeat ad infinitum. People try to talk about 'acceptable' things, not what's really on their mind (if anything at all)

Though, one thing constant small talk does tell you, is that those people probably aren't interesting.

Not that there's anything wrong with a few dumb jokes here and there...

Just being direct and honest can lead to even better conversation, though. I seriously don't get why people can't just be honest. Well, I do get it, but I wish it weren't like that. Screw playing dumb games.
 Irespire
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 19
why do girls love small talk so much
Posted: 8/23/2008 6:12:59 PM
i mean seriously as much as im annoyed by the small talk ill admit that most people arent dumb deeply down and have a potential to be much more than that

why cant we just be honest with each other, damn it
 Ry31Ry
Joined: 2/16/2007
Msg: 20
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why do girls love small talk so much
Posted: 8/23/2008 6:43:09 PM
Okay I actually have an answer to your question and it has to do with the makeup of males and females. Of course this is generally speaking, but males and females build closeness in different ways. Males are more event oritneted in there closeness. For example ever hang out with a friend, watch the game, maybe say 10 words all night. Come home to the girlfriend and tell her about the amazing time you had. Only to look at her like an alien when she keeps asking what you talked about. The emotional connection was formed through the experience of watching the game and just hanging out not the conversation. Women on the other hand generally from closeness through communicating to each other. Male conversation is more based out of expressing what they need.
 JohnGaltLives
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 21
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why do girls love small talk so much
Posted: 8/23/2008 10:51:23 PM
What one person refers to as "small talk" is more often just something that the other person is talking about that they aren't personally interested in. There is pointless small talk (I really don't care about the weather; chances are, I'm in it the same as you are), but there are other things the person is attempting to make a connection on that they otherwise lack foundation to make other connections. If they know nothing about you, but for some reason they want to talk to you, they're going to approach safe, relatively "surface" topics so they a) avoid potentially offending you and b) can initiate conversation in the hopes of finding shared interests by pure accident.

I ride transit to and from work, and I see this all the time. I don't personally get it; I'm friendly enough, but if I don't see a reason to talk to someone, then I don't talk to them. Most of the time on the bus I have my nose stuck in a book and I'm listening to music, hoping that someone doesn't sit right next to me and crowd me.

It could just be that they're attempting to talk about something that interests them in the hope of stumbling on someone with shared interest. I just know that if I see someone I want to talk to, I look for common interests, insofar as I can notice them, before I even approach them. This means that if I'm looking to talk to a woman in the book store, I'm going to haunt sections I know something about and have interest in; you aren't going to find me in the crafts section, you aren't going to find me in the womens' studies section, but you might find me in the fantasy/sci-fi section, or in the computer section, or the science section, or occasionally the religion section (I like having knowledge about the various belief systems people live their lives by).

I define small talk as "talk that has no purpose other than to hear your voice". It includes topics like the weather. It's most often going to include things like traffic, the latest brainlessness on the CW (aside from "Smallville", which will always be cool...), etc. Talk to me about the book I'm reading, ask me about the music I'm listening to, hell, even look at my work badge and ask me if I like where I work. Just give me something to actually talk about. Otherwise, I'm probably just likely to smile at you, nod, and grunt out a "Hm" or something similar, then go back to what I was doing.
 Mafiachixrule
Joined: 5/4/2007
Msg: 22
why do girls love small talk so much
Posted: 8/24/2008 3:49:34 AM
Difference in brain circuitry.
Women are the master communicators of both sexes. It has nothing to do with being intelligent, and everything to do with how we're wired. Women speak thousands of more words than men, per day~ scientifically proven. More specifically, our limbic cortex [memory formation] as well as the hippocampus [emotional response] modules are significantly larger and more keen than the Y chromosome.

Fact is, guys in general just aren't as verbally adept as women are. Large parts of the cortex — the brain's outer layer that does a big part of recognizing and using subtle language cues — are thinner in men than they are in women. A study led by Dr. Godfrey Pearlson of Johns Hopkins University has shown that two areas in the frontal and temporal lobes that play an important role in language processing are significantly smaller in men. Using MRIs, the Johns Hopkins scientists measured gray matter volumes in several brain regions in 17 females and 43 males. Women had 23 percent more volume than men in the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex and 13 percent more volume than men in the superior temporal cortex. "Women," explains Dr. Cahill, "excel in being able to come up with appropriate words, given cues." Men — not so much.
 UrbanTO
Joined: 4/1/2007
Msg: 23
why do girls love small talk so much
Posted: 8/24/2008 4:30:25 AM

hey urbanTo that is an excellent point and thanks for making it. although i agree with you, i think op's and my perspective were a little different. in other words, i think he was asking why so many people make this their *primary* and *preferred* form of interaction. that was certainly what i was responding to.

don't get me wrong, i can talk trash with the best of them (one of them being my boss). as a matter of fact, when everyone else in the office hears us their jaws are just dropping. of course there is a time for light conversation and b.s. and i learned a long time ago that it is a great social skill to have.

on the other hand, it is just plain gross hear what are nothing but the totally vapid random neural firings so many people who make "small talk" standard operating procedure, because they are incapable of engaging with anyone at a more sophisticated level. i mean, i know people who can take the banal to new lows. even really good trash talk can be sophisticated, in its own way.


hey motown.cowgirl, yes, OP's and your perspective are totally different. But my response was primarily addressed to him as well. And I'd venture that the OP's level of tolerance for small talk is rather low, he's very frustrated. And I agree with you, there are people who will always go that route because it's safer. As for me, I usually try to go up a level eventually but quickly move on if it's not there.

OP is learning that not everyone is like him. Fact of life. But I wouldn't go on a forum and bash everyone because of it though.
 devuchka
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 24
why do girls love small talk so much
Posted: 8/24/2008 6:49:37 AM
it's not about the talk. we just like to connect.

we ask you "do you like that [thing]? you just say yes or no. [sigh.]

we expect you to go on & on & make a conversation out of it.

it's like in the michealangelo painting in the sistine chapel. with god reaching out his finger & touching adam's finger. to connect. but we do it verbally.
 DreamDancer44
Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 25
why do girls love small talk so much
Posted: 8/24/2008 7:02:10 AM

i dont mean all girls

just most


You must be a great world traveler to know most girls. The truth is just because most girls in your life are a particular way doesn't mean most girls in general are. The same goes about what you said about guys. All guys I know "small talk".
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